CHAPTER 93
Giggling. It’s what girls do, apparently, and it was certainly what Chantelle did. There were moments, though, especially when Albert moved suddenly, that the startled rabbit appeared.

She was healing, but deep inside I felt that she would retain triggers, just as I had. I was still unable to deal with roast meat, and Sally was blunt enough, in our declining number of sessions together, to tell me that it would probably never stop. Still, what I had was worth so much more than the little I lost. I had a life now, and my family back.

Kate was as good as her word, heading off by train as soon as the chips were gone, returning an hour and a half later for her girls. We left Shan and Darren with Albert to kill things, and that seemed to break some of the ice, but it was always the boy between her and the man. She looked sweet in her cycling kit, but there was a shape to her, a gamine beauty, that made me want to vomit at the thought of what she had suffered because of it.

No, that wasn’t fair. She hadn’t suffered because she was prettier than most, she had suffered because twisted men had met and conspired with an evil woman to betray her childhood. None of it was her fault, but I remembered the Scottish judge who had muttered about a girl dressing provocatively at the age of eight. I stepped outside and rang Polly.

“Hiya, Annie, I take it they are with you?”

“Aye, Poll, and happy they are as well. Shan is playing video games with Albert and Darren. My two loony friends have her on a tandem”

“She’s happy, though?”

“Yeah, she got to see Darren play football”

“Those two make me smile, Annie, the way they’ve recovered, but with her history I am still going to keep a very careful eye on them. Last thing we need is another teenaged mother”

“Aye, I think the Woods have that one in hand as well. I mean, they’re both ex-Job, so they’re not stupid”

Polly snorted. “So being a copper means being intelligent? Hmmmm?”

I laughed back. “I’ll give you that one, aye? But you know what I mean”

“Yes, Annie, I do. Now, what is this about you buying bridesmaid’s kit?”

“Ah, Poll, what choice do I have? I am looking forward to seeing what sort of dress Kirsty gets. I mean, she’s a bit sort of pocket battleship, aye? Going to take some careful arrangement to sort of redistribute her finer points”

“Meiow! Never let anyone say you aren’t a woman, Annie! I shall start calling you Tiddles. Where’s she having it?”

“St Nick’s. Where else? Simon has agreed to do the honours, but those two don’t want us to play, thankfully”

“Why thankfully?”

“I‘d like to have a bit drink and dance with my own bloke, aye? Gets a bit difficult when you are the band”

“Are we invited?”

“Dunno, they got your details?”

“Don’t think so”

“Want me to drop a hint?”

“How would Ginny put it? Yes please!”

“Well, you have a year to get ready for it"

"What about…erm…what about your own?”

Oh shit. “There’s a bit of an obstacle to that one, Polly”

“Annie, I know all about that, yeah? Couldn’t really help it with that little feeding frenzy at the court, could I? Where are you at present, in your transition? Because from what I see you ain’t playing no dressing-up games”

“I suppose I am in the middle of the real life thing, test, aye? Except it’s who I am now, not a test”

“Annie, love, it’s who you’ve always been, am I right? Just a matter of a couple of adjustments and you’re away. Get it sorted and you can double up at the church”

Now there was a thought. It was one I quickly quashed, as that day had to be Kirsty’s, and Kirsty’s alone. I would have my own, of course, but Kirsty was going to have the best day we could give her, her and Den. I finished up with Polly, and went back inside to say so long to the three girls, who had just finished stowing the tandem on the roof of Kate’s car. I was allowed a small hug from the youngest, and I reminded her it wouldn’t be as much fun on the way back.

“Yeah, but my bum be less sore, yeah?”

Eric joined us just in time to see them off, and in a wonderful show of courage she gave him a quick hug as well, and then they were gone. Naomi, of course, had the kettle on, and we were joined by Geoff as he arrived home. It seemed the smell of tea or the sound of the kettle drew them like flies, and as I sat and swapped nothings with Naomi, they were in full Paris-Brest-Paris flow. I wondered how many cycling events would have to be considered before we would be able to set a date for our own wedding. Naomi watched as I mused.

“Hard, isn’t it?”

“What is?”

“I watched Stephanie go through this, the realisation that she was no longer part of their world, not in that way. That there really were men’s things, and women have their own places to go. It’s not a loss, just an adjustment”

“But I still do the same things, aye?”

“Not really, my dear. When two friends go for a thrash on their bikes, neither is normally anticipating waking up next to the other. I do believe it is the lack of intimacy that allows them to be so loud about their obsessions. I must admit, however, to some astonishment over young Geoffrey. After all, he has already ridden that beast before, and surely he should know better”

I had to laugh at that, and then Eric was in the kitchen for a refill, so I had to trap him for a quick snog, just to be sure he was planning no intimacy with Geoff Woodruff, and that was the excuse I used to myself.

Later that night, as we lay sweating with the duvet thrown off, I asked him about the big day.

“Where do you want to do it, love? Back home, or here?”

He laughed. “Your family on side or not, I don’t think Ammanford is ready for that sort of modern depravity. Besides which, Simon would get narked”

“You think he would have space?”

“Oh yes, He has space in September next year”

I slapped his bare arse where he lay face down. “You sod! You already booked it, didn’t you?”

I kissed him just there, to make it better, and asked the question I had never dreamt I would be able to.

“What date are we getting married, love? Allowing for, you know?”

He rolled onto his side so I could cuddle face to face with him, and swept my hair back so he could kiss me.

“September 9th, my love. I am still looking for the third nine”

Silly, loveable sod. “I suppose I should nag Sally, then, get the surgeon moving, aye?”

He kissed me again. “Annie, understand this. You know the difficulties I had at first, with, you know…well, it doesn’t matter, yeah? We’ve, I’ve sort of moved on from there. I love you, and that’s you, not your body, or your feet, or your tits, but you. It took a while to understand that, but it is so bloody simple I should have seen it a long time ago. I don’t want what you have down there, but it isn’t as important to me as I thought. If you are frightened, if you think it is too risky, we can stay as we are”

“Eric Johnson, are you trying to weasel out of our engagement?”

He kissed me again, and did a couple of other things that sort of derailed my train of thought.

“No, not at all. I just want you to know that it is you I want, and that you are all I need”

Well, what else could I do but lose some more sleep?

Kirsty dropped in the next day, with an excitable morning drunk who wanted us all to sing and asked if he could get a recording of his performance from the CCTV. Once he was banged away, we settled down with a cup of Jim’s sludge.

“Not trying to upstage you, aye, but…”

She yelped. “When?”

“Three months after yours, same place”

“YEAH! HEN NIGHT ARMAGEDDON!”

“Er, we have over a year to go yet”

“Yeah, but we need to get the strippers booked, and the hotel rooms, and the flights, and…”

“Hen night or hen week, PC Ellis?”

“Mmmmm at least, Sarge Price!”

“But won’t you be an old married woman by then, Ruthy?”

“Yeah, I’ll just have to make sure I drain him absolutely dry before we go. I’ll be the one walking like John Wayne, yeah?”

I had to laugh. “You are one dirty cow, Kirsty!”

She smiled, and just for an instant it was like looking at a shorter Ginny.

“He hasn’t complained yet!”

And then, just like Ginny, she sobered, and hugged me.

“I am just so happy for you, love, for both of us. This world isn’t so shitty after all, yeah?”