(aka Bike) Part 1338 by Angharad Copyright © 2011 Angharad
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The phone rang and Julie answered it–“It’s for yoohoo,” she said, though quite why she said it that way didn’t enter my consciousness.
“Who is it?”
“Ken Nichols, from the hospital–I think that’s what he said.
“Hello, Ken, Cathy Cameron here.”
“I have a bit of a dilemma on my hands.”
“I’m a bit busy just now.”
“But this involves you.”
“Oh, how is that?”
“I have a young man–well he claims to be a man–I’m not so sure.”
“What d’you mean? Is he some sort of alien?”
“Cathy, this is real life or I’m trying to believe it is.”
“Cut to the chase, Ken.”
“He claims his name is Wayne–um–Rooney–no, that’s the footballer–um Wayne Docherty.”
“The yob who killed the deer.”
“Yes, well he was reported as suffering from a kick to the genitals which were bleeding.”
“Yes, he saw the blood and collapsed. I called an ambulance and he was whisked into hospital.”
“How can I say this–the bleeding was menstrual blood.”
“So Wayne is actually, Waynetta?”
“No–there is a Wayne Docherty–we took his appendix out a couple of years ago–and this one has a scar in the right place.”
“But wouldn’t someone who chopped his tummy up notice if it was a him or a her?”
“Generally, most surgeons are able to distinguish between males and females–they even have training in anatomy.”
“I’m glad to hear that Ken, what’s it got to do with me?”
“He said up until the moment he got kicked by the deer, he had a penis and testicles.”
“Oh, is he sure?”
“He’s the father of a child.”
“Oh.”
“Did you blue light him?”
“Not that I remember, why?”
“I’ve heard of some sorts of fish who spontaneously change sex, but not humans.”
“There’s your answer then–he’s obviously a rather large cod.”
“He’s talking about suing you?”
“How can he–I didn’t do anything.”
“That’s not all.”
“What isn’t?”
“We scanned him, and he’s pregnant, with a–you’re going to love this–with a baby deer.”
“Oops.”
“Mummy, Bambi is waiting for you to feed him.”
“The bottle’s in the kitchen, sweetheart.”
“No, he’s waiting for you to breast feed him.”
I thought about the fawn in the shed–there was something strange about it–that’s right, it had a human head on it–I remembered at the time thinking it would have difficulty eating grass and other herbiage–mouth is wrong, but it would be able to suckle a human breast.
“Gotta go, Ken, gotta feed my fawn.”
I was going to feed it when Simon asked, “Where are you going, Cathy?”
“I’ve got to feed the fawn.”
“It’s two in the morning.”
“Yes but my breasts are full.”
“Cathy, you don’t breast feed deer unless you’re a doe.”
I yawned, but I just told Ken Nichols I had to.”
“Cathy, you’ve been dreaming.”
I turned and faced him and looked at him. He was lying in bed and I was wearing my pyjamas and my side of the bed was disturbed. Maybe he was right? I had dreamt it all.
“So Ken didn’t just phone me?”
“Why would he?”
“But I could have sworn...”
“Cathy, it was just a dream.”
“But we do have a baby deer in the shed?”
“Yes, you rescued it from a dead mother.”
I remembered the rest of my dream–it was like something out of Dr Who. It had to be a dream–but where had that come from? My trauma with Trish beforehand and now this latest incident, all getting mixed up together. The strangest things seem plausible when you’re dreaming.
“I think I’m finally losing it?”
“Eh?”
“The plot, I’m losing it–perhaps I should book myself in next door to Stella?”
“D’you know what that place costs?”
“I have wealthy husband.”
“Oh that’s alright then, anyone I know?”
“Nah, he’s a banker–that’s why I need you as a lover.”
“Yeah, only I’ve got a headache, babes, an’ I have to get up in the morning.”
“Before my husband gets back from counting his money?”
“Something like that.”
“Oh good.”
“What’s good?”
“I feel cold now, so you can keep me warm for a few hours.”
“Come on, in you get.” He lifted up the duvet and I snuggled back under it. I turned on my side and he spooned round me–I enjoyed the feeling of warmth.
“Si?”
“What now?”
“I love you.”
“Yes dear.”
“Si?”
“Yes dear.”
“I hate you.”
“Hmm, yes dear.”
Very soon he was off to sleep again and I lay there wondering what everything meant. Did it all have no real purpose and therefore could it all be like Douglas Adams suggested–number forty two?
Was the dream telling me I was abusing the light by trying to save lost causes? The little fawn in the shed–that seemed a real cause. That was why I had to try and save the mother. Besides, I’m fallible but the light seems to know what it’s doing and only does what it needs to do–least that’s what I think. Could it be otherwise? Nah, the universe knows what it’s doing, it’s just humans who don’t.
Simon woke me when he got up for work–he didn’t mean to, but I suspect I was just at the point in my sleep cycle to hear him and wake.
I made him breakfast and had a cuppa with him before he went off to the office. Then I roused the rest of the rabble. I was up to my armpits in breakfasts for what seemed like fifty kids when Tom came in.
“Cathy, can ye spare me a wee minute.”
“Jenny, can you make sure they don’t eat each other?”
“Dunno–I’ll try,” she laughed and several voices complained about not being cannon balls.
“What’s the matter, Daddy.”
“I think ye’d better see this.”
“What’s happened.”
He led me out into the drive and up to the shed. When he opened the door I knew what he was going to show me. Death has a peculiar odour to it, unless things are putrifying, and then they stink.
I looked into the shed and stretched out stiff as a board was the little deer.
“I cam oot tae get Kiki fa her walk–I’m sorry hen.” He put his arm round me.
I felt my eyes fill with tears–it felt so wrong–“He was only a baby,” I said before bursting into tears.
“I ken, dear, I ken–it’s nature’s way.”
“But the light, I gave it so much light and love–how could this happen?” I sobbed on his shoulder.
“Who’re we tae question tha Almichty?” he said rubbing my back.
“Oh that’s all bollocks and you know it–all intelligent people know it–they just hang on to fairy tales because they’re too frightened of the truth.” I said it with an edge I immediately regretted.
“An’ whit is thae truth?”
“That we’re just a cosmic accident ruled by the laws of physics. We’re all going to die–there is nothing after.”
“Aye, weel, that’s yer truth, ither folk feel they hae somethin’ else tae believe.”
“I’m sorry, Daddy–I didn’t mean to insult you–I just feel angry.”
“I ken, dear. I’ll get Leon tae cam an gie me help tae bury it.”
“Thanks, Daddy–I’d better go and tell the children. Can we lock it, I don’t want them to come and see it.”
“Why not–death is part o’ life, whether we like it or no–an’ they we’re fond o’ it, they shuld hae the chance tae say guidbye.”
“I don’t know if I could cope with that.”
“Och send them up, I’ll bide wi’ ‘em.”
I kissed him, thanked him again and sniffed my way back to the kitchen to break the sad news. I wasn’t looking forward to it.
Comments
Probably for the best ...
... that the fawn died but I rather warmed to the idea of a Waynetta Doherty :) I know Angharad has a twisted imagination and I thought perhaps it had taken another turn for the worse (better?).
Robi
I agree with Daddy
Children need to learn to deal with death. It would be very wrong to hide the fawn's death from the girls. Ever since I was a young teen I have always set aside part of a garden for the burial of family pets. After I had children I would have them help me with laying a loved family pet to rest into the garden where ever we lived.
Had me going
Then it got a bit too surreal and I realised we wuz dreamin'. I agree the kiddies should see and maybe touch Bambi and know that it happens and even the blue light isn't infallible. Might raise a few awkward questions about life and death and religion/belief, but Cathy will cope.
Kris
Easy As Falling Off A Bike pt 1338
One of the saddest ones, yet.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
Recognized the dream pretty quickly
but the end of the episode is sad. Feel especially bad for the children. Can Cathy find something good out of this?
Something Good?
Yes, Cathy AND the children will find something good from all this, even Meems, who some might think is a little young. The only ones who will not benefit are the two infants. And who is to say that Bonzi and his editors might find a way that even they will learn from this, tho it may be several years (hundreds more episodes - YAY !! ) before it happens.
Don't let someone else talk you out of your dreams. How can we have dreams come true, if we have no dreams?
Katrina Gayle "Stormy" Storm
All pet owners face this
The fawn died quickly so there is not too deep of a bond and it IS nature's way.
It is a lesson these young children need to understand as children do not have a visceral feeling of what death is about.
Surely Trish needs it I think as she thinks she is invincible like most tweens ( yes she is mentally a tween imho. )
The deer served its purpose as an object lesson for a bunch of people. For Wayne: Better respect nature. For Cathy's children: reality of death.
Kim
Grief
It didn't take much of this Bikesode to become apparent that we'd been launched into the midst of a dream.
Thanks A+B: I have to say that I'm with Tom as far as exposing children to death is concerned. It is a part of life, and endeavouring to protect children from it is at best, misguided in my belief.
The children need to be allowed to grieve if that's how they feel, and seeing the deceased helps that process. I'm one of those people who considers that not grieving just plasters over feelings that will reappear in the future, often far worse.
As always, there's thought-provoking stuff in this installment, and for that, I'm grateful. Likewise, I really enjoy the conversations between Cathy and Simon.
Pronounced Sorrow
Bike Resources
Bike Resources
Fawn's death
It's interesting mulling over possible explanations for the sexquence of events with the doe and fawn - the doe is healed just long enough for her to give birth, while the fawn initially survived but only survived a few hours. It may be to teach the children about death and grief - similar to the experience Cathy had when she healed a drunk who then committed suicide.
On the other hand, new-born infants of any species usually require a fair amount of TLC and 24/7 monitoring - I've heard stories of people raising various animals from birth, and the animals generally required a feed every few hours. So perhaps shutting the fawn in the shed, unobserved, overnight, inadvertently contributed to its death.
Having said that, it would be interesting if, having accidentally gathered seven children, the family start accidentally gathering pets / animals :)
There are 10 kinds of people in the world - those who understand binary and those who don't...
As the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then only left-handers are in their right mind!
Having had kids who had pets
the enthusiasm to feed, water and clean them out wanes quite quickly and good ol' mum and dad end up doing most of it, or forcing/bribing the kids to do it.
Angharad
(been there done that and cleaned up the cat/rabbit/guinea pig poo).
Angharad
Very TRUE!!!
The only way I've seen that the kids keep it up - without bribery - is when it's NOT their pet. When it's someone ELSE's pet that they're caring for BRIEFLY (like over a weekend), the novelty factor is sufficient.
Yes, I am the one who walks the dog most of the time... My wife/kid's dog. LOL
Anne
Bad dreams, bad days.
They come to most of us. I don't think even Joseph could interperate this one.
Personally I'm beginning to think people who claim to interperate dreams are every bit as charlatan as all the other faith stuff.
Makes for some interesting fantasising though.
Bury it to avoid the smell and possible spread of disease.
Hang some sort of ceremonial around the burial just to reassure the more nervous and uncertain people, particularly the kids.
Walk away from the hole. That's it, job done, life over.
All that's left are memories and any souveniers.
Get on with rest of life.
Curious chapter Angie. I'm told dreams can be about the most wierd tuff. Stuff all mixed up in the head and I'll not go there.
Love and hugs.
Still enjoying it.
OXOXOX
Beverly.
Growing old disgracefully.
Breaking the news
to your children that a beloved pet has died is no easy matter, I've had to do it myself a few times ,And it gets no easier third or fourth time around, While it's true the young fawn had only been there a matter of hours this is no doubt its untimely death will be felt by all the young Camerons.... I wonder then what are the odds of Cathy going out and buying the children a new pet... Not the answer i know, But it would certainly help them forget ...
Kirri
I agree with Tom,
Death is part of life. We are all doomed, but what we do in between when we are born and when we die matters.