The name Wendy is taken, so I added my middle name on my user ID also. OddPOV is now Wendy Jean. I'm still a very odd person, but I have found I was not as different as I once thought I was. It was lonely thinking you were a pervert that had to hide for over 40 years. I now know I am neither a pervert or alone. I am me, and I am how I was made by God.
This will be my last post as OddPOV. I am updating my user name to match my new self, it will be some variation of Wendy. We tell our loved ones we don't change to comfort them with our new selves. The core remains, the soul if you will, but the fact is we do change, a lot. I have.
My name is Wendy Jean M. It was William (Bill) M, and in the eyes of the government it still is. This will be corrected soon enough. I am 56 years old, and am transitioning from male to female (MtF).
Those of you who know me are already aware of the killer depression (literally) I went through. If not for the love of family, whom I love more than myself, I would be gone now. I’ve beat the depression, though traces still remain.
Everyone is posting pictures, I'll give it a try. I am still in male mode, but this is week 3 of HRT for me. Changes from the current photo include new studs (time to train my ears don't you know) and I am mostly wearing womans jeans now, like anyone but me can tell the difference.
They finally decided to give us Christmas vacation at work, after telling us repeatedly it wasn't happening. Good enough, I needed the down time.
This is me and my boy around 2004, he is the only reason I am still here.
I had given up on my previous endocrinologist, with good riddance. Two of the three visits I made to her office I left feeling pretty bad about myself, and I was already pretty low. Anyone that has been tracking my blogs know that I was pretty near to giving up on life.
Well, I hit a new low, a good one. I am now down to 192 pounds, and holding. Now to get through Thanksgiving without putting any on, which is almost inevitable, but I have managed to keep the controlled loss going so far. I am planning stopping just short of anorexia, say under 170 pounds, then letting HRT put the fat back on where it will.
Recently I made a post that was pretty down. I am getting better, working with my GT helps, but still it creeps up on me sometimes. If I made anyone nervous I apologize, overall many of you are better friends than I have in life.
It as been a while. I talked to my GT about the total cessation of reading, she mentioned it depression can do strange things. It isn't the only thing I've changed on either. I'm getting better, just not there yet.
I am slowly walking down the path, fearfully, afraid, but moving forward.
The depression has receded, but it still lurks. Having accepted that I will probably transition, just not today, seems to have taken a load off. My boy says he thinks I am becoming much happier. I think he is right.
This is basically more of an explanation than a rant.
I have shut down. I barely read (that is when I know I am really down), I don't write or do electronics. I do my electronics forum moderation duties, but that is a duty, not just pleasure.
We all have them. Lately I've been getting lag. I usually do a scan about once a month, more if I need it.
Having had a sex starved teen I have had the chance to get lots of experience fixing various problems. After a while I made him fix his various problems, and kept him off my machine. Anyone who has a kid knows how well that works, they usually do what they want to, and deal with the consequences later.
Mine learned quite early I could access the cache through the house network. It saved me a lot of issues, though I don't think he was impressed.
My story scrolled off the front page today. It is still part of Short Story Month - February 2012,, which ends soon. I did not put a teaser on the story, which means it does not show up there, and when I looked on the Stories it is deeply buried.
A thought I had several decades ago, and has been reiterated more than once here is the idea of wearing a mask. Nothing physical, just the emotional face you show people under different circumstances. We always have one on. Sometimes they are thinner than other times, but we always wear it. I think couples occasionally drop them, but even then it is rare.
This is my first entry. There is a lot about using BCTS I don't know, I will try to learn over time.
Allow me to introduce myself. Over time I will talk about me, then branch out. I will try my hand at fictional writing eventually, I already do a lot of writing of a different nature, text books and electronics. I am in my mid 50's.
Checks can be made out & sent to:
Joyce Melton
1001 Third St.
Space 80
Calimesa, CA 92320
USA
Note: $6000 is the operating, maintenance and upgrade budget. Amounts received in excess of the $6000 will be applied to long term debt accrued over the last 19 years.
