This is my first entry. There is a lot about using BCTS I don't know, I will try to learn over time.

Allow me to introduce myself. Over time I will talk about me, then branch out. I will try my hand at fictional writing eventually, I already do a lot of writing of a different nature, text books and electronics. I am in my mid 50's.

I choose the name OddPOV because I am stuck in between. I have never been married, not even a meaningful relationship. I don't know why, but I am lonely has hell. I have tried dating sites, but nothing ever clicks and I don't really know why. I have been transgender since I really became aware of the differences between male and female. My first crush for a popular girl in my class, except when I dreamed of her I was her. I am not gay, if a woman fell for me I would be very happy, but it isn't for me somehow. Call it innocence or stupidity (I tend towards the latter) I didn't know what TG was until I was in my 50's.

When my brother died I took over raising 3 kids as Godparent. It filled over 10 years of my life, but that phase is over. When it happened their were two girls, 13 and 14, and a boy, 9. I sucked at it, the mutual grief did not help, but I did my best. It is another reason I felt stuck between, here I am, a single parent, never married, and basically clueless in many ways.

My Dad was a Master Sargent in the USAF Air Force when he retired. I was 15, that sort of thing leaves a mark on a person. When I was 10 or so he didn't like the way I walked, too much hip movement it seemed. So he made it a project to help me walk like a man. He wasn't physically abusive, but I have spent much of my life being intimidated by him. He is gone now, I miss him deeply, as I do my mother.

He served in both Korea and Vietnam. When he got out of Nam he moved to the deep country and tried to forget the rest the rest of the world. Unfortunately he had a wife and kids. I'm now older than he was then, in many ways I understand him better. He was hurting, war's do not help ones mental stability. So I am on a farm, basically alone, but thank god for school. Small towns can be hell, but I did have a few friends (no girls though). Looking back on it there were girls who were trying, but I wasn't receiving the signals.

My brother was a teen when my folks moved back into that small town. He could have visitors to the house, and didn't seem to have my problems making friends with girls. I have always been a techie sort, but this was before computers, and long before internet.

So I got through college. A had a few near misses with girls, it was good as it ever got.

Found a job with a major tech firm that was sold several times (with me serving the role as a surf). Got into computers and grass. It is funny, when I got the kids I gave the latter up, turns out I have priorities when needed.

I am now the patriarch of my little family. Most of my many Aunts and Uncles are gone, there are a few cousins I am on speaking terms with (no hostilities, just indifference).

I am firmly in the closet. Over the last few years I have cared less and less, but it would affect my kids in bad ways if my little secret got out. I have never cross dressed, but I have experimented with make up and wearing panty hose under jeans. That is as far as I ever went with cross dressing.

Funny thing though, like many people who are in between I have been major depressed. I wasn't always, but as my family died off it felt like I was more and more alone, even with the kids here. The girls have long fled the nest, the boy remains (but will probably leave soon) I've been getting deeper and deeper into a funk. I finely confessed my secret to my son, to him it was no big deal (Thank You God). I also told him I will not be transitioning, don't know if that made a difference or not.

So here I am, looking for friends here. I suspect my story is not too typical, my Dad had a firm hand but was only mildly excessive with it, and I knew he loved me. I am pretty sure he would not have tolerated having a sissy boy for a son, and I never had the courage to test it, more's the pity. I am pretty sure my mom could have handled it, but she spent the last 7 years slowly dying due to working with fiber glass in a machine shop. COPE is not a good way to go.

I have up and down days, mostly down, but won't do anything drastic due to family. I love them, enough that I will not leave that little legacy if I can help it. My brother committed suicide, one is too many.

Like I said, I like to write. A few people here have allowed me to lance the poison and cry on their shoulders. It has helped, more than I think they know. I'm still here. So I will try to learn more how this site operates, and do what I can to help out. Turns out my background is pretty useless overall, I am computer literate but the tech has walked away from me. Not much use for assembly level programing it seems, time to learn some new things.

I am one of the few people that still have a old time BBS running. Betcha most of you don't know what that is. :D