I owe my life greatly to several people here on BCTS who were strong and obstinate enough to call me on my shit years ago when I was an "endangered species".
I am reading Nancy Cole's, "Dance of the Baccha". It in many ways is a pleasant story, though at times quite frightening and tense, the subject matter dredging memories up less pleasant times for me.
I am in the first chapters where "M's" brother is being exposed to things that he had longed for, but had buried so deeply that he had not practiced.
While I seem to be soldiering on, life seems to be far too big for me at times and I am thinking of disappearing. BCTS seems to be the one pleasant and relatively peaceful place in my life, so I would perhaps not disappear from here.
In real life, I have somehow been harnessed as a stalking horse for certain GBLT activist groups and this public life is uncomfortable for me. I'd rather just quietly live my life, not revealing that I am anything but an elderly woman. I've learned some hard lessons in the last few years.
I've been feeling quite down and sorry for myself. My church is being demanding and I am acting like a piteous 14 year old; quite intolerable and disrespectful to boot. So, I threw a right fit today and did not report for work as I had promised. I spent the day sleeping too late, eating too much and drinking coffee which is quite forbidden. In my moping about, it felt as if I have been working far too hard and everyone is being mean to me.
OK, so I bought "Dance of the Bacca" and was really chuffed when I got it. The problem is that it is too difficult for me to read because I have tracking problems with my eyes and need the letters to be a half an inch tall, depending.
So, authors, when you publish a book, would you please give some thought to either making it an e book or selling me the computer version so that I can magnify it on my screen?
Some of you know that I have been working on a very frank and blunt autobiograpy. In the initial chapters there is a character who was extremely angry, violent and abusive. He swore constantly. I plan to publish this on the open market, using my old name. I think it will piss some of the family off, hopefully.
So in describing this individual do I use all the swear words that he did, or should I just try to explain how profane he was?
So, I had a meeting this morning with the Diversity folk up at OHSU that seemed relatively fruitful, though along the way, I started to feel somewhat like the FtM folk are doing all the talking, and the MtF folk are strangely silent.
Then she suggested that I get in touch with a group called Transactive.org, she, thinking that I would make a great volunteer there. On their web site, they spend a lot of time talking about "binders", but no time talking about male GRS.
I almost feel like they have literally taken over. I wonder why more MtFs are not being heard from?
OOPs, I put some art that has been sitting on my computer for a long time on my Facebook page and it so magnified it that I now see that what I thought was a belt buckle was actually a Copyright mark. My eyesight is not wonderful.
So, I'm trying to find a way to contact FB about it to take it down, so if anyone can help me with that ????
If anyone knows M. C Krauss, please extend my apologies.
My heart is really heavy tonight. I am deeply troubled. Those with no faith in God, or are too hurt to acknowledge it may want to just stand down on this one.
This is a good video of how SRS is done. On me they re routed the vas deferns to the posterior of the faux vagina. Though I did not understand the vocabulary too well on the new proceedure, it appears as if part of the vagina is now lined with mucus producing flesh to provide moisturization.
Notice how the cavity for the faux vagina is formed. It looks like a shovel handle he's using. :)
On the one year checkup, notice that in this case, the vaginal depth seemed to be 3" or less. Do not expect to be making any porn videos with a 14 inch penis.
My "Girl Card" is punched. Anyone who wants to hate me for what I am about to say is quite welcome to do so. I do not claim this to be a scholarly, authoritative document. It is my opinion.
I'm just thinking. My apartment has bars on the window, and to get in you have to go through three locked doors. Some are very worried about Muslims killing me, but none have tried, and I don't think they will. There is no cigarette or pot smoke drifting through here. There is no yelling or fighting here. I feel protected. The only thing missing is that there are no chains and I can get out if I want to.
OK, I'll admit it! I am not always entirely innocent. So, last night I happened upon one of those web sites where guys are doing strange and painful looking penetration things to women.
A few months ago, there was a story out, I thought by Cindi Lee, in which a boy was kidnapped, feminized and winds up south of the border. I think that he/she was rescued, or hope so.
This morning I have been more calmly reading about certain diagnosisies, among them PTSD and BPD, because I have both. It is astonishing that while many of us think that it takes Military combat to get PTSD, the actual facts are that one can get it from a bad car accident, or an abusive traumatic childhood.
As far as BPD is concerned, this was a bitter pill to swallow, but it now seems much easier to deal with and I am now recognizing its effect in my life.
I've become aware of a website that seems to actively be trying to work things out. I went in there with my gun locked and loaded, expecting trouble, assuming the worst. That is not what I have found. I am willing to give them a try and just see what we come up with.
I have decided to behave myself and see what sort of dialogue we can have. So far, I have no objection to their policies, but have only been there a while.
I'd like to see what you think of the website. Please behave and don't make me sorry I published this. :)
I saw this article today, and wonder if she is one of us.(What I intended to say was, is she on this site?) The article says that she and her family stayed together. Was it because she was honest and straightforward in sharing with her wife? Perhaps her wife is the most remarkable person we have never met.
My own experience in coming out was like WWIII, and left utterly total destruction in its path. Every single day I have to decide not to take my life, today.
Post ops, do you ever get horny? I know this is an indelicate subject and since I say I am so religious, you probably find my question unthinkable. It’s approaching 8 years since I had any Testosterone in my blood. The Endocrinologist confirmed last week that my T levels are not measureable.
Well, ever since I moved it has been a battle to get sufficient signal to get on line. I have been using the Hot Spot on my phone but that gets expensive and I worry that the phone will melt. :) The house has "Clear" and my wifi works very spotilly. So, today I bought 50' of CAT 5 cable, measured 40', bought 50' and should have bought 60'. Sigh. I wish I had asked one of the men to do it but noooo miss independence had to get blisters, and sore knees of her own. Somebody spank the girl!
When I send this I will install the cable ends and hope that improves things. Wish me luck.
Lately, I have been seeing several words on any story I'm reading that appear as "Links". I thought this was a new advertising strategy and have not objected. Well, now it's appearing on other sites and one user has suggested that I have a "bot" or something. So are the rest of you seeing this or its it strictly my issue.
Checks can be made out & sent to:
Joyce Melton
1001 Third St.
Space 80
Calimesa, CA 92320
USA
Note: $6000 is the operating, maintenance and upgrade budget. Amounts received in excess of the $6000 will be applied to long term debt accrued over the last 19 years.
