Out of nowhere Josh asked me, “Jessica, would you do me the honour of wearing my posy at the harvest festival dance?” I was stunned. An invitation to go as a partner to the dance was one thing, but a request to wear a man’s posy at the dance was a proposal of marriage.
A series of tallish tales told by a group of old men in the tap room of their local pub the Green Dragon during their regular Saturday nights out. The stories start when the story telling has already become an established tradition. Sasha Vetrov, a Siberian ex KGB officer, is the acknowledged master story teller who has a way of telling almost true stories that is thoroughly entertaining. Gladys the barmaid, married to Pete one of the men, keeps them supplied with drink, prevents things from getting out of hand and supplies the Saturday night supper towards the end of the session. Currently the group comprises those that are named in the tales plus numerous others. Doubtless as things progress we shall come to know more of them. Open to see those we know who are listed with their wives and a list of who is telling tales in which chapter.
“You have to admit she’s a bit odd and has peculiar habits.”
“And you have a nervous tic and suffer from OCD, Doctor, so are we going to lock you up too?”
To win at anything you have to know the rules and out play the opposition using the same rules. Though cheating from time to time can pay dividends. Now, there’re little ones needing bedtime stories. Off you go. I’ll bring you a cocoa.
I wish I had dreamt up this piece, but this prayer originated from neither my pen nor my mind. I remember it doing the rounds many years ago, and I thought it worth sharing in an updated form. I wish to make it clear that I have no special axe to grind with any of the individuals mentioned. My personal list would be much longer and include every politician of every stripe on the planet, but by all means feel free to amend the list or append to it with politicians or others of your choice. As far as I am aware it always was unattributed, but if you are the individual who originated the piece, one I dip my knees to you, and two please let me know so I can credit you with its creation properly. In gratitude, Eolwaen.
The carrion crew aren’t the nicest of folk. They’re all vultures from the wrong side of the tracks and I’m not much better. I’m a bit brighter and can actually read, and I do, but that’s about the limit of our differences.
I don’t deal with that type of woman because, one they are gross and treat one like something they scraped off their shoe, and two it’s dangerous. You can end up dead for the least perceived slight or failure of service.
I usually keep a pet for six weeks before returning them to the wild, after that they start to lose muscle tone. Sex a dozen times a day does that to humans no matter how well you feed them.
Your mum is the archetypal Yiddishe Momme, poor, the only survivor of her family from the holocaust, genuinely caring and loving, incapable of guile, immensely respected by all who know her, Jew and gentile alike. She’s the epitome of an eastern European Jewess. She could have have come straight out of Fiddler on the Roof. When my mum and dad are at outs he accuses her of only marrying him because the obliteration of his family at Auschwitz makes her feel respectable, and he provokes her by saying she would eat a bacon sandwich if a Rabbi told her it were kosher.
Most of my mates still can’t believe that I’d managed to pull a drop dead gorgeous, university educated girl from an upper middle class family who spoke with a veritable bag full of plums in her oh so entirely kissable mouth and she actually married me. I get on with her family though her parents don’t totally understand the way their daughter chooses to live, permanently pregnant and surrounded by kids, even if she is living in more affluence than they are. Hey don’t look at me. I just do what I’m told and earn the money.
I know from the look of you that you stole my share of the freckles, but whether that old saw that says every time a ginger steals a soul they earn a freckle is right or not, I know you didn’t steal my soul because it was always yours.
Yeah, yeah! I know Alf. Your granddaughter rides a motor cycle for plod down Devon way, and I’m sure she’s a wonderful girl. She probably gives pennies to the poor too, but I’m talking generalisations here. I’m not having a go at Sylvia. Get him another pint to settle his nerves, Stan.
The girls came round later that afternoon, it was my turn to have them. Now don’t get me wrong I love my daughters, and I really enjoy our Sunday activities, but I do find the three hour Saturday afternoon Monopoly sessions rather dull. This week was different. The girls had a new set. New to them anyway.
Jessica Harkness had knowingly said, “It was to be expected. An old maid’s last desperate fling. She’ll settle down to a couple of cats and a bitter looking expression permanently glued on her face in a few years, like Felicity Herbert. Nothing surer. Seen it all before I have, Alice. Lord knows what she’ll do when Miss Sophie marries Clara’s boy, for she can’t look after the place. It’s Miss Sophie that does all the woman’s work and no one will send a man round to help Miss Abi, it’s so sour and unpleasant as she is. A fool to herself that one’s been. She should have had half a dozen children by now, but I guess she couldn’t even be pleasant enough to a man to get him into and keep him in her bed. And Lord knows that’s not a difficult thing to do. A well fed and well bed man is like milk loaf dough in even a plain woman’s hands, and plain she is not. And besides it’s no chore, for a woman does need to be kept comfortable or in child so she can go about her work undistracted.”
When I had been promoted of course my father was proud of me, but he couldn’t tell a daughter he was proud of her! So he masked his pride and said, “I have instructed your mother to make enquiries about a husband for you.”
You are being far too hard on yourself. I know you used to give a lot of your time to homeless kids via that church program. When you were outed and kicked out of the program for being yourself that did NOT, and I repeat NOT, devalue what you had done for those kids. Neither the church nor their program deserved you. The kids didn’t care that you were trans, what mattered to them was that you cared about them.
Agnes, an attractive woman who appeared to be about thirty, had dressed carefully but conservatively for her interview. The job was working in a children’s day care centre managed by a twenty-eight year old woman who introduced herself as Sharon. She didn’t provide a surname, but Agnes already knew who she was and a lot about Sharon because she’d done her homework for the job. Agnes considered it incongruous that the manageress of a large nursery looked ill kempt and like she could do with a good meal.
Back in the Discovery, Amy asked, “Why are you doing this for me? I can tell you’re no paedo, scumbag social worker, nor a bloody do-gooder, so what’s in it for you?”
“I had a poor childhood. I’m regarded as a bit weird. I can earn big money, but most of the time don’t because I don’t want a boss. Money doesn’t mean much to me, and right now I’ve got some and don’t need it, but you’ve got none and need it. I’ve no friends and often go weeks without talking to any one, so maybe I just want some one to talk to.”
Margaret Towers, personal aid to and long time friend of the President was as always shewn in to his office without him being warned she was coming. The President's bodyguards didn’t like it, but it was on his orders, and the only person who’d made her wait had been fired on the spot.
My three older siblings were girls. I enjoyed dressing in their clothes and liked pretty things, but there was nothing desperate about it. I think I could easily have lived without it, but by the time I was old enough to go to school such games stopped on pain of my father’s belt.
With little else to do other than wait till it’s time to take my medication I thought I’d finish writing up the story of my life. So far as it goes that is.
Singing for her supper, Morag wandered a long way and for a long time, but always she walked like a neep. She suffered a lot of indignity and not a small amount of grievous hurt from those who had a need to find someone, anyone, to hurt to make their small insignificant selves feel bigger. But still she held her head high and walked like a neep, for she opined only oneself could inflict humiliation, others could inflict many things but humiliation no.
My thanks go to SamanthaMD whose comment caused me to dream up this delicious piece of complete nonsense. As I remarked in my reply 'If one can't laugh at oneself then life is much harder than it needs to be.' and I'm still laughing. Standing?
I’ve read that friends are ten a penny and come and go, but the hate a good enemy provides can last a lifetime and keep you warmer than a good fire on cold winter nights.
Despite Gilbert’s father undressing me with his eyes all the time, he keeps his hands to himself and I get on with him well enough. I certainly don’t object to his taste for long necked and skinny legged, thin chested females.
Tragedy lives with us all. As a child one rails gainst fate, but none can truly be considered adult till they have swallowed that bitterest of pills and learnt that one can not rewrite history. All one can do is learn to live with it. But none ever wholly does and therein lies the child in us all.
Every now and again memories from the distant past intrude on the present, especially those with no closure.
It happens to us all and leaves an incomplete hollow feeling of helplessness and inadequacy.
The place marked ‘Windmill field’ on the deeds to my holding is a special place to me. Being there conjures visions of what the area was like before Henry VIII’s dissolution of the nearby Abbeytown abbey going on for four hundred years ago. My property was the abbey’s mill.
Not all seduction is in your face if you’ll pardon the expression, but this is a tale of a gentle seduction that was and still is literally in his face.
Now stop it and keep it clean girls because I know you know what I mean and will understand where I’m coming from, again if you’ll pardon the expression.
Any early attempt at first person writing concerning an old man’s reflections on recent life with a group of his friends and some fascinated tourists all drinking in an old fashioned village pub one summer afternoon. I suspect this particular obviously experienced raconteur hadn’t had to pay for a drink in years.
A sink school and a broken Britain, symptoms of a dis-functional democracy. Can a dying teacher with a vision, a recently released armed robber with nothing and a twenty-five year old widowered musician walking a tightrope with the abyss of insanity on one side and the temptations of suicide on the other do anything to help…?
The Fields of Identity have no Monocultures just Endless Varieties of Wild Flowers
LGBT+ themes running through a tale in which DNA resequencing and mental repsyching are the norm for a secretive hightech group that hides in plain view.
What we would call hate crimes are punishable by death and just about the entire LGBT community has gone over to his folk. The frightening thing is they have a much higher proportion of educated and skilled folk than the public at large and have become loyal to his cause simply because the Celts offered them security and safety. God help us, but some of our senior civil servants regard the LGBT leaving as a good thing because, and I quote, ‘We won’t have to deal with them.’
Checks can be made out & sent to:
Joyce Melton
1001 Third St.
Space 80
Calimesa, CA 92320
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Note: $6000 is the operating, maintenance and upgrade budget. Amounts received in excess of the $6000 will be applied to long term debt accrued over the last 19 years.