As a professional entertainer there are many things necessary in order to enhance one’s abilities to charm the ladies and earn well. You could start with the obvious, charm of manner, a good dress sense, a sense of humour and a Shelt’s appreciation of female beauty helps. The ideal Shelt woman is a four foot cube, the ideal shape for providing wind protection whilst one builds up a heavy enough pile of hay behind her to form a haycock which then wouldn’t be blown away by the wind.
An ability to mentally project on to a client’s face an image of true beauty is almost vital for one’s sanity, for many women who are wealthy enough to pay for the services of a professional entertainer are such that they could only attract any man’s attention by paying for it. To wit they are aesthetically challenged and have a face as a colleague described it, ‘as ugly as a bashed crab after a serious auto accident,’ Another likened the face of one of his client’s to, ‘the contents of a plumber’s tool box’. Tis true, all have the right to be ugly, but some clients are clearly abusing the privilege.
One has to able to dance well and sit through entertainment that the client enjoys whilst bored rigid with a smile of delight on one’s face. At the end of the eve one has to be able to fake it, it’s the only way for a man to last and provide the repeat performance which many of the clients require. One has to be able to provide novelty too, a few feathers help as just about everyone is ticklish somewhere, the trick is to find out where in time for it to be useful.
For those who service a lower class of clientele, a lack of a sense of smell is an advantage. Some clients don’t seem to have mastered the art of a daily shower, and some Urg! Well some don’t seem to have bathed in years. Though wealthy, that sort of client is usually involved with organised crime. I don’t deal with that type of woman because, one they are gross and treat one like something they scraped off their shoe, and two it’s dangerous. You can end up dead for the least perceived slight or failure of service.
I have a regular and pleasant clientele, some of who are moderately comely. All smell pleasant and bathe and perfume themselves before an appointment. Obviously all are generous. Tomorrow I am meeting Gorislava at the air port. Gorislava is a trifle stout, but attractive in a matronly way, and she always smells nice. She is also a self made multi-billionairess. She’s in the the arms industry. She is not an international arms dealer, she manufactures state of the art, sophisticated, modern weaponry of every description. We’re off for a fortnight in the Seychelles, which will earn me a couple of hundred thousand after expenses. Her body guard are discreet and always treat me with respect, and as always with Gorislava I expect to enjoy myself.
I’ve holidayed with Gorislava before, and it was a while before I realised that it was the photos of us that she really wanted. The best photos she turns over to an artist to have reproduced in oils to display in one of her numerous dwellings. Her dwellings are all permanently, fully staffed mansions, and I have bookings for eighteen months in advance to squire her at all her parties. She’s a pleasant intelligent woman of culture and taste and requires an intelligent dinner and dance partner who knows which knife and fork to use and can converse intelligently on a wide variety of topics. Unusually, she also expects honesty and is quite happy when I admit, “I know absolutely nothing about the matter, Gorislava.”
Sex? Of course she expects sex, but nothing exotic. Missionary, and when she’s had a drink maybe on her hands and knees. She’s a tough woman and very dominant, except with me. She made it clear when we first met that all she expected of me was to treat her like a normal man treats a normal woman, “It’s my only relief from the pressure of the rest of my life,” she’d explained. When with me she’s a feminine woman and her body guard keep very straight faces when they hear me say no or insist on something and she submissively accepts it. She clearly enjoys the holiday from her business self. I don’t kiss clients with the single exception of Gorislava. I don’t know why but she’s different, special.
A number of my clients, usually high achieving business women like Gorislava, are familiar with the effects of coke and enjoy the added experience. I never travel with it, but there’s nowhere on the planet you can’t buy clean stuff if you know how to ask. Buy and use as soon as possible, certainly the same day, is the sensible approach, better to dump any unused than take any risks.
We landed just after lunch and after putting my things away I made a phone call and acquired what I required. Gorislava was in for a very good time tonight. Coke does enhance a woman’s experience if appropriately applied, however as all in the know are aware, just enough for a woman is just that bit too much for a man and it prevents any premature enjoyment for him.
After dinner, Gorislava surprised me far more than I have ever surprised her, and I have, often. I’ve always been a kept man, a gigolo if you like, but now she wants me to be her twenty-four seven love slave forsaking all others unto her. I receive all that goes with it, including more money than I could ever spend and she gets the ability just to be herself. I was given a genuine choice, and I’ve made my decision. Apparently all has been organised, and the wedding is tomorrow at ten and the rest of our stay is our honeymoon. Funny isn’t it? Both of us got into our respective businesses to escape from hell, different hells to be sure, but hells nay the less, and tomorrow our escapes will be complete.
The most bizarre happening was when Svetlana, the dour head of Gorislava’s body guard - read security forces, smiled and said, “On behalf of the entire team, I wish to offer you both our most sincere congratulations. Congratulations, Sir. Congratulations, Madame.” So I, a refugee from the gutters of Naples am now addressed as Sir, and Gorislava once a refugee from slavery in a gulag will shortly be Madame Rossi. But before that I still have a small amount of white powder to apply.
