Dear David,
where I live, in The Ukraine, all is political, even in a small village community like mine. However, I would love to escape to live somewhere where life at least had some content of reality where a woman could live as a human being rather than as a mere sex object. I am a woman of thirty-one, past the attractiveness of my youth, but I am still a reasonably good looking woman of child bearing age. I had a man in my life for less than a month when I was eighteen, he came from my village and I had known him from early childhood. To avoid poverty, he enlisted as a soldier. One day he left and didn’t return. Possibly or even probably he died in the fighting in Chechnya, but I never discovered the truth of the matter. All the men I met after I lost him expected me to work my self into a babuska(1) before I was even a mother just so they live could live in idleness. It was their constant sexual attentions that frightened me into contacting the agency, which took all the money I had to register with them. The agency said I was older than they would normally accept and I was not as pretty as the girls they could find men for quickly. I was told it would not surprise them that none responded to me, but even so the registration fee was not refundable. I would love to find a man of the west who would appreciate a simple uneducated woman who only wants a man to love who would give me children to care for. I am a more than reasonable cook, a good housekeeper and I would love to be a caring mother and wife. I admit I desire to escape the poverty and mental trauma I currently have to survive as a result of the local men considering that at my age I should be grateful for whatever they are prepared to do to me. I do not accept that makes me a victim, I am merely unfortunate. If necessary I would rather end myself than become abused as a sex toy, a domestic servant and a tiller of the soil.

I earn my living by selling vegetables that I grow on a three-quarter hectare plot that I rent from a local farmer. He is married and has told me I can have the land rent free if I’ll become his mistress. I was not interested in his offer, but his insistence is frightening. I have a lot to offer a man who offers me a chance to be a good wife and mother. Please consider me, for I have a lot of love and womanhood to offer if not much else. I admit I am a slender woman of not great development. You said in your application to the agency you wanted a woman in her mid or late twenties, yet I am a little older than that. You also said that you were seeking permanence. I may not be educated, but I am by no means stupid, so if you are what you have said you are rather than a man looking for a grateful toy to treat badly I can promise you that. Be careful, for life is much cheaper here than where you live, and I will kill you if you abuse me. Lest you think that is an idle threat remember that a life sentence in a women’s prison in the UK would be infinitely better than the life I currently live as a so called free woman here.

Having said that, if you consider me worth the investment of the travel expenses I shall be grateful, and provided you are what you say you are I should soon come to love you. I send you photos of me taken just last week, some at the beach which is actually the river bank of a very wide river, and some at the village dance, so you can see what I mean by ‘not of great development’. Please send me some recent photos of yourself. I know you are forty-two which is fine to me, so worry not concerning hair loss or effects of age. It may seem mercenary I know, but before I consider travelling I want to know exactly what you earn and what you are prepared to let me have to live on and with. I am being very blunt, but I need answers because you are only offering money, whereas I am offering myself, the rest of my life and my very soul. I’ll let you decide who is offering the more. Desperate as I am, I am still not prepared to swap a hell at least I am familiar with for one I am not. As an after thought you said you live in a large house with about three hectares of land. Should we reach agreement would it be possible for me to grow vegetables and keep hens? I would appreciate being able to do something I am familiar with to make a contribution to our future life.

In hope of a future,
Надежда Дзюбенко
Nadezhda Dzyubenko

Dear Nadezhda,
I was moved to receive your reply. Your command of English is most impressive, my command of Russian and Ukrainian is nil. I didn’t know how to pronounce either of your names till I did some research on the internet. You sound to be exactly the woman I have been looking for for years. Neither your age nor your figure are anything of concern to me, though I do want children. I assure you I am exactly as I have described and I enclose recent photos. I have thinning hair, but as you can see I still have a full head of hair, though I’ll probably have a bald spot before long. I am in the packaging business making materials for others to package their products in for transport. Because I work for myself it is not easy to quantify what I earn, but my company has an annual turnover in excess of three million UK pounds. However, should you decide to accept me, which I earnestly hope you do, I can guarantee you twenty thousand UK pounds a year to manage our household on. That is a minimum, for it may be more, but I don’t know, so that’s all I can promise. You are beautiful to me, and I promise I’m not looking for a woman to abuse, nor even not to abuse. I’m looking for a wife to love who will love me.

I too am no fool. I know the most significant question any woman in your position would be thinking about is why would this man be seeking an internet bride. What is wrong with him? The answer is simple. I’m only a metre sixty tall, [five three] am of a nervous disposition and have been treated badly by girls and then women all my life. Since my business took off it was clear to me women were only interested in my money not me, so I gave up. A few years later a friend said, ‘David, look for a wife on the internet. At least there you can negotiate without any risk of humiliation, and the financial negotiations would be up front in the open. You pay the agency their fee and the travel expenses of the girl and the rest the two of you negotiate.’ I took her advice and here we are. I’ve already sent enough to you to more than cover your travel costs. To me that was of no import. Should you decide not to travel, I hope you accept the money, for it is a gift, not part of a business deal, and I wish you well. However, I shall always remember you fondly and regret I didn’t manage to convince you I was a man worth taking a chance on. To bolster my case I am studying Ukrainian, Russian and Cyrillic script.

With potential love,
David Freeman

P.S. My garden is a wilderness. Many of the weeds are well over my head. Should you be interested in it you may do what you will with it. I could hire some help for you to bring it into order if you wished. I know nothing about gardening or livestock, so should you decide to accept me I suggest you think about what you want, for I shall be more than happy to be able to give you something that I can see truly matters to you.

The couple exchanged a dozen or so letters over the next couple of months, the last five of Davids included a paragraph written in Cyrillic script in Ukrainian though he’d included an English version too to make sure he’d not inadvertently written anything unfortunate or offensive.

Dear David,
I knew that going to the agency involved taking a huge chance on my part. Your letters have convinced me that you are a chance more than worth taking the risk on. I’ll be on Austrian airlines flight 9822 from Kyiv(2) landing at Heathrow on the seventh of next month at 07:16 your local time. I look forward to meeting you. In order to leave without having any difficult questions asked by the authorities I bought a return ticket which means I have no money left, though it is possible to obtain a refund on the return ticket. It may take me some time to clear customs because I only have a Ukrainian passport and travel documents, and I have been told that your immigration people can be a little suspicious of women like myself in case the proposed marriage is merely a cover to gain entry into to UK. I have only one small case of clothes and belongings, so I hope you have enough money available to shop for what you’ll wish your wife to have. That is not a mercenary request, rather I do not wish to embarrass you, for I have few clothes and all are worn to the point of probably being considered shabby where you live. You’ll recognise me possibly from the photos, but it occurs to me that I haven’t told you that I have dark brunette hair that reaches below my waist. I realised that none of the photos I sent you show that, so I enclose a few that do. Thank you regarding what you said concerning the garden and the hens, for that is of great significance to me.

As you said with potential love,
Надежда Дзюбенко
Nadezhda Dzyubenko

“Hello, Nadezhda. You look as beautiful in the flesh as you do in your photos, and your hair is truly glorious. Would you like to go for a coffee, so we can talk with a degree of privacy?”

“Please. We have much to speak of. I would like our conversation to be honest. I have no problem with it being blunt, for I want to know exactly where I stand. I do not wish you to hide anything as a result of politeness. If I am not acceptable I would rather know it as soon as possible.”

“I understand and can accept that. Are you hungry? If so I suggest a late lunch at a restaurante rather than a café.”

“Though I ate before the flight, the flight took five and a half hours so it must be nearly six and a half hours since I have eaten. I’m too nervous to be really hungry, but I would appreciate something. Thank you.”

“I think as proof of my honest interest in you we should go shopping after eating. I suggest clothes first.”

“Do you find me attractive dressed in this? I know this dress is old and worn, but it is the best garment I own.”

“I’m sorry if this offends you, but no. I think you are beautiful, with or without the dress.” David grimaced in embarrassment and said, “Oops, I think I should have phrased that differently. I didn’t intend to make an improper remark. I’m no millionaire, but I’m not poor, and I hope that given your past that’s enough to bind our futures together, for already I know I truly wish you will accept me as your husband. I’ve told you I want a family. Given our past lives, and despite all you’ve told me I’m sure I shall never understand just how bad yours has been, I believe we can make a future together. That’s all I can offer, but come let’s find something to eat.”

Nadezhda seemed nervous as she asked, “I said I was not of great development, but am I adequate?” She made an ambiguous hand movement that David correctly took to be in the direction of her bosom.

“Yes. Yes you are. To use your words, women of greater development age faster as time and gravity affects them more. The idea of a woman who retains her youthful appearance as we age is really rather attractive. Even more so is the idea that other men will then envy me. Put your worries aside, for as I said I find you more than pretty.”

Nadezhda took a minute or more before she spoke. “You are as your photos. You sound as you said you were. You seem to be able to offer the ability to have the family I have always dreamt of. So for the while I shall accept you, and now all is well.” Nadezhda smiled and said, “As for making an improper remark, it couldn’t really be considered improper, for there was no one here to hear it, and in any case since we have expressed our probable intent to marry we are both entitled to make such comments to each other are we not?”

The couple dined in a modest restaurante where Nadezhda’s nervousness gradually faded enough to enable her to eat a good meal. They talked of many things concerning a potential relationship, and both admitted they were hoping they would come to love and marriage. David said, “I have prepared a room for you, but since I am a man doubtless there will be many changes you’ll wish to make.”

“I had expected to be obliged to share your bed, David!” Nadezhda said in surprise.

David smiled and said, “I should like that, but it is your choice to decide when you are ready to do so, not mine. I know I have spent money bringing you here, but I have never seen it as buying you. I hope you don’t see it that way. I wish a wife, not a possession, nor a toy.”

Nadezhda smiled and said, “I can’t help but see it that way a little because of what the agency told me. I’m sure that will fade in time, but tonight I wish to sleep with you. That is I wish to share your bed and make love with you. I wish this because you are the man I wish to spend the rest of my life with and not because it is what the the agency said I should offer. If you make a woman of me in the way of my dreams I shall be able to believe my new life is real, and I shall be one more step nearer to all of my dreams.”

David blushed as he smiled and said, “Me too.”

It was a three hour drive from the airport to David’s home, and Nadezhda had insisted on shopping at a local supermarket near to where David lived rather than a high end London store. “This is all I ever dreamed off, David. Here I can buy whatever I feel makes me feel like the woman a good man would desire. I should never desire any more. I don’t wish to spend a fortune just to spend a fortune. For me it is about being a woman, the woman that my man desires, so I wish you to tell me which clothes you prefer, so I can learn how to please you. I am not trying to be submissive. I wish to please you because as a woman that will please me. In return I assure you, if you have clothes that I don’t think become you I shall tell you so.” David had never imagined that he would enjoy shopping for women’s clothes with a woman, nor that he would enjoy being so involved in the selection process. Choosing a dozen pairs of shoes didn’t take Nadezhda long, though David was surprised when she added a pair of Wellington boots and a pair of what appeared to be workman’s safety boots complete with steel insoles and toecaps. “For the garden,” she explained.

Lingerie was a surprise to them both. Nadezhda had never seen garments like that and in such variety. David whilst aware of what was available was initially a little uncomfortable, but Nadezhda involved him so rapidly and comprehensively that soon passed. “Now finally, David, I wish you to select some purely because they please you. Some things you find erotic and will enjoy removing from your woman. Then you can take me home and make me that woman, after I have cooked. Unless of course we need to visit the food hall first?”

“I think we should. My cooking is a little primitive, so I don’t have much in the house, but we could eat out if you like?”

“No. I wish to cook for us, and I shall cook traditional Ukraine dishes for our first meal.”

“What shall you cook?”

“Borscht which is a beetroot soup, Holubtsi which are chopped meat and rice stuffed cabbage leaves, Deruni which are like a potato pancake, Chicken Kyiv, you would call that Chicken Kiev and Walnut stuffed prunes with thick cream. None call for exotic ingredients though I shall have to remember to look for herbs and spices. Does that sound acceptable? None take long to prepare and cook, so we shan’t be eating too late. Do you have any allergies I should know about?”

“That sounds wonderful, and I don’t have any food allergies.”

They spent about forty minutes food shopping and less than an hour and a half later they were eating. Nadezhda had been amazed during the lightening tour of David’s house. She knew he was wealthy, but to her the six bedroomed house was enormous. When David shewed her the room he had prepared for her she asked, “Where is our bedroom?” The master bedroom had a king sized bed and an ensuite bathroom. Nadezhda looked into the built in wardrobes to find a lot of empty space. “I’ll leave my new clothes on the other bed and hang them in here tomorrow, David. Are you ready for bed? I am, for it’s been a long and tiring day for me. What time did you arise at to arrive at the airport on time?”

“I drove down yesterday and took a hotel room not far away from Heathrow, so I’ve probably had more sleep than you.”

“I’m not too tired, and I’m looking forward to becoming a woman.” That night was awkward, perhaps strangely more awkward for David than for Nadezhda. She was the one who led David to his bed and undressed the pair of them. David was a man of little unpaid for experience and though Nadezhda was still a virgin she was a pragmatic woman of peasant stock for whom sex was as natural an activity as breathing. It was her prosaic attitudes to life that eased the awkwardness away and her sense of humour, and fun too, that turned bedtime into an enjoyable and natural part of their lives in a matter of days.

After breakfast on their first full day together as a couple, David told Nadezhda that he had ordered some hens for her which would be arriving that morning along with a hen house bought from the poultry breeder and a few sacks of feed and feeders. Nadezhda was delighted with the six silver Light Sussex hens that David had bought her, along with a cockerel, as a welcome home present. David asked if she would like any other livestock and she said some ducks and Guinea Fowl would be welcome to her. They rang the poultry breeder who said she bred Khaki Campbells and Indian Runner ducks and she could acquire some Guinea fowl from a friend. They ordered six Indian Runners and six Guinea fowl with a drake and a cock respectively, and David rang a builder to make a pond for their ducks. That afternoon, after inspecting the garden, David took Nadezhda to a large DIY store to buy gardening tools. She was benumbed at how much David was cheerfully spending just to make her happy, and he had to work hard to convince her that it wasn’t actually a great deal of money.

Life progressed for the couple as they had hoped it would, and included time where they spoke Ukrainian to improve David’s fluency. Nadezhda was an early riser and managed an hour’s work in her vegetable plot before cooking breakfast which often involved eggs from her flock. She usually accompanied David to work where, like David, she helped his employees by doing whatever was most needed to be done whether in the office or on the factory floor. The couple developed a domestic routine and did most of their shopping on the way home from work in the early evening. Every few days Nadezhda stayed at home for the day to catch up on the housework, do the laundry and cultivate the vegetable plot she had started.

David had never had any experience of, nor particular interest in, gardening before meeting Nadezhda, and his large garden was more like a jungle of weeds than a garden. Nadezhda was appalled at the waste of what she told him was highly fertile land. David told her she could do whatever she wanted with it. She refused to accept paid help saying she didn’t need it, but if he wished to help her she would enjoy that, and he was amazed at how quickly she tamed the vast expanse of weeds with what he considered to be minimal input from himself. One evening after dinner Nadezhda was studying something intently, and David asked, “What are you reading?”

“The Pomona Fruits’ catalogue of fruit trees and bushes. I want to order some ready for planting in the autumn. I want some nut trees too. At home walnut trees grow everywhere. Walnuts are an important part of our national cuisine.” David’s interest was piqued and they browsed the catalogue together with Nadezhda sitting on his lap. David was surprised that he actually had preferences as regard to which varieties they should order. “David, may I buy a greenhouse?”

“Buy what you want. You decide what you would like and I’ll have someone put it up for you. You know having you in my life has made it much better in any number of ways, and I do love you.”

“I know. I love you too, and meeting you was the best thing that has ever happened to me.” The pair behaved like a pair of hormonally supercharged teenagers for a few minutes when Nadezhda asked, “Do you love me enough to allow me to keep bees? I’ve done it before and they help set the fruit on the trees.”

“I told you you could do whatever you liked with the garden. You have agreed to marry me, so you don’t have to ask permission for anything. That’s not how it works. This is every bit as much your home as it is mine. You don’t ask me for permission to polish the furniture, so why should you ask for a greenhouse or some bees. You know so much about things I am mostly completely unaware of that living with you is a constant and delightful surprise. Changing the subject, how did your driving lesson go this afternoon?”

Nadezhda laught and replied, “I can start the car moving smoothly now without it leaping like a kangaroo. Going forwards is good. Reversing not so good, but I’m getting better. You know you said you’d buy me a car when I passed the test. Could I have van instead? I think one like the smaller ones your drivers use would be more useful to carry gardening things. I got the idea when we went to that garden centre last Sunday and couldn’t fit everything into the car boot [US trunk]. Making two trips like we had to do is silly and having things delivered would have been frustrating when I wanted to plant what I’d bought immediately. If we wish to go out in a car your Mercedes is perfect, so why do we need two cars?”

“Like I said you are a constant source of surprise and delight. A van it is.”

Three days before their wedding in the local registry office Nadezhda informed David over breakfast that she was pregnant, which triggered a frenzy of nursery decorating and purchasing of baby related things.

Both had always been aware that using an internet bridal agency was a huge risk for both parties and suspected that there were more failed relationships came out of the practice than there were successful ones. However, it had worked for them, and ultimately Nadezhda and David had six children who grew up in a bilingual household, and for them both an emotionally rock bottom early life was followed by a lifelong stable relationship of love and the family they had both dreamt of. Nadezhda and David had talked about their relationship a lot, for like those of other couples their lives were not entirely unalloyed joy. They actually had few issues with each other, and had wondered why they seemed to get along better than most of the couples they knew. Nadezhda maintained, “All marriages are a combination of relationships, including a business relationship. But no matter how a couple perceive their marriage to be constituted, if their expectations are unrealistic the marriage is doomed to fail.”

“How do you mean?”

“I am sure there are things about me you would change if you could, but you are realistic enough to know that some of those things are part of who I am and can’t be changed by either of us, so you just accept them and only bother about things that are possible to change.” David just nodded in agreement. “Like wise from my point of view. Men and women think differently. You being a man infuriates me sometimes, but I would never wish you to think or behave like a woman.”

“Yes, now that is something I can relate to, and I too would never wish you to think or behave like a man.”

1 Babushka, old woman or a grandmother.
2 Kyiv, Kiev.