LGBTQ+++ & ++?

Margaret Towers, personal aid to and long time friend of the President was as always shewn in to his office without him being warned she was coming. The President's bodyguards didn’t like it, but it was on his orders, and the only person who’d made her wait had been fired on the spot.

“You look worried if not to say frightened, Margaret. Have a drink, relax. I’ve sent for some lunch. I’ll tell them it's for two. Then tell me all about it. I take it that your concerns are about the Tamerle. It makes you see things differently when you realise that we are not the only life in the universe and definitely not the most scientifically and technologically advanced doesn’t it? It’s only been two months, though it seems like that space craft has been orbiting us a lot longer than that.” He pointed to the row of bottles and lifted his eyebrows in question.

“Irish please, Jameson. I’ll start talking now if you don’t mind, Prakesh. Whilst we wait for the food.” Taking his silence as agreement she started. “I’ve been receiving some strange mail recently. All of it from the Tamerle. Most of it I can’t make head nor tail of, but yesterday I received another complaint from Darl, the captain of the Tamerle ship. It was a long and detailed document, but I’ll read you the most significant elements of it.” She produced a single sheet of paper with small type on both sides, took the proferred glass with a nod of thanks and began.

“We do not appreciate your prying and speculation concerning our reproductive mechanisms. When we invited human representatives to guest with us aboard our vessel for what remains of our time here before we must leave this sector of space, we did so in order for us both to obtain a better understanding of each other. We expected an ambassadorial team and not, using your terminology, a voyeuristic group of perverts. I understand they referred to themselves as anthropologists.

“We are not specimens to be studied like animals, and have no desire at all to watch or discuss your reproductive activities. We are especially offended by your inexplicable, to us, need to pin one of your labels of sexuality or gender on us. Why you need such individual labels in the first place baffles us. In our society however an individual or grouping chooses to conduct themselves regarding their identity, affections and family life is a matter only of concern to themselves. I do not apologise for talking to you as I would to a pre-adolescent for it is clearly appropriate.

“So let’s get this straight, and I intend no pun or offence, for once and for all. I’m not lesbian, I’m not gay, I’m not bi and I’m not trans, nor indeed are any of your other minority labels appropriate. I am the intellectual in my threel, and my reproductive life is none of your business. Meia my intuital would be most offended were I to inform her of the disgusting nature of the questions your officials have been asking about her, although ‘her’ is not an appropriate term.

“I was appalled that your officials considered it acceptable to harass my generational who was nurturing our first set of triplets. They had been doing well and he was expecting them to mature and be seeking their own threel partners within two rotations of your planet about its primary. Again ‘he’ is no more an appropriate term for Podd than is ‘it’ when applied to me. It was expected that our offspring would be a highly intelligent intellectual like myself, an exquisitely sensitive intuital like Meia and a dedicated and caring generational like Podd.

“Podd was so upset at such a critical time in our offspring's gestation that they were reabsorbed and he needed many of your days of intensive therapy with Meia before he was be able to generate again. It was only with great difficulty that I convinced Meia that it would not be appropriate to vaporise your entire planet. The only way I could persuade her was by ordering a galactic embargo on all contact with Earth for the next millennium, which has been agreed with by all on the strict understanding that none may give any more details concerning the matter.

“As to whether I am typical of us, it would be disgraceful of me to even comment on the matter. I have no problem talking about ourself, but do not have the right to discuss any other. We are now readying our vessel for departure in a matter of hours. We will return your officials to Earth safely and I suggest you spend the millennium in acquiring diplomatic skills rather than anything else. We Tamerle are far more forgiving than any other race you may encounter.

“I must terminate this transmission because Meia tells me Podd is ready to generate and I have had to tell your officials they certainly may not watch. Meia has decided that it will not now happen till your officials are safely off our vessel, and I need to give that my attention.”

“I’ve spoken to all twelve members of the team, Prakesh, and they have no idea what it was they were accused of. Their body video recorders shew that the only time they witnessed Darl, Meia and Podd together they were just sitting around a small coffee table holding hands. The team had virtually no interaction or conversation with Meia and Podd. In fact none with Meia and the only interaction with Podd was when John asked him what had been happening round the coffee table. The only thing of any note was that Darl had expressly told our people to ignore Meia and Podd and never address them. They were supposed to limit all their interactions to Darl. They never had sight of any other crew who they were told were aboard the vessel in the aft section which for their comfort was maintained with a heavier gravity and had a Tamerle atmosphere. ”

His Excellency Prakesh Ling the President of all Earth looked quizzically at his old friend and said, “Well, Margaret, John damn nearly wiped out Earth for us. I had a private communication from Darl in the middle of last night. It was directed right into my mind and I could feel the presence of Meia and Podd too. They are telepathic and that’s how they do everything including reproduce. John observed them having sex, and although that would not have bothered them, for it is normal for them to ignore the presence of others it is mandatory for others to ignore them and never on pain of death refer to what they have seen. Darl, Meia and Podd share a single consciousness, and they are effectively the emperor of an intergalactic empire that we are now excluded from learning from for a thousand years.”

“God almighty. How the hell were we supposed to know that?”

“We weren’t. It was a test of our intelligence and sensitivity.”

“I take it we failed?”

“No. We never even got to receive the test paper, never mind answer the questions.”

“So what was all that about sexuality and gender identity? Did you find out anything about that?”

“Yes. Darl told you the truth. They are incapable of lying when communicating telepathically. It just didn’t tell you all of the truth. It’s not lesbian. It’s not gay. It’s not bi and it’s not trans, nor indeed are any of our other labels appropriate. That’s because they, Darl, Meia and Podd are lesbian, gay, bi and trans simultaneously and all of our other minority labels too along with a whole lot of others that I couldn’t even envisage because we have no concept of them. Our only labels that don’t apply to any of them are cis and straight.