*Before…

I stare tears starting in the mirror and my hair’s awful and I’m not wearing make-up and thankfully I’m not hairy faced or have like shaving/beard shadow yet so I look like what I guess is what a lot of girls my age might sort of look like before they got their curves.
I look like Sarah, I look like I need a lot of work and getting this yet but just like this right now I’m looking at the right me, the real me.
The girl that can look in the mirror and not have it hurt.
And god oh god does it ever feel amazing for that to just feel like that and not hurt.

*And Now…

On a rainy night after an argument a teenager finds himself not as alone as she thought.

Can I have some Brown Sugar for my Damper? Chapter 11.

Chapter11.

*Before…

It’s my first time for that kind of kiss from someone that means it as a kiss.
So it’s a good thing when the feelings in your heart are stronger than the feelings in your body right?
We break the kiss and I’m catching my breath and Rudy looks at Sam. “Let’s go get cookin and we can let Morgan finally get to use her tanning chair and get some rest and Sun.”
“I kin grill?”
“Yeah, let’s.”
They leave and Rudy smiles at me and he walks out of the water backwards and his grin gets all teasing and devilish as he’d definitely sporting some serious arousal going on down there and I blush because he’s doing that and it’s pretty obvious if someone looks.
I sink down in the water some more to hide the goofy grin that’s there too because yeah, he’s showing off and stuff but he’s with me and he’s kind of showing off for me.
And that feels just.
Yeah I’m so happy hugging myself right now.

*And Now…

Can Dreams Come True?...Part 10

*Before…

“Josie, you want to go out?”
“Huh?” Blink, blink… “Like…?”
“Out, out of here, go for a drive, see some things…go on a date.”
“A date…with me?”
“Yes please.”
Oh…that, that yes please…Never, no one has ever…it.
Just two words said with real earnest just…I had no idea that two words could actually feel that good…

*And Now...

Hopscotch…A Jump in Life 6

*Before…

I hug her back. “I’m different now aren’t I?”

I feel her nod in the hug. “Yeah, kind of a lot different but not…but I love you anyways.”

There’s something there…something kind of shining through. “Always?”

She sniffle nods.

“Good, cause I think I’m going to need that.”

“Shawn?”

I’m right there on the edge of saying…something, I don’t know what…but something and then the nurses are back in and with a wheelchair. “Alright Shawn you ready for your tests?”

Sigh.

*And Now…

Hopscotch…A Jump in Life 5

*Before…

I look at her. “I’m like my Dad?”
“Well with like that temperament and stuff.”
“Oh…”
I…I really don’t know how to deal with that or how to feel about it? I mean I’m Sarah right so I just kind of thought that I’d take after my Mom more or something and not my dad and I really can’t figure out if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.
“Surprised?”
“Y...Yeah kind of…it wasn’t what I was expecting to hear.”
“Really?”
“Yeah…I thought I’d be more like you Mom.”
I look at her and she actually has this really sort of surprised look on her face.
And…I’m really surer than ever she doesn’t know.

*And Now…

Hopscotch…A Jump in Life 4

*Before…

And there’s people that are there like me on my friends list and that are trans too and stuff and they call me Whisper or Wisp or Song but several of them…

They call me Sarah.

And even reading it, reading it with that inner voice inside…you know the one that goes on while you’re reading something and there’s that inside narrative thing?

It doesn’t feel wrong.

It doesn’t feel like Shawn.

And there’s tears starting to run down my face.

I think I’m really Sarah.

*And Now…

Hopscotch…A Jump in Life 3

*Before…

I…I don’t know what’s wrong but it’s wrong and I know she’s trying her best but I end up crying through the whole thing and even when she’s done I’m still crying and I roll over to my side as best I can and cry into the pillow.

I think she was rubbing my back at one point and trying to comfort me and she was replaced by Mom and there is something that is like maybe visceral there?

I know Mom’s touch, just from the way she was with me before I know the difference and I cry all the harder once it’s her.

*And Now…

Images-59

Chapter 59

*Before…

Taylor’s with one of the guys that’s teaching the surfing and I sip my coffee and watch and then I set it down and see him actually get up on the board and ride it out for like fifty feet or sixty feet before there’s no room. It’s way cool he stayed up the entire time and I’m not sure that I could do that and I clap and cheer whistle at him when he’s done.
“Way to go honey, do it again!”
I see the smile on his face and the happy guy wave he gives me and him and the instructor paddle back talking and stuff. I see the guy look at me and it’s that checking me out look and something else and they do the guy thing hand shake once their sitting on the boards and riding the wave thing where they really aren’t going anywhere.
It’s so that guy giving the other guy props for his girl thing.
I actually don’t mind, he’s my guy and guys have their esteem things too….and Tay’s been knocked around just as much as me and I watch and cheer as he takes another wave and gets up on his board and I cheer him on and it’s good to see him just smile, doing something just for him and just smiling.

*And Now…

Sweet Dreams-59

Chapter 59

*Before…

I look around the caf and it’s just a sort of morbid kind of curious look and I’m looking not at the kids around me in the whole popular side of things but over to what would have been me…you ‘know the loners and the geeks and the sort of like unpopular kids that don’t really fit the popular and semi popular high school tribes and I’m kind of looking for.
Yeah…it’s there.
I see them and they see me and some of them sort of do the don’t look right at it thing with me but some of them are doing the glare and don’t like me because I’m one of “Them” looks.
Sigh…fuck.
I knew it was bound to happen and yeah if I was a shitty person and all self-absorbed and shit I’d trot out the they’re just jealous crap but I’ve been there and they’re coming at this from places of being likely treated like dogshit by some of these popular people and stuff.
So…I’m going to need to change that.

*And Now…