The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike, est. 2007) Part 2458 by Angharad Copyright© 2014 Angharad All Rights Reserved.

Dinner was delicious, David had made lamb with mint and rosemary sausages, which we ate with creamed potato, carrots and garden peas. This was doused in a lamb and garlic gravy which tied everything in together beautifully.

Sadly it wasn’t a perfect meal because the girls had to start giggling and then Mima started to choke, which is what happens when you laugh with a mouthful of food. It was at this stage I lost it. “The next one of you who thinks condoms are funny, I’ll put on your head, then we’ll see what’s funny.”

It was entirely the wrong thing to say because they all fell about the table giggling and Simon, who I expected to support me, was laughing like a drain. I slammed my cutlery down on the table and stormed into my study locking the door after me. Ten minutes later there was a knocking on the door but I ignored it. I was still absolutely tamping and would likely have hit who was on the other side of the door. When I did eventually open the door there was a mug of lukewarm tea outside it.

I didn’t entirely waste my time sulking, I did thoroughly examine the CVs and felt I had a good idea of what they wanted me to know. On finishing I went to the kitchen where Jacquie was cleaning up. “Oh hullo, feel better?”

“Yes, thank you. Tea?”

“Please.”

I made us each a cup of tea and we sat down at the table. “Thanks for cleaning up.”

“It’s okay, you were working all day.”

“Yeah, running a staff meeting which was a cross between the chimps tea party and a spoilt five year old kid’s birthday party.”

“That good, eh?”

“Yep, and tomorrow I’m interviewing for two more posts.”

“So a five year old chimp would be perfect?”

“Yeah, I suppose it would, except that seems to be about the level of student we recruit these days.”

“That bad is it? I thought they were supposed to be better these days.”

“Better than what?”

“Um, a five year old chimp?”

“They’re laden with GCSEs and A-levels but they can’t read and write properly. They can’t spell ecology let alone explain what it’s about.”

“Oh.”

“Ecology, Doc, yeah like it’s about dormice like, innit? Some woman from ’ere like done a film abaht them, so iss abaht makin’ films a dormouses, like, innit?”

“They don’t talk like that, do they?”

“I kid you not, sometimes they’re covered in tattoos or piercings as well, or have purple hair in dreadlocks.”

Jacquie was sniggering.

“Financially, the only investments they have are in the precious metal embedded in various parts of their face or body.”

“You sound a little prejudiced, mother dear.”

“I am. I can almost see my mother standing in front of me and saying, “You are not getting your ears pierced until you’re at least sixteen, my girl.”

“Did she actually say that to you?”

“No, it’s more of what she’d have said had I been her daughter.”

“You are her daughter and she’s justly proud of you.”

I was about to challenge that when I looked up at Jacquie and she was looking beyond me, in a semi trance.

“She says they’re both sorry that they didn’t understand your gender identity problem but they can see how much happier you are as the girl you should have been. Your father did come to accept you, you know, and was proud of the way you presented yourself as a girl. He thought you were very pretty, but then you had me for a mother, so you should have been. I must go, we both love you and proud of the way you’ve adopted so many children, but I told you that you’d have a large family. Good bye, Catherine, keep us proud of you.”

I waved my hand in front of Jacquie’s face, she didn’t blink or move. “Your tea’s getting cold.”

“Uh what?” she said returning to her usual self.

“I said, your tea is getting cold.”

“Oh, oh—goodness, I felt really strange. I didn’t pass out did I?”

“You might have done for a few moments.”

“It was really weird seeing things through someone else’s eyes, you were quite a pretty girl, weren’t you?”

“You saw me?”

“Yeah, in your school uniform turning the waist-band of your skirt over to shorten it as soon as you met up with Siân. You had long hair and once you got to Siân’s house you undid your ponytail and put on mascara and eyeliner.”

“And you saw this?”

“Yes, it was really weird.”

That’s an understatement, kiddo, it never happened—well not until I had to do Lady M and Murray made me wear a dress for a few weeks and Siân encouraged me to push the envelope just a bit by loaning me her spare uniform and I’d got my ears pierced by then as well.

“I’ve never had that happen before,” she said, “I spoke to you didn’t I?”

“Yes, don’t you remember what you said?”

“Not really, all I remember was what I saw and how she had this huge sense of pride for you.”

I wondered if she’d lived would she have felt that or would she have lived in awe of my father and his rather black and white sense of what constituted male and female. I made some more tea and this time she drank it while it was hot.

“I’ve gone all goose pimply, what d’you think happened?”

“I don’t know, if I had any explanations they'd be verging on bizarre, so I think we’ll leave it at, don’t know.”

“You’re the scientist,” she said loudly enough for Daddy who was passing by to pop his head in.

“She’s no a scientist, ferr tae squeamish an’ disorganised.”

“That’s why you asked me to babysit your department, because I’m not a scientist?”

“Aye, ye’ll no mak too many changes.” He cackled loudly and went back under his stone.

“Well I think you’re a scientist, Mummy.”

“So does he, silly old goat,” I said the last part quite loudly which got a further cackle. “I’m not, however, a parapsychologist. I deal with facts and observations not dreams and other airy-fairy stuff.”

Jacquie chuckled, “She says you were always stubborn as a girl, you haven’t changed for the better.” She had a funny look in her eye again.

“Jacquie, she’s not there, she’s dead.”

“Tell that to Billie the next time you see her.”

“But I don’t see her, it only feels like I do because I miss her so much.”

“Uh—what?” She shook her head. “Sorry, I went off again, didn’t I?”

“It’s okay.”

“What happened?”

“I have no idea, but it feels as if you tuned into some imaginary memories that could be floating round my psyche.”

“Isn’t that as weird as seeing a ghost?”

“Absolutely. I did suggest that my alternatives were weird.”

“She felt so real.”

“She’s dead, Jacquie, let’s leave it at that.”

“Yeah, okay.Brrr, it’s gone colder in here.”

“The door is open and the weather is getting colder.”

“Yeah, if you say so,” is what her mouth said but I suspect she was thinking something very different. I know because I was thinking it too.