The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike, est. 2007) Part 2402 by Angharad Copyright© 2014 Angharad All Rights Reserved.

“Let me get this straight, the dean is suspended by the council, Tom is now acting dean of the faculty of science, and you’re acting head of department of biological sciences, to wit, an acting professor.”

“That’s about it.” I confirmed.

“I’d have thought they only had acting professors in drama schools,” added my husband.

“Ha ha, very punny.”

“I thought it was quite good,” he defended.

“Yeah, well you would. Remember, self-adulation is no recommendation.”

“You cut me to the quick.”

“Wuss.”

“I don’t wish to sound too complaining but aren’t you supposed to be the gentle sex not casting nasturtiums at me for my gentleness?”

When in doubt or losing the argument, distract your opponent—which is what he was doing. “That doesn’t stop you being a wuss.”

“True,” he said, “was that ever in doubt? But as Mr Kipling said...”

“I make exceedingly good cakes,” I interrupted quoting a line from a cake advert.

“No, you clot, the other Mr Kipling, good old Rudyard, who if memory serves me right, said, ‘The female of the species is more deadly than the male.’”

“Depends on the species.”

“Cathy, he was being allegorical or something.”

“So, what about, ‘Each man kills the thing he loves,’” I riposted.

“There comes a tide in the affairs of man when taken at the flood...”

“Okay, a Kipling and a Shakespeare outdo an Oscar.”

“Is that it?” he complained.

“Okay, you asked for it, ‘I must down to the beach again to the lonely sea and sky, I left my shoes and socks there, I wonder if they’re dry.’”

“Very good, might create a spike in your popularity.”

“So, you’re as badly read as I am,” I conceded.

“That depends on what you haven’t read.”

“Most things from the Bible to Trainspotting.”

“I thought you knew your Bible pretty well.”

“That usually means I know it better than you.”

“I’m not denying that, who’s going to win the Tour?”

“Nibali, why?”

“Just wondered if he had a wife who was cleverer than he.”

“No idea.”

“Goodness there are things you don’t know.”

“What are you on about?”

“My uxorial encyclopaedia.”

“You’re mixing your cultures somewhat.”

“What d’you mean?”

“Well, uxor is Latin and encyclopaedia is a French misconstruction of Greek.”

“How on earth do you know that?”

“I—um, used to read the dictionary.” I felt a warm wave break over me and was glad the light was out so he couldn’t see me blushing.

“You used to read the dictionary?”

“Yeah, okay, I’m a self-confessed nerd.”

“No wonder you’re good at crosswords.”

“That means better than you, doesn’t it?”

“Okay, so you’re better than I am in most things. I admit it, type it up and I’ll sign it. I admit my geni-arse of a wife is better ’an me, besides I never out argue you do I? Mainly because you like to have the last word and anything I say in response is actually the start of a new argument.”

I lay perfectly still and quiet pretending to be asleep.

“Cathy—Cathy?”

I continued in feigning sleep.

“Cathy,” he hissed and I had to do controlled breathing to stop myself sniggering and giving the game away. “Oh sod it then.” I felt him turn over to go to sleep while I lay there celebrating my pyrrhic victory in silence. Half an hour later I was still awake and Simon was completely zonked. Serves me right I suppose.

I was still concerned about the council asking me to act up for Tom so he could hold the faculty together. I also heard that they’d offered it to him twenty years ago but he’d refused because he wanted to be directly involved in the development of young minds, he said it kept him young. In my case I was beginning to feel it might lead to premature ageing as I wondered if I’d bitten off far more than I could chew.

Of course that all depended upon how long the dean was suspended but further researches suggested it wasn’t just a random find or even a nasty informant dobbing him in, the arrests were purportedly about people sharing images on the internet. Looked at in that light it seemed far more serious and less likely to be a mistake such as happening on a site by accident.

I could still remember vividly the first time I called up a real porn site, it had all sorts of unsavoury images of men and women doing all sorts of sexual acts with each other in ways I’d never have considered physically possible. The Karma Sutra could learn a lot from some of these sites.

As if I’d been hit by an electric shock I was jolted back to reality, blushed and checked no one had seen me before I deleted the website and cleared my histories from the computer—only then did I feel safe. In reality, no one should have seen it or known it was there. I reflected on how I felt about witnessing such drivel and answer came back unequivocally—dirty. I felt soiled by it. I wondered if that was the reaction of other women, or just me. Reassuringly, they felt the same.

My mind went back to puzzling if the dean was a dirty old man and that led to my reconsidering Neal’s position. Could he really be responsible for Gloria’s death and was that the reason he lost the plot, or was he simply overwhelmed by his grief? Did he challenge the paternity of his own baby? If they remembered it happening throughout, then it’s pretty certain to have happened. However, one of the reasons memory is not accepted without confirmation is the existence of false memory syndrome and how easy it is for it to be planted unwittingly in the mind of susceptible individuals. Apparently a constant worry for therapists—however, I wasn’t one so it shouldn’t concern me—or should it?

Was it my responsibility to search for such things in my defence of my ex colleague, Neal. Was he now one of my staff or had his employment by us ceased on ill health grounds? Perhaps as well, had his questioning introduced a risk of police induced false memory; where they construct images in the mind of the accused and insist the person agree and sign the statement even if it was untrue. A form of bullying I suppose.

The more my sleepy mind wrestled with these conundrums the more confused it got eventually finding peace an hour or so later when sleep through exhaustion intervened.