Funny Business - Chapter 16, Coming Clean

by

Samantha Michelle Davies

Charlie drove a very apprehensive Liz out the Reservation. They parked at the centre where they’d met Billy on the two previous occasions they’d visited the Reservation.

As they opened the door to go in, the doors burst open and a man in a Wheelchair came out.

“Sorry”, he said as they leapt backwards.

“I’m still getting used to this bastard contraption”

“That’s ok. You weren’t to know we were here,” said Liz.

He smiled.

“You should have a race with my Sister in Law. She’s a real whizz in a Chair” joked Liz.

“These are no joke,” said the man angrily as he tapped his legs. They sounded hollow.

“Neither are her Sister in Laws” said Charlie coming to the rescue.

The man was about to say something but stopped.

Just then the doors opened again and Al emerged.

“Hi Liz, Charlie. What brings you here again? I see you have met Joe”

“Yes we have” said Liz.

Al smiled.

“Joe is a little sensitive about his legs. He lost them to a bomb in Iraq.”

“Sorry Joe. I didn’t know’

Before he could reply, Al butted in.

“Liz’s sister in law lost her legs in an accident with a Bull”

“Sorry” said Joe.

“Look, there has been a bit of getting off on the wrong foot here,” said Charlie.

“Why don’t we start again?”

No one disagreed.

“I’m Joe Frasier, not the boxer” he said trying to make light of the situation.

“Hi Joe Frasier. I’m Liz. This is my Husband Charlie. We are very pleased to meet you. Kat, my Sister in Law did lose her legs in an accident with a Bull. As part of her recovery, we used to have wheelchair races around our house. She always won no matter how hard I tried”

Joe managed a small smile and they shook hands.

“Sorry. Liz but Dr Al here just gave me some bad news about my new legs. “

They both looked at Al.

“Later Joe. We can discuss it later”

Al shepherded Liz & Charlie into the building to Joe’s obvious irritation.

Once inside, Al said,

“I’m sorry for that. Joe is a little irritated that we can’t give him the same treatment as he got at the VA Hospital when he came back from, the War”

Charlie held up his hand.

“You don’t have to apologise to us, ok?”

Al smiled.

“What brings you to this neck of the woods? I wasn’t expecting to see you folks again until the spring”

“There have been some developments that we need to talk to Billy about”

“That sounds a bit ominous. He’s not here at the moment. He should be back a bit later. Can I help?”

Liz looked at Charlie who gave a slight nod of his head.

“Well, if you aren’t busy with patients?”

“Joe was my last one until this afternoon. So, no I’m not busy”

Liz started off.

“Al, does the tribe have records going back to when the reservation was created?”

“Some why?”

“Does the name Prairie Flower mean anything?”

“His face lit up”

“Ah. I think I know who you mean”

“You do?”

“Yes. She is the subject of legend in the tribe”

“Can you explain?”

“Yes I can, but not in here. Lets go into the School Hall. There is a display there you should see”

The three of them went into the School Hall.

Al led them to a glass fronted display that was hanging on the wall.

“This is dedicated to the Legend of Prairie Flower.”

They looked ah the board. Liz gasped when she saw the photo of the woman.

Al noticed this but didn’t say anything.

He started telling the story just as he had done many times over the years. Almost every child who had attended the School could probably recite the story verbatim such was the reverence in which Prairie Flower was held by the tribe.

“The tribe had just been moved here by the U.S. government when a really bad winter hit. There were a few White Men in the area doing a bit of prospecting. Apart from the tribe the area was deserted. One night received a really big fall of snow. Legend has it that it was more than a man’s height. Normally, we don’t get more that a foot or so at a time.”

Liz gasped.

“That’s legends for you eh?”

He continued.

“As I said, there were a few prospectors in the area. They kept themselves to themselves and didn’t bother us. A few years earlier and they might well have been scalped but the fight was gone from the tribe. One of the prospectors was working about 15 miles north of here but we didn’t know of it at the time. It turned out that he was the man who is apparently your relative. He ran low on supplied and tried to trek to reservation camp. In doing so, he got stuck in a huge snowdrift somewhere”

“Prairie Flower just seemed to hear his calls for help. She told her family who refused to believe her. She complained so much that her father refused to let her go and look for him. After a day, she ignored her father’s command and she went out in search of this man on her own”

“For two days, she trekked over into what is now your property and found the man who had called to her very close to death. She nursed him back to some form of health inside a Snow Cave for another three days. Then she helped him to return to the Village. He spent the winter recovering in the village. At least six other prospectors weren’t so lucky and died that terrible winter”

“Is that it?” asked Charlie.

“Not quite” replied Al smiling.

“When the first thaw came, the prospector we came to know as ‘The Englishman’ was well enough to leave. He legally bought the land where he was prospecting a few years before. He’d hand enough of this part of the world and had decided to go home. When he left and as a measure of thanks to the tribe for saving his life, he leased us the land for 999 years for the princely sum of 1$. The then chief went into Elko and they signed the agreement all legal like in the presence of the Indian Agent and the local U.S Marshall.”

Then Al looked sad.

“What happened then?”

“By the time the Chief returned from Elko, we’d had another big dump of snow and Prairie Flower had disappeared. Everyone thought that she we out looking for another lost soul. That is how Prairie Flower became the subject of a legend to our tribe”

Al was obviously proud of his ancestors.

“Al, I think that there is another chapter to that legend. I think I can safely say that Prairie Flower did not perish in the snow that winter.”

“What do you mean?”

Liz showed him the printout of the picture of Rose in Indian dress.

“This is a copy of a picture of a lady named Rose. She is Prairie Flower. There is no doubt of that”

Al was aghast.

“Where did you get this?”

“I first saw this picture when I was 10 or 11 years old. It is in the attic at Bills House”

“I don’t understand? You lost me?”

“Prairie Flower didn’t go looking for other lost souls. She went in search of the man she rescued from the snow. She found him on the way to Salt Lake City. By the time, they reached Chicago, she had changed her name to Rose and by the time they had left Chicago, they were a married couple.”

“How do you know all this?” asked Al in an almost demanding manner

Liz showed him the copies of the documents that Kat had emailed.

Al shook his head.

“What happened to her?”

“After spending a year or so in England, she and her husband ended up managing a tea plantation in India. That is where the portrait was painted. While that were in India they had two sons. When they came back to England, with the children, both parents died of Malaria within a few months of each other.”

Al looked sad.

“What happened to the children?”

“Both sons died in serving in the Army during World War One. One was awarded the Distinguished Service Order for saving three of the privates under his command whilst taking a German trench on the Somme in June 1916.”

Al’s shoulders dropped.

Liz smiled.

“The eldest son had married and English Lady. A Lady Barlow-Smith from Lincolnshire in 1912. Together, they’d had a son Edward George Hardcastle. That child is Bill’s great grandfather”

“I’m not sure I understand all this. Are you saying that the Bill who came here just a few weeks ago is part Paiute?”

“Yes but …”

“And he’s your brother?”

“Only by adoption”

Liz decided to get it all out.

“It appears that the land that I thought was mine is actually part of the reservation. It always has been because she was married before the reservation was legally incorporated”

She gave a big sigh of relief when she finished the sentence.

Al looked long and hard at both pictures of Prairie Flower. He was having a really hard time understanding what he’d just heard.

“I can see why you wanted to see Billy. The whole tribe will be very interested in the update to the story of Prairie Flower”

“What about the land?” asked Liz.

“Who cares about the land? She is a hero to our tribe. I thought for a moment that her reputation was going to be ruined but this just makes it even better. The American Indian Woman in India. That sounds so far fetched it just has to be true.”

Both Liz & Charlie were shaking their heads in disbelief. They did not know what sort of reaction to expect from the story but it was certainly not this one.

“Don’t you take anything seriously?”

“Yes I do. This is a gold mine for us. Think of the publicity for the tribe?”

“No!” said Liz almost shouting.

This got Al’s attention.

“What do you mean?”

“No publicity or we walk out of here this minute. There are people who want to do Liz harm” said Charlie calmly.

“What do you mean?”

“It is a long story that started over a year ago and is far too complicated to tell you now. Lets just say that some of the less salubrious parts of the media have put a price on her head”

Al thought for a moment.

“And you don’t want your past spread over the tabloids?”

“It’s a bit too late for that,” protested Charlie.

“All her past is there on sale at the Supermarket Checkouts. But at the moment, they have no idea where Liz is currently living and we’d like to keep it that way.

“Oh. I see”

“I hope so” replied Charlie in his bet ‘lawyering voice’.

*

By the time they hit the highway just before dusk, they had told their story at least three times. Firstly the went over it with Al once more. They repeated everything to Billy and finally to a meeting of the tribal council plus some other conversations as well.

The last meeting was the most unnerving. Very few of the elders said anything. They just sat there and listened. Most shook their head many times.

At the end of their explanation, Billy said,

“Thank you both. It certainly fills a large number of holes in our history.”

“We hope so too”

One of the elders raised his hand.

“Yes, Running Stream?” said Billy.

“I am having trouble understanding why they have told us this? What is in it for them? As far as I can see, they have lost a lot. The Land and everything else”

There was a general agreement to that question.

Billy smiled.

“Go ahead Liz” he prompted.

“That is a very valid question. What we’d like to have os permission from the tribe to live on that land for as long as we want. To build a home and have enough land to grow some food and have a few horses. Personally, I couldn’t live here knowing that I was not the rightful owner of my own home”

When she finished, Billy addressed the Elders.

“Liz is a very special person and will no doubt be an asset to our community even though she is not a full blood member of this tribe”

“How is she special?” asked one of the elders.

Al answered.

“She is an animal medicine man. She talks to animals”

This caused a lot of conversation amongst the Elders.

After a minute, Billy called the meeting to order.

“Liz, Charlie, could you please wait outside while the matter is discussed by the Tribal Council”

They were surprised at this request but nevertheless, they complied after all, they were their guests.

When they went outside, the sun was setting and there was a distinct chill in the air.

As they were about to go back into the building, they noticed Joe waving at them from his Pick-up.

They went over to see what he wanted.

“I want to apologise for being a complete idiot earlier”

Liz smiled.

“That’s ok Joe. We understand that you are having a few problems. We were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Forget it ok?” said Charlie.

Joe looked at Liz,

“You mentioned your Sister in Law. Is what you said about her true?”

“Yes why?”

“After I left you with the Doctor, I ran into the Chief. I mentioned what you had said. He said that he had met her and found her to be a remarkable woman. I was wondering if she could help me adjust to being like this?”

Liz smiled.

“Joe, I’m sure she would love to help you. When I call her in the morning, I’ll tell her about you if that is ok?”

“That would be great”

“Is there a phone number she could call you on?”

“Yes. Let me write it down for you”

While he was doing that, Liz said,

“She was very much like you are now at one point after her accident. You know, refusing to accept the deal that life has given you. At war with everyone and everything. She did get over it you know. She’s probably a better person now than before… Than when she had legs”

Joe smiled at them and handed Liz a slip of paper with his phone number.

Before they could continue their conversation, Billy came out of the Building and called to them.

“Liz, Charlie, can you come over here?” he called.

As they left Joe in this truck, Liz put her hand on his and said,

“Joe, don’t despair. It does get better. I’m sure that Kat will help you do just that”

Billy was waiting for them at the entrance to the Building.

“Good News. After a lot of discussion, the Council will lease you 200 acres of land on the newly enlarged reservation”

Liz gripped Charlie’s hand tight.

“This is obviously subject to the Bureau of Indian Affairs accepting the documentary evidence of the ownership of the land at the time the Reservation was formally established in 1894”

Liz smiled and shook his hand.

“Thanks Chief. Thanks for being so understanding. We really want to be good neighbours.”

Billy laughed.

*

It was very late in the evening when the pair returned to their winter home. They just fell into bed and slept until nearly Midday. It was the ringing of Liz’s phone that stirred them from their slumbers.

“Hello” said a sleepy Liz into the phone.

“Yes Kat it was a late night. We didn’t get back from the reservation until almost 1am”

“Kat, can I call you back when we’ve had some Coffee?”

“Yeah. Bye”

Liz closed the phone and turned over to face the still dozing Charlie.

She kissed him on the end of his nose and then licked it with her tongue.

This soon had the desired effect.

“Go away. I’m sleeping”

She carried on with the ticking.

“Ok. Ok. I get the message. Was that the phone?”

“Good morning to you my darling.”

“Humph”

“It was Kat. I told her we would call her back when we’ve had some coffee”

Charlie sat up with such a start that they almost banged their heads.

“Well, what are you waiting for?”

“I’m going to get in the shower. You know where the Coffee is, don’t you?”

Before he could protest, she was gone.

After Breakfast was over and Charlie was doing the dishes, Liz called Kat.

“Hi Kat”

“Yes, we’ve had some Coffee”

“We did indeed. Just like my email said”

“Briefly, they did accept everything subject to the usual terms & conditions. I’ll send a full version of yesterday events by email later.”

“Yes. We are very happy at the developments. Charlie wants to get on building the main frameworks”

“Yeah I know we could have said nothing but you know that is not my style.”

Liz smiled at Charlie as she said that.

Liz listened again to Kat.

“That too. We will try to sort something out this week. Charlie is going to speak to his father. He said something about an ‘old boys network’ in New England”

“I’m going to send you an email later about something that you might be able help with.”

“No, its far easier if I just put all the details in the email first”

“Yep ok. Give my best to everyone. Speak to you tomorrow”

Liz folded up the phone.

“That was Kat wanting to know about yesterday”

“I gathered that,” replied Charlie.

“Was I wrong about the frames?”

“No. Not really but we need to source the lumber first. I’m more inclined to use Oak. It is ideal for this type of structure as it shrinks all the dowelled joints tighten up”

Liz waved him away. She had lost him after the word ‘oak’.

“That’s your department my darling”

“What was that about sorting something out this week and my Father?”

“Getting names changed to protect the innocent?”

Charlie laughed at the joke.

“Thanks for reminding me about that. I’ll call him right away”

“Won’t he be on the Golf Course?”

Charlie looked at the clock and shook his head.

“I don’t think so. In the Clubhouse more like besides he will be very pleased to hear from his only Son especially out of earshot of Mom”

Liz smiled.

*

Charlie’s phone call to his father proved very profitable. He was given the name of a Judge in Massachusetts to contact.

Charlie decided not to let things hang around and called the Judge.

“Hello. I’d like to speak with Judge McPhail please”

“Yes. I am aware that this is a Saturday. Please tell him that this is Charles Everett. My father went to school with him”

There was a short wait while whoever answered the phone, went to get the Judge.

“Hello Judge”

“Yes. That is correct. Charles Everett IV. He sends his regards”

“Yes, a few minutes ago”

“Ha-ha. The golf course more like. He has more or less retired.”

“Yes I did. But, not into Criminal Law. I’m a corporate lawyer, or rather I was”

“I’m helping design a house at the moment.”

“Actually I’d like your help. Not about the house but on a personal legal matter”

“My wife & I would like to change our names and have the documents sealed”

“Yes. It is a long story. If you’d ask your wife about the furore at New York

Fashion Week with the designer accused of stealing designs, well, my wife is the journalist who actually wrote the story”

“Yes, the supermarket tabloids did run a story about her being a man”

“Yes it is true”

“We are already in a legal civil partnership under English Law”

Charlie smiled as he listened to the Judge speaking.

“Yes we can. Tuesday or Wednesday if that is ok with you?”

“Fine. I’ll find the address. 15:30 Wednesday in your chambers it is then. Thank you Sir”

He put the phone down with a very please look on his face.

Then he went in search of Liz. He found her upstairs in her ‘sewing’ room.

“Hello darling. What’s up? It can’t be time to get the dinner on already?”

Charlie smiled.

“No. I have some good news. We are going back east. Western Massachusetts to be precise on Tuesday”

“Why?”

“To get our names changed, She’n’She”

Liz smiled.

“Are you ok with me taking that name?”

“Yes. I think I am”

“What about you?”

“I’ll just take your family surname as we discussed”

“What about your dynasty”

Charlie laughed.

“Mom put paid to that when she went against you. Dad agrees with me on that.”

Liz kissed Charlie for a long time when he said that.

*

Tuesday morning arrived and it was raining hard. When they set off to the airport both were strangely silent. This continued for the flights east that took up most of the day. By the time they arrived in Albany, New York well after dark. They picked up the rental car and drove east the some 20-30 miles into Massachusetts and their motel for the night. Both of them were strangely muted as they prepared for bed that night.

As Liz lay in bed staring at the ceiling, Charlie asked,

“Nervous?”

Liz didn’t say anything for several seconds.

“What if the Judge won’t go along with your idea?”

“If I know my Dad, he will have made sure about this before he put it to me.

“What if…”

Charlie decided to shut her up.

He leaned over and kissed her long and hard.

Needless to say, it had the desired effect.

The following morning, the rain seemed to have followed them from Nevada. The roads were awash with water and the spray made driving difficult. They arrived at their destination only 5 minutes before their appointment.

Luckily a parking spot right outside the Courthouse became available right in time for them to drive straight in.

Dead on 10:30am, they presented themselves at the Judge’s office.

Charlie knocked slightly nervously on the door.

If they hadn’t had the appointment with the Judge later that afternoon, they would have left town by lunchtime.

“Enter” came a voice from within.

They duly complied and went inside.

“Welcome to North Adams” said the Judge as they were shown in.

“Well, Charles, you do look a lot like your Father. I told him so only an hour or so ago”

“You spoke with him?” asked Charlie pretending to be surprised.

“Yes. He called last week and reminded me that I owed a ‘C’ note from our last Poker night. He then asked me for a favour in lieu of that debt.”

Then he stopped.

“Please, sit down and take a load”

Liz & Charlie sat down and waited for the Judge.

“We had a long talk about a number of things. He told me about your little escapade in the fashion world. He gave me a link to the press conference you were at on this ‘U-Tube’ thingy.”

“I watched it and some of the other coverage last night. I’d throw the book at him if he came up before me… He’s as guilty as sin”

Both of them started to relax. The Judge was on their side.

“So, here you are today so I guess you are for real. I did talk to my wife about the events in New York but out here we are kinda off the beaten track so to speak. So I did a little more searching and I have to say to you both, that was one helluva job you did there. I can certainly understand the interest the tabloids have in you my dear. I hope you don’t mind me calling you that?”

Liz shook her head.

“Good. Your father tells me that Liz here is British and is working here on a green card. Is that correct?”

“Yes Why?” answered Liz.

“Well, we can’t have you at risk of being thrown out of the country by the INS can we?”

“What do you propose? I haven’t taken the classes needed to be eligible for US Citizenship”

The Judge smiled.

“You are if I marry you”

“I’m afraid I don’t understand. We are married. We did it in England” protested Liz.

“Ah but that ceremony that is not recognized by the USCIS as being eligible for citizenship. If I were to marry you then you can apply to become a US Citizen by marriage after three years. But you will have to apply for a new green card after your marriage. I think you will be fine with Charlie at your side.

“Will you do that? I mean marry us?”

“Yes I will. If I wasn’t prepared to do that we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

Liz took hold of Charlie’s hand and squeezed it. As she did so, she made a mental node to ‘kill’ him that night for not really coming clean with her.

“There is a proper way to do this. Firstly, Liz, we should change your name. Then I marry the pair of you. Then Charlie, you change your name. The two changes of name I’ll keep sealed. It would look a bit odd if two people with the same surname got married. This might be the country but this is certainly not Redneck country where 1^st cousins marry 1^st cousins. Doing it this way things shouldn’t attract any undue attention”

“Thank you Judge. This is fantastic,” said Charlie.

He smiled.

“Think of it as my repaying your Father for helping me out more than once at Law School and being a good adversary at the Poker Table over the years”

“I don’t know about that?”

“Get him to tell you sometime but make sure he has had a few drinks first”

Everyone seemed happy.

“So how do we go about this?” asked Liz.

“We can do the first part today. I’ve reserved a slot in my calendar for you for tomorrow morning to get you two hitched. Then over lunch, I’ll finish the whole thing off. Is that ok?”

Charlie looked a bit sad.

“What’s wrong son?”

“We were hoping we’d have enough time to find someone around here who could supply us with the lumber for our new home. But I hadn’t realised that the Lumber Industry is all but extinct hereabouts.”

The Judge smiled.

“I might know someone who could help you out with the Lumber and even build it for you. God knows, the people around here could do with the work”

“It’s not what you might call a conventional house” said Charlie.

The Judge waved his hand to dismiss him.

“No matter. I’ll make some calls when we are done here and in the morning, you can meet the man I had in mind and make your own mind up. Ok?”

Charlie nodded his agreement.

“Good. Now, I have filled out some of the details for your change of name my dear from what Charles’s father told me. What do you want to call yourself?”

Liz smiled and looked at Charlie.

“She-n-she Elizabeth Hardcastle”

“That is a name I have never heard of before. Can you spell it?”

“It is sort of my Indian, sorry Native American name. It means ‘she who is not she’”

The Judge chuckled as Liz spelt it out.

“Very well. Do you have your passport or birth certificate & green card documents”?

“I have my passport and my green card if that is ok?”

“That is fine”

She gave them to the Judge.

He filled in a few more details and then passed the form back to Liz.

“If you’d like to sign in the boxes at the bottom with your old and new names, I’ll stamp it”

She signed the document and passed it back to the Judge.

He put his signature and official stamp on the document.

He did the same with another copy and handed that to Liz.

“I now pronounce you officially She-n-she Elizabeth Hardcastle”

“Thank you Judge” said Liz.

“What do we owe you for all this Judge?” asked Charlie.

He smiled.

“Just the $60.00 for the marriage fee tomorrow. The rest is all covered by an I.O.U. that your father has of mine. He says to tell you that it is a second wedding present from him to you”

Just before they were about to stand up, Charlie asked,

“Judge, are you going to marry us as if Liz was a proper woman? I know that some of the Judiciary in this state don’t like the passing of the law that allowed it”

“Yes I am not one of them but don’t tell anyone.’

He laughed.

They looked surprised.

“Folk hereabouts are conservative with a BIG C. As I’m retiring at the end of my term then I don’t really care. However, I do have to live here after I retire and people here have very long memories. So I have to be somewhat careful. If we do it my way then it will not appear abnormal in any way”

Charlie stood up and shook the Judge’s hand.

“Thank you Sir. You don’t know how much this means to both of us”

He smiled.

“I’d like to invite you both to dinner tonight if you aren’t doing anything special?”

They looked at each other and smiled.

“Judge we’d love to do accept. We don’t have any formal clothes though”

He laughed.

“Come as you are. That’s not a problem. We don’t stand on ceremony out here not like you folks in the big apple.”

The first part of the operation was soon completed and the Judge bade them farewell until that evening.

Right on time at 7pm, Charlie pulled up in front of the Judge’s home. Slightly nervously, they held hands as they walked up the short path to the house.

Charlie ran the bell.

A few seconds later, the door opened. It was the Judge holding a bottle of beer in one hand.

“Hello again. Please come on in. We don’t stand on ceremony outside the Court building”

“Thank you Judge.

“Enough of the Judge for today. Call me Rik, short for Richard. Please go on through, there is someone there I want you to meet”

He closed the door behind them and followed them into the Lounge.

Standing looking at them was Charlie’s father.

“Hello you two! I know this is slightly premature Liz or should I say ‘She-n-she’, but welcome to the family.”

[Continued in part 17]