Funny Business - Chapter 7, A Plan is Born

by

Samantha Michelle Davies (SamamthaMD)

The couple arrived back in New York in good spirits. They met up with Jake at the house in Southampton and briefed him on the work done so far. He gave them the thumbs up and asked them to put the whole thing into some sort of order. This seemingly simple job took them two whole weeks. They were both surprised on the amount of evidence they had collected all over Europe.

Then before either of them had realised, it was Christmas.

After a lot of arm-twisting from his Mother, Charlie went up to Maine to spend the holidays with his parents. Liz was unable to get a flight to London for ‘love nor money’ so Liz had to spend the holidays alone once again.

Determined not to mope around, she occupied her time cooking and cleaning.

Liz sat down to a nice meal on Christmas Day which was to be followed by an afternoon watching a couple of ‘Chick Flick’ DVD’s that were her Christmas present to herself.

It was just getting dark when her Phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Hello darling”

It was Charles.

“Happy Christmas to you darling”

“No. I didn’t get your present” she said in a rather sad voice.

“I’m glad you liked mine. It took a lot of effort to find something just right”

“Yes. Kat called earlier. They send their best wishes”

“I miss you. Goodnight. Happy Christmas”

She closed the phone and sat sobbing in the gathering gloom.

*

Liz cried herself to sleep that night. Being alone without Charles by her side after these past months together was proving very difficult. She knew that he would be with his family in Maine until the 2^nd January. There would be more nights like the last.

The feeling of loneliness came back that evening. Liz was just about to go to bed when her phone rang.

It was Charles.

“Hi Charles” she said with a big sigh in her voice.

“Would you like to go and open your front door”?

“Why? It’s just after 10pm?”

“To let me in silly”

Liz threw the phone down and literally ran to the door.

There was Charles standing there with a huge present in his hands.

He didn’t have much time to give it to her as she was all over him. Kissing almost every part of his body that she could reach.

Neither of them got much sleep that night. When they eventually did fall asleep, the bedroom and much of the house looked as if a Tornado had ripped its way through it room by room.

Liz was cooking breakfast when Charlie surfaced.

“Afternoon sleepyhead”

“Is it that time already?”

“Nearly”

“Who cares? I certainly don’t”

“Good. Then you will have time to eat this”

Liz put a plate of Ham, Eggs and Hash Browns in front of him.

“What’s all this?”

“Brunch. Well, sort of”

“Thanks but you know me & breakfast. I don’t”

“This is a fine thank you for all my trouble. Besides, you ate good breakfasts at Bill’s didn’t you?”

“Ok. But I’ll have to work it off later”

“Didn’t you have enough of a work out last night?”

He grinned back at her.

“Ok. I’ll stop complaining. You win”

“Good. Now tuck in. Next time I’ll do some proper potatoes. The excuses you have for them over here are really appalling”

“Suddenly you are a food expert?”

“Not really, but I did win 1^st prize at the Village Flower & Produce show five years in a row for best Potatoes”

“How old were you when you first won?”

She thought for a second.

“I think I was Seven or Eight” said a beaming Liz.

Charlie finished his Brunch and together they did the dishes.

“When are you going to get around to actually giving me my pressie”?

“Go and get dressed. Put on that tight short skirt you bought in Paris.”

“I’m impressed that you even noticed that I had. Weren’t you chatting up that shop assistant at the time?”

“Well I did ok? And I wasn’t chatting her up. She was coming onto me ”

Liz did as she was told and half an hour later, she walked into the Lounge.

“Here I am as ordered Master”

Charlie stood up and picked up the package he arrived with the previous night.

“This is for you. I thought it would go with that skirt which if I maybe be permitted to say, looks pretty good on you”

“I bet you say that to all the girls”

Charlie laughed.

“Only one I promise”

“Ok. I believe you”

She unwrapped the package.

Inside a cardboard box was a pair of black leather high-heeled boots.

“Oh. They’re lovely”

“Aren’t you going to put them on for me”?

“Patience. Patience.”

She smiled and kissed him on his nose.

“I’ll be back in a few minutes. Don’t go anywhere. Ok?”

“I’ll be here”

Liz almost ran to her bedroom and hurriedly stripped off her skirt & knickers. The she rummaged through her knickers drawer for a suspender belt. She put in on and then carefully put on a pair of black 15 denier stockings. Then she dabbed a little perfume around her vagina before slipping the skirt on once more.

Then calmly, she walked back into the lounge.

“I thought these might work better if you want me to be tarty?”

Charlie didn’t say anything. The bulge in his pants did all the talking for him.

“I can see you approve. Just get this straight buster, all this is for your eyes-only ok. There is no way I’m wearing this getup outside”

“That’s fine by me”

“Good. Then you can put the boots on for me”

As Charlie lovingly put them on and kissing the soft leather as he did so, she realised that he was a secret ‘boot lover’. This might get interesting.

“They are a bit high but I’m sure if you ask me kindly I’ll wear them enough to get used to them”, said Liz tottering slightly in the 6in heels.

“Do I have to ask?”

“Yes. You bought them for me. Why shouldn’t you?”

Charlie didn’t answer. He kissed Liz who was now the same height as him.

Then she led him into the bedroom, her heels sounding magnificent on the wooden flooring.

*

Much later, they lay in bed cuddled together.

“I’m hungry,” said Liz

“I take it you want to be taken out to dinner”

“Yes Please”

“As long as you wear the boots”

“With a more appropriate skirt though”

“And some knickers”

Liz laughed.

“Well, what are you waiting for, go run me a bath. I’m a rather sticky in a few places.”

Sometime later over dinner Liz asked,

“What excuse did you give your Family for deserting them?”

“I said I had a date”, grinned Charles.

“Well that part is true. Didn’t they ask who and what family your date was from?”

“Mother started to but my father said, ‘Leave the chap alone. He is old enough to date whoever he wants. I don’t care but whoever it is, from what I’ve seen, she is certainly making him happy’”

“So he came to your rescue then?”

“For the time being”

Then Charlie looked at Liz seriously.

“On the journey up to Maine, I did some thinking. Thinking about us”

Liz was dreading this moment. She had been there before. Before, it all fell apart.

“I want us to get married and leave here completely. Start somewhere new. To hell with my family and their poncy stuck up country club ideals. ”

The beaming smile on her face told him everything he wanted to know.

“Being with Bill & Kat really opened my eyes about so very many things. They are a fantastic couple. I told my parents about all about them and out visit. They didn’t believe a word, well Mom didn’t but most times Dad does what she says. Anyway, on Christmas day, Dad said that he’d done some checking and found that I wasn’t telling any fibs or exaggerations. He started to treat very differently to me after that.”

He continued.

“On Christmas night, I lay there thinking that if I introduced you to them Dad would do the same checking. You were right. It wouldn’t do us any good. So the only way out is for me to break with them completely”

“Oh Charlie. That is so wonderful but how can I ask you to do that. They are your flesh and blood”

“I know. I know all that. But meeting Bill & Kat and how welcome they made me really struck home. There were no airs & graces. Just down to earth people getting on with their lives. Ok they have a Butler. But I’m sure you will agree that Perkins is really more like a member of the family rather than just a servant. You are part of that family whether you like it or not. I’d very much like to be part of it as well. You really don’t know how much impact that frankly crazy English pair has made on me. I can see their impact in you. In your outlook on life, none of you overtly court publicity. If my parents were in their shoes, things would be so different”

“Isn’t Bill a helluva lot wealthier than your family? Surely that makes a difference?”

Charlie shook his head.

“Dad sold his share in the law firm some 10 years ago for $25 million. But yes, he’s not in Bills league but I couldn’t help but remember what you said about old money and new money and my generation. That really struck a chord over the holidays. You were so right. To the likes of Bill & Kat, getting more and more money is not the be-all and end-all of life.”

“So what happens next?” asked Liz somewhat bewildered by the past few minutes.

“Well, we must finish the job. If we are still on speaking terms at the end of it all, then I’d like very much to marry you. Then we can quit our jobs and go find ourselves somewhere. Start a new life together and on our own terms.”

“What would we live on when just gone and quit our jobs?”

“My trust fund has enough for a few years at least. Then? Well we’ll just have to see won’t we?”

Liz sealed the deal with a long kiss. It was so long that several of the diners at adjacent tables gave them a little round of applause when they broke it off.

*

They got back down to work on the 2^nd January after seeing the New Year in on he Beach out beyond Montauk under the stars.

Jake came over the following day for a formal presentation of their findings so far.

“Is it enough? Will it stick?” were his words at the end of the presentation.

“Here’s where I’m afraid, we do disagree,” said Liz.

“I don’t think there is. Charlie thinks opposite”

Jake thought for a moment or two.

“My first reaction is to side with Charlie. But knowing Liz, I think you have a plan that will make doubly sure”

Liz grinned.

“Yes. As a matter of fact, I do have a plan. It will involve quite a few favours being called in but I think it will work”

Liz looked at them.

“I really don’t want to know the gory details. Just keep me informed ok.” Said Jake.

Then he smiled at them.

“And for god’s sake don’t get yourselves in trouble. By all accounts there are more than a few unsavoury characters involved here”.

They both readily agreed.

“Now about you two. I take it you are an item now?”

Their smiles told him that his guess was true.

“Then I take it then Liz that when this is over you won’t be coming back to work?”

“I very much doubt it”

“I am sad naturally but I think you two will make a good couple”

He looked sheepish for a while.

“I have a bit of a confession to make. I was the one who suggested the two of you for this. I thought you might get along together and it turns out you have”

“It hasn’t been all plain sailing you know?” complained Liz

“That was to be expected. I know all about the incident with the tickets. But from what I’ve seen today, that is long forgotten. Just one thing though?”

“What?”

“Just remember to invite me to the wedding. Ok?”

“We will. That you can be sure of”

*

In the middle of January, they flew back to London and landed in the middle of a blizzard. Naturally, the whole country came to a virtual standstill but somehow they made it to Bill’s Flat not far from Victoria Station before later afternoon.

“I’m glad we arranged to borrow this place from Bill. My guess is that most of the hotels are pretty full”, said Charlie as he started to unpack his case.

“Luck. Pure luck but it’s not a bad place is it?”

“Who pays for this place? The taxpayer I’ll wager?”

Liz laughed.

“Nope. In the Lords, the Peer only get expenses for the days they attend. From my memory, he owns the whole block. All part of the family property portfolio. Nowhere near as big as the Duke of Westminster though but sizeable”

“What does this Duke chap own?”

“Only the freehold to about half of Mayfair amongst other places. They’ve owned it for centuries”

“Old money?”

“Very Much. Dates back to the 16^th or 17^th Century if not before.”

“What do you want to do today?”, asked Charlie a bit later.

“Go and have a snowball fight in St James’s Park”, came the reply.

“Ask a silly question” he sighed.

“Not a silly question or and answer. Get your coat. It is just what we need after sitting in a flying tube for 8 hours.”

Two hours later, they sat down to a pub lunch in St James’s tired out. Not from the flight or the stress of getting into Central London but from the exercise they had taking part in a mass snowball fight in the park. They both had rosy glows on their cheeks.

“I’m ready for this”, said Bill downing most of a pint of London Pride in one go.

Liz smiled.

“Are you developing a taste for English Beer by any chance?”

“I think I am. It certainly has a lot more body than most American beers.”

Liz laughed and chalked another one up for her side of the Atlantic.

“You are becoming a bit of an Anglophile aren’t you?”

Charlie smiled.

“I have a good teacher so why what’s so wrong with that?”

“Have you thought about where we should live when this is all over”?

“I can’t help noticing your increasingly liberal use of the word ‘we’” said Charlie just after he’d finished the pint and licked the froth off his top lip..

Without waiting for an answer, he disappeared back to the bar for refills.

“As I was saying…”

“Yes. Am I that obvious?”

“Yes. That aside, I have given the matter some thought. My guess is that you’d like to live in this sometimes Green & Pleasant Land?”

“That’s the bit I’m having a problem with. Part of me says, stay near to what you know. Part of me says go somewhere exotic”

“Exotic? Like a beach cottage in Brazil?”

They laughed at that suggestion as one of Liz’s fellow journalists was going there on their honeymoon.

“Almost but not quite”

“Where then?”

“How about the middle of Australia?”

“What will all those sheep?”

Liz laughed.

“They speak a form of English. The beer’s crap, well not like this brew that is for sure.”

“How about a Scottish Island? The same can apply there really”

“Don’t you say that too loudly”?

“What do you mean?”

“About the beer being crap. Half the Barmen in London hail from Austrailia.”

They both laughed and toasted each other.

Just then their pub lunch arrived. After lunch, they walked back through the park where the remnants of the snowball fight was still continuing, to the flat. It wasn’t long after dark when the jet lag kicked in and they retired for the night.

The following day they were feeling much refreshed. In late morning they headed for the College where Liz had studied some years before. They had an appointment with the Dean.

“Dr Jenkins. Please to meet you”, said Liz as they were shown into his office.

“This is my colleague, Charles Everett”

“Please sit down. My secretary tells me that you were once a student here?”

“Yes. Some 5 years ago. I didn’t finish my course though. I had a medical problem during my final year”

“Do you want to come back and do it again then?”

“Not really. As I said on the phone, I am working for an American Fashion Magazine. Charles is one of the Lawyers for the Magazine”

Dr Jenkins’s face dropped.

“A Lawyer eh? That sounds like trouble? Has one of our current crop of students done something that is going to embarrass the College?”

Liz smiled.

“Not at all. This is about something totally different.”

There was a slight pause.

“We believe that a leading US Fashion Designer is copying, plagiarising, stealing or whatever you like to call it the works of students who fail to make the grade in places like this”

Dr Jenkins looked puzzled.

“I don’t quite understand what exactly you are saying”

“Take me for example. I dropped out in my final year. Let us suppose that I had done all the work for my final collection. Drawings, the manufacture, everything. Then I mess up the exams, got pregnant or whatever, I don’t get a degree and I don’t get a job in the fashion industry. Then purely, for arguments sake, I go back to working in a bar. Clear so far?”

“Yes I think so”

“Good. Then some six months later, the designs that I so carefully worked on all those months suddenly appear on a Catwalk in New York. The ‘designer’ who is putting on the show takes all credit for the designs. What would you say then?”

“That someone somewhere has to put in bluntly, ripped you off”

Liz smiled.

“That is exactly what I’m on about”

“Are we talking about your designs here?”

“Not exactly”

Liz nudged Charles on the arm. It was his turn to speak.

“We have collected evidence that this designer has as you so eloquently put it, ripped off at least 9 people all around Europe in this way. So far, we can find no evidence of anyone from this establishment being robbed in this way”

“Ok. I think I get all that. They why are you here?”

“To put it bluntly Dr Jenkins, we are going to set a trap and for that we need your help”, said Charles quite confidently.

He sat and thought for a while.

“Even if I could swing this with the board, how could I get a student here to risk this”

“We’d prefer that as few people as possible were in on the operation but that is your call,” said Charles.

He continued.

“All we need is, and with their permission naturally and help is to use the name of a student who has dropped out in their final year. We would use the work Liz did on her collection as the bait. The key is that the Student is Totally Genuine. Then if any work was stolen it wouldn’t be anything to do with any of your current students. Naturally, the student would be paid for their assistance”

“On the other hand” said Dr Jenkins,

“This could be just an elaborate ploy for Liz to get her work seen”

Liz grinned.

“We have thought of that Dr Jenkins. We have brought just a little of the evidence we have gathered for you to review here & now. That, we hope will convince you that this is not a trick on out part”

“In that case, please show me what you have got.”

Half an hour later, Dr Jenkins was totally convinced.

“That is quite convincing. Why don’t you use that? Surely that is adequate enough proof?”

“It is all pretty circumstantial. This final part of the jigsaw will catch them in the act so to speak. Naturally, they might not take the bait from here and use work from some other unfortunate student but this is a risk we are willing to take”

Dr Jenkins thought carefully.

“I need to talk to a few people before I can make a decision. Give me a few days and I’ll let you know if we are willing to help you out. Is that fair enough?”

“Certainly Dr Jenkins. A few days it is then. We are here in London for the rest of the week.”

With that the meeting broke up.

Once outside, Charlie said anxiously,

“Why didn’t you tell them about Bill?”

“I thought it better that he finds out for himself. There is nothing worse than being forced into making a decision”

“Granted but what will Bill say about you?”

“Why don’t you ask him? He should be at the flat by now. He is down for sitting tomorrow?”

“You had all this planned didn’t you?”

Liz grinned.

“Not all of it. I was going to mention Bill in the meeting but I thought better of it half way through. Besides, I haven’t spoken with either of them in detail about this.”

Charlie stood there feeling that he’d been out manoeuvred yet again.

Bill wasn’t there when they got back to his flat but arrived a few hours later.

Liz explained the meeting at the college to him and then the full details of what they proposed.

“Charlie, you should be proud of Liz and her ‘cunning plan’”

Both Bill & Liz saw the joke but Charlie missed it completely.

Even after an explanation, he failed to get it all.

That evening the three of them watched several episodes of the BBC show ‘Blackadder’ while eating Pizza and drinking beer. At the end of the evening, Charlie said,

“Ok, so this Baldric guy has all these ideas that are doomed to failure. So why is it funny in our context?”

Liz piped up,

“Because my darling, it is purely British Humour. It means the total opposite to what it means in the TV Show”

“Can I bang my head against the wall now?” joked Charlie.

“That’s one bit of humour he gets then?” joked Bill.

Bill agreed to go along with the plan so everyone went to bed happy.

As they lay in bed, Charlie said to Liz,

“Will I ever understand you?”

“Nope”

“Good. Now give me a kiss”

[Continued in Part 8]