It’s always horrible when someone dies, unless they’re really old and wanting to go, or have some dreadful terminal disease. When it’s a child, it’s awful because everyone feels cheated for the deceased, as if it’s potential has not been fulfilled. I feel truly sad for anyone who loses a child, it must be the most dreadful thing which can happen to most of us.

“What’s the matter, Mummy?” asked Trish.

“Nothing, darling, why?”

“You look very sad and your eyes are red.” This child would be mothering me in a couple of weeks given her current development rate.

“I’m very tired, where’s Mima?”

“It’s her turn to put the dolls away.”

“Oh, so are you going to polish Grampa Tom’s desk?”

“After tea, if that’s okay?”

“Yes, are you going to help me make it?”

“Oh, yes please, Mummy.” I gave her a quick hug and we went to the kitchen. The chicken was almost cooked, so I turned it down low and quickly did some potatoes and carrots, and decided to use some frozen peas to add some colour.

Trish helped me scrub the carrots, which I chopped and boiled with the potatoes. The meal I’d planned was not the one we were going to eat, but it would still be nutritious and tasty.

Mima came out to see where we were. She became jealous as soon as she saw Trish with me. “I wanna hewp, too.”

“Okay, Mima, can you get me the peas from the freezer.” She struggled with the door of the freezer, and Trish was going to help her until I stopped her. She pulled out various drawers and, packs from the drawers, until she hit on the correct one. Trish was laughing at her, so she threw the pack of peas on the floor and ran off crying. I really didn’t need a hissy fit tonight.

“Trish, please don’t laugh at her when she’s trying her best.”

“But she didn’t know what a pea was?”

“Which was part of the reason I asked her to find them, she will next time.”

“But I could have got them in half the time, Mummy.”

“I know that, that’s why I asked Mima to do it. She would learn something from it, you wouldn’t, except perhaps it’s unkind to laugh at her because she didn’t know something. If people laughed at you when you were trying your best, would you like it?”

“No, Mummy.” She looked as if she was going to burst into tears. Then I’d have two to console. Not my day. I went in search of Mima, who was hiding behind the sofa in the lounge. I did manage to calm her down with a cuddle and by making Trish apologise. Then she was crying, so she got a cuddle. I swore if Stella burst into tears, I was leaving home.

We had dinner and the girls helped me clear up afterwards. It seemed easier to eat in the kitchen, so that’s what we did. Stella grumbled, but agreed it was warmer there, with the Aga. She went back to bed after eating, no wonder she got indigestion.

When I was reading the girls a story, Trish asked, “I wonder if that boy is better?”

“Which boy?”

“The one who crashed into the tree.” I had to make a split second decision, do I risk upsetting them at bed time or tell a porkie? I chose the path of truth and its consequences.

“No he isn’t.”

“How do you know, Mummy?” This kid was going to be a barrister.

“The policeman told me.”

“Oh, is he very ill?”

“Not any more, sweetheart,” here comes the punchline.

“So he’s better?”

“No, sweetheart, he died.”

“Like my granny?”

“I don’t know about your grandmother, Trish, but according to the police, his head injury was very bad. Because we saw it happen, they asked me to tell them what I saw.”

“We seed it too,” asserted Mima.

“I know, darling, but only Mummy had to give a report.”

“What is died?” asked Mima. It was the sixty four dollar question. Now, how to tell her in words she might understand without upsetting her.

“It means, um, he’s….”

“Dead,” offered Trish.

“People who lived many years ago are dead. All of us will die one day, sadly some will do so before they get old. Most people who die are either very old or very sick. Sometimes younger people have accidents, like that unfortunate boy and die.”

“Is I gonna die, Mummy?”

“Not for a very long time, Mima, so don’t worry about it.

“Unless you bash your head like that boy did, ker-splatt.”

“Trish, please, I think I’ll read you another quick story and then you must go to sleep, I have work to do. Once upon a time, in a village a long long way from here…”

I hope I’d got off lightly, although nightmares could still happen. I’d remembered Tom’s list and called his mobile number. He was still awake reading New Scientist, did I want him to keep it for me?

I brought him up to date, he knew the field well. There was a sledge in one of the garages. I told him it could stay there, after what I’d seen that day, if I never saw another one, it would be too soon. I told him about the list and washing it. He laughed and told me he’d already spoken with Pippa. Then I hope he was joking when he said, “She’s got two kids and she copes, how come you can’t?”

“She hasn’t got a grandparent in hospital and a partner in London.”

“So, she still copes.”

“Okay, she’s not an academic. Remember, those who can do, those who can’t–teach.”

“What are you implying? Remember, I’m a teacher too.”

“If the mortar board fits, wear it.”

“Your sarcasm is improving.”

“Yeah, I noticed it happens under provocation. When are you coming home?”

“I hope sometime after Monday, that’s when the consultant comes around again.”

“Okay, let me know when you know. If the snow clears a bit, I’ll try and get in to see you.”

“Don’t you dare, it’s much too dangerous.”

“I’ll drive with care, Daddy.”

“You have two babies to look after, you stay with them, oh and give them my love.”

“I will. It might thaw tonight.”

“Not according to the forecast, it’s supposed to freeze hard. You stay home and keep warm.”

“Under protest, I miss you, Daddy.”

“I miss you too, darling daughter. I wish I’d been there to comfort you after the police visit.”

“Yeah, me too. I tried to explain to Mima that the boy had died. I don’t for one minute believe she understood the concept at all. Trish did, she’s too clever by half.”

“Aye, you’ll have to watch her, when she grows up a bit, she could be quite a handful and really push your boundaries.”

“Yeah, I have no doubt of that, she’s started already. I obviously need an experienced parent to advise me.”

“You need a teacher do you?”

“No, I need some one who can do it, not talk about it.” I could almost hear him groan.

“Awa’ tae yer bed, ye scunner.”

“Aye, Dr Findlay,” I replied in as phoney a Scots accent as I could. He laughed at the other end and the line went dead.