Simon had finished showering before I got both Mima and me dressed. He strolled into the bedroom with a towel around his waist and humming the music of ‘The Stripper’. I should have known he was winding me up, but I fell for it. Standing straight in front of both of us, he whipped off the towel and I jumped in front of Mima. He was of course wearing underpants and I realised I’d been had.

I mimed to him, that he had been born out of wedlock. He laughed, making a shocked face. “Language, Darling,” he said as I glared back at him. Mima, who was blissfully unaware of what was going on, laughed as well. What was it the poet, Thomas Gray, said? Where ignorance is bliss–‘tis folly to be wise. If you disagree ask Adam and Eve.

“Get dressed, Darling, before it catches cold and falls off,” I said to him.

“Ha ha, very funny,” he said and Mima giggled. She was laughing at us laughing, and we in turn were laughing at her laughter.

“Come on, Meems, we’ll leave King Kong to get himself dressed, you need some breakfast.” I took her hand and she came out with me, flirting with Simon as she went through the door. I needed to have a serious talk with my foster child, or she was going to be in trouble before she got to nursery school. I had no desire to be the worlds’ youngest granny.

Because Simon would be taking her out a little later, I’d dressed her in a dress, with tights and her little canvas and sheepskin boots. She had a nice warm coat, in matching pink, and I knew we had mittens and a hat and scarf set.

I made her some cereal and was making toast when Stella came down. “Oh is that toast, I am famished.” Mima was still munching on her rice crispies so I gave the first lot of toast to Stella. Simon claimed the next lot and I put in a third pair of slices of wholemeal bread, insistent that this was for Mima and me.

“Oh, can I have another slice, Babes?” he said stuffing half a slice into his gob.

I put some more bread in the machine, “When it’s done, yes, this is for Mima and me.”

“I could do with some more, too,” said Stella.

I smiled and taking the two slices I’d just taken from the toaster, buttered them and after spreading Marmite on one slice, cut it into soldiers and gave it to Mima. I ate mine with just the butter, I can’t stand the smell of Marmite, let alone the taste, but it’s full of B vitamins and Mima seems to think it’s okay.

“Marmite–wow, I haven’t had that since I was in school,” said Stella, “do me some will you, Cathy?”

“No, get your bloody own,” I said and marched out of the kitchen. At times Stella’s laziness just got my goat and I had to withdraw or say something nasty.

I had taken my toast with me and was eating it in the dining room.

“I think we all know what she didn’t get last night, eh, Simon?” Stella teased her brother. “Still you did have the world’s largest contraceptive in the room didn’t you.”

“Wassa con-septic, Annie Stewwa?”

“Something you don’t need to know about just yet, sweety-pie.”

“Why not, Annie Stewwa?”

“Ask your Mummy, she’s the expert.”

I could hear this quite clearly from the dining room and nearly choked at Stella’s remark. She will have to learn that you don’t tell kids lies and half truths, because they come back to haunt you. At the same time, I wasn’t going to have her setting me up.

“I think you mean anti-coital rather than contraceptive, if you recall, I don’t need the latter.” I left my plate in the sink and picked Mima out of her high chair and wiped her face and hands. She’d eaten all her breakfast, so I praised her and then gave her half a banana. She ran over to Simon and rubbed half of it on his trousers. The day was getting better.

Stella decided to go out with the boys and Mima, so I went shopping on my own. That was fine with me, it was escape from childcare for a few hours, athough I spent much of the time either food shopping or buying clothes for my foster kid.

I did see a pair of black courts I fancied, and of course had to have. They were reduced in one of the pre-Christmas, January sales. Life becomes increasingly confusing. I couldn’t get near Woolworths, who it appears are in big financial trouble, and was full of bargain hunters.

The main shopping area was heaving with crowds and I found the press so uncomfortable, that I went back to the car and drove off to a supermarket. Here, I bought all the stuff on my list, plus quite a bit more. I got home about twelve forty five and immediately was met with demands for lunch.

I of course exploded and was about to fling a box of eggs at Simon, when Tom intervened. “Calm down, woman, he’s just booked a table at the pub, he’s only winding you up.”

“Why does he keep doing this? He knows I don’t like it.” I was close to tears.

“I don’t know, Luv,” he said giving me a hug, “It’s a boy thing, they like to tease girls, and remember he does have a sister who does the same to him.

“I know I shouldn’t take the bait, but I’m just so tired all the time. Looking after a three year old is hard work, especially on top of mothering Stella, as well. She is driving me nuts, she treats me like the bloody maid, then the next moment she asking me to look after her dumb offspring, too.”

“How do you know it will be dumb?”

“A percentage bet based on what I know of her family so far.”

“Cathy, you are marrying one of that family….”

“Maybe, maybe not.”

“What? Don’t you think you should talk this over with Simon, before making statements like that?”

“I’ll see, right now, I feel like getting on my bike and riding off into the sunset.”

“If you did, who would look after your charge?”

“Why do you think I don’t actually do it?”

“It did cross my mind. She was very well behaved, although we had to change her tights when she fell over and got some mud on them.”

“I hope that was all that got muddy.”

“It was, Stella has washed them out and she replaced them with a white pair.”

“Where is Jemima?”

“With Simon, feeding Kiki.”

“Where?”

“In the conservatory, or they may be out in the garden now.”

“I thought you fed her later than this?”

“I do normally, but Simon wanted to feed her with Mima.”

“I keep telling him that children contain too many chemicals and will ruin the dog’s digestive system.”

“Okay, so I didn’t say that very grammatically, but you knew what I meant.”

“So are we all going to the pub?”

“Oh yes, Simon’s treat.”

“I’ll just go and freshen up, better have a quick look at Mima while I’m at it.” I’d just finished putting the shopping away and then found my ‘charge’ as Tom described her, in the conservatory. I took her upstairs with me. She was so excited after being down the park with the others, including Kiki, that I couldn’t do much with her. Her clothes were quite clean, so I wiped her face and hands in a flannel, redid my makeup and a squirt of perfume and we were ready for lunch.

My car was the only one with the child seat, so guess who got to drive? I suppose it wasn’t too bad, and everyone seemed to squeeze in quite comfortably in the Mondeo. I pulled into the car park of the Pig and Whistle, and Mima was fast asleep in her car seat. The excitement seemed to have been a bit too much.

Simon lifted her out and we put her in her pushchair, covered her over and went into the restaurant. She slept right through the meal and back in the car, until we got home. I ended up doing her a boiled egg and toast soldiers followed by a piece of fruit.

Apart from getting egg down her dress–the shortcomings of her bib–she wasn’t much trouble, but the extra responsibility weighed heavily at times, and mostly on me. I felt really sorry for single parent mums, who I’d previously slagged off as spongers. I now knew many of them worked pretty hard just looking after their children.