Previously: “It would be about time; I’ve been hoping to have you, Jamie, as my best friend.” I didn’t mean to cry, once I started and couldn’t stop. Marcy speaks, “I’ve been waiting for you to break down; I only wish I were there to comfort you.” Monica and Laurie step around me and Monica speaks into the phone, “We’re here and we are happy to fill in for you. We are glad to affirm; people will be there for her…”

Now: When we were alone again, I asked, “My mother said you prayed for your mother to be healed years ago of cancer. Would you be willing to pray for me to become a girl?”

I heard Laura gasp, I pause and said, “I thought not, it was a stupid request.”

Laura looks to Monica and then to me, “It is not a stupid request, no serious request is stupid. I’ll tell you what I told my mother, one, we prayed numerous times during her recovery. I told her it is not like I have a special power. God will decide to heal or not, or how. If God worked through me, we’ll never know.”

She pauses and then I see a smirk cross her face. “My mother had cervical cancer; we weren’t afraid to put my hands near it. I’m not comfortable doing the same with you. Plus, it isn’t an illness in the classical form.”

Monica says, “Why don’t you put your hand inside of her thigh? That may be close enough and you said an area often warms up if something is happening.

We went to Monica’s room for privacy, and no one we passed asked any questions. Laura asks me, “Focus your faith” and she places her hand inside my thigh, having pushed up the hem of my skirt a little. She began by praising God and calling Jesus a ‘great physician’. It wasn’t one of her shortest or longest prayers, but I can tell she was serious in her asking. I couldn’t tell if I was getting warmer because of her hand and where or if it was the prayer. Monica prayed too. I could feel myself getting warmer, but I didn’t feel anything change. Before she finished praying, she said, “Yes God…”

I said, “Thanks, God.” I too felt sure that God was open to my request.

When the prayer was finished, Laura asked, “Monica, please go ask Aunt Carol to come here and please come back.”

Both my mom and my father came into the room as well as Monica. Laura first asked my mother, “Aunt Carol does Uncle Matt know about my mother’s healing from cancer?”

Mom says, “Yes, he in some ways has a stronger faith than me. My belief was mostly as a sister wanting to believe at first. Why do you ask?”

“I think God wants to heal Jamie, but I believe it will need to be in the more traditional way of using today’s procedures. God is ready to heal her spirit and give her patience.”

I felt mildly warm and comforted when Laura prayed for my healing. I am not the most religious person but I am a believer. I had a strange feeling of God’s presence during the prayer which gave me a sense of peace. My Mom and Dad both commented that they would be open to supporting me in needed changes.

Dad’s response took me by surprise. “Would it be okay if she continues from here on as Jamie, if the doctors she has met with agree to that?”

Laura said, “If they agree that she is ready for a real-life experience, I believe it would be wise.”

We drove home late Tuesday night, but I was kept home until Friday. That allowed me to see Dr. Sharon my mother’s GYN doctor. I had seen her after my weekend with my mother. I had also seen Dr. Marie Jensen last Thursday for some tests and an evaluation concerning my gender issues.

Dr. Jensen was the first I saw Wednesday afternoon. Dr. Jensen said, “This is a highly unusual request. The present tests and evaluations are too soon to give any ground for suggesting you are transgender. But in light of the past two months and your strong desire, I am open to supporting your request to the school to be seen as Jamie Evans for the remainder of the school year. That is subject to the evaluation of Dr. Sharon Collins.”

My appointment with Dr. Collins was at noon on Thursday. My mother and I were there as the clinic was seeing the last of their morning clients. Dr. Collins seemed to have a soft spot for my mother.

The last girl to come out with her mother; looked at me quizzically. Her mother was making an appointment for another time. Shelia was the girl’s name and I had seen her other times in competition activities against Marcy and others from our school. Finally, Sheila remarked, “I’m sorry but you look like someone from Roosevelt High School, do you go to school there? I’m Sheila, I’m from Piscataway High School.”

I prayed my voice wouldn’t betray me; as I said, “Some of my friends have competed against you.” Fortunately, I was called by the nurse before I said more. I don’t think she caught my name when I was called by the nurse.

Nurse Smith took my vitals and asked how my Mother’s Day events went. She got me to say more than I intended. “Your vital signs are all good. Even better is that you seem comfortable with yourself. Am I surmising right?”

I said, “Thank you, I tend to be shy, but you have a knack to get me sharing about me.
I’m nervous about seeing the doctor, even though I want to.”

Nurse Smith said, “That’s quite normal for a young teen girl. Your world is ready to blossom. You’re excited about it, and yet a bit anxious.”

It struck me that she said that I was acting like a normal girl. I wanted to thank her for that, but I was sure she would think it strange.

I had texted Marcy as I left the doctor’s office that I would be going to school for the rest of the school year as Jamie.

Soon after the school was out, my doorbell rang and soon the door opened with Marcy rushing in and jumping on me as I fell back onto a cushioned chair in the living room. Marcy embraced me with a hug and gave me a smothering kiss.

“What’s come over you, Marcy?” spoke up my mother.

Marcy rolled half off of me to turn her head to my mother. “Not what you think, but maybe something you might remember. I can be with Jamie differently from James. I often wished he’d embrace this part of himself. My mom once said; she thought you and Stacy might have been like this back when you were in high school”

Jamie saw the look on her mother’s face quickly change, what did that mean?

Carol Evans sought to catch her breath, thinking back to the time Evelyn Robins had referred to. Carol White and Stacy Hatcher were close friends and demonstrative in showing their affection for one another. They had remained close even into their first year of college; when romance with others entered both of their lives. Marcy’s friendship with James/Jamie had brought memories back to Carol’s mind. Marcy asked, “Are you going to tell Jamie and me who and what came to mind?”

“No, I might tell Jamie sometime in the future, but not know, and probably not if it’s James.”

I asked, “Why not if I was James? Are you talking about your friend Stacy Howard? Was she part of the Hatcher clan?”

Mom said, “Now I want you two to go upstairs and let Marcy show you how to hang what’s needed and how to fold and put away your other new clothes as well as what you got this past weekend.”

Marcy grabbed my hand and we ran upstairs. Marcy got the clothes out of the shopping bags and put them on my bed. We had to make sure all the tags were off of them wherever they went. She looked over to some of the other girl clothes that I had bought in Philadelphia or received from my cousins.

“Ge girl, you’re off to a great start. And your mom said there would be more if you’re going to remain Jamie.” She then told me, “Strip down and let’s see what some of these look like on you.”

“My mom never mentioned my modeling them for you and she’d be angry at me if I changed here and showed you.”

Marcy retorted, “Don’t give me that your mother knew what she was doing in sending us up here together. Now, get down to your panties and bra, and try on this skirt and blouse first… Some things should go into the wash before they’re worn.” Marcy stopped and stared at me until I began to change. She watched me afterward, I guess as one girl to the other.

Once I got over the initial awkward feelings; things became fun as I got into being Jamie and with my girlfriend. Marcy would tell me what kind of pantyhose or leggings might look good with what. She even had me identify colors of makeup and especially eyeshadow and lip gloss that would go with what.

Mom called us and said dinner was ready and that Marcy was cleared to stay for dinner. It was already after six-thirty; we had lost track of time.

Coming downstairs, I saw Danny as he looked at me. “So I’ve lost my brother for now. I guess I won’t mind if this means other girls will be coming over.”

Mom and Dad smirked, at the reaction and the kind of acceptance Dan was making. It was as though he had negotiated in his mind what would make it acceptable for him.

We began eating dinner and Mom asked Marcy, “How did she do in learning to hang up her clothes and fold others to be put away?”

“She’s doing well, but she got nervous,” Mandy said, “when I had her try some on before we put them away or set them aside to be washed first. I think she was surprised that she’d be getting more if she remains Jamie after school lets out for the summer. We also picked out some clothes she’d like to wear tomorrow.”

Danny spoke up, “Hey Dad, when are we planning to take in a baseball game?” Dad chuckled as he realized Danny was wanting to change the conversation.”

Dad asked, “Do we want to take in a game in New York or go to Philadelphia?” It didn’t matter to Dan as long as his former brother wasn’t going.

Mom kept talking to us about what we chose and how I was doing in learning to care for my clothes.

Dad and Dan were planning to see the New York Yankees as Danny wanted to see Aaron Judge play. After dinner, they went online to see the Yankees’ schedule and the various seats and prices.

We cleared the table and started the dishwasher, and then Mom came upstairs with us to see what we’d done and the outfit we chose. I was enjoying our time, but it also felt different.

Finally, my mother asked, “What did you do with the dolls, posters, and other things that your cousins gave you? I pointed over to the wall behind the door to my room. “Over there, do you like how I have them?”

My mother looked, smiled, and then turned to me. “It looks nice, but I don’t want this side of you hidden away as it appears to be. Before you go to sleep, I want you as Jamie to begin claiming the room for you. I don’t expect James to be going fully away, but I want to see more posters, music, and other expressions to be showing you, Jamie.”

Mom left the room and Marcy pointed to the poster of Nomi Ruiz as Jessica 6 and asked, “Who is she?”

I said, “Cousin Monica says, she’s Nomi Ruiz and the poster is from when she was Jessica 6. She’s supposedly a noted transgendered singer.”

“I guess I may need to learn about this, she may be part of my heritage if I’m a transwoman. I feel like a young girl, who has so much to learn. My mother is encouraging me to make this my room as Jamie’s”

Marcy asked, “Do you mean that?” She hugged me and called me a sister.

When Marcy went home at 8:00 pm., I was fairly sure she felt I was acknowledging who I am as Jamie.

I’ve been to school before dressed as Jamie, but tomorrow would be different, knowing I would be dressing as Jamie. I took off my makeup, showered, and finished cleansing my face and moisturizing my skin. I put on my teddy bear pajamas, but put on my long robe to go downstairs. Where my mother called me into their bedroom. She has a calendar for me, and it has marked out four days as a reminder that girls regularly have their period and the side effects that go with it. My first four-day period would be in two weeks, which means I will be reminded of what real girls experience. It would include wearing pads and/or panty shields. The next time would happen as I was still in school. I protested but my mother insisted I be like my girl friends.

I go back to my room with time to paint my fingernails a plumb red. This way I won’t be rushed in the morning. My hair is also pinned up to keep its style.

I got online to face time with my cousins Monica and Kari. I didn’t mean to get emotional or near tears as we talked. I wasn’t sure if they be happy or anxious tears. Kari was pretty sure they were happy tears, overly happy that I was entering my new life. Monica suggested I wear the perfume I bought in Philadelphia hoping none or only a few girls might recognize it. I was a half hour late in getting to bed. I sighed as 5:30 was going to come early.

Come morning, I realized while the skirt was appropriate for spring, it was shorter than I was planning to wear to school. My mother knocked on my room door and poked in her head. She realized that I was nervous about wearing the skirt, but prompted me to go ahead and wear it. “It is a pretty skirt and it makes a very nice outfit. You don’t want to get into second-guessing everything you do. It will help you to be mindful to sit gracefully like the girl you are.”

I wore just enough makeup to make me attractive without going overboard and hiding the signs of being James. Marcy and her older sister Tonya saw me via our internet connection and they were pleased for me saying that I looked very nice.

Once I got to school, my friend Peter said, “You look pretty good as a girl.” He whispered that like himself other boys would know I was James. He said, “Who’s your public relations person? There are several girls ready to support you being here. I even think they’ll run interference if someone tries to hurt or embarrass you.” Peter paused, before saying, "Briggs and I will be here too.”

It seemed strange as a girl to be talking to Peter, but I was sure I would get used to it in time. A girl name Cortney came and walk with us to our homeroom. Cortney thanked Peter saying she was happy that one of Jamie’s male friends was standing with me. She excused us as she pulled me into one of the girls’ restrooms. “You should make it a habit to come in here and check your appearance. Girls regularly check to make sure their hair and makeup have survived our coming to school. Weather can mess up our hair, or cause our makeup to smudge. One would feel silly going through a day at school, not knowing one’s appearance was spoiled and made you look different for the whole day.”

The day went quite well, though some teachers wanted to make sure it was me. A couple did not appear to be happy that I’d be Jamie through the remainder of the school year. Next week I would need clothes for gym glass as a girl. I’d be asked to use the unisex bathroom and shower.

Toni and Cortney were becoming my close friends. I sat with them and other girls come lunchtime. I went with them after school to Cortney’s home. Marcy would pick me up and take me home. I knew Toni was a friend of Marcy, and Cortney’s house was chosen because it was close to school. Toni and I were invited up to Cortney’s room, but it was mostly for my benefit to see her room.

Cortney put on some music as she changed out of her school clothes. She had showered and changed her clothes, put her hair up in a ponytail. It was cute as she squeezed herself into a pair of tight jeans. She giggled saying, “Marcy told me that you would handle my changing clothes as one girl being around another.”

I swallowed gently not knowing what to say. Finally, I said, “Hopefully, it will be something I get used to as one of the girls. But today, I forgot to excuse myself. I guess if you don’t mind, it is more of a problem of how I see myself.”

She handed me one of her Ty Babies to keep as we went back downstairs to wait for Marcy. The Ty Baby was a cat named Cutesy.

When Marcy arrived we stayed and talked for a few minutes, which became closer to an hour. Before we left there; it was agreed we’d go shopping and then bowling tomorrow around one.

Saturday morning, I was helping my mother plant our flower beds and some vegetable plants in the garden. I normally would have changed, eaten lunch, and been ready to go shopping in the afternoon. Mom reminded me as a girl I needed to shower, change clothes, and do my makeup and hair before I was ready to go shopping. She said, eating lunch for a girl would be optional. My mother and I talked about some changes I would like to make. Mom and I would go shopping for those things on Sunday afternoon.

My mother gave me a bank card with my name, Jamie Evans, on it. It would be good to use as I went shopping today. My Mom gave me my account balance; it was $300. With it, she gave me the responsibility to keep track of my spending. I could count on getting $20 each week. My mother said, “If you do noticeably well around the house, you will be given more allowance.”

Marcy was early to go shopping; she had some things to help decorate my room. She said, “I can see a difference in your hair and complexion the more you’re using the shampoo and conditioners as well as moisturizers and shin cleansers.” She said, “I bought this knowing you like goldfinches. I think yellow is one of your add-on colors. She explained that she was talking about the complimenting colors of my outfits or makeup. This reminded me we should get someone who helps a girl find what colors are what we say, your colors.”

There was a ring of the doorbell and then my Mom said that Cortney and Toni were there. I quickly showered and after I was dry and wearing a panty and bra; I was urged to come out into my bedroom to finish getting dressed. Marcy spoke up saying I didn’t need to. But I was already opening the door and coming out.

I quickly stepped into a pink denim skirt and was putting on my blouse, when Cortney stopped me. She unbuttoned a few of the lower buttons and tied the two portions of the blouse together at the bottom. It was more of her wanting the blouse to hug my waist, and me to get used to my mid-section showing.

I introduced my friends to my mother and then to my brother who came into the living room.

Toni is a cheerleader, which is why Dan showed up. He spoke up saying, “I know your sister Mariah, she’s in my grade.”

He smiled when Toni said, “Yes, she said she knows you. You don’t need to be a girl on the inside, but she’d like it if you had James’ sensitivity.”

“She said that,” Dan asked.

Toni responded, “What she likes is that you’ll probably be bigger than James.” One could see Dan’s chest puff up with that comment. Toni turned and focused on the group of girls.

Before we left my house to go shopping; Toni told my mom, “Mrs. Evans, the group usually eats together after shopping and decides if we’re going to a movie or going to someone’s house afterward. Would that be all right with you?”

My mother asked, “Are there going to have any boys with you?”

“Only if they buy our meals and tickets for a movie,” Marcy giggled; “But that would be a nice possibility.”

My Mom said, “With no guys older than fifteen. And Marcy, it would be a new experience for Jamie to be staying with the group.”

The others and I were surprised that my mother was open to my going with them if boys showed up. We became silent and just affirmed hearing what she said.

Toni’s mother gave us a ride to the Kensington Mall as it had four major stores and a lot of other stores that interested women and teens. We were mostly looking, but we each bought two or three things. Toni and Marcy talked me into looking at swimsuits and then coaxed me into buying a two-piece suit that was red and yellow. They insisted I needed to be getting a tan before we went to the beach.

“I don’t think I’ll be ready for the beach this summer.”

The three of them giggled, telling me to get real. “You aren’t going to be a girl to become a nun.”

Some guys seemed to be following us some of the time, though they did not go into Maurice’s or Victoria’s Secret. I did buy a bra with some inserts. Cortney and Toni agreed that I would blend in well with the average girl in our grade.

We were eating in the mall food court, I bought a fresh salad with grilled chicken slices and grated sharp cheddar. I used a raspberry vinaigrette dressing. I was pacing myself to eat slowly so I’d finish with the others and not before. I saw Cortney’s eyes and then Marcy’s catch the sight of something behind me.

Cortney looked at Marcy with a smirk and then said, “Jamie stay relaxed, but four boys are heading our way.”

Ben, Lance, Turk, and a boy I didn’t know came up to my side of our table. Ben and Lance, I knew from school and Turk lived in town but went to a catholic school since he was ten. Jerry was the other boy’s name and he was in ninth grade as was Turk. They were going to the movies, but would rather not go alone.

The girls were not interested in seeing the movie that was their first choice. It was agreed that we’d go to the Tommy Kincaid movie. Jerry asked, “Jamie would it be okay if you were my date for the movie if I bought your ticket and paid for our refreshments?”

Being 5’ 6’’, Jerry was an inch or two under six foot. He was lean, athletic, and I guess attractive though I didn’t want to admit it. I looked at Marcy, but all she would do was smile. She paired up with Turk, Cortney with Ben, and Toni with Lance.

We purchased our tickets, but Toni suggested we walk around the mall as we had over a half hour before we should plan to be seated. I had seen Jerry before, and I was surprised that he said he remembered me from last year. That meant he either knew me as James and didn’t mind being matched up with me. Or he was lying, probably trying to be nice.

It wasn’t long as we were walking around that he asked if we could hold hands. I learned he was a good student but had attention deficit problems. He joked that was why he liked the shorter of the two hurdle races he ran in track.

Just being around the girls all day, shopping, and wondering how I was doing as a girl had me anxious. Now with Jerry, I had mixed emotions; holding the hand of an attractive boy, who was two years older than me. I hadn’t been expecting this. One time we fell behind the others because we were talking. I was surprised when he commented that a blouse I was looking at would look good on me.

Once into the movie theater with our refreshments; Jerry and I went into the row of seats first, Marcy left a space between her and me as did each pair from the group did. Marcy and I had gone to refresh our makeup as our dates got the refreshments.

The movie was good, what I could remember of it. I was a little cold when I leaned next to Jerry for warmth. He was nice enough to put an arm around my shoulders. He encouraged me to lean my head on his shoulder. As Jamie, it felt good. I could tell when he looked at me that his breath was good for a guy. It was near the end of the movie that I was ready to cry; when Jerry lifted my chin and gave me a short kiss. His lips were warm, soft, and moist. It was as I had hoped, but never thought would happen. I felt a tinge of guilt for liking being with a boy already.

It was a long fifteen minutes before Toni’s mother pick us up. Though all of us had kissed the boy we were with; it was as though we were all angels when Connie Daniels arrived.

We were at Toni’s house fifteen minutes before her mother, Connie, approached me. She smiled, “Please don’t be upset, but I think you should go upstairs and take a shower. I will get you a change of clothes.”

I was ready to cry when she stepped to hug me. She said, “I know you’re a girl who got excited. But I understood what happened because I have two boys older than Toni. Toni knows and has agreed you can stay and spend the night over with her.”

I tried to insist I should go home, but when we called my mother it was agreed I could stay there. My Mom would pick me up in the morning and we’d have a mother/daughter time then. She wasn’t surprised nor angry about what happened, but glad that I had a ‘good’ night.

After Marcy and Cortney left, Toni took a shower and dressed for bed. When we were alone she shared with me, “One of the other girls and I had our hormones get the better of us, like what happened to you, but different.” She said, “My mom thinks, it was the girl in you that responded, but you only had a boy’s body to do it with? She didn’t tell me that, but she didn’t have to. She wouldn’t let you sleep in my room if she thought you were a boy interested in me or girls.”

“Thanks, I think. I don’t like Jerry per se, but I was surprised to be kissed by a boy.”

Toni said, “Tell me the truth, that you did like being kissed by him? You’re becoming a girl and this was just another step, and it caught you by surprise.” Toni pushed me onto my back in her bed and straddled over me.

She caused me to think, “Yes, but I’d rather you get off of me and treat me as a girlfriend.”

She got off me, but remarked, “I don’t know why but I wanted to do that for a long time. Please forgive me, I’d like to be a close friend.” She began to brush out my hair for the night and then asked me to brush hers. And since my toenails weren’t painted; she took it upon herself to paint them. She painted them white with noticeable pink moon slivers.

We were talking when her mother came in to check on us. She commented that I looked nice in the teddy-bear pajamas I was wearing.

My mother picked me up in the morning and took me out to breakfast. She said, “I want you to know that what happened is not unusual for a young teen. I kind of wished you came home, but Connie told me that Toni and you have had some good girl moments.”

We were home and after I showered and as I was getting dressed; I noticed how my bra and top caused a shadow area under my breasts. I was admiring myself as my mother poked her head into my bedroom. She said, “I remember how I felt as a young girl when I noticed that.”

“Mom!” I said, “That’s embarrassing that you tell me that.”

Mom said, “I saw it as a mother/daughter moment. I’ve never thought I’d get to share something like that with you. I’m sorry.” I thought; it was mother/daughter time. My initial reaction was as a boy, but I’m not a boy any longer. I hugged my mother and we stood there in the hug.

My mother’s face changed expression, “It was a normal thing for me, but it means you’ve been doing something.” I turned silent and waited for her to move on to something else.

She said, “Neither wishful thinking nor a change in diet would do that. Now tell me, we’re not going to do anything more until you do!”

I said, “Someone, pushed a disk of pills into my locker after I announced that I was going to act as your daughter for Mother’s Day event.”

She asked me how full the disk was and then she announced there had to be more to it. I then admitted to a second and finally, then a third when we were in Philadelphia. My mother sat me down on my bed and we agreed that was the last of that until we saw the doctor again.

She admitted, “This has been a confusing time for us and that I thought we were handling quite well. I suspect it has even more emotions and ideas flying about your head. Do you have any idea about the implications this has for you?”

I said, “From what I’ve been reading the pills wouldn’t do much less I took too many and it interfered with my testosterone production. Which, my reaction to Larry indicated it hadn’t.”

My mother’s face showed she was surprised that I knew as much as I did. But she said, “Mrs. Daniels is a nurse, and when she checked your panties, she only saw signs of seminal fluid, no semen. You might be damaging your boyhood.”

I said, “So what is wrong with that?”

Mom said, “You had our permission to live as a girl for a while not to become one.”

“What do you mean, I had your permission? You and Dad won’t be revoking that?”

“Your father doesn’t know yet what you just told me. One thing has to change and that is you have to be truthful and upfront about what you’re doing in your life.”

Mom said, “Presently, I’m still planning on taking you shopping for some summer clothes. I expect Marcy to be over here after lunch to go shopping with us… Be honest with me, do I need to be worrying about you with Marcy?”

I said, “She knew I had found some pills and was taking them. She probably didn’t know I found more.”

I looked at my Mom and looked in the mirror and saw my resemblance to my mother that my cousins had mentioned. “Mom, do you think I have a small back for dancing or a waist like other girls?”

“You’re not against me being a girl, are you?”

Mom said, “I’m not against the idea; I just don’t want you rushing into it. I expect that there is a good chance that you will tire of all the work it takes to be a girl, day in and day out.”

To be Continued...