My mother noticed and asked me later, “Wasn’t that the boy from the dance and Union Catholic? Where did you two get lost too?”

“Mom, we just went to talk without being overheard,” I told her.

She asked, “You must have liked dancing with him.”

Marcy’s sister Tonya said, “He’s attractive enough for a girl to appreciate dancing with him. So, Jamie did you like dancing with him?”

Marcy mentions we had met before and danced together. Tonya smiled slyly. Marcy and Tonya both danced with me during the evening. But then so did Mitch Taylor, Bob, and Kevin again. I knew Mitch Taylor though he was two years older than me. Bob was someone new, but it was one dance and we were done. My date for next Saturday would be with Marcy.

When we got home, my father had a sit-down talk with me. My father kind of laughed, “You know, when you were named after me, this wasn’t what we had in mind. You need to know that I am proud of you and love you. That being said, I’m concerned about how quickly you are moving on with your life. I want you to slow down. Tennis is good. If you’re going to be a girl, you also need to learn to do more things that women usually do.”

I smiled and collected my thoughts, “You know that girls do a lot more things today.”

My dad interrupted me, “Yes, I also remember that you were a twenty-first-century boy.” He said, “I don’t want to get bogged down with semantics. Most dads are more protective of their daughters. Most of your dates with boys in the future will be double or group dates. Do you understand and accept that?”

He said, “Your mother told me there is a summer computer class at the community college. We both agreed it would be something good for you.”

“Dad, I’m not arguing that will be good. Now I need to get ready for bed and that takes more time for me, and I’m tired.”

I did a search before I went to bed, and the computer class looks like it will be good. I was amused that my father didn’t think of the likelihood that I will have college guys checking me out.

Dee and I continue to play tennis together; Marcy has decided to focus on golf. Marcy and I either see each other daily, talk on the phone, or both. We’re talking more as good friends, with us interested in each other but not together as much.

I shop again at Color My World; Deedee has me try on a zillion dresses and outfits. I am just getting used to girl shopping and trying on so many clothes. I didn’t think it would go over big at home, but Dee has talked me into buying a short miniskirt. I giggled as I put on a wide belt to go with it.

Saturday starts as a threesome going to the movies, which turns to a group of six and then ten going bowling. Mitch Taylor is one of the guys and he decides to treat me to the bowling. He decided to give me a ride home. We’re at the front door when he gives me a hug and a goodnight kiss. He openly says, “It’s going to be hard waiting for you to get older. But I want you to know that I am falling for you.”

I blushed, and thanked him; I became warm, even my nipples turned hot. “Thank you, I had a good time. I hope we can do something again.”

‘Why was Mitch so accommodating, saying he liked me, I suppose as a girl? Yet he knows I’m not. At least I hadn’t been. What would he wait for me to change into a regular girl? Mitch is handsome enough if I were interested.’

That takes all, Kevin likes me, and now so does Mitch. I’m more interested in Marcy, maybe even DeeDee. Most of all I wanted the space to experience being a girl and to just learn from my Mom and the girls around me.

I called and talked to Cousin Monica that evening. She was happy that I thought to call her and encouraged me to do it more often. “Gee Jamie, you don’t have enough girlfriends there to talk and be taken into confidence with. You should be calling me and Laurie. You can learn a lot from her; she’d tell you about her whole birthing experience and more. There’s the rest of the cousins in the five-generation picture if you’d prefer.”
Monica and I talked for well over an hour, and I’m sure she could talk another hour but I didn’t have it in me.

I was getting ready for bed and Mom came in to check on me. “I’m glad to see you getting used to the routine. You seem to be getting along quite well; but how are you doing deep inside? Even the average girl finds things mounting up inside.”

I said, “But, I’m sure you don’t want to hear about a girly boy having trouble handling boys, let alone girls?”

“But that’s exactly what I’m talking about,” Mom said. “I think deep down Jamie’s been there a long time. If you hadn’t thought about boys; I’m sure she did. You’re probably surprised that you like them. Plus, I saw your expression when Marcy voiced interest in another boy.”

I said, “You’re getting some pleasure in my being confused, aren’t you?” Mom hugged me and we sat next to each other. I had thought I was talked out for the day, but here Mom and I get talking and it is soon after midnight.

Mom said, “I was so boy crazy that one night I dreamt that a boy penetrated me, and I could feel him inside of me. Damn, when it happened, it felt just like I remembered in the dream.”

“Mom that was too much information; could you please listen more and not talk about things so graphically?”

Mom pulled me into a hug, “Sorry, I got carried away.” Mom went to listening and she got me to say much more than I planned. It felt good and I slept much better. It was a growing number of mother/daughter moments.

Mom and I went to see Dr. Sharon, my mother’s GYN doctor. I am glad you brought your daughter in yesterday for blood work. While not all the results are back, we know enough to say James’ testosterone was low and is slightly lower. Jamie’s female hormones were strong for a boy and are stronger. One can see by her complexion and development that we should decide now if Jamie is to go forward or if you want to do something to stop and recapture James. If Jamie’s the one who is to be visible, we should begin to talk about this coming school year. We are at the time to make some decisions. How is her father about what is happening?”

I am quick in speaking up. “He’ll miss me; if I don’t carry on the family name, but he has Dan. Otherwise, he’s been very supportive. I think part of him, even likes having a son and a daughter.”

Dr. Sharon looks to my mother for verification. Mom nodded in agreement. Dr. Sharon Collins insisted that we formally say that we agree that I’m to continue as being a girl. There is a discussion about going to an all-girls school, my present school, or starting with a clean slate at a new school for me.

My parents and I hadn’t thought that far, but the general thought is that quite a few at my present school already know some of what I’ve been doing,

Dr. Sharon still wanted me to see Dr. Marie Jensen know if she would agree with what was being planned or if she had different thoughts and concerns.

That night I was talking to Marcy and DeeDee. Marcy was happy that I was planning to stay at our school; where DeeDee Sylvan suggested that I consider going to South Plainfield. I knew where a part of South Plainfield was, but not the school. I suspected it was bigger than my school but we weren’t sure how big.

Both Dee and Marcy weren’t surprised Jamie would be going to school.

I thought I had enough clothes, and that I could wear most of my present wardrobe in the fall and winter, just with heavier coats. They laughed that I was still naïve about being a girl. There were different colors, fabrics, and even pantyhose shades would be different.

My hair had turned lighter during the summer; both Marcy and Dee suggested I become a dirty blonde. Marcy said, “That you’d be more of a honey blonde, which will be one reason you’ll attract the attention of boys.

Now, I needed to talk to my mother about shopping for school clothes. Hopefully, this weekend with Marcy and DeeDee.

The next day, DeeDee and I were at Tennis practice and a boy came on to me. He was two years older and quickly I had the idea he was pushing himself upon me. When I told him I wasn’t interested; he said I should reconsider. His reasoning besides his saying he loved me; was that it would be good for my image to be going with a popular guy who was two years older.

I said, “I don’t know what your agenda might be, but I like who I am.” I called over one of the tennis instructors and Hank didn’t stick around but left saying it was my loss.

DeeDee came over to me seeing that I was upset. “Who was that guy and what did he want?” She said< I saw you were upset about something and I sent Michael and Jan over to see if you were all right.”

“Thanks, Dee, a moment longer, and I would have needed them. His name was Hank, but nobody I knew before. It felt good to stand up for myself, but I was glad others were around.” I was at that point beginning to shake, so Dee and I sat together. I knew tears were ready to come. I felt a need to be strong and stop them. But Jan offered me a fresh towel and insisted I take some needed time to collect myself. She suggested it would be appropriate to call my mother if it would help. Jan soon sat down with us. “Any girl in this day and time has the right to be uncomfortable with what happened. I think you handled yourself well. But that doesn’t mean it is easy. Do you think James would have been any better at handling things?”

I responded saying, “He wouldn’t be ready to cry?” I remembered another time as James that I was being pushed by someone two grades ahead of me. I didn’t tell either of them or anyone else at that I was terrified at that time.

Dee said, “I’m not afraid to say that sometimes I feel vulnerable to the things going on around me. I know both your mother and father said that they have an extra sense of worry about you as a girl.”

I was thankful that Dee gave up the rest of her lesson time and took me home early. We talked awhile in the car when we got to my home. I had invited Dee to come, but she stayed just long enough to talk some more with me.

I didn’t tell my parents what happened, afraid they’d make me quit tennis. I called and talked to Marcy instead. Despite it being 9:30 in the evening Marcy came right over. She even talked as she walked over to my house. She even had an overnight bag with her.

We concluded that I wasn’t used to how a girl’s life could change so quickly. She said, “Your barometer of what is important has probably emotionally changed. What you thought was small and not important before is changing. What small things are becoming more important…”?

I interrupted her, saying, “What I thought was small stuff, such as emotions and personal feelings; I now hold to be more important.”

Marcy said, “Our relationship might be changing, but we’re still best friends, I probably care more about you now.”

I wasn’t sure why, but just then, my tears started coming, and I cried loud enough that my parents came to check on us. Mom and I would talk later, but she was content that Marcy was willing to stay with me.

That night I had a dream where James was riddled with fear as he saw himself being forced to become a girl. The dream kind of ended with Jamie telling him that they were both enjoying it. When James tried to become argumentative, Jamie lifted the hem of her skirt, “Tell me you aren’t happy about our legs and how we look?” I woke up and only assumed that James agreed.

I spent much of my time between then and Saturday shopping, by visiting websites and looking at school clothes. I even dared to dream about homecoming.

Mom suggested and I didn’t argue about going to a salon on Friday. She heard Marcy talking about my having honey-blonde hair as part of my look as Jamie. My mother encouraged me to get a style with modest curves or curls. My hairstylist this time, Deanna encouraged me to try a style with wavy hair. I liked that my hair would have a soft look to it. I’d come to be at ease in brushing it as well. The golden highlights helped me to feel feminine. On a scale of 1 to ten, I felt I looked like a seven, an eight maybe if I dressed up…

To be continued…