Previously: Marcy drove me to the football game and showed me where she’d be. Where I will be, I’m more used to her voice and what she looks like than vice versa. Josh as a sophomore rarely plays. Josh was sent in as a decoy receiver. He’s the one they pass to and he catches it. I wonder if he’ll still want to be seen with me…
When the game is over and we won. Sue waits to see if Josh wants me. She said, “Jamie you did yourself good as a girl cheering tonight. I enjoy being with you…”
Josh finally comes out of the fieldhouse. We are to go to the school dance. Yes, we got a few looks, it is hard for me to know good or bad. My past dance lessons pay off…
I have my little guy hidden away; I can’t say the same for Josh. I’ve turned him on, but we are here for the dance and a little kissing and some petting, no more…

Now: Dan was awake and wanted to talk saying, “Watched you at the game some. I could distinguish you from the other girls. I guess that’s good. I thought, maybe your football hero may leave you after what he did. But he’s still attracted to you. What gives?”

I wasn’t telling about Josh to Dan, but asked, “Why were you watching? Were you going to protect your big Sis? I don’t want you watching too closely. I need to make new friends and a new life. ”

He said, “I’m not used to you attracting people, I don’t want you hurt. If it’s a new friend, I think Sue would be more important than her brother. There’s something about her that says she likes you, but I’m not sure how.”

I half giggled, “I think you’re right, should be a best friend. I’ve dated her brother, but will she still be a good friend if I stop dating her brother?”
=^_^=
Marcy called in the morning, she wanted to hear how things went with Josh. I said, “He’s nice, but I don’t feel attracted to him.”

Marcy said, “You were pretty sure he’s not your type, and now you affirmed it. Are you up to shopping for some fall clothes? Maybe you and Sue can shop together, while Janet and I look for homecoming clothes.” It gave me a reason to contact Sue so I liked the idea. Marcy and Sue were now both my best friends.

Ms. Holly Evans is our new art teacher, and she took an interest in my picture using pastels. She asked me if I could make a picture combining my pastels with other colors showing stress. It took me a while but then a picture came to mind. I used peach and yellow to paint a peach with a dark arrow shot through it. The arrow had red blood on its silver arrowhead. And around the base of the peach had a dark red puddle.

Ms. Evans was impressed. “That’s more than I was thinking, but it makes a very graphic picture.”

Then I drew a sliced peach lying on a bed of green mint leaves with the juice of the peach mingling with the leaves. She didn’t see the ant carrying one of the leaves until I pointed it out. “That is very impressive Jamie. I think creative art could be very good for you.”

I said, “I like art, but it takes me away from others, so I don’t take much time for it.”

“Then,” she says, “that is a good reason to set a block of time for it. It gives you time to yourself, to be creative, and to think about your journey in life. And then you have plenty of time to do the other things you want.” She moved away giving me room to think about it.

I said thank you on my way out of class, but I didn’t stop to explain myself.

When I got home, I showed her one of my pictures and told my mother about what Ms. Evans and I talked about. My mother hugged me and had me sit next to her. “Jamie, I am very impressed with what you did. I am amused that you thought to do a peach on mint leaves. I hadn’t noticed the ant at first. Your discussion with Ms. Evans sounded very mature of you and very insightful of her.”

Mom added, “I didn’t see artwork like that from Jamie. Is this something new, or didn’t I take the time to see it before?”

“You’ve almost always taken the time Mom. You didn’t see it because I couldn’t get it down on paper. This just came to me, and I was able to capture it. I did several pictures; I surprised myself.”

Mom said, “Being patient and following through has often been hard on you. But I’ve noticed that is not much of a problem for Jamie.”

“I’m just afraid if I think about it; I’ll screw this up. That’s why I kept doing what came easy for me.”

I avoided seeing Sue at first, the next day, but then we were together after lunch. I wasn’t sure if I should ask about going shopping, first, or let her know I wasn’t interested in her brother much. They kind of spilled out together in a haphazard fashion.

She giggles, “It sounds like you were afraid to trust me with both. I think that’s a boy’s way of thinking. I like my brother but we’re two different people. He can handle what you’re thinking. Me, I like the idea of doing more together, I thought that was the way things were moving.”

She changed the subject, “You know the large oak in our yard? I asked my Mom and Dad about a seedling I found growing in our yard. And they said; I could protect it so it would keep growing. Mom’s been reading my book and she likes the idea of there being a relationship between the seedling and the larger oak.”

I go over to her house early, before we’re to go shopping. I have on an old pair of designer jeans that were Marcy’s. I’d need to get home and change to go shopping. I expected we were going around ten or after.

It is a sentimental girl thing that I have to see this seedling we’re going to watch grow together. We’ve been friends for three weeks and we plan to watch it grow through high school. I take a picture of it with Sue standing next to it. Mrs. Hall takes pictures of both of us next to the tree; one with my phone. I quickly sent them off to Walgreens. The pictures will be sent to me.

Mrs. Evans looked at me strangely and I had to ask, “Do you have questions about me with Sue?”

She smiled and said, “I was just thinking with Josh being himself, I wondered about the odds of Sue and you coming together. I wasn’t very sure of her having a study mate like you in an independent study. But you’re good for her. And now I’m impressed with you as a young woman.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

Moments later Marcy gives me a call on my phone, she says, “Janet and I are outside the Hall’s house. I was wondering if you two are ready to go shopping?” The other possibility was they’d go now and pick us up after their first round of shopping.

I wasn’t ready, but I’d go as I am. They’d need to come in and give Sue time to change. They came in to wait, and Sue went upstairs to get ready. Mrs. Hall took me in tow and said, “You can’t go as you are. Let’s go upstairs and see what we can lend you from Sue’s wardrobe?”

I hadn’t agreed to it but Mrs. Hall was on her way upstairs, until she realized I had not followed her yet. “It’s okay Jamie, other girls do this now and then in emergencies. Shopping qualifies as an emergency with your sister and her friend already here and waiting.” She put out her hand and I stepped forward and put my hand in hers.

Mrs. Hall knocked on Sue’s door, and we were invited in. Sue had anticipated her mother and had a blue skirt and a pink blouse with white kittens on the front. Mrs. Hall asked, “Do you mind if we use these pushups in your bra? It won’t add much, but it will help you look your age.”

Sue spoke up, “Don’t make a fuss, it’s a good idea.”

I turned away from Sue and her mother as I get down to my jeans and my bra. I’m given the wedges for each bra cup and I like how they help my look.

Ms. Hall encourages me to take off my jeans and put on a pair of pantyhose. I paused long enough that Sue reminded me to scrunch up the legs of the stocking portion to help my feet and toes to go in properly. I knew by the sounds of Sue and her mother that I was doing well. The feel of smooth feelings going up my legs pleased me. I soon was stepping into the skirt and then put on the blouse. I used a little makeup and Sue styled my hair just a little differently. I could hardly recognize myself.

I saw Marcy as we were going down to the main floor. I could tell Marcy was pleasantly surprised by how I looked.

Mrs. Hall was going to give me extra money, but I told her I had a debit card with a good amount in the account.

Our first stop was at a specialty store with a large inventory of nice dresses and outfits geared for special events. Sue and I were window shopping while Marcy and Janet had started their search in earnest. There was a light golden sweater I wanted to buy, but Marcy and Janet both encouraged me to wait and not buy it there.

Soon we were going through the regular women’s stores; there were more sweaters and blouses that I was falling in love with. Then there was a red and black plaid with a yellow strip. It was styled and sold as a Scottish kilt for women. There were white and emerald green blouses to coordinate with the skirt. And Audrey said, “I like that green on you; you should look for something else in that color.”

Sue said, “I didn’t notice it before but you have hazel green eyes. Has Delbert ever taken a liken to you? Personally, now that I’ve noticed your eyes; you may need to watch out that I don’t whisk you up in my arms.”

Before we headed home from shopping; Marcy took me aside. She asked, “Did you know you have feelings for Sue?”

I hurried and denied that I did, but Marcy said, “Relax, I’m not worried if you do. Most of us develop feelings for other girls. They come and go and don’t usually last. I was just saying it because we’re best friends.”

That evening I asked to have a Mother/Daughter talk. After dinner, my mother told my father and brother that they had to clean up from supper. “We’re going out for a walk at Jasper Park.”

Dad said it was different, and Mom agreed. “I have time to make up for.”

Jasper is a county park some five miles away. She and her sister had often gone there. We walked a good distance in the park until we came to a bench where Mom asked us to sit. “Now what are you wanting to talk about?”

“Mom, Marcy said that I have feelings for Sue and that they’re not just regular friendship feelings. I told her no, but I don’t think she believed me. She even mentioned that many girls do. I know I’m growing up in a different time. What do you think?”

Mom seemed amused, “The times might be different, and I know I’m old to you. How many girls or women have feeling for one another I am not sure. It isn’t uncommon or limited just to those who identify as lovers.”

She let me think about that. Then she asked, “I’m guessing it came up when you were shopping. Did something happen that might have brought the possibility to Marcy’s mind?”

“Well, when I tried on the green blouse, Sue noticed I have hazel green eyes. And first Sue asked if Delbert Jones had taken an inkling to me that he liked girls with hazel green eyes. Then Sue indicated I needed to watch out for her as well that she might want to whisk me away for herself.”

“I might have blushed, because after that and before we left the stores; Marcy and I talked alone. I denied that I had feelings like that for Sue. It did feel a little nice hearing Sue say that.”

“Thanks for trusting me to say that. I know it happened to me two times, but nothing came of it. A high school friend and I did go to several places together and even kissed twice. But as you can see it was your father who I fell in love with.”

There was some silence, before Mom said, “It isn’t unusual for girlfriends to explore their sexuality together or even in a group of close friends. Most close friends a very confident in trusting each other.”

I asked, “Did you have permission from your mother?”
Mom held back a giggle, and then said, “No, and I never told her though I think she eventually knew.” She lightly touched my hand, “If it would ever happen and you’d like to talk about it to me, you can. It would be something that would be between you and me, not your father.”

When we got home, Dan said I had a call from Sue. She thought you must have had your phone turned off.

I was nervous about calling Sue back. She had called but did not leave any message…

Story to be Continued…