To be honest I was worried about starting high school. All right, I was terrified. Middle school had been bad enough for my friend Phil and me. And that school was a good and smallish school. The high school we were going to was huge.

Fortunately I had a big sister that not only could coach us but, amazingly, was willing to. Though she did warn us that in school she would not recognize us or in any way admit she was related to me. After all she was the new head cheerleader.

She advised us about the teachers’ quirks. Mr. Franken: Don’t mention the war. Miss White: Diction, diction, diction. Miss Schmidt: NO macho attitude. Not a problem I answered. We didn’t really qualify, which was one reason Middle school had been less than enjoyable. My sister sighed and retorted

“Joe, sometimes people overcompensate”

She also told us about the power groups in school. There were the usual ones: jocks (if you don’t bother them they won’t bother you), cheerleaders (ditto), druggies (stay away), Debate team (seriously uncool, stay away) and so on. One group that was specific to Warren G. Harding High School was the “Posse”. Not the usual clique but a self-perpetuating group of extra-ordinary girls. Rather democratic internally but no doubt that “Primus inter Pares” was Barbie. If you think about dolls don’t think Mattel, think GI Joe. Not really a force of evil but boys, especially shrimps like us, should avoid pissing them off. Really bad karma that. Maybe Sis was a bit biased since the old head cheerleader had been a member but she hadn’t been invited.

However, the most important part was an encyclopedia regarding the bullies. Despite appearances Sis really liked me. Names, pictures, modus operandi, weak points (if any), degree of nastiness (ranging from “Really bad” to “Lethal”), and, most valuable of all, a detailed map of places to avoid where they could get at you. That information would most likely save our lives. Thanks Sis!!!

The first morning in that huge school was pure chaos. At least Phil and I thought so. People milling around apparently without a clue of where to go. Halfway up the big stairs I recognized the Posse standing there looking out at us freshmen. They looked like they were at a horse market looking for new acquisitions. Maybe they were looking for a new PHILly I thought, but refrained to say to Phil. I could hear Barbie say in a voice that clearly was meant to be heard by all.

“What a sorry lot of freshmen. Not a single promising prospect”

Phil and I followed Sis’ advised and stayed well away. A bigger problem was that we saw that some of the nastier bullies in Sis’ bully bulletin appeared to have noticed us. I was disappointed but not really surprised. No matter what we tried Phil and I were irresistible to bullies, I had started to suspect it had something to do with pheromones. Trying to avoid one set only resulted in getting too close to another. After a while Phil and I found ourselves at the base of the stairs.

“Hey, you guys down there turn around and come up here”

Phil and I tried to convince ourselves that Barbie didn’t mean us. When she repeated her request in an irritated voice we stopped pretending and walked up to them. Couldn’t be worse than the bullies, could it? Boy, was I wrong.

“Goldilocks, you are just too cute to be a boy”

I hated that name. Yes, I have golden hair. Yes, that’s the one thing I had refused to sacrifice to avoid bullies. I kept it long but in a ponytail. A LOW, manly one. Then I felt Phil undo my ponytail and fluff my hair and I heard him say

“Isn’t it beautiful? Isn’t it the prettiest you’ve ever seen?”

The traitor!

“Quite stunning. You really are cute. That face framed by that beautiful hair… The delicate yet strong body. Yes, you really are too cute by far to be a boy. Do you have any talents?” (Barbie)

“Joe’s really bright. A proper little Einstein.” (Phil the traitor added)

Yeah, a proper little Einstein. My grades were just as bad as his were in school. Of course, in my case it was a case of self-preservation to keep a low profile.

“Oh, Oh! A nerd. Can we keep her?” (Mary Summers jumping, senior, new student council president, possibly a future US one. Reputed to be the target of offers from both Harvard and Princeton. Her boyfriend is the vice president of the student council)

“Wait a minute! That depends. What kind of nerd are you? Social sciences, hard sciences …? (Barbie, senior, varsity footballer, NO, not quarterback. Halfback, but she dates the QB)

“He’s a wizard at science. My father who’s a MSc in Electrophysical Engineering has been tutoring him but lately he’s been muttering about paying Joe instead of the other way round” (Phil-the-traitor once again. In an unctuous yet enthusiastic voice. I had no idea that his father thought that I was that good. Hmm).

“Good for you it wasn’t social sciences” (My Au, Junior, music prodigy set on a career as a conductor, no boyfriend at present and looking like the cat that got the cream. She really scared me. Who said that Asian girls can’t be tall?)

“Wait another minute! We don’t really need another nerd. However, we do need someone to replace Jean in the cheerleader squad” (Anna Paul, Junior, amazing ballet dancer, choreographer college boyfriend)

“That’s not a problem. Joe is an amazing ballet dancer and since his cheerleading sister thinks practicing alone is boring…. he’ll make a great cheerleader.” (Guess who)

Phil then proceeded to extoll my ballet prowess. For six years he had been ribbing me about taking ballet and the fact that I was willing to take that risk despite our already low social status. Though I did go to the next town to take classes. Now he made me sound like a second Nureyev. Phil told all about my latest recital. I hadn’t even known that he had been there. He kept gushing on until Munzie stopped him.

“Anna, isn’t the ballet school in this town much better?” (Munzie, sophomore, visual artist recently commissioned by the town to be responsible for decorating the new town hall, together with her boyfriend)

“Certainly is. Easily rectified.” (Anna)

“We’re all agreed then” (Barbie)

Short pause. Nods all around. Apparently I had just been Possessed.

“Joey, you’re now the new girl here. One important thing. Posse girls do not have boys as friends so say good-bye to Phil now” (Barbie)

I was dazed and confused. I was vaguely aware that this just might be something very, very good for me but I was not prepared to ditch Phil. He had been my friend since before I could remember. Nothing was worth losing his friendship despite what he had just done. I looked at the Posse. A very intimidating bunch. Massive Barbie, towering My, well-muscled Anna, intense and with very strong presence Mary … even chubby Munzie was quite intimidating.

“NO! Phil is my friend. I will continue to be his friend, no matter what. Thank you for your offer or whatever it was. Phil let’s go”

“Boy ….. friend…?” (Anna)

“Loyal to your friend, Joey? Good for you. Oh, why not? Phil, you’re Joey’s boyfriend now. Run along. You can pick up your girlfriend at the ballet school at seven tonight” (Barbie)

Barbie sent a message on her phone while Phil escaped with a relieved smile on his face knowing that he now was safe from any bully since he was connected, however tenuously, to the Posse.

“Mary, get Mr. Franken and have him evaluate Joey. I can’t remember seeing her name on the rooster for advanced Math, Physics and Chemistry classes. That error must be rectified. I’ll inform your and Joey’s teachers that you are otherwise occupied” (looking at her phone that just had pinged) “We’ll meet in the Principal’s office at 10 to make the necessary changes to Joey’s schedule. Anna, at 11 Joey will have the more advanced freshman girl PE class. Make sure she has the appropriate uniform and tell Coach Williams that she is to have a special tryout for Joey as cheerleader after class. Pick her up after school and get her some pointe shoes before taking her to the ballet school and enroll her. Joey, I suppose you haven’t taken pointe before?” (Barbie)

“No! I’m a boy. Boys don’t take pointe classes” (Me)

“Joey, you are far too cute to be a boy. Girls do take pointe. You dance ballet. You take pointe.”

I was really dazed and confused now. However, I somehow understood that I’d maybe, just maybe, would get into the advanced classes I desperately had wanted but been denied due to my “tactical” grades. I was prepared to go with the flow.

I got the classes I had yearned for. PE with the girls felt a bit strange. Mostly because I was used to wearing tights with a leotard instead of bare legs. Sis DID recognize me at lunch. It would have been silly otherwise since I now was in her cheerleading squad. Phil was there waiting for me after ballet class. He stood there with a goofy smile and a single red rose in his hand. Silly boy!

He brought me home. In my bag I had my new ballet pink pointe shoes. A pain to find a pair that fitted me passably since my feet are wider than most girls’ but now approved by the teacher who, by the way, really was much better than my old one.

At home my parents had already been updated by Sis. Mother told Father, who teaches at the Psychology Department at the local college, to get me a good shrink from the department.

“Right, I know just the right person” (Father)

“NOT Maggie! I know she is brilliant. I also know that ANYTHING could happen with her. Right now Joey needs someone stable and reliable to support her. Maybe even someone booooring. Someone reliable since blockers will be involved. I don’t want that part messed up” (Mother)

“I just don’t see how we could miss seeing the girl in Joey. Now that Barbie told us it seems so obvious. Welcome to light side of the force, Sis” (Sis)

“Well, NOW it’s obvious. We were just too close” (Father and Mother at the same time, it’s creepy the way they do that sometimes).

“I DID know. Joey, I’ve known for the last two years but been too afraid to scare you away to say anything. I’ve been longing to do this for a looong time.” (Phil, grabbing me and giving me a quite thorough kiss, making up for the wait)

Actually that wasn’t bad at all. I could learn to like this. Of course I’ll have to make some changes. I mean, the internal messaging system the Posse uses; pathetic, no security at all. And the way they’re all one track minds? They need to be more rounded personalities. Well, perhaps less rounded in the case of chubby Munzie. Mens sana in corpore sano and all that.

And Phil! As the Cute Posse girl I most certainly have to have the cutest boy in school as my boyfriend. It will be so fun to get Phil up to my new standards.