The next morning at school, I used my study period to visit the nurse and called to Dr. Holly’s office. “Rose, we’re happy to hear from you. Can you hold as Holly wants to take your call personally?”

Soon Dr. Holly was there at the other end. “I am glad to hear from you Rose.”

I told her, “I would like the surgery. The area continues to hurt and it’s uncomfortable. I’m afraid it isn’t getting better on its own.”

It ended up I needed to see Dr. Holly at 3:30 and a Dr. Connie Tampkins at 4;50 that afternoon. Mom picked me up at 2:00 p.m. I needed to shower, quickly change and as mom termed it. Have clean socks and delicates on.

Dr. Holly visited with me and announced part of my problem was that the so-called good testicle appeared to have a minor infection as well. She told me about the surgery and all its possible side effects along with the benefits. Mom and I agreed that it was a no brainer. We would see Dr. Tampkins.

I was surprised that Dr. Connie Tampkins, a surgeon, was even younger than Holly. Having her examine me was embarrassing as my body became excited. She was very professional and apologized like she was the one responsible for me liking her.

Dr. Connie said, “Yes, I am in agreement for this surgery. Because it is the continuance of a problem diagnosed here, we can get you in on Monday morning, if you wish. Another doctor not fond of early surgeries had given a six-thirty opening to us.”

She paused and then asked, “In relation to the follow-up surgery. I know a doctor I can recommend in New York City and that would be sometime after school is out in June. I can do it here Monday as I said, but I feel obligated to tell you of the other possibilities as well.”

I said, “I did my research as well. I didn’t know you were this young, but I know all your SRS surgeries have been successful. And the others who have had you, like you treating them as women from the very start. I like that idea as well.”

“I don’t think this will surprise you, but many surgeons aren’t known for being personable or having good bedside manners.”

Connie smiled, “Thank you. You live up to what Dr. Holly has told me of you and what I’ve heard. It is also good to hear one of your sisters will be able to be here for you.”

I said, “It’s like, she’s always been my big sister, but since I’ve begun seeing myself as a girl, she’s extra special.”

Dr. Connie leaned overtook my hands and squeeze them. I sensed she somehow understood. “Having someone special is a big help to our growth.”

I knew she didn’t really have the time, but when I started talking she took time to listen. It was silly of me, but I even asked if she could shorten my penis until the surgery in March.

She informed me that the head of my penis would be used to form a more sensitive vagina for me. I could tell that was more than what my mother was wanting to hear. It was something I had forgotten from my prior research.

Mom and I had dinner with Sierra since her university was right there. Hearing that it would be an early surgery; she too would be there for me.

The rest of Friday, then Saturday and Sunday became a reflective time. It included time with my cheer and basketball friends. Some were friends way before I began to change. There were plenty of different thoughts and questions about how surprised they were when it began to change from being a discipline.

When I was first being disciplined there was a vast difference in how I walked when I wasn’t being Dort to when I was. Therese was there and said, “If you held your feet further apart then you’d take longer strides and were in Rob mode…” Jessica cut in saying, “Yeah, but you were hassled if you forgot and did that as Dort. It wasn’t long and even as Rob you were mimicking girls.”

Trish Dunlavy said, “Then there were the changes in your hair and complexion. No one wanted to say too much. We didn’t want you to feel self-conscience and stop.”

I mentioned, “You didn’t need to worry, because there were more guys calling me a sissy and the bullying got worse. Luckily, Brad was willing to help protect me.”

“No luck about it; Anne asked Brad to befriend you. He was like Roberta’s unspoken date or bodyguard friend.”

Saturday night, I had backout from going out with the group. I was having a pity party, sulking in my bed. Anne came over and cuddled behind me. When I didn’t say anything she just stayed there spooning me. Now and then she whispered. I felt a little guilty, not saying anything. But it was special and I was glad she stayed until I fell asleep.

My mom told me it was almost midnight when Anne came out and she and my mom talked.

It was almost noon before Shannon came home and we went out to eat. We even stopped at the St. Ives Boutique to look through the window. Fortunately, Hanna was there, unboxing new inventory and rehanging new skirts and dress. She was nice enough to open the shop so Shannon could look around.

Shannon had seen similar clothes in NYC, but these were at a noticeably lower price. Shannon bought two things for herself and a few things for her friends at the university. When I spotted a cute pair of ankle boots. Shannon said, “Mom told me you could use her card to purchase one thing.”

Where I had been reflecting the past with others; Shannon had me looking toward the girl I was enjoying being.

We had gone out to eat with my parents and I had already been active enough that I was a little sore. I sat down hard and a button on the cushion of the seat hit me the wrong way. I let out a small cry before I caught myself. My eyes watered and the pain rose, but I was determined not to cry.

The waitress asked what happened, but I was not willing to say. My parents’ said if it hurt too much I could go home. All I could eke out, not wanting to say what happened, as I’d be okay.

It would be over twelve hours before my surgery and closer to eighteen before I’d have even soft food to eat. But it did remind me why I was having the surgery and the pain I wouldn’t miss.

Once we were home and I took something for pain. I was up for Shannon to give me a manicure and pedicure. We selected an outfit for me to wear to the hospital and another one to wear home.

I went to bed early but didn’t quickly fall to sleep as usual. I woke up before 5, showered again and changed what I was wearing there. I wanted some makeup on, but that too was hard to settle on. Others were up and we were off to the hospital in plenty of time. The gross part for me was having someone shave my surgery area. No one should have to shave those parts for a girl having surgery. “Yuk.” Once ready, my Mom and sister sat with me until they took in me for the surgery. I saw Dr. Connie’s eyes behind her surgical mask and began to count.

I soon woke up and was afraid they hadn’t done the surgery and I wouldn’t feel anything for two more hours. “What happened? Why didn’t you do the surgery?”

I didn’t immediately believe them when I was told they were done and it went well. It wasn’t until I was back up in my room that they told me. “The other testicle had a small infection, so it too was removed as well.”

Though I couldn’t see it yet, I knew I looked a little freakish with my penis and no slit or testicles. I had a drainage tube and had to wear a pad that needed to be changed every few hours. Shannon, Sierra, and mom were there to give me hugs.

Dad was supposed to be there either for the beginning of surgery or the end, supposedly he had an emergency. He did come and ate supper with me. It upset me when he said, “Well, you are just that much closer to being (fully) a girl.”

I said, “I’m already a girl!”

I didn’t hear him say, ‘fully’ which he swore he did. And Mom said she thought he did, though she wasn’t listening closely. Sierra who had come for a second visit right after that she visited with me.

She and I agreed that I was more than a little touchy around Dad.

I’d get home on Tuesday from the hospital but wouldn’t go to school at least until Thursday. Well by the time Wednesday was done; I swore I was going to school the next day.

It was Friday after school that I went to have my drainage tube taken out. The good news was I was healing fine and the discomfort from the surgery was nearly gone. Dr. Connie did prohibit me from going to a dance and practice for another ten days.

Well, I still had my hose as I called my penis, but it was easier to hide as it didn’t get excited. By the time I was recovered, I did feel like my breasts were growing again. Sierra asked if I was hoping if that were true? She then told me, when she was wanting that to be true. They seemed to grow, but if it had happened she should have had an E cup bra by now. All of the Anderson women were nicely endowed, and I am taking hope from that.

It was excruciating watching the girls play basketball and the cheer team cheering and remaining still. But, Mom and Ms. Trullo came and sat with me; ensuring that I would be good.

It was the last week of January that I was given permission to practice, which included keeping one foot on the floor when others jumped. My the end of that practice I had jumped three times with no problems. But since I couldn’t wear my gaff, neither could I shower with the other girls.

I did dress with the team for Friday’s game and there were five cheers that I had permission to do. Coach House was nice enough to do them multiple times during the game.

The girls’ basketball team had been in numerous tough games but had lost only three of them. Tonight’s game was at West Warren Hills, we had lost to them on our court.

This one was coming down to the closing minutes and three of our players were in foul trouble. I looked at Coach Daley of our basketball team and then went cheering around to three sections in which some of our fans were seated in. Kaylea got out and cheered with me. We brought our fans to their feet. They were soon cheering louder than Warren fans. We scored on offense and went into an immediate full-court press. That caused one turnover and a bad shot we rebounded. Going into the closing minute we had taken a three-point lead. Jenn finally fouled out but with now a two-point lead Trish took the ball right to the basket, expecting to be fouled. But the person she went against also was on the verge of fouling out. Trisha’s lay-up gave us a four-point lead and secured the victory.

Coach sighted the game as a defining moment for the new team. It would be another ten days before Kaylea would be playing again but she would be returning to a stronger and more unified team.

I looked good to the fans, but I didn’t have permission to do what I did. Coach House told me even before we got in the van to return home that I would be benched the first quarter of the next two games. She was quite upset, “If you want to go back to being the mascot, keep it up!”

Last year if I as Dort the Destroyer got the urge I did have the okay to charge around the court with the team flag or urge the fans to stand and cheer. Now as a trained cheerleader, I was a team member and I was to act like it.

On the way home, Captain Sharon quietly visited with me. “Rose, you have good instincts. Next time, you make sure Anne and I as captains are leading the charge with you. If you do we will be unbeatable. If not, I, not Coach, will be benching you! Do we have an understanding?”

I smiled saying thanks, and we knew from there things were good.

Anne, my parents and I went to Norfolk, Virginia to see the USS Cook back to port. It was different from seeing the ship in New York City or at Philadelphia. This was their home port and was a reunion of families. Even those having no one on board had turned out.

Seemingly they had done more than they reported to us. They had the respect of the whole base. Debra told me later the naval base is always a close community. Today we were welcomed as family. “A ship should never expect it, but like today it will be with us from this time on for always.” It was Sunday morning, but I was measured for my bridesmaid’s dress. What was pretty in the picture was even more fantastic when I saw it.

Her fiance' Tracy was indeed a man and quite well built and good looking. He was only two inches taller than Debra. Neither Anne nor I thought he looked like an engineer or someone to already have his Ph.D., but it was all true.

Late Sunday morning, the bridal shop was open and Debra took us there so I could be properly fitted and we could see the wedding dress Debra was buying.

Debra and other women from the ship were wanting to talk to me about my injury. And if I was willing about my surgery and choice to become a woman. Well, I wasn’t going to talk with my Dad, Tracy or any male sailors around.

The guys complained, saying I still had a male part. A woman sailor said, “But we’ve babysat boys as well as some of you big babies when you were sick.” That was enough to lose the men.

Several women had similar stories to being bruised in the groin area. Even they shuddered at the idea of a man’s jewels being damaged.

Kayla Bowen one of the original women from the USS Cook who first knew me as Robert and Dort began to talk. She along with Debra told the others about meeting me when I first agreed to be Dort the mascot. “He was already slender and had a girlish look when he had on makeup. But he would go in and out of character and it was quite amusing. By the time we saw them again last spring, she had gone through a considerable transformation. He was still talking about getting back to Robert, but he was probably only fooling himself.”

“It seemed that his breasts were budding. Yet, even then she was not presenting herself as a woman as she does now. …Rose, not only has your hair and complexion changed, but it is obvious that inside there’s a spirit of a woman that wasn’t there before.”

“Thanks, I agree, but I don’t know when or how it happened. My sister Shannon and I agree there might have always been part of Rose already in me. As a toddler, I would go running into her room or Sierra’s and pestered them. They said I would yell ‘pretty, pretty’ and sometimes they would give in to putting a blouse on me like it was a dress.”

Some of the team were planning to come up to see our basketball team play.

Dad and Mom had Anne and I home late Sunday night and Anne was able to sleep over and dress for school from our house.

The crew from the ship came to our school and to see the last game of the season. Kaylea was back playing and despite playing a very good team. We were in tournament form and outplayed the Bridgeton team. Debra and I had repeated a fete from the previous year and climbed a rope to the rafters. We threw down the rope given from the USS Cook.

This time even men sailors from the ship took part in programs at our school.

We ended the regular season 18-3 despite four tough games. We were 3-0 in the playoffs and need two more wins to return to the state tournament. Kaylea was deemed 90% recuperated and had scored over sixty points in the first three games.

Perth Amboy Christian, our next opponent, wasn’t to be our big challenge. It was a very good team, but we should have easily beat them. We were shooting baskets well, but the Crusaders were playing exceptionally well and making even difficult shots most of the time.

Those of us on the cheer team, we were cheering our hearts out. We kept cheering to the end. All the way to the last two minutes of the game, we expected the Destroyers to make a comeback like usual. Afterward, we gathered in a corner off away from the court, we cried. I hadn’t ever cried like this before or felt so empty inside.

My sister Sierra was there and let me cry on her shoulder. I would leave her to cry or talk with others. Anne was sometimes with the team and sometimes allowing Matt Sanders strong arms to comfort her. I looked around for Scott but didn’t see him. Brad Thomas found me and gave me a hug. I let the tears flow.

It seemed like longer but we were soon on the bus riding back to school. Kaylea felt guilty because she only scored seventeen points. Jayne was upset because she needed to communicate back to the ship that they didn’t need to come to the last game of the sub-state playoffs.

I consoled Sharon, who did not expect this to be her last game to cheer. A 21-4 season is a very respectable record; she and I both knew that. I had done a few flips but Sharon and I were planning on more at the state tournament. Sharon summed it up well: “I guess we were all looking to the future and not concentrating on now.”

Coach Daley addressed the basketball players and our cheer team. “It’s okay to feel the sting of the loss, but ultimately remember the season as a time you all came together. You should in due time be able to celebrate what you accomplished during a difficult season, hopefully, learned some lessons, and be glad that you prepared us for the future.”

I don’t know how many of us were really hearing her; I know right now it was little comfort. My parents and most of the others met us at the school to take us home. Some of our adult boosters were there and that did help a little.

The School wasn’t as affected as they were still rooting for the boys’ basketball team. They wouldn’t make it to the state tournament either. But for the first time in years, they were good enough to make the playoff games. It was something that their 16-8 record was so important to others. They ended up improving their record to nineteen wins before losing and having a 19-9 record; compared to ours at 21-4.

The nice thing about the cheer season being over was getting back to girl things for ourselves. My sisters' college breaks came a week or two before ours. Shannon and Sierra we off at the same time, but I only got to see them for two days. I did go shopping with them before they left for Florida. I loved the skimpy swimsuits they purchased. Though there was no way I’d wear either one, even after my surgery. Anne agreed with my sisters that there would come a time I would wear some.

I had appointments with the surgeon, Dr. Tampkins as well as with Dr. Campbell and Dr. Caruthers. Getting poked, prodded, and blood taken was as yucky as ever. Dr. Caruthers asked me. “Are you planning on having breast augmentation in the near future?”

My simple answer had been ‘no’ to most others. Now I was saying, “I’m wanting to get through this and see how I feel. The next thing always seems it should be enough, but so far it hasn’t been. I was twelve the first time I thought of being a girl down there. I actually dreamed about having breasts even before then.”

That revelation caused a longer session than normal as Dr. Caruthers wanted to know why I was just talking about it now.

I said, “I hadn’t remembered. I know you asked, and I’m not trying to keep secrets. You asked about having breasts; I guess that spurred those thoughts. When I saw Anne and other girls changing that excited me. I wanted to be like them, but it wasn’t like I could tell my mom or dad.”

I was supposed to tell my mom and dad about my dreams, but I didn’t plan on that happening before my surgery. Things had gotten better especially with my mother and some with my dad, but I didn’t trust them. Dad was doing better at asking what I wanted. I was content with that for the present.

Two days, before spring break was to begin; the cheer team and several basketball girls went with me to St. Ives Boutique. Everyone had a mom and /or grandmother who shopped there so they hadn’t been interested in going. Hanna knew half of the girls when we were in first grade. And she had bought more inventory before we went there. She even opened another room with clothes and accessories for teen girls like us.

Despite that, they were not planning on buying anything, but all the girls did. They made fun of my poster with my cheer pose. It was all in fun. Gabby made sure that Hanna knew about my ‘girly surgery’. Hanna got the girls willing to pose for a group picture in some of their new purchases. She invited everyone back in two weeks for the unveiling of the new poster.

My sister Sonja wrote to me, “You should have been paid something for bringing all those customers to them.” The reality was the boutique gave everyone a 10% discount and a 15% for anyone buying more than $50.

The weekend brought some anxiety as many of my friends were gone including Anne and my surgery was scheduled for Monday morning. I had given blood earlier in the month in case it was needed. It would be my first blood donation if I didn’t.

My Dad took us out to a steak place for dinner Sunday after church. I used to pig out when I went to such places. Now I get sirloin tips on a bed of rice and even that is the petite size order.

I was glad that I was not scheduled as early as the last time. The nurse and Dr. Connie were both very happy with how well I healed. I was told later they were prepared not to do the surgery if there was any appearance of infection or that it had not healed properly.

I made light of saying goodbye to my lone soldier. I met with the anesthesiologist, the chief surgical nurse, and Dr. Tampkins before I was taken to surgery.

My Associate Pastor Monica Bremmer even came to let me know that she cared and was supportive of the surgery. I am not sure if she knew how important that was to me. With so many people using God’s name to voice their anger with me, it causes a person to wonder. Nor did I know she was one of the youth leaders.

I wasn’t sure, but I had the feeling that she even knew Anne and I were more than good friends.

Mom, Shannon, and Anne were all there to give me a kiss and good wishes as I went to surgery. I was surprised that Anne was there as she had already left on vacation. I later learned it was a two-part vacation with them going in another direction tomorrow.

Some of the excess tissue left with the first surgery was to help shape the forming of my vagina. This time I pretty well knew all they were doing, though I wasn’t sure why it all worked.

Sierra knew a nurse friend who often helped Dr. Connie. I appreciated that Dr. Connie asked me if it was okay that she assisted during the surgery and would do some follow-up. It was fine with me and I met Tricia when I first went into the surgery room. This time as they were sedating me they asked me my name. I was asleep before I finished saying ‘Rose’.

I wasn’t surprised this time that I thought it was a short time, and I was pleased and told them that I was more comfortable this time. Connie smiled, “Part of that is because your pain medication hasn’t worn off. We will try to keep the pain discomfort down for at least three days. And then we’ll be weaning you off of it.”

Late that afternoon, Dr. Connie, Dr. Holly, and nurse Tricia were back to check on me. I didn’t know until then that Holly had actually assisted in the surgery. They pulled off the gauze pad and they all admired what they had done. I didn’t get to see it, though Sierra and Mom did.

Sierra said, “You wouldn’t know enough to appreciate what they did anyway.” Anne contradicted Sierra and then realized she had said more than she wanted to.

Anne asked, “Did you tell the doctors that you’re interested in getting larger boobs?”

It was my time to contradict Anne, “I already told Dr. Connie I wanted to wait.” I knew Anne wasn’t ready to tell anyone she wanted to play with them.

It was Tuesday morning when nurse Tricia came back with the cone-like cylinders that she called dildos. I knew what they were but played ignorant at first to see if I could make Tricia uncomfortable in telling me about them. She told me she was glad that Sierra wasn’t there as that might have embarrassed her a little.

After she had cleaned away a little seepage around the stitches she held a mirror up so I could see myself. Despite a little discoloring and no hair there’ I agreed that it looked good to me.

Thinking of the vagina opening being made by my penis head, I was impressed when we used one that was .75 inches wide. I needed to practice with that and two bigger than that through the course of the day. I was also surprised and appreciative that there were warm feelings when I did.

Tricia had waited until to do my last session of the day when my sister Sierra was able to be there. I was excused to leave the hospital after that as Dr. Connie came and signed me out.

I was glad to be given a ride out in a wheelchair as I was still sore from all the walking I did today.

I did have one last present delivery; it was from St Ives Boutique. It was a bright print skirt that I had looked at when I was last there. It was nicely lined and both Sierra and Mom said it was one of their best skirts. “Thinking of the little girl in first grade. Now you can wear or play with whatever you’d like.” It caused me to wonder if she really saw glimpses of Rose then?

To be continued…