I called both Shannon and Sierra to get their thoughts on my punishment and what I might do about Scott. They were both in agreement about the latter, that I should strongly consider meeting with Scott or be open to going out with another boy. Shannon said, “I knew at Thanksgiving you were becoming more interested in boys. But I wasn’t sure if you had belated thoughts about letting go of Robert. My understanding was that was water gone by. I didn’t know how to approach the subject with you. I am glad you are open to others in your life.”

Sierra spoke more to my part in the protest. “You know they have a tradition on their side and they’re not going to be open to changing that. I like how you are making a statement. …If someone agrees with you, instead of changing their stand understand that they’re more likely meet with the others or minimize your punishment. If I were you, I wouldn’t be holding my breath for either to happen.”

I did learn later that both sisters communicated to my parents that they should be outwardly supportive of me. I didn’t know about that until Principal Evans spoke to me two days later at school.

I text Scott and found out he was the one I was thinking about. I agreed to meet him on Friday an hour before the girls’ basketball game at the Bluebird Café on highway 28.

I later panicked a little, worried that Coach House would have me sit behind the cheer team.

Apart from hearing that my parents spoke up for me, school was fairly normal. Yes, I was at school by 7:00 a.m. for cheer practice and at 8:05 for my voice lesson. As I’ve said, “I won’t be singing any solos or duets, but I do enjoy that I have a girl’s voice. Therese being a bit of a perfectionist pushes me to get better and better. That sometimes gets to be a bit much, like I will never measure up. Anne says, I’ve become too sensitive and need to just chill.

It was Friday morning that Coach House said, “Your suspension from the cheer team would only be for tonight’s game. And you should contact the Chorus Director. She may want you to be singing today at Western Hills Independent Living. I guess your Grandma Anderson will be looking forward to you singing there.”

“But I don’t have my long skirt and satin blouse?”

Coach smiled, “That’s why you better check with Director Wanda Gibbs and then quickly call your mother.”

When I called my mother, she said she’d have what I need to school by lunchtime. She said that even she and Grandma Nobil would be at the concert. She reminded me, my sisters and I would be singing at Grandma Nobil’s church before Christmas.

With all the fuss of changing and getting ready I only ate half a small sandwich and drank some water. I tried to complain to Anne but got cut off.

Anne said, “With all the fuss it takes being a girl. This sometimes happens, deal with it.” I like being a girl, but it is taking more to get used to it.

The concert goes well, but I was alarmed that my Grandfather Anderson was sitting in a wheelchair. I know he is eighty, but this was the first time I saw him needing such assistance.

When my eyes dampened with tears I was glad no one told me to toughen it up. It was four years ago that Granda Nobil died. And then I was told just that plus. My Father had told me to toughen it up and act like a man.

The fourth song everyone in the chorus was told to find a person to sing to. Needless to say, Grandfather was my choice. We sang White Christmas and were pretty sure the audience would end up singing with us. I felt like a little girl singing to my grandfather that it caused goosebumps. It gave me a deep joy down inside of me. I gave Grandpa a kiss on the cheek before our chorus group reformed on the rafters.

The local newspaper and the Brunswick Public TV station both were there taking pictures. Diane Priestly came to interview me as she knew me as Dort. I politely said, “There are others more fitting for your attention today.”

Diane said, “But I still want to interview you a little. You are a human interest story and your journey might part of a documentary someday. You and your community are helping some other communities and schools to progress more quickly. That’s newsworthy with us.”

We were late in getting back to school and I was late getting home to change. I was surprised to find Sierra home. She had taken one semester exam and had two more next week. Two professors excused her from two other exams because she had solid A’s in their classes. That was true of another class, but she was still expected to take that final exam.

She said, “Shannon and I thought it would be nice if one of us were here today. We know you’ll do fine. We just wanted someone here for you to talk to at the end of the night.” Sierra said.

I said, “Thanks, it’s kind of cute but I do have Anne and other friends.” I take a quick shower, keeping my hair dry. I had laid out my dress and delicates. I pat myself dry and put on my panties and bra, taking a side view of my butt.

“Sierra do you think, I’m getting too big in the hips or butt?”

She lightly giggles, “No, and by the dress, you’ve chosen. I can tell you ‘re quite happy with the curves you have and your shrinking waist.” She continued, “I think the dress is a nice choice.

“Changing the subject, Mom said, you and the chorus sounded very well at the Grands’ Living Center. She said, you even sang to Grandfather and gave him a kiss on the cheek.”

“Did she tell you that he was in a wheelchair? It shocked me, I didn’t know he had fallen and hurt himself.”

I met Scott at the Bluebird Café at 5:15 and he treated me despite my saying I’d pay for my own. Scott’s sister Jacqui is on the Wildcat team. He had seen me last year as well as this year. He said, “I saw you at a mall this past summer as well as two weeks ago. I know you had to be a girl inside before all this began. So I was hoping you’d go out with a guy like me.”

I said, “Are you trying to justify why you’d go out with me, or that I’d date you?”

He turned red and stuttered and was getting ready to get up. I presumed he thought embarrassed himself. I reached to his hand, “Don’t put yourself down or justify why you’re asking me. If you think you like me and want to date, just ask?”

He said, “But I didn’t want you to think I was gay or something like that.”

I said, “If gay is bad, you might not like my friends or me. I’m hoping you’re just awkward because you don’t date much.”

Scott says, “I have two sisters, Jacqui’s my twin. I’m used to talking with girls as friends. Jacqui set me up on a previous date. No, I’m not used to asking.”

“I have three sisters’, I know it is easy enough to become friends but different to talk with a girl more seriously.” Soon enough it was time to go to the game. He drove me to school. Seemingly he and Jacqui shared the car as her touch was hidden away, but not so well.

We were going to sit up higher in the bleachers to blend in with the crowd. Anne knew my intentions. We were about to walk up the bleacher when Sharon called to us, “You might as well sit over here two rows behind us. You can lend your voice. There’s no hiding from the others looking for you.”

Scott said, “We might as well; I kind of like hearing you cheer. Hopefully, you don’t need to help with each cheer. I didn’t think, I’d see you until after the game anyway.”

I think Scott was kind of surprised that he liked watching and rooting for our team. Thankfully while West Warren is one of those teams that could beat us; it didn’t happen tonight.

He heard my stomach rumble twice and knew I had not eaten much. Instead of getting something to eat with others; he took me to a dinner three miles closer to his home. He didn’t mind driving me back to my home, especially since I agreed to see him again.

He wasn’t sure if he should kiss me or not, so I set him up. I turned to him, hoped my eyes sparkled a little in the light and pressed my hand to his side. He actually asked me if it was alright to kiss me, though his eyes we already closing and his lips puckering to kiss me. It was a warm kiss and it felt good being in his hug.

Since the girls’ played first tonight, even with the food stop it was barely 10:00 when I walked into the house. I had texts from Anne, Jayne and another unidentified, Mom and Dad were waiting in the living room and Sierra was soon coming down to get to me first.

She tugged me and I went with her upstairs to our bedrooms. “So Lynn said, ‘He’s nice looking and she thought you like him.’ Tell me more.”

I said, “You had people spying on me?”

Sierra giggled, “I thought it better than to be there watching over my little sister. Now, why don’t you tell me?” We talked but my limited answers served notice I wasn’t to be spied on.

While we were talking, Mom came upstairs and talked with us a short time. And then she insisted I go down and talk with her before Dad went to bed or do his own thing. As soon as I said, I thought I felt like a girl inside; my Dad was up and out of the room.

My Father and I are better, but neither of us is fully comfortable around the other for long. I hoped what I said would make him uneasy and it did. I was uncomfortable talking about my growing feelings with him. I told my Mom, “Scott is a nice guy for breaking the ice, but I don’t think we will date a long time.”

I was texting Anne as she had expected us to follow them to the gathering spot. She indicated that she was sure I was taken with him, which I profusely denied.

The girls kept their winning streak alive as we traveled to a tough conference game on Tuesday. I had sung at both elementary schools that morning. I watched the eyes of the boys and girls as Kaylea from the basketball team sang. She has a very good voice but it was with the tenderness she showed that impressed me and I believe it was a new side of her for many.

It wasn’t until after the game and we were riding home on the school bus that I dared to ask about it. She mentioned how she sang at her church and a small girl responded to her when she sang. She said, “I saw in her eyes what I felt. It was like a metamorphosis happened and I could be more than a basketball player.”

I said, “I’ve seen you being intense and focused, but it was like this was a side you had hidden away.”

Kaylea said, “I hoped you would ask me about it. I thought you were someone who might know how I was feeling inside.”

I said, “One of the strange things for me was I was afraid of my feelings. I hadn’t liked feelings before and it was hard to let them just be there.”

Kaylea quickly hugged me, “Exactly, I felt the same. Part of being in control was, I was controlling my own emotions which meant I didn’t show my tender side.”

My sisters were home from college and we were to go out shopping as well as practice singing for Grandma Nobil’s church. I had my concert on Thursday and they were eager to see me in Chorus. During the first half of the concert, I was half of the girls that wore our long green skirts. There was an intermission and interlude that the orchestra played for.

Those of us wearing green skirts, we needed to change to our long red skirts. I nearly had a panic attack, worrying that someone would notice my boy parts. Not that there was anything worth noticing, but more that I was still somewhat different from other girls.

Shannon would later ask, what had caused my tension early in the second half. Thankfully I calmed down as we sang again.

One of the joys Thursday at the concert was to see Jaylene Fox, her two daughters with Kent being home. He was due to get out of the Navy, but I wasn’t sure if that was yet official. Come, the end of the concert I was too anxious to find out. Instead of looking for family and friends, I went directly to them.

Kent said he had yet a month to serve, of which he would work with area recruiters. He had worked with the boilers on the ship as well as integrating computers with the running mechanisms of the ship. Heather was wrapped in my arms, as her dad shared a word from the USS Cook to our team. The names of the ship’s crew were becoming more and more familiar. Kent said the same was true for the crew with us.

He said, “We’ve heard from two other ships who have connected with schools and teams. While their experiences are good, the Cook is sure we have it much better.” He said, “Denise, on one of the other ships is hoping her community can be for her like this one is for us.”

I joked that she should transfer to the USS Cook. Kent indicated she had seriously considered that. But then he got serious, “You don’t realize how many of us went into the service either to get lost or to get things together. We come from not so warm backgrounds. Even pretending it could be better is a coping mechanism.”

I needed to sit down as it was hitting me, one of the special things a year ago was the crew of our ship was that for me. My identifying with Jaylene, Audrene Trullo, and their little girls allowed me to ease in to being Rose and be accepted.

Mom and others thought my sitting down was an indication I had been doing too much. Shannon knew better saying, “What Kent was saying hit close to home didn’t it? You are doing pretty well in your adjustment, but you’re not Super Woman.”

Being understood helped me to recover. It also allowed Shannon and I later talk about my panic when I changed skirts. Mom and Shannon had both walked back with me to get my other skirt, my purse, and things.

We had our last cheer session the following night. It was the last basketball game before exams and Christmas break.

Jayne, this year’s Dort, gave an update on communication from the USS Cook. She even arranged for the announcer to give a welcome to Kent and Jaylene and the Fox family. There was applause for their plans to stay and live in our community. It was extra cute as both their Heather and Audrene Trullo’s little Marie were sporting little cheerleader outfits. They were becoming the unofficial mascots of the cheer team.

I know the nosy Ms. Hillbrund was surprised when Audrene allowed me to change her baby’s diaper. Old lady Hillbrund asked, “Audrene, do you really think allowing Miss Rose to change your baby is wise?”

Audrene stood a bit taller than usual and her voice changed. “I’ll have you know we’ve known Rose for a while. I even helped train her as the fine woman you see today. Yes, without reservation I think it is very responsible of me to have such a fine young woman and neighbor care for my girls!”

I turned my head, “There are boys who babysit and do this quite regularly. It must hurt to have someone question their motives for no reason.” Ms. Hillbrund did apologize; I could only hope it was sincere.

Sharon and I did one of our more elaborate gymnastic maneuvers of the season and were very successful. I was pleased as it meant I was getting used to my ladies and my new abilities and limitations.

It was also nice to see Kaylea leading the basketball team in signing programs and talking to people for a short while after the game.

Saturday, we were up early enough to pack and get ready to go to Grandma Nobil’s. My sisters were tired of wearing the more traditional red dresses. We stopped where we shopped for my red dress the year before. There were two-midnight blue skirts that we were liking. One was a solid shimmering blue skirt and the other was the same dark blue but with what looked to be a light blue color dawning around the hem of the skirt. Shannon and I both bought a shorter dark blue skirt with rays of sparkling silver streaking up around the skirt.

The same as last year, we were to Grandma’s church Saturday evening to rehearse. There were a handful of members doing things that stopped to listen to us. This year we were to be singing another song during worship as well as singing as people processed out at the end of the service.

Before church Grandma surprised us with new silver necklaces. Though they alone were more than she should be giving; she said they were only part of our Christmas gifts.

New to this year there would be two services and a community brunch between the two services. Come Sunday morning I was again surprised as Sharon and Therese had come to the church.

Surprising about the brunch was that someone had paid for various ingredients the week before. The brunch was free, but monetary donations went for fuel assistance for the elderly and single-parent families.

I asked Grandma, “How can your church afford this? I thought this was one of the times churches received a lot of their money.”

Grandma Nobil said, “Three short years ago we were afraid we’d have to close. But we have new life. Pastor Cheryl said, ‘It was an opportunity to live by faith again.’ The more we think of others and greet people warmly; it seems like we are more alive and growing.”

After the first service, two girls showed me an internet posting from our newspaper. It was entitled ‘She’s a Woman Now’. It was an addition to their segment on the LGBT news that was in a newspaper article. Tiff, a girl I had met the year before, said, “Sometime when you’re going to come to your grandma’s you need to come a night or two before. We’d like to get together with you on our own.”

Sharon chimed in, “She’s to be here until five today, I’m sure we could go to something for a couple of hours today.” Therese, Sharon and I would go out with Tiffany, Cheresse and two other friends but it wouldn’t be until 3:00. Sharon and Therese were invited to eat with us at Grandma’s. I hadn’t modeled my shorter skirt yesterday. I did so for Grand, Sharon, and Therese.

It was nice to have Sharon and Therese there, but it was like Therese and I were becoming best friends again. Even when she hugged me it was more out of routine than strong feelings. Later when we went out with the others and separated into teams, she was part of the other team with the only boy Todd. When Tiff showed affection to me, I could tell it was okay with Therese. It was a time we knew was coming and it was actually something I was hoping for as well. But it hurt that this part of our relationship was ending.

Mom and Dad drove with Sonja back to our house and I rode with Shannon and Sierra. I had notes on my tablet to study for my final exams. It used to be that I couldn’t study and take part in conversations. But I have gotten better at it as Rose. Sierra and Shannon even tested me from what they could remember. I was surprised on Monday how many of their questions had come up on the exam.

Once home, after the exam, they teased me mercilessly as they helped me to study for the next day. They had seen my Christmas list and went through their closets to give me discarded clothes that they said was like what I asked for.

They tried telling my parents that they gave me most of what was on my gift list. I was afraid that my parents would take them seriously.

I thought I was in danger of getting a B in history, but when I showed up for my exam Ms. Hagen-Miller asked, “Why are you here to take the exam? I told you those with a solid ‘A’ didn’t need to take the exam.” It would have been the first exam, I hadn’t taken because of superior grades.

I had to stay until the afternoon as I had another final exam that one in math.

After that exam, I went to the school’s fitness center. Several other cheerleaders were also using the elliptical and small weights to stay in condition. Technically, an organized practice or workout was prohibited during exams, but I felt the need to work off some calories and to stay limber.

Thursday was my last exam and after Scott was taking me out for Pizza. Some boys that gave us a little grief inside the pizzeria were out by his car when we came out. I made the mistake of getting in the way of one who wanted to mark up his car. When I was hit and shoved aside, Scott tried to protect me and the boys then attacked us.

One boy made the mistake of not only calling me a girly-boy but marking it on Scott’s car. That would make it a hate crime. What I was reluctant to tell anyone at the hospital there was something more disturbing that would leave a scar on me…

The good news was People in the pizzeria called the police; the bad news was no one came out to stop what happened…

To be continued…