I had changed into a pair of designer jeans and a blouse that I had received from Deb Triens from the ship. I was going to the salon to get ready for prom night. Going with Anne and Erin, we were getting the works. I had showered using a sister’s bodywash and loved the fragrance as well as how it left my skin moist and supple.

Mrs. Evans picked me up and dropped us off at the salon, having taken before pictures. Teri was my hairdresser and beautician for my appointment. I was in the middle of us three, Erin, Anne and me. We enjoyed our conversations as well as the progress being made on each other. Strangely, I was getting the most elaborate perm of us three while Erin was doing the least.

Our facial and masks are done, my hair was shampooed and conditioned as Teri set to cutting and rolling-up my hair. I was fairly confident of the end product but presently I looked pale and like a lifeless scarecrow. Anne had Teri take several ‘during’ pictures with her phone. There was one picture of the three of us under the hairdryers where we made faces. This was fun that Rob would never have allowed himself to enjoy.

An hour and a half into the process the pins and rollers were coming off and my feet and hands were in solutions and next to be tended to. Being pampered as Erin called it, was something I could become used to. Fortunately, I had taken good care of my nails since last November and Marita said that helped as shaped them to a uniform length. I loved the rich red look with white 1/2” tips.

I had brought a second set of earrings and Teri did a great job in piercing the new holes. Anne had brought me a set of long eyelashes that I didn’t think I wanted. Once they were on and looked natural I again fell in love with the new look I was getting.

Things were coming together as my makeup was receiving the finishing touches and my hair was being brushed out the last time and lightly sprayed to hold. Jaylene stopped at the salon to take pictures she was sending back to the ship. The pictures were not just of me but all us girls. Jaylene was to take one more set when we went to the promenade.

With my sister Sonja being a senior, she was getting the lion’ share of attention today. She was getting ready at the house with our folks gloating over her

My gown was already at Anne’s and that was where we went to finish up. It was now 3:00 o’clock. I had gotten a strapless bra and with the push-ups, I had just enough there to show my breasts peeking out and adding my girlish look.

Her date Jacob had come early for Anne. Despite the fact that she was ready, she had gone to her room to cause him to wait for her to make her royal entrance. She had changed to four-inch heels. It made a greater difference than I had suspected. One could tell by Jacob’s smile that he was very pleased. I enjoyed watching Mrs. Evans grill Jacob about the evening and how he would treat Anne. She was convinced when it sounded like she might have Anne stay home.

Brad was slightly late to pick me up and I had to recomb his hair and brush off the lapel of his tuxedo jacket. That was funny as I had seen my mother and sisters do that. We decided for each couple to go in separate vehicles so we got to show ourselves off.

When we were walking in I could hear people whisper things like: ‘I don’t see any sign of her being Rob’, or ‘I can’t believe she got such a pretty gown.’ Many of us went to the country club for dinner, before going to the Prom itself. I dared not to eat much as I did not want to use the women’s room for more than checking my appearance.

It was a joy to see a row of five girls in front of a mirror, each being at their best.

My sisters had helped me to practice dancing. I laughed a little as Brad and most of the guys didn’t know a third of the dances my sisters taught me. I felt sorry for the girls whose dates didn’t dance any.

I found myself enjoying Brad, he was handsome and his size and strength reinforced I was the girl. I couldn’t believe myself when I gave delicate kisses to his neck or cheek. I felt quite bubbly inside. Several times he turned me and drew me to where he was behind me, wrapping his arms around me. His soft kiss to my cheek or ear sent warm shivers through me.

I got upset when he said out loud that I was prettier than many of other girls there. I knew he meant it as a compliment to me, but my being attractive shouldn’t be others expense. I was outside calming down for ten minutes and it took him another few minutes to understand why and apologized. I almost got elected prom princess for that.

We had a beautiful night, and I did feel like one of the luckiest girls there. One of the joys was going around in a circle on the dance floor with Anne, Erin, and Therese. It was a girl thing and I’m so into being this part of me.

I got home at 2:00 in the morning and stayed awake until after four talking with Sierra and Shannon until I fell asleep while talking to them. I was sure they wanted to know if I lost my virginity to Brad poking himself into my life. But that wouldn’t happen for another four weeks.

Sonja didn’t get home until she had breakfast with a group of friends. I woke up long enough to see her. Despite being tired I thought she was beautiful. I would have liked to be beautiful as she was. It was the afternoon that I finally woke up.

If I hadn’t been on the cheer team, I wouldn’t have taken as much interest in graduation other than to see Sonja graduating. With Sandy and Sharon graduating I was even more interested in Sonja graduating. The emotions of girls I used to think as silly were now whelming up inside.

I would still see Kristyn Arnold as my counselor, and I now saw Dr. Caruthers as my psychiatrist and Holly Campbell a gynecologist as my general doctor. I wasn’t sure how she had in July determined I had become sexually active with Brad until I kind of forced her to answer me. She told me I had bruising and puffiness from his pushing himself upon me.

Dr. Campbell at thirty-something isn’t what I’d consider young but she did have a good way of relating to me. She explained to me that transitioning came with a higher risk of some cancers and other health problems. I had already gone through one bout of depression and mood swings. She in consultation with Caruthers had me on a mild anti-depressive. The three of us agreed I would be on a low dose that along with my counseling made things very manageable.

I think with the depression and the knowledge of different risk my father was still hoping I’d become afraid and go back to being Rob. I credit Kristyn’s help in not becoming angry about ever having been Rob. Instead, I was happy that I was as sensitive as I was and found contentment in being who I was. I continue to like my times alone and think through things. I enjoy music often the same way.

Brad and I stayed close into early August and after we got over some differences would be back as casual friends once school started up. It had been a time of both of us seeking to understand ourselves as well as becoming more socially active.

I was at a mall with Anne beginning our school shopping when she arranged for us to meet up with Therese. Anne knew I continued to have feelings for Therese, but I had a problem with liking a girl a year and a half older than me.

We had gone to Mulligan’s a restaurant attached to the mall when Therese showed up. Anne got up from her seat to let Therese in, and after Therese scooted in she said, “Good-bye. You two need to talk and get over some stuff.” She had driven and just like that she was gone.

Therese smiled, “I guess, she thinks we need to talk and be friends.”

“I think she was tired of me talking about you, but not calling… She knew that I never quite got passed hurting you, and onto the fact, I’ve always had a crush on you. I’m sure you’d rather go out with guys who are at least your age.”

Therese, at that point, found it funny that I was comparing myself with guys. Therese said, “Yes, I find guys attractive. But I no longer see you as one of the other guys. You have your own attraction for me.”

We order an appetizer and some ice teas and talked there for a good ninety minutes. Therese had seen an outfit she thought I would look good in and that began our afternoon of shopping.

When she took me home; I talked her into coming into the house. I thought my sisters would be surprised that Therese was with me. Shannon said, “The surprise is that it took Anne being sneaky to get you together.”

During the summer, I did attend Coach House’s Cheering Camp in June. Even having been on the cheer team, it never occurred to me the amount of training, conditioning and work it took to be a cheerleader. I had dropped seven pounds the first of the two weeks of her camp. She didn’t cut me any slack, knowing I was a good gymnast. She actually expected more. She told me, I was going to improve or not make her cut.

The first day of camp, having been Dort got me some attention. I was not as coordinated as most girls come aerobic exercises and doing routine after routine.

Anne and Jessica Short finally sat me down on the third day. “You’re not getting it. Part of what makes cheering look easy is that it is not as easy as it appears. When you were a boy, you didn’t mind showing you made a tough run or put on an awesome hit on some guy.”

“It’s not the same for a cheerleader, whether it is too hot or too cold. Whether it is two-quarters of routine after routine, people don’t want to see a girl sweating or looking tired. You need to be in such good shape that the hard work doesn’t show.”

Sometime in the second week, I was in the best shape of my life and I felt like I was starting to get it. It was the last day of camp and I was wearing Sharon Moore’s practice uniform. Sharon and Sandy had helped in leading the camp and Sharon were now behind me. “I can’t believe it that you’re the same person who began late last November. My brothers used to be your close friends. Don’t let it go to your head, but you have a chance to become one of the better cheerleaders. If you want I or Sandy could take you over to the university for two weeks and have you go through some more gymnastic training.”

I tried to make excuses for why I couldn’t. The last excuse being, getting back and forth. Shannon, though it wasn’t her university, was doing a history research practicum on the American Revolution there. She told Sandy if she got me into the gymnastic program she’d get me to and from. While the gymnastics were fun as well as work, I wasn’t used to women’s gymnastics or any gymnastics at this level.

Having someone lift me to the unparalleled bars, especially a strong young man was a bit unnerving. I was not only getting used to my new gender but the sexual feelings of my new sexuality. I was finding women as well as men attractive in a new way. And I was fighting old prejudices and stereotypes bouncing around in my head.

It was at the end of gymnastics camp at the university that Brad and I got deeply involved. We were to have gone out with others that Friday night and not to have been at his home. His parents were gone for a long weekend.

We returned to his house because his shirt was torn. Jesting that his body was arousing me, we did end up getting very much aroused. My breasts two months further into my hormone regiment got me more excited than usual. I, in turn, got him excited. Our hips were churning as each of us slipped our hands onto the other’s buns.

I had on a pair of designer jeans with no belt and they were slipping over my rump, even before, I unsnapped the front and started the zipper. Brad knew enough to let our foreplay take its course in getting us hotter and hotter. I was already moaning as I lifted and separated my legs to welcome him.

The first time he forcefully pushed into me; I wanted to yell stop. But soon after he was in me, I began having greater and greater feelings as he moved in and out. The idea of me having an orgasm previously sounded as hollow wishes. With the growing sensation, I knew I was in love. Well, if not with Brad at least with the overwhelming explosion of feelings within me.

It was the last two weeks of July at the Cheers on the Beach Camp that I began to come into my own as a cheerleader. I had gone the weekend before to run on the beach morning and night and play two sand volleyball matches that got my heart and body working in sync.

Brenda Scott, the head coach, and instructor at the camp moved me from the mascot camp and firmly told me to work my butt off and become a serious cheerleader. “Don’t misunderstand me, you are still a young cheerleader and some of these other girls have four-six years’ experience on you. You have the making of a good cheerleader, but you need to begin your focus now. You were the first Dort and no one can take that away from you. Rose the cheerleader is who I want to see you become.”

I don’t know if it was in the last week of gymnastics, the weekend at the beach or the first week of Cheers on the Beach Camp that I was in the condition I needed to be a good cheerleader. We were finishing a double morning workout so we could take off the afternoon of a blistering hot day. When it was over, I was tired but not exhausted.

Coach Scott had talked to a group of the college girls and then called me in to meet with them and her. “Rose, you are coming along quite well, way better than I was anticipating. There is one thing you are in danger of in missing at this camp. That is by having you continue to stay at the Schmidt’s at night you aren’t immersed in being part of the camp. …I do have your mother’s permission for you to move onto the campus full-time and house with these college women. It might not be good from the perspective of you being a maturing teenager, but these girls have said yes to you housing with them. There’s six of them and you would make the seventh woman of the dorm house. Your room for dressing and sleeping would be a glorified closet. There is something to be said to be immersed with other cheerleaders 24/7. I know Ms. House and I both remember our experiences. …You doing this is an individual’s decision and has nothing to do with Ms. House or your school. Do you understand the importance of my saying that?”

She waited until I responded accordingly, “Yes, I understand the decision is mine and has nothing to do with coach House or my high school. It is purely my decision with my mother’s permission.” That being said; by seven o’clock I was moved into the house with Marcie Travers being my big sister. I was also to be wearing my gaff 24/7 and be in total girl mode.

Marcie was a Jersey girl going to Hudson City University in New York City. Along we being your standard college cheerleader attractive and well endowed, she was a chemistry/biology major pulling academic honors. The college cheerleaders had their own program half the day and assisted in training us. Their advanced levels that included dealing with cheer-related injuries and stresses.

I did get to be in the high school program with Anne and Jessica. They were still at a level of experience ahead of me. By Thursday, I was on the Eagles’ cheer squad as I would be for the next eight days. I hadn’t thought about cheering for boys at football games until this camp. My first goal, however, remained to make the squad for the Destroyer’s women’s basketball and volleyball teams.

Coach Scott was right, the 24-hour inundation of being in the community of women was something I would not have known other than in being part of it. The humor, as well as thinking, is somewhat different at the college level. Thinking of guys, other women, and fashion and appearance were all still there. Marcie and others did go out of their way at times to embarrass me. They called it baptism by estrogen. Six of the eight knew of Dort and the Destroyers, but Dort and high school was big fish in a small pond to them.

Marcie and her friend Ashley took me as a personal project. The first night they braided my hair into a hundred braid and had me wear a tank top to dinner. Anne laughed when Marcie said the hair was to stay until Saturday night. I did not know that meant two afternoons on a public beach being scrutinized by boys. It was actually part of the training of being a cheerleader and not responding to the reactions and catcalls coming from others.

I was also wearing short shorts that too was connected to desensitizing us to being out in the public. My whole squad was to wear shorts and had on tops that did not cover our midriff. I guess if you are cheering for football players and wanting to get them energized, this should do it.

By now our bodies were sleek, our tans deep and our cheer routines were worthy of the attention we were getting. Saturday afternoon it became a competition between squads in getting the approval of the public. While Anne and Erin on the Ravens Squad won the popularity competition. Coach Scott said our squad got the attention of a lot of boys. We thought that was good until she reminded us we were tied for fourth. “You actually performed fairly well but your looks interfered with people seeing your performance and cheering for a team more seriously.”

Saturday evening and Sunday, we had free time. Anne’s Raven Squad was up early to run and was again together 4-6:00 p.m. doing routines or exercises. I was awake with Marcie and out running by 7:00. Marcie threw me a wrap-around skirt and a nice blouse as she had us go to 8:30 mass at the Cathedral by the Sea. We were in the ocean by ten and on the beach for the noon meal. Half of us napped until 2:30 p.m. or were enjoying boardwalk shopping as we as being at the ocean edge. I’d like to say I was not among the ones eyeing a new crop of boys and their families here for the coming week. But I’d be telling a half-truth.

Our afternoon running on the beach and beach volleyball was fun. We were now connected to our groups and having fun, more than worried about the attention of others. Not everyone was there for two weeks; Anne, Erin and I were among the forty percent who stayed. Ashley and Emma two new Destroyer hopefuls were among the new group. Many of our football cheerleaders had gone to different cheerleader camps either on their own or their cheerleading coach. Erin and Anne and possibly I were expected to cheer for the football team. Others like Ashley and Emma and possibly me were expected to be on the junior varsity cheer team. When I heard that I messaged Therese I was joining her in going out for volleyball.

Her reply was I should go out for cross-country running or chorus. The truth was the football cheerleaders and I were respectful friends but not close. Sierra wrote to me, “You just as well have part of the school year off. If you want another sport I suggest you start practicing softball. You were a pretty good baseball player.”

The second week of Cheers on the Beach Camp probably solidified my making our cheer team. I had also caught the cheer bug and felt like a cheerleader. I still liked Brady enough that I would do the extra cheer stuff behind the scenes for him and other players.

My Eagles Squad improved immensely during the second week, even with two new members. We got the accolades as the most improved squad come Friday evening on the beach. We were all ready to go home, and the tears and hugs were now something I was coming use to.

My nine days with Marcie brought a whole other round of tears, hugs and indebted thanks. Marcie’s goodbye words were, “I do not want you needing to hide any dangling participle next year.”

While I knew I needed the gaff off for a breather; I hardly ever remember thinking about it.

Sonja was going to Columbia University as a Pre-Med student; it was worth the royal sendoff she was getting. Our grandparents and many of Dad’s colleagues were over for the celebration. The difference was Dad had another younger daughter. I was happy for Sonja but I was biting my tongue and trying to stay one room away from my Dad. He always had to make a pause before introducing his other daughter or thanking me for something I did. I was being a good hostess as my mother instructed me.

I could have gone shopping with friends, or over to Therese’s. Dad wanted me there, but he didn’t want me there as Rose. If I was to be Rob, it would have been with my chest wrapped and a bulky sweater or shirt, neither conducive to August or what my Father was wanting.

I had gone to washing dishes or refilling food trays by 8:00 p.m. It was 9:30 and I was back in the kitchen washing glasses and plates; when my Father chided me for being rude to the guests. There may have been one or two people there that didn’t know my Father was unhappy with me. I turned, wanting to yell at him, instead I cried. “Father, I have a name, if you forgot its Rose. I’ve behaved all afternoon and into the evening doing something good. I’m sorry it isn’t enough.”

Mrs. Betticker came into the kitchen and my father stepped forward and hugged me. Mrs. Betticker said, “I’m glad to see that it is long overdue. You know Doctor she is becoming quite the young woman. She has won over the community during a time when this is such a sensitive issue elsewhere.”

She turned to me, “Young Rose if you were going to college now. What would you be interested in as a career?”

My Father spoke, “You’re right, I have not told her how proud I am of her like I should.” He lifted my chin and said, “I am sorry. It is just so hard for me to change.”

I wanted to say, ‘I understand, I’m only a teenager, but I’m trying.’ I resisted saying that and prayed he was sincere. “Thank you, Dad.”

Mrs. Betticker sent my father away saying, “Give your daughter some room to fix her makeup and collect herself.”

She said to me, after he was out of the room, “You are doing very well. I know Audrene Trullo down the street and others. You can add me to the support you have. Audrene and others are very impressed with how well you are doing in making the transition. Your Father even knows it. He’s so used to getting his way… I was impressed with Shannon. I thought she was the tough independent one. You have a lot of her in you.”

I smiled, our short time together was as helpful as anything that had happened recently.

As Rob, I had been enthralled with the space program. Just then I thought, another booster rocket fired at just the right time. “NASA, it’s a go for the international space station.”

I didn’t learn until after the night was over that Mrs. Betticker taught at the area college with my mother and that Sierra also knew her.

Back with Therese, I found myself with romantic feelings once again. Therese had talked me into going without my breast forms more often. While that reduced my feminine curves, it helps bring the feelings of my girly body forward. Therese was the one with the cooler head. “Rose, you are my girlfriend, but our friendship needs to come first. I can’t afford to lose my grades to being distracted all of the time.

Therese enjoyed being able to get a rise out of my boyhood and even a little more. It was my breasts rubbing against hers and the growing feelings of being a woman that I found that moved me more.

During two visits to Dr. Campbell sperm was harvested from me for the future if I changed my mind and wanted to father children. Holly was supportive and encouraged my progress. She did say my sperm production was now shrinking.

I had started on a class reading list even before school started. Last year I had worked to be a better student, this year it was now part of my discipline. I had also decided to join chorus, but I had to go in the week before school started to take voice lessons that continued during the school year.

The week before school also began tryouts for cheerleading. While making the cheer team wasn’t automatic; I did have a pretty good chance at making the team. Coach House was wanting a larger cheer team which was in my favor.

Jayne Martin who had worked as a helper and behind the scenes person last year was the lead candidate to be Dort this year. She’s a junior and well-liked by everyone on our team. I’m not sure what happened but it was like she blossomed over the summer. While she was still a bit shy, but once she became Dort, she was full of confidence and bubbling with personality.

Three days before School, I was having a consultation including Doctors Arnold, Caruthers, Campbell, my parents and myself. I had blood tests, meetings with each doctor and had actually a good visit with my parents.

Dr. Caruthers and Dr. Arnold we both upfront. Their biggest concerns in moving ahead were unresolved issues I had with my parents and especially my father. “Rose has progressed, rather quickly and smoothly,” said Dr. Caruthers, taking the lead. “Unless we put a complete stop to the way Rose is going. The male presence of Robert will be history by late October or Thanksgiving in November at the latest. Now not then would be the time to make any change. After then, we should be concentrating on her completing her transition.”

Holly had come with diagrams, x-rays if needed, on how my body was already changing and my female characteristics were developing.

While Kristyn Arnold had become my personal ongoing counselor, she was also informed by reports she had on me from the school. “She is Rose as far as the students and staff of the school are concerned. My meeting with her over the summer confirms what Dr. Caruthers stated. Rose, by all accounts you have made great strides over the summer, fitting with a girl your age you have come to flower in the best sense of the expression. I fully endorse you being seen as a transgender woman.”

It was at that time my father asked to speak and it was like the air went out of the room…

To be continued…