Stuck in a Rut.
By Rosalie Redd

Casey Church is a normal 13 year old girl, full of hopes and dreams and fears and anxieties. But in a world where there hasn’t been a girl born in over a century, what is normal?

Chapter 16.

I woke up early, and with a little help from Mom, I got my new haircut styled. I drew the line at make-up, I wasn’t ready yet for that blow to my faded masculinity. I had already received another overnight. My balls had ascended, meaning they had permanently withdrawn into my body, to make their transition into ovaries. I was sad at that, but I shook it off. The fact I would never be a Dad was clearly evident to me, and would smack me in the face a little more each day.

Mom had gotten me some bandages and I wrapped my non-existent boobs. I might not have anything to jiggle, but I certainly didn’t want the nips getting rubbed up. A pink tank top and some light gray shorts with the work ‘pink’ across the ass helped to accentuate my legs, and developing hips and butt. At the same time, they accentuated the fact my waist was narrowing. I threw on a gray hoodie with pink hood and sleeves. Some white socks rolled up around the ankles and my black chucks completed the look. Was it screaming ‘girl’? Yes, but I had a purpose for it.

I gathered my book bag and came down to breakfast. DeShaun almost did a spit-take with his orange juice upon seeing me. Priceless.

“What are you doing?”, He asked me.

I looked him in the face, and batted my long lashes. “I have to let the competition know that I’m not afraid to fight on their battleground.”

“I appreciate the thought”, he said. “But keep in mind that Marcia is crazy and very, very dangerous.”

I looked him in the eye and responded. “So am I.”

Mom dropped us off at school. I wish this damn ache would go away. At the same time though, when it does, I’ll know I’m done. It’s scary.

I walked into History and sat down. I glanced around the room as all eyes were on me. Including a pair in the back row that seemed to be shooting invisible bullets at me. The teacher wasn’t in class yet, and Marcia took the opportunity to walk over.

“So, who are you supposed to be?”, she sneered. If looks could kill, I would be a burnt corpse.

“Who me?”, I asked playing naive. “My name is Casey. I heard you know my boyfriend, DeShaun.”

After I made that declaration, the class erupted in stunned chatter. People knew DeShaun. The whole school new him. 6’ tall freshman wide receivers don’t come along every day. Especially not ones that
Made the starting line-up, and had whispers of ‘all-conference’ and ‘all-metro’ already being applied to them. I had just dropped the social bombshell of the school year, and everyone had heard it.

On the outside, I presented cool, calm, and collected. Inside, I was shaking like a leaf in a hurricane. Would DeShaun be mad? What would Janie say? Would I lose him? Would I lose her? Would I lose them both? I sat and trembled on the inside for the rest of the class, maintaining the facade on the outside.

They say that if you want news to get out, tell a teenager. This is very true, as I was bombarded with questions in both English and Math. I sat and quivered internally during math, counting down to the inevitable… lunch, and the reactions of Janie and DeShaun.

I went to my locker to get my lunch, but when I got there, there was a crowd surrounding it. Students, faculty, and the school police liaison were all there. When I approached, I saw why. The door was caved in, and the words ‘bitch’, ‘slut’ and ‘whore’ were scratched in it.

I started to visibly shake, until Miss Petri came up and gave me a reassuring hug. She led me over to
Principal Lewis and the liaison. They had me confirm if anything was missing. To my dismay, my lunch was missing, as well as my textbooks and homework. Principal Lewis made note of that and reassured me that he would inform the rest of my teachers, and that he would get me replacement books.

Miss Petri pet her arm around my shoulder, and walked with me to the cafeteria. She spoke to the cafeteria lady, and got me some pizza, an orange and a coke. From there, she ushered me to the teacher’s lounge and invited me in. I sat down and started in on the pizza.

She looked at me and spoke gently. “I know you are scared. Everything is strange and new and different, and you are afraid. Don’t be.”

I looked up at her, questioningly.

She smiled at me. “I was in your shoes once. You might not have ever guessed, but I was a somewhat plain boy, the sort that never stood out. I kind of faded into the woodwork.”

She laughed when she saw the look of skepticism on my face. “It’s true. I was this gangly, awkward stick-figure with long legs and arms. But then the rut happened and I grew into something different. It was like I was a caterpillar that had come out of the cocoon as a beautiful butterfly. Suddenly people that had ignored me, or bullied me were tripping over themselves to ingratiate themselves to me. All these phony people came out of the woodwork. They didn’t want to know me, they just wanted to use me for their own status.”

I looked at her. This woman who was so open and free with her sensuality. “What did you do then?”

She looked at me and smiled. “I owned it. I owned my sensuality and my femininity. Guys wanted me as a conquest, girls wanted me to elevate their status. I said ‘screw all that’, and I made a point of making friends with the unpopular students. The sort that would never think of approaching me.
Those are the most honest of all, because They don’t have any expectations from you.”
I mulled over her words. James and I had been on the outside, but both of us were now getting more attention. I had noticed the looks when I had shed my veil of masculinity and gone for the more feminine look. Janie got more than a few looks from the boys too, from what I saw.
‘Does that really work?”, I asked.

Miss Petri smiled. “Absolutely! That’s how I met the boy that would become my girlfriend one day.”, she stated.

I sat and thought about it. The more I did, the more it made sense. The voice in my head said to me ‘fuck Marcia’. After lunch ended, I thanked Miss Petri and walked with her to class.

Janie was already there when I entered, and she looked me over, gobsmacked. She hadn’t been privy to my transformation. I took my seat, and she leaned over and whispered to me. “Wow, if you weren't so damn cute and sexy in that outfit, I’d kick the crap out of you for missing lunch. And what’s this about DeShaun being your boyfriend?”

I hurriedly explained the events of the prior day, and how he was staying in the guest room, and then I mentioned Marcia and her attitude. I also told her about his warnings about her. She turned and got this sad look on her face. Class began, and our conversation was interrupted. Whenever I looked over, I saw the look on her face. I had hurt her, and I had not even intended to. I was determined that I would correct things when I could talk to her in Study Hall.

Unfortunately, the best laid plans, and all that. On my way to Study Hall, I was intercepted by Principal Lewis, who instructed me to join him in his office. I followed him to the office, where Officer Coleman was waiting. I looked at the liaison, She was a tall, slim woman. Her hair was coppery red, and she had emerald green eyes. If I had to describe her fully, I would say lithe. She looked the sort that didn’t so much walk the school halls, as stalk her prey through them.

“So, Casey we’ve looked into the incident. We found your school books, but they are a total loss. They were burned and the words ‘die bitch die’ had been scrawled on them. I don’t mean to scare you by telling you this, but If there is anything you can tell me that might help, I’d be grateful.”, she stated in a no-nonsense manner.

“W..well”, I stammered. “I went to first period and Marcia Hayes confronted me.” I paused to settle down a little.

“Go on”, stated Officer Coleman in that manner of hers.

“She didn’t take it well that I’m d… dating DeShaun McAllister. She’s had a history of obsession with him, going back to when they were in school together. I’m fairly sure that this was all her doing.”

The two adults asked me various questions, most of which I didn’t have answers to. Eventually the questioning ended, and Mr. Lewis escorted me to Home Ec.

When I got there, He pulled DeShaun from the class for questioning. He managed to glance over at me, and I nodded to him silently. He nodded back as they headed for the office.

I sat through Home Ec and Art, not really paying attention. My thoughts were on DeShaun, and Marcia, but most of all they were on Janie. After school, I tried to reach her phone while waiting for Mom to arrive. DeShaun was waiting a little ways away, trying to not look conspicuous. We hadn’t talked after the mess with the principal and the school officer. I had kind of thrown it out there that we were dating, and that we were a ‘couple’, I know he wanted that. But stupid ol’ me, having jumped the gun.

I reached Janie’s voice mail, and left a message. I sighed and walked over to DeShaun. “I'm sorry about announcing to all of my home room like that. I should have known that it would get around. I wasn’t thinking. I just wanted to get Marcia off our back. I see her every day, with her little clique planning and plotting and scheming. They sit in back of the class and glare at me.”, I said to him remorsefully.

He smiled and put his arm around me. “It’s really okay. I was going to ask you when I thought you were ready. I’ve seen you fighting with yourself over what I did to you. I am sorry for that. I don’t know if you can ever completely forgive me, or yourself for that matter. But I’ll be here for you regardless… because apparently I’m your boyfriend. I do think that you need to talk to Jane about all this. She seemed really off at lunch and in class.”

I nodded and tried her phone again. It rolled over to voice mail again. When Mom arrived, I convinced her to swing by Janie’s house, after explaining the incidents today.

As soon as we got there, I got out and went up to the door. Nobody was home, which was unusual for this time of day. I got back in the car, and we headed home. I headed upstairs and got started on my homework, but my mind wasn’t really in it.

I picked up the phone and called Janie once more. I was shocked to hear the voice on the other end. “Mrs. Bond? It’s Casey. I’ve been trying to reach Janie, but there’s been no answer. Is everything okay?”

Mrs. Bond paused and started crying. “Oh Casey, it’s...she... we are at… St. Francis Hospital. Janie.. Janie tried to kill herself again.”

I dropped the phone, and collapsed to the floor. I don’t even remember when everything went black.