Sweet Dreams-26…Holy F#*K did I just get A Life?

Chapter 26

I love every moment now; I love every second of this now. I can’t even process not feeling that this isn’t something that’s right, deeply and truly right as we make love. I moan in his ear as he sinks into me with long strokes that fill me up with hardness and silk and pleasure and heat.

I love the fact that he makes this almost chirr or a purr as my nails slip scraping over him skin and that we kiss and we kiss and I reach up and run my hands over his rock hard muscles and over his scars and then running my hands through his hair.

I love the fact the we’ll almost stop and we’ll just look at each other…it’s just looking at each other and there no words for the sweet look in those coffee silk deep eyes of his and he smiles then lays me down in our bed and kisses me…starts moving again, long deep hard strokes changing everything about me moment by moment….it does you know, when the one that you’re with really and truly loves you and takes you away from that person you used to be until your soul seems to take flight towards heaven and you get to be in the height of that bliss…

You get to be the person that they see you as…and not that reflection in the twisted mirror of your own life’s experience.

Alex sink’s in deeply and there’s that frission of energy that ripples through his body and he gathers me tightly into his arms and plant’s his face into my shoulder…my collar bone and I feel the hot, thick, juicy spurts going off deep inside. There’s not grunting stuff just that and him leaving the love bite to my shoulder with a kiss and he nuzzles my face and smiles the sweetest shy hurt boy finally showing that lost smile to me, for me just for me.

Ow……..my heart.

The second time it’s so much more powerful and it get’s me loud…it makes me want to cry out because it’s so good, it’s like wild possession…there was William, then Me, then there’s this me that I’m becoming more and more sure that I am really supposed to be and the second time Alex is making love to me she takes over and she…I’m pretty sure leaves a little bit of herself behind every time.

The third time that Alex makes love to me is the best…I know it sounds un-sexy and stuff but it’s just face to face. It’s just this slow and steady gentle loving rhythm that just fits with us having burned our way through that passionate full burn sex.

The first time we are together its love making and foreplay and passion, the second time our blood’s all pumped full of sexual adrenaline and the hormones are flowing and it’s that intense wild sex. But this, the third time Alex is making love to me is just slow.

There’s nothing to be in a hurry about, there’s no desperation in it. The fire’s not raging…and that might sound bad but this is this slow, sweet lovemaking where it’s as much as about taking our time with each other as it is about every touch and every kiss.

This’ll sound off I know but here like this we get to this point where Alex kissing me the way that he does when we’re like this is every bit as powerful and sensual as him sinking into me.

I’m so sure now that the person living here between my ears isn’t a guy. I might not fit in any mold that you’d judge a girl by but I’m sure than I am a girl in my head.

As much as everything’s messed up in my head…just knowing that and being able to admit it even to myself is a relief.

I know so all that unsure self torture shit can start… (I know)…to stop. I hope that makes sense.

And after he holds me and we doze and cuddle just getting the energy to get up so we can take a bath together…

I like doing that.

Alex has a real big tub so to soak away his bumps and bruises and sore muscles after a game or practice and it’s more that big enough for the two of us. And even as late as it is and the day we had he let’s me slip into his dry warm spot while he runs us a bath and then he changes the bed sheets while I slip into the bathroom and do the stuff I sort of need to do after we make love.

It’s just a nice little slice of perfect when we’re in the tub together and he wraps me up in those huge muscular arms of his that feel so good holding me and keeping me safe. I love the feel of being able to just relax and lean against him and feel his muscular chest against my back. I’m literally half the size of him and then some so being held like that really feels good in this I’m a girl kind of feminine way.

There just so many little things now happening for me and I really, really treasure them.

Like having him, and not being alone. And it’s this not alone in my heart thing more than a physical thing.

Mom and the Stepshit were around a lot since neither on had a decent job and there were always lots of their shitty “friends” around too, and there was school but that was just…

I have something now, someone and something real.

Its clean clothes and just stuff like having deodorant and powder, toothpaste and a new toothbrush…being warm and clean.

It’s Alex making the bed with clean sheets after we make love and him being that kind of guy that knows about me and heat and stuff. He put the sheets for a heating spin in the dryer before making the bed.

It’s those arms around me as we settle into bed.

It’s being asleep and us having rolled over and kissed each other finding each others lips in the dark before I wrap my arms around him and settle myself against his chest.

Him kissing the top of my head in his sleep.

Me falling ever deeper into sleep as I listen to his heartbeat.

I really, really think that I’m actually in love.

……………………………………………………Alex is the first time in my life I wake up smiling.

I really love the fact that if I’m really out of it he tries so hard to detangle himself from me and head to the bathroom to get ready for his morning jog. Even on the weekend he trains.

I get it though. As much as he doesn’t really want to play, he wants to play and the training and the whole routine’s likely kept him sane.

I like watching him in the morning too like this. Not that I’m even really moving but I like laying there sort of half face down hugging his pillow breathing in his smell while he’s really trying to be quiet and not wake me.

He gets his things and heads out to do his road-work…it’s what they call all that running to build up stamina and everything. I doze another ten or fifteen minutes before getting up and making the bed and getting our wash ready and they shuffling out in my Pj’s to the kitchen and starting to make breakfast.

I’m getting better at the domestic stuff too. The coffee is perking when there’s a knock at the door and Jennifer and Cindy are there in their sleepwear too.

“Can we eat here? There’s nothing really down there for food.” Jen pleads with me her eyes still not totally out of sleep mode.

“Sure, you girls are up early?”

“Ugh…April’s up already doing pilates. And Adam’s up too so…”

Cindy yawns. “Jen knows Alex has food here and he’s usually up by now so…” she stops looking between us in this oops oh shit thing.

I grin and take down three mugs. “The advantage of being the ex-girlfriend.”

Jen looks a bit sheepish now. “Sorry Hunter if this is just too weird then we can go.”

“No, if it wasn’t a big thing here last night hanging out then it’s not a big deal today okay?” I pour three coffees and take out the various things for it. It’s a good thing too because I’m a three sugars girl and creamer, Cindy does sweetener and half and half and Jennifer uses sweetener and soymilk.

“But you’re here you’re helping.”

“Helping?” Jennifer asks.

“Making breakfast.”

“Uhm…” She actually looks flummoxed. Cindy snerks and smiles at her…oh yeah there’s some more than she’s my best friend in there. “Jen’s really good at ordering over the phone, but she’s never really done the whole domestic stuff before.”

“Hey, me neither. Well not that much and I’m still getting used to it too.”

We start cooking and I’m actually impressing them with my knowledge of scrambled eggs and microwaving bacon and toastmaking which is kinda…sad but actually understandable. It’s the last couple of generations really either the girls don’t cook, or won’t cook. I think that Mom could cook but it just never happened enough. Well that and the fact that most of what we had was just stick it in the oven or heat in on the stove kind of stuff.

Or nuked it in the microwave…when we had a microwave.

I know Adam bought all or most of Alex’s stuff here but it’s more than what I’m used to having.

We’re all kinda ick…about Alex and his thing about liking cottage cheese. And Cindy shoes me this really kind of yummy trick where you swap out the milk that you pour over your granola for yogurt.

I’m not a fan of either things but like the veggie-fruit juice stuff that Alex drinks I eat some and I try it and while it’s not something I’d be all OMG it’s good about it’s not canned dog food sandwiches. So I’m pretty good about eating the healthy stuff. God knows I must be seriously deficient.

It is funny the look on Alex’s face though when he comes in and he see’s his current girlfriend there in the kitchen with his ex-girlfriend. I mean we’re not even really talking about him and stuff but he stopped and was towelling off the sweat and then he stopped with that look.

Huh?...What?...Ohfuck.

He almost gingerly makes his way to the bathroom to get a shower.

Yeah we end up giggling and laughing together. It was just too funny and stuff because I can sort of get where his head’s at and everything. But at the same time I’m seeing I’m so on the pink side of the gender line.

Breakfast is a bit more active and crowded than I’m used to and I do up two paper plates with some scrambled eggs and some toast and a few slices of bacon and slip into the main house while Alex is showering.

Adam’s got his glasses on and is reading from a tablet while standing beside one of those insert the packet dish coffee things. I come in beside him and just set the food on the counter. “Thanks for everything last night, you didn’t have to get involved and you let me talk you into all of this.” I step up on my tip-toes and kiss his cheek.

I’m heading out the door and back upstairs when I hear him say quietly. “It’s been awhile since anyone thought I could make a difference...”

I turn and both he and the plates are gone. I can’t help but to smile a bit from that. It’s a good thing I hope. I know some people don’t like being put into positions like that. Still…I hope that’s a good thing.