”I AM telling the truth.” Phil, my oldest son, repeated.

Between us on the table lay the very pretty and obviously very expensive silk dress that I had found in his closet and my 18 year old daughter said he had stolen from her closet.

I was getting more and more angry. I can’t stand lying and stealing. I had long suspected that my somewhat effeminate 20 year-old son might be gay or transgender. Well, he’s an adult and while I wouldn’t exactly have been happy I’d still love him. Of course I’d preferred if he was more like my younger son. Only 15, well 16 next week, and already the second most valuable player in Grover Cleveland* High’s baseball team. Come to think about it I really had had an easy life as a parent so far. Neither of my sons had ever caused me any problems. Helen sometimes but that’s another matter. This only made me even angrier now. Not only had he stolen something valuable. And from family! And on top of that he kept insisting on his ridiculous lies!

“So you say that you bought this expensive dress as a present. Who would you give something like this to? You’re only back from college this summer because your girlfriend dumped you in the most hurtful way two weeks ago and you couldn’t stand staying in the dorms over summer since she would around all the time! So who would you give a ridiculously expensive dress to?”

“I can’t tell you.”

The door to my study opened and Mike, my younger son, entered.

“Mike, leave us alone. This is a matter between Phil and me.”

“Sorry dad, but it’s urgent. I have to talk to you at once.”

Well, when Mike says something is urgent he means it so I went out in the hallway and closed the door behind me.

“Well?”

“Dad, I think Phil is telling the truth.”

“You do? Why? His defense is ridiculous.”

“Has Phil ever lied to about something important even if telling the truth could hurt him?”

“…Nnnooo…”

“If you had a closer look at the dress you’d find that even if he’s skinny there is no way he could fit into it.”

“ um?”

“Further, I hate to say it but our sister is a greedy lying bitch.”

“Mike!”

“Sorry dad. Even if you’re reluctant to admit it your daughter is an avaricious and vindictive teenage girl that has an extremely relaxed relationship with truth. Further, that dress did not come out of Helen’s closet. You may not be very observant dad but I know very well what’s in Helen’s closet. Also, if you would let Helen put on the dress you would find that it’s rather tight on her which admittedly would fit Helen’s claim that she’s had it for ages. However, I happen to know that this is a brand new model. It does come from Helen’s favorite shop but I saw them put up the new collection on the mannequins there last Saturday while I was waiting for Phil to pick me up from the mall. I was still admiring that dress when he arrived a little bit late.”

“You’re really sure about this?”

“I’m 100% sure. Go back in there now and apologize to Phil! …. and dad … I think you and I need to have a little talk afterwards.”

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* Apart from FDR the only US president to win the popular vote three times.