Images 49

Chapter 49

There’s some times when you’re just so clearly blessed it takes nothing to see it. I’m kind of having one of those moments here as the day just goes by. We’re busy like we usually are but with a run on the tarts and the sales of the cinnamon rolls and I can’t help but do a bunch of bread batches too for the diner, some for sale, some for the kids here and some for our own house.

But it’s talking and telling stories, letter the kids eat their fill from the two pots and the smells of baking and clean clothes. Full bellies and full hearts no pressure, no drama, no bullshit…and safety.

Not to get all too religious sounding but I get the gift back…opening up and feeding people and just being there to give them this chance fills something.

And Giselle is seeing this stuff too and I swear she’s shining all afternoon even when she’s down for her nap. Trent, one of the street boys made her this little nest in the pile of fifty pound bags of flour and a basket full of fresh laundry.

She’s so cute in a Team Canada hockey hoody miles too big but like a wearable blanket.

All the kids are very cool with her.

She deserves to see this stuff too, I want her to get hearts more important that things. People are treasures more than possessions.

And I’m learning things too in the kitchen from these kids as much as I’m teaching too. These kids have some neat tricks and thing that are definitely becoming part of things here I think.

Fries pie…I kid you not. Home cut fries and potato skins done all brown and crispy with chopped green onions and roasted garlic tossed together then you add cream of mushroom soup and you can bake it.

Vegetarian with some cheese, Vegan with jalapeno dice and some fried TVP and Quebec styled with sausage in white gravy and sage, and Alberta styled with added peas and carrots and lots of fried hamburger and puff pastry crust.

I can see so many ways to do this and selling them like pizzas.

Quinoa and corn….A great side dish really quinoa with grilled corn (You can take frozen and brown it in a pan or on the flat top.) then add it some oven toasted sweet coconut and pine nuts or almond slices and the kicker to it diced fresh peach.

I can see this as a main really except for the fact this is cattle country. I want some veggie and vegan dishes for the LGBTQ crowd. We get a totally different crowd here after about seven at night really especially since he thing on TV and there’s a lot of demand for these things now and not at the high prices the more frou-frou places charge.

I want a great menu; I want The Maverick to be just that that place where you can go to get something different and homey at the same time.

I think we sold every single beer tart that we made and we made fifteen dozen of them enough that I had to order more beer by the cab and like I said a busy and exhausting day but a good one. I was baking all day and never really saw the front much at all.

We switch out after seven with the night shift crew and Taylor does up the paychecks for each one of the kids a twelve hour shift and twelve and hour plus like I said laundry and all they could eat.

The looks on some of the faces, the look in their eyes when they see the money and while I’m pretty sure that some will blow it some won’t and this is will be more tan just a help but breathing room.

I so know what that is like.

That’s what is the hard part of life on the streets. That desperation from having nothing or right next to nothing and being so close to losing those few things you have managed. It wears on you all the time, tears away at you and especially your self confidence…and your self respect.

You get to a point where you feel like this is you.

A mess, a screw up and things just seem to go wrong….way too often.

You feel dog piled so often.

I’m unable to stop smiling and I’m hugging them goodbye for the night and sending them off with our take out boxes full of leftovers. When I was in my place alone this much would have done me for close to a week.

Seeing them leave so happy has me standing at the loading dock door hugging myself until Taylor comes up behind me and wraps me up tight in his arms.

“You know you amaze me right?” He says into my ear as I lean into him and all that muscle…it’s not just that physical thing but the feelings too. The fact I can feel how much Tay loves me just inn how he holds me and touches me.

“I’m pretty sure I know but I can stand being told some more.”

He leans in closer and kisses my neck and that spot behind my ear and rocks us both a little from side to side.

“You’re… (Kiss.)…Amazing.”

I’m almost purring at that but I’m just basking in the whole feelings there. There’s nothing like the combination of feeling loved and wanted…being a person someone holds dear and being attractive.

I stay like that for awhile and Tay turns me around and kisses me long and slowly and over and over until I want to do that little leg lift and I even just sigh around the kiss as everything seems to just be right.

He breaks our kiss with a smile and takes out his Smart phone and does that thing where you play music on it and he pulls me close and we start dancing right there as *Kiss from a Rose.* By Seal plays for us and it’s as romantic as some things can get.

When we’re done we’re kissing again until Giselle is there in the doorway in Holly’s arms giggling and holding out her arms to use. I go over and take her and Holly’s got this huge grin.

“When I came to bring her to you she saw you to dancing and she put her hand over my mouth and did the cutest shush.”

I blush but I smile… “They get these things that early?”

“Oh yeah, they definitely get what’s important early on Jen.”

I look over at Tay. “Yeah it is important isn’t it?”

“We teach them everything Jenna without even trying. Love’s easy to understand Jen we just mess it up too much when we get older.”

“Yeah…I don’t want her to have my childhood or Ingrid’s Holly.”

“Well you two are definitely setting a good example Jen, just keep it up.”

I settle Giselle on my hip and smile and give holly a kiss on the cheek and a one armed hug. “I totally am going to give this everything I’ve got Hall.”

She heads out with Tim and the kids and I carry Giselle upstairs with Tay in tow and he’s right behind me in this very guy into his girl kind of way.

Well honestly I could feel how into me he wanted to be while we were dancing.

I’m so doing that happy biting my lip thing.

Ingrid’s on the couch and she’s slowly moving as we’re coming in. she still looks iffy and I give her a bit of a smile. “Hey…how are you doing?”

She gives me this look like she’s pissed at me again. “Fine.”

Oh it’s the girl fine as in she’s not fine or something isn’t fine.

I don’t take the bait. “You eat anything today?”

“Soup….Taylor brought some up to me.”

Oh…I was busy and I ignored her.

“Okay, did it stay down?”

“Yeah.”

“Good, can you watch our daughter while we take a shower?”

“We?”

I reach back with my free hand and take Taylor’s. “Yes, me and Tay. It’s our alone time…” I look at her. She’s staring at me still mad at me but she’s going to be…for all kinds of things I imagine but I’m good with that as long as she doesn’t take it out on Giselle.

“Fine.”

Again with the fine.

Okay you know what? I’m not wrecking the mood and stuff. I still hang onto his hand and I swing Giselle over to her and lean down and kiss her on the cheek. “Thanks Iggy we really need this.” I mean it too Taylor and I need our time together and this is likely going to be that time our shower times. I look her in the eyes and she tries to mad stare me but she can’t hold it and she looks away.

“Yeah, yeah whatever just turn the radio up in there okay?’

She pulls Giselle into her lap and hugs her and then reaches for some of the stuff that Dad and Taylor had bought.

“C’mon kiddo you want to color with mom? Jenna has to have her bath time.”

Giselle does her bobble headed nod sort of getting quiet again but reaches for the crayons with that little kid…oh yay crayons thing and she starts to use her whole palm to turn the pages and she even does that trying to turn the pages like older people do by wetting their fingers only Giselle licks her whole palm and uses that to turn the page.

I’m smiling at the whole scene and I pull Tay with me into the bathroom to get cleaned up.

I did turn up the radio and we do make love in the shower.

Okay well maybe it was sex when we first get started…kissing and touching and the whole way his hands make my breasts feel…there is that whole feeling that you have when you pull off your bra and take that and add it to having them felt and touched and held by a man that knows his way around a set of breasts.

He’s slow getting me ready for him but passionate with everything else and it actually didn’t take that long before he was sinking inside of me.

I know some people are all eeew about sex like that but I have Tay, and he’s able to make it good…So good and that’s my preference. Some regular girls like it too but it’s something else beside the sex it’s the erotic connection. Tay inside me, me wrapped around him and that experience.

And there is this sheer thrill that runs through me when he pulls out then we’re face to face and he scoops me into his arms and holds me there with all that wild strength and power…I wrap my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck…and up against the wall of the shower and we make love until the water starts to lose it’s heat and we finish off with sweet kisses and loving touches and cleaning up.

I love all of it y’know? Washing each other, getting our backs, contact just life being life but contact. Drying each other off and Tay…god he has this big fluffy towel that he had warming up by sticking my blow dryer under it on warm.

It’s such a sweet thing to get wrapped up like that.

Treated like that.

Even being held close and doing that hugging couples-walk thing from our bathroom into the bedroom and we get dressed. Taylor in boxers and sweats and I slip into panties and my favorite nightshirt and we head out to the living room.

Ingrid’s looking at me, sort of staring at me and I can tell there’s things she want’s to say there but doesn’t. I kiss her on her cheek. “Thanks, we needed that.”

She looks a little mixed up like between angry still and sort of embarrassed and self conscious now too and she nods a little. “No problem….”

It’s a little off, but honestly not that bad when you really think about how messed up the living situation is. We just are sort of hanging together and not really doing much a little TV watching “So you think you can dance.” And I take my turn at coloring with Giselle on the floor before we’re off to bed.

We’re working real jobs with baking and a diner with a breakfast rush so we’re off to bed fairly early and with Ingrid being as drug out and exhausted by everything she’s going through and we take Giselle to bed with us.

It’s a bit of fun and a little erratic as she tosses and turns in her sleep. I get little feet in my back at one point and I think Tay got a smack in the face with a sound asleep little girl hand.

I heard him laughing about it in the middle of the night.

What a guy y’know?

I wake up in the morning and It’s one of those times that I swear I feel….

Taylor’s holding me and him and I are spooning and Giselle’s pressed to me face in my stomach and his arm is over and around the both of us and it’s looking like a nice morning and I’m so swimming in my hormones that I have to bite my lip to keep from doing the happy weepy cry.

I do have to wipe at my eyes a little and even close them awhile and just soak in this really good moment…I can feel me, the woman I am just…I have my love, I have my child, a good home, work, just everything and right now I feel…feel more than post op…I swear I can feel all the parts I should have had been born with.

And it’s not a sad thing that I actually don’t. I take it as a sign, a conformation of faith that no matter what my body is that I am right in my soul.

I open my eyes to get a face full of little girl an inch away from me all morning pretty and cute with these huge eyes.

“Ungwy.”

“Hungry?” She does her bobble headed nod.

“Potty.”

“Okay, Potty then breakfast?”

She nods again and I slip out of bed with her and we slip out trying not to wake Ingrid or Taylor and we go potty together and wash up and I take her into the kitchenette and we start making pancakes.

We just sort of batch it….three coffee mugs of self rising flour, three quarters of one of sugar, two of milk an egg and a table spoon of melted butter and a little bit of vanilla and I switch gears and instead of pancakes I get out the waffle iron.

It’s one of the round ones the has the flip handle and between that and the playing with the whisk and pouring batter she’s having fun.

I top off her fun with a small strainer we have and powdered sugar and let her dust the waffles. There’s, there’s something magical about watching her so filled full of wonder.

So far so good but I’m seeing Hanna today.

I honestly am not looking forward to that.