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(I was told of a snafu with the name of Jenna’s therapist and her Grams. This has been fixed in edit in #14. Dr.Wilson’s first name is now Marley. Thanks Eric.)

Chapter 15

Last night was great. I had found some balance after talking for close to three hours with Marley and coming home was really good. Tay took me to bed after a shared shower which I needed and making love together in the shower…face to face…I needed to face that part of me down. It was hard no pun intended, to make love with my constant reminder right there. Taylor was awesome, and not just in how god good he was. He made love to me and told me. “It’s just a detail, an outy instead of an inny Jen, it’s just a really big different girl bit.” Yeah there’s some dirty talk about it and he called in my little girl, and other things and I let his hand uhm…help there.

I got there twice in the shower and twice more in bed. Taylor got there seven times! Seven times! Last night as I came to grips with my inner demon called Jaimes in the past.

I wake up well before Taylor who’s snoring a little and still a typical guy in the mornings. I can’t help but smile and slithered down and “Kissed” him awake. Literally I tongue kiss “Him” it’s so…I’m doing that to him and him watching me and seeing his head roll back and him crying out my name over and over again, his hands pounding the bed and gripping the sheets or running his fingers over my scalp and thin hair. He get’s there really soon, I’m learning to master my gag reflex. I enjoy my early morning Taylor caviar. I keep at it until he’s ready again and I straddle him and we make love all over again. I get there really fast and once again before his second time. I kiss him and get out of bed and go and brush my teeth. I take my meds and my vitamins and I get dressed into a tank and shorts without getting cleaned up…I want to keep the feeling on him and the traces of him awhile yet and buzz up a strawberry protein smoothie with a bit of orange juice and ugh…yogurt. I take it with me and for the first time in ages I go for a run. I kiss Taylor and head off into the early morning light.

I run four miles this morning I’m really enjoying it, the running, the feeling of just having had sex and the strengthening bounce of my breasts as I run. It feels so good and self affirming but it doesn’t take me long before I’m winded and gasping but I’m used to it. I’m really out of shape but I’m used to working out and passed the threshold of pain. I used to run more than this, but it’s been a long time since I’ve done that. Half way I’m at where the train yards gates are and I kill my smoothie and then run back. Once I see Mavericks I push it running harder than before. I run inside and up the steps…Taylor’s up and in the shower. I drop and tuck my feet under the edge of my bed and crank out a few sit ups/crunches only getting to twenty barely before I’m done…can’t just can’t do any more…

I slide into the shower and kiss my guy. I wash his back and wash myself and when he responds to my touch…I respond in kind and let him take me again…hard…I ask for it hard. I know, I know it sounds like a lot of sex, it is really. We’re young and I’m in a good mood better for my talk, trying to embrace myself. It’s not that strange when you really think about it. What seventeen year old girl isn’t as aroused as this? The fact that it’s held that girls aren’t into sex as much as guys is a great big myth. The endorphins are definitely kicking in.

I love after we shower together almost as much as we make love, maybe more actually. There’s this great tango thing we do as we brush teeth and hair and do our business. I’ve got a whole lot less to do with my shaved head, well it’s growing out really fast actually so it’s actually now about an inch and a half after eleven days. My bruises are gone so I feel a whole lot prettier than before except for my still healing shoulder. I’m okay with that it was kind of a really bad injury and needed surgery and stuff. The stitches have dissolved and it’s healed but not totally healed it’ll always be a scar there and it’ll be still an ugly color for the rest of the month. Ah well a t-shirt will cover that up for now. I find a black t-shirt…no, I’ve got this button up top with short sleeves in red that’ll go great with my black bra and panty set and a short black skirt. I toss on a slip with it and leave a few buttons of my top undone so I’m showing off my girls. I get my feet into my strappy black flats and a few spritzes to smell nice and…I slip into the bathroom and it’s just long enough…I spike my hair just a little. All the while I’m dancing around with Taylor in my way, me being in his way, touching each other, making faces. Him soaping up to shave and me making him stop so I can draw happy faces on his cheeks with my fingertip while he rolls his eyes and lets out one of those long suffering sighs. We laugh together and kiss each other and it’s…it’s something that I just love.

He’s gone down ahead of me as I go a little punk in my make up playing up my mood and my new hairstyle. I use a bit heavier make up around my eyes and darker lipstick with some extra shine to it. I’m not really a big user of blush or concealer so I just use an tiny amount of both. I think it looks good, I’d want to have some more piercing if I really wanted to carry it off as a full time look. I toss on some bracelets on one wrist my left because I’m a righty and trying to write orders and fight bracelets would just drive me nuts. My pewter celtic cross I bought once and is on a leather cord and goes around my neck and settles just right between my breasts. I go downstairs and kiss Taylor good morning as we grab a quick bite. Taylor makes us this waffle thing with whole wheat bread dough that’s a little thin with bits of cheese and green onion in it and once he pours it into the waffle iron he lays crispy fried strips of bacon over it and then closes it.

Yum!

It’s like fresh multigrain bread and toast all at once with flavors of stuff you’d put in an omelet and we eat them with scrambled eggs on top of them. It’s quick too if you’re making bread at home.

The girls show up and we’re soon busy as the words gotten out around the yards that we’re back to being open. Breakfast is a huge busy time for us, you got the eating in crowd here for a bite before work and then we’ve got a sandwich service at the ground floor kinda sorta take out window. It’s chaos with rotating customers and taking orders and clearing dishes and everything. It’s massively busy today as our regulars have gone without their fix for nearly two weeks. I’m having fun. It’s kind of because what Marley, Dr. Wilson said. That I’ve really hurt myself by not admitting to who I was. That I was Jaimes and Jaimes was just trying to become me. I wasn’t a bad person then I just was trapped by my life and what I thought was the truth about who I was. I’m actually the same person I was then just different, younger and still searching.

I kind of go with the thought today. I treat the chaos as I would’ve back when I was playing football. I’m dodging Holly and Nin and customers as I’m taking orders and serving them up and clearing the tables going through phases of offence and defense and I’m bantering with customers like I’d do with other players and teammates and treating all the orders like different plays. And just like in the game I get caught up in the action and it stops being work, the shyness seems to just melt away and I’m having fun. I get into bouncy high energy and it’s contagious I think as Taylor and holly and Njinda get more involved into it.

It’s really cool to see Taylor getting excited about it too. This place is his baby and he loves it so much. It’s cool to see him crank up the music of the local radio station and rapidly do stuff like flipping pancakes off the grill at high speed and take a potato for our potato slices we use for hash browns on the grill and hold it in one hand as he cuts the slices off of it and flying it onto the greased griddle like a salad shooter.

Our customers get into the energy and they have a good time and they tip well. Gramps and Grams show up with Holly’s kids as they’re baby sitting their new grandkids and dad shows up for breakfast and they soon get known to the regulars and the news of our engagement gets out to be cheered each time it comes out along with demands for me to flaunt my ring and the Kudos that Taylor gets from both asking my family and giving me his mothers ring.

It awesome and romantic and fun and exciting. I strut and touch and tease Tay all morning too when I’m not going at it full tilt with the orders and everything. It’s a great morning and once the stuffs for lunch is started and bread baking and the dishwasher going I grab him by the wrist and pull him into the store room as Holly gives me a thumbs up as I grab my purse. “Jenna? What are you…”

I kiss him shoving my tongue down his throat and sucking on his tongue for a few minutes. The good thing about the top being buttoned so low it goes off over my head really fast. “Tay, C’mon kiss me, take me…” I pull him by his already stained T-shirt to me and we kiss again. “Oh wow Jen…are you sure?”

My hand shoots to his crotch and starts grabbing and feeling and…yay!

“Okay…You’re sure.”

We have a quickie in the store room. We go through several positions and make each other happy…twice. I redress adding a panty liner and pad until later but I’m feeling good…it’s not really being sore anymore, well it is but a good sore I’m starting to like.

I lean against him as we share a coffee and take it easy now that the rush is over with and everything. I love this too, this post sex feeling sipping one of those coffees he made me when we first met. His arms around me as we sway to the music on the radio. I’m not sure the song but it’s something by Diana Krall.

“You’re feeling better.”

“Yeah I feel good today Tay.”

“You’re feeling uhm Randier than you usually do?”

“I am not, I don’t even know a Randy.”

He chuckles a bit and tightens the hug. “You know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I’m getting over some of my fear about the way I am right now and the more that is the more I feel just how much I love you without the background noise. The more I feel it the uhm more needful of you I get.”

“Really/”

“Really, Tay do you know what the most powerful sexual part of a woman is?’

“Uhm her Ti..” I tilt my head up and nip his chin. “No, honey not even close.”

“Uhm her cli…” I elbow him a little, he makes a big fake Oof out of it.

“No Taylor, it’s her brain, her mind.”

“So does that mean I’ve been F-ing your brains out?”

“You’re such a guy.” I kiss him and kiss him and I love doing it in between waiting on customers.

We do beef stew, and Sheppard’s pie, and Spaghetti with parmesan sauce and spicy sausage chunks and Wedding soup…That’s going to be served until we’re married. It’s a chicken soup that Taylor roasted first it’s dumped into a huge pot with finely chopped leeks and carrots and celery a couple of onions all in a big pot of chicken stock. The chicken is added with Italian sausage bits or balls…Tay oven roasts them with the chicken and just cut them up as he adds the chicken that’s pulled off the bone. The last things he put in his is green pepper puree, roasted garlic puree and this green called escarole that’s really bitter like baby spinach. It’s different but loved by the Italian community and when it’s served up at lunch we run out of it. We get request for more and for soup for the guys to put into thermoses because some of our take out guys are working away from us down the line.

We don’t make love in the slow part of the afternoon. I talk on the phone to order things from the suppliers and Taylor’s in between the office and baking and cooking for those that are still coming in between the meal crowds and he introduces me to the guys who show up out back with deliveries. It’s all fascinating and really cool. I don’t laze either or let the guys do all the work of unloading everything. Our veggie guy comes on Tuesdays as does the milk guys and our egg guys. Meat guy was yesterday, fish guys and the cheese guys come on Thursdays along with the milk guys again.

I love learning this meeting these guys and this…it’s real, it’s my life and I’m really doing something with it…It feels so good, I feel so blessed. I love introducing myself as Jenna Powers. I like being taken as a girl at face value…I was scared as hell really of being made with my hair all short and everything. I still see the boy I was sometimes in the mirror. After the breakfast and lunch rushes I was fixing my make up in the mirror and stopped to take a look there. Yes I can still see him/me there but we’re both smiling now. It feels good. I feel so good.

I throw some more bread dough together in the mixer as I give each of the suppliers a freshly baked loaf of bread and smile at Taylor when he looks at me surprised like he had never thought of that. I kiss him. “They’re all kind of part of the team too right?”

“Uh, yeah I just never thought of that. I mean it’s cool honey.”

“Thank you, I’m trying to get all this right.”

“You are you’re picking this up nicely.”

“Really, I’m proud of you.”

We end up kissing together for awhile. Me on his lap as we take a few moments just for ourselves. “Taylor?”

“Mmmn?” He’s kissing me and had a hand in my blouse under my bra, it feels sooo good right now, especially as he’s gently playing with my nipple.

“I think we need to hire some more staff.”

“We do?”

“Yeah, oh…I mean uhm yeah we do when we got get our medical stuff taken care of. The insurance guys are going to pay out wages for Holly and Nin while we’re closed.”

“Mmm, good point. When did you come up with this?”

“I’ve been obsessing over this kind of stuff Tay, I worry about all this stuff just like I worry about other stuff.”

“Other stuff.”

“Yeah.”

“Like?”

“Losing you? What’ll happen if that happens. If the people who hate me find me again? Stuff like that.”

“You’re not going to lose me.”

“You promise?”

“I promise but I can do better than that.”

“You can do better than that?”

“Yeah, Dr. Clark called this afternoon from the oncology department.”

“And?”

“And he thinks there might be a surgical treatment that they might be able to try.”

“Really!”

“Yeah, really honey.”

“What is it!?”

“I don’t know but they’re flying in a specialist from John Hopkins in the states to consult. We’ve got an appointment to see them on Monday.”

“Oh my god!, This is awesome! It’s so great!”

“Jenna...Jenna…Don’t, don’t we don’t know anything yet, lets not get our hopes up…”

The words hit me right along with the little bit of tremble in his voice and the look in his eyes. He so scared right now. There’s this beautiful chance at hope there now being dangled in front of him and now with me and everything else in his life he’s got so much to lose if the news turns out bad all over again.

I straddle his lap and begin to sweetly and tenderly kiss him while wrapping my arms around his neck and bring my fingers up to play with his hair, rub his temples with my thumbs and nuzzle his face, cheek rubbing cheek back and forth, long sweet kiss. I put my forehead to his and look him in the eyes.

“Taylor Winters, you are the heart of my heart. My knight in shining armor when I thought I knew that knights didn’t exist. You’re…” I get up and kiss him. You stay here, I’ll be right back.” I run in and look at Holly and Nin. “Hey guys can I have an hour or so? Tay’s just gotten word about something that Might help but he’s kinda freaked and scared and needs me now.”

Holly waves me off. “Go, go We’ve got all the help we need, right Johnny?” She says as she tosses an apron over to my dad. He catches it. “Yeah go no problem we’ve got it covered.” He does take out his cell phone to call somebody. I run upstairs and grab the guitar and run back down to where Taylor’s sitting in the sunlight on the back loading dock on a small crate his back to the wall. I kiss him on his eyelids like he’s done for me and then sweetly and sensuously on his lips. He opens those gorgeous mountaintop grey eyes and I fall into love with him a little deeper. We nuzzle, face rub, cheek to cheek all over again before another long sweet kiss…I slide back onto his lap and lean myself against him and tune the guitar a second. He wraps those arms around me again holding my so perfectly, kisses my neck.

My fingers start to run over the strings of the acoustic and I begin to find the chords I’m looking for as I begin to play I also begin to sing to him.

“Love of my life.”

“I don’t have a lot to give you.”

“What’s in my heart.’

“Is all that I can really love you.”

“Love, undying love is all I have.’

“A handful of words, that might make you laugh.”

“And all the strength you need…”

“To make it through…”

“All your troubled times.”

“I give all of myself to you…”

“Only you…”

“My dream come true.”

“Love of my life…”

“You were all I ever wanted.”

“To be with you…”

“Is all I ever really wanted.”

“You…You’ve made my life a fairy tale.”

“You’ve added love to a life that was so stale.”

“And know that I’ll be here…”

“Always for you…When you need a friend.”

“I give all of my self to you…”

“Only you…”

“My dream come true.”

“I’ve been waiting all my life for you.”

“Now all my waiting is through.”

“All the nights spent dreaming I knew…”

“That my dream would come true.”

“So many nights…”

“I laid awake dreaming I knew.”

“One day I’d be with you.”

“How all my nights of dreaming are through…”

“Cause my dream has come true.”

“Oh…dream come true…”

“I’ve been dreaming of you…”

I let the last notes of the song fade into the dying hum of the guitar chords as I hold that fading note on my lips before setting the acoustic down and then shifting my weight so I can swivel around still being held by Taylor’s arms and Straddle him again.

I look up at him through my lashes a little shyly and self conscious as I’ve only really sang to him in our place before. This was semi-public. Tay’s grip tightens but slides down to the small of my back and he’s crying as he stares at me.

There’s this look he’s giving me that fills me like light fill the darkness. There is absolutely nothing like it because…God…to me God is love, God made man in his image…and right now Taylor is looking at me with that love that God’s supposed to have for all of us….This complete and perfect love…I feel, I really feeling this…this feeling the way we are together, the way we feel about each other healing things in us that…that I can’t even describe….I don’t want to, it’d spoil it.

Taylor’s hands slowly slide from the small of my back down to my bottom them a sweet caress and a squeeze then up to my sides and then cupping for just a second over the swell of my breasts then continuing up until they reach my neck…then they leave from there so he can touch my face with shaking fingers and hold me so gently by my face that it’s like I’m a soap bubble that might pop on him. There’s still tears streaming down his cheeks as he looks at me. He’s just so close he’s only an eyelash away….”Jenna…Oh..Jen…You haven’t just saved my life but I…I think you saved my soul…” It’s choppy because he’s crying, his voice is cracking a little but it’s the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me. Then he kisses me…

You know that bit at the end of the “Princess Bride.” Where Peter Falk is telling the end of the story in that monologue about the kiss between Penelope and Wesley?

I’ve got that beaten hands down.