Images 31

Chapter 31

The movie was well… (Big grin.)

I haven’t the foggiest.

Back when I was Jaime I was so out of the whole actual emotional connection that I went to a date to the movies and I watched the movie. It was good in a way because it did let me turn my brain off. But the whole make out thing in the movie theatres. I never did that.

Not until tonight with Taylor. We slipped up into the back balcony seating and we snuggled into each other as best we could and we kissed, and kissed and oh god we kissed. There were touches too and he got some over and under the bra action too which sort of made it better but we spent nearly two hours really making out like we are supposed to just by being the ages that we really are.

Two hours…

I got to kiss the most amazing guy in the world and the love of my life exploring the whole spectrum of kissing him for nearly two blessed hours.

Honestly it’s such a real and normal thing it was perfect.

We leave the theatre pretty much amongst the last to leave and we get in the truck and we don’t go home right away, we get a coffee and we drive around and listen to music on the stereo and just be.

It was really nice but after my first yawn Taylor kissed me and smiled and nuzzled my face. “I agree, let’s go home babe.”

We get home and we take a shower together and do out bathroom usuals and then he spoon-walks me to bed.

I love it when he does that.

He comes up and he presses up against me and he wraps those powerful arms of his around me and he holds me so tight. Not like hurting me tight but right there in this zone where I can feel the strength and power of that rocking body he’s got humming against my skin.

It’s that real obvious thing that he’s a guy and he’s really stronger than me and he’s got that jaded past so I know that he can fight and he’s a dangerous man in a good way…and all of that is mixed and tempered with this love that he’s holding me with and how gentle he is as we walk to the bed just as close as close can get and so loving…

He starts by kissing my neck, my ear and his hands start to move. I love the feeling of his hands, the power in them. I love the feeling of the gentleness and even the fact he’s got work rough hands and he’s trying to make his gestures and touches soft and loving.

You really know your One is really the One when they can kiss you with a touch instead of their lips.

I really hope that’s true for everyone. No matter what kind of loving relationship they have.

That touching goes to him undoing my bra but he doesn’t just let it fall away, no he holds it there and he gently cups my breasts and gently, gently fondles them, touches then teases then using the satin or nylon and the lace in my bra to make the entire experience just more…still spooning but hard so hard against me and his body heat soaking into me so just so…right. Then he’s kissing my neck still and the music by this time is starting to play out of our stereo.

He lay’s me down on the bed and soon but almost not soon enough Taylor’s inside of me and I’m loving the feeling of being together in whatever way we can, feeling him inside of me, his heat his heat inside of me and the passionate loving strength as he takes me in his hands and makes love to me.

“I Swear.” By John Michael Montgomery is such a great song to have playing it the background when you’re with your lover, it’s sorta country, mostly rock and roll and so very much Taylor.

“When a man loves a woman” By Percy Sledge is such a great song when you really get deeply into it, when the lovemaking is sweaty and strong and insistent.

But ….there’s nothing really like the whole friggin cliché of making the best part of making love with “Unchained melody.” Playing in the background by the Righteous brothers….alive, so alive even so happy and fulfilled until I’m smiling and crying tears of joy.

What an amazing thing to fall asleep to loved, cared for and spent and pulled into Taylor’s arms as he moves and takes the wet spot and curls up with me and I get to fall asleep listening to his heartbeat.

I have this good dream, I’m asked by this voice just out from nowhere but white peaceful light and mist. If there was one thing I would want right now but for someone else…I smiled and closed my eyes and heard my husbands heart beating away…This…I wish them this…please, please just do that please…Have the just know to ask the ones they love some night even with all the daily grind. Please, Love can I listen to your heart tonight…or just do it while cuddling in front of the TV…do it life’s to short.

It’s too good a thing to miss out on.

………………………I wake up really weepy, but really happy. It’s a real nice change of pace to wake up and there happy tears there instead of pain and loneliness. I very carefully slink out of bed and turn on the music again and I slide down and wake Taylor up in my own version of playing the “trumpet” as Louie Armstrong’s “What a wonderful World.” starts to play.

Sorry Louie. (Bashful grin.)

………………………The day heralds the way it actually seems to go the next two weeks. We’ve got the new wait staff hired on two new girls Donna and Harmony. Harm’s not a blonde but a bit of a dark haired Goth type and we get Austin as the kid we’ve hired out of culinary school.

Austin’s a godsend here early and he does a lot of the prep work for us and he’s a dab hand in the bakery part of the place and he got a place close by in the same place that Kendal was renting a motel room by the week.

Kendal actually moved out of that place and in with Billy and she’s gotten a lot more passable and she’s finally gotten her carry letter and she’s working on getting her dual citizenship. She’s been really dropping off some of the weight that she had been carrying something that Marley had called guilt and shame weight.

I guess it’s pretty common with us transwomen that we can’t look the way that we need the world to see us or we think that we can’t so it’s a lot of that whole fuck it If I can’t have people see me for me I’m going to make it so no one will look at me including me.

I’ve been seeing Marley a lot more now that things aren’t as desperate and bust for is at the diner. I’m usually out at her place with her and her spouse and the gaggle full of kids and we’re usually talking while doing chores.

We talk a lot about what it really means to be Trans and to be a woman. I’ve always been a girl and I’m more sure of that than I’ve ever been in my life but this is me more getting to steep myself in the whole experience.

It might not be a popular thing but I’m kind of in that camp that doesn’t really like the fact some post op’s go a sort of reverse stealth. It’s just like they’re still ashamed of the person they used to be.

I just can’t do that, I was who I was when I thought that was the real me. The thing is I’m trying to separate into these like lists. And I’m kind of matching the things up about the two times in my life that are really the same, shared things for good or for bad but really these defining things that I can start to look back on and say. “That’s me.”

My little friends who were not my friends being gone has started to take a stronger effect finally, I’ve gained about twenty two pounds since my wedding and my breasts are filled out really nicely now with a 32 C and I’m finally starting to actually get a butt.

And my hair, my hair is finally starting to get to just an inch or so off of my shoulders and is filling in nicely.

Taylor’s hair really comes in thick and fast he’s got about an inch of his gorgeous golden blonde back now and it looks so good on him. And better yet his last three sets of tests have been clear and he’s got a lot more energy.

If we keep making love and having sex the way that we have been in the last week then I’m going to try to put on some more weight with the amount of calories that you burn off while making love. Seriously, pretty much a lot before we got to sleep every night and I wake up with him ready and more than will to go…that a big thing really, no pun intended that he’s feeling better that much that him getting turned on well happens while he’s sleeping and that it wakes him up apparently is a really good sign.

And it’s not just those time either there’s at least once in a day that we spend bouncing off the walls somewhere totally at random while. I’m actually sore at first as we’ve been doing it that much but even if I go down on him I end up with all the powerful hormones running through my seventeen year old brain…just falling victims to my own libido I guess and we’re both just…

Sigh…yeah…

And my operation date is getting closer and closer.

We’re getting it scheduled for March break for Hunter and it’s really not that far away. Angie’s from New Brunswick a place called Fredericton and we’re going to use the whole thing to go afterwards to see her parents and family then heard over to Prince Edward Island and see Grams and Gramps’s place and where Dad had grown up.

………………..It was Friday when Njinda showed up for work late, pale…and it takes some doing to get a Somali girl pale…crying and shaking and when she came in she went right for the bathroom and started throwing up.

Holly and I went in and held her hair and rubbed her back. Holly asking her. “Nin honey are you okay…are you… pregnant?”

She shakes her head so and spits a few times and falls back to the floor and we catch her and ease her back gently. She pulls her legs up around and wraps her arms around her knees.

I know that look and that’s fear.

“Nin…come on you’re safe here, tell me what happened.” I kneel down in front of her and use some wet paper towel to wipe her face.

“Eeet was him…him…Tkumo….from home; he was one of the militia killers with the Imam …he was one of the men who killed my sisters…”

“Oh shit…” Holly and I both say it together.

Nin’s rocking back and forth. “I was getting things theeese morning at the store to take home after work and he was there…at the store getting a so-da…he looked at me… and he knew me…he knew me from home and he knew that I knew heem to I seen it in hees eyes…He make the cut your throat ting with hees hand at me…”

She yells/cries out. “How deed he get ‘ere I though we were safe!?!”

I look at Holly as I pull Njinda into my arms. “Go tell everyone, close the place up and call the boys.”

“Not the cops?”

“Yeah them too but call the boys first.”

“Okay.”

“Hols…”

“Yeah?”

“Tell Taylor to go get her mom.”