Images 46

Chapter 46

Okay I’m actually pretty embarrassed because of Tay tossing us the bottle of baby oil to me and Iggy like we’re two cheap hookers getting ready to oil wrestle. Iggy’s laughing which is a good thing and I set the bottle of baby oil down and stare at her.

“Are you done?”

“Fuck you he’s funny.”

“I know he’s funny along with a lot of other great things, that’s why I married him.”

She wipes at her eyes and she looks at me. “I need a smoke.”

“I need a coffee.”

“I’ll have a tea since you’re heating water.”

I sigh and she’s taking out the baggy of pot from place where we put it far from the reach of small questioning fingers and starts rolling a joint. “Roof?” she asks. I nod “Yes please.”

I make myself a coffee, instant’s fine by me most of the time. Actually I like Encore now that they’ve brought it back and I add a little bit of sugar to mine and some vanilla cream to it. I don’t buy the prefab stuff…that’s like veg-oil liquid Cool-Whip stuff and honestly you might as well mainline liquid plastic into your body.

Mine is better, tastes better and is simpler. I buy a bid creamer and I put some of my homemade vanilla into it.

I make Iggy a large mug of tea a nice herbal blend that’s got dried pear in it and ginger so that it’ll help her stomach issues. I grab my coat and pass it to her and a toque.

“I’m not wearing that.”

“Yes you are its cold out and you need your head covered up.”

“Fine give me the Oiler’s one.”

“Fine…” I roll my eyes. I get her the Oiler’s toque and I slip into Tay’s jacket and put on the one I gave her that’s for Raising the roof and we head up the stairs to the roof.

It’s cold up here now and getting close to snowing soon November’s cold but we’re almost into December now and in Alberta that means snow anytime now.

Iggy Lights her joint and takes her tea which has a lot of steam coming off of it already and I look at her.

“What?” She asks.

“Are we done?”

“Done what?”

“The bullshit Ingrid. I’m going to be here for you I told you that you’re the mother of our daughter but I’m not going to take you trying to push things.”

“What do you mean push things; you have any idea what I’m going through?”

“No, but my life’s never been a bed of roses either and it’s still not. I’m really trying here and you trying to prove to yourself that you’re a monster or a bad person to somehow make some part of what that asshole did to you has to stop.”

“Like you know.”

“I’m effing transgendered Iggy; you think that any one like me wants to be born this way? Be this different and ostracized and looked at like a freak? No…and there’s been a whole lot of times that I’ve been curled into a little ball asking God why?”

“And he said?”

I roll my eyes again. “What I get out of my relationship with God is between me and God.”

“So if I don’t believe in a god that let’s all this shit happen?”

I shrug. “Taylor doesn’t either, and I don’t push it.”

“So…what you’re not going to try and convert me or preach to me or pray for me?”

“I already have.”

“And look what good’s that’s done.”

I shrug again. “You’re here, Giselle’s here things have been worse.”

She takes a few hits off her joint. “You’ve gotten really weird Jenna.”

“It’s a weird world Iggy adapt to survive and all that stuff.”

She chuckles and shakes her head. “So I’m just supposed to not be hurt and not be angry and not hate all of this?”

“No, you can…honestly I can’t stop you but can I ask you something?’

“Yeah sure…” She exhales a large cloud of pot smoke on me. I give her the finger for doing it.

“When are you going to stop letting him abuse you over and over?”

“What?”

“It’s like someone that’s hurt you in a different way, you dwell on it and you’re letting them live in your head rent free. Well you’re dwelling on this, on what happened and you’ve been doing it ever since…even after you got free of him and out of there.”

“Well what the hell am I supposed to do just live with it?”

“No, fight back.”

“Fight back?”

“Yes, look if someone tried to do that with you now or something else you’d fight right?”

“Damn right, no more Jenna.”

“Then fight now, don’t let him keep abusing you.”

“How?”

“Therapy, talk to someone, get in a group. All of that, everything you can do to get him out of your head. Just like you’re going to fight off him trying to do that to you now because that’s exactly what you’re still doing.”

I cross my arms and I sip at my coffee while she finishes her joint and she’s sipping her tea looking thoughtful. Upset a bit but thoughtful. “You really think that?”

“Which part I spouted off a lot of stuff there?” I actually blush a bit too. To me…I’m not this take charge authorative type of girl. I don’t do the whole speech thing.

“The part about getting help is fighting back.”

I go over and set my coffee down and I hug her. “Yes, it’s just like that. Without getting help you’re not really fighting him back you’re at best just fending it off…duck and cover only can work for so long Iggy you need to start swinging back.”

“I don’t know how, Jenna I don’t know how or what to do.”

“Will you be willing to talk to someone?”

“It hurts.”

“It will, it killed a part of you…open soul surgery is painful.”

She sniffles and laughs… “I like that open soul surgery huh?”

“Yeah…it is what it is.”

“Okay…okay I know I’m going to hate it and I’ll likely be a complete bitch during it but okay…okay yeah I’ll see someone.”

“Good, I’ll ask when we can start.”

“You’ve…?”

“Oh yeah, I’ve had my doc looking into someone that specializes in what you’ve been through. I was just waiting on you.”

“You talked me right into this huh?”

“Well I did take advantage of you being gay.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that I’m a girl and you like girls and you’re just as vulnerable to women logic as any guy is.”

She looks up over her shoulder at me and she blinks a few times before she starts to chuckle a bit. “Okay, okay that’s actually true…I’m a girl and honestly I still don’t understand women most of the time.”

I lead her back downstairs because it’s getting windy up here and I don’t want her to get a cold. “Well, that’s because you’re making the same mistake as everyone else makes.”

She comes with me but hangs onto my hand sort of like we used to when we were really friends before everything happened. “Oh and what’s that?”

“You don’t figure a woman out, you don’t understand a woman. You experience a woman.”

“Huh?”

I smile and head inside with her and take off my stuff then rub my arms. I look at the clock and it’s still really early yet even more than usual when we get up for work and stuff.

I head into our kitchenette for upstairs and grab a frying pan and some steel cut oats and some walnut halves and I get the walnuts halves on and start to toast them and add just a pad of butter and just before they actually fry the walnuts a little bit of brown sugar and I toss them together then out on a dish. I wipe out the pan and then toast the oats lightly in the dry pan just enough to get the flavors going.

Ingrid’s watching me shaking her head but she filches a walnut and sucks the brown sugar glaze off of it. “So…?”

I look at her. “Hmm…?”

“So….women are to be experienced?”

“Yes, we don’t work with being “Understood” or “figured out” we just don’t work like that but what does work is being talked to, made love to, listened to, cherished, treasured and even remembered but we’re never going to fit in a spot where someone even ourselves can figure us out.”

She’s staring at me again. “You…you’ve changed so much you know that?”

“I know, I had to.”

“I don’t even really know you anymore do I Jenna?”

“No, but you’re not alone there. I’m just getting to really being myself whoever that is after everything that’s happened.”

“I wouldn’t mind a chance to do that.”

I look at her and she’s looking at me. “We are, but you still have a lot of work to do you know.”

“Okay…” she’s looking at me, staring sort of like she’s seeing something different or maybe she’s just seeing ME now instead of the person she used to know but it’s a nice look instead of the scowls and stuff that’s usually there.

“Think you could eat now?” I ask her.

“Mmm, yeah it actually smells good what is that anyway?”

I’m boiling the water. “Oatmeal, I just make my own.”

“Toasted oatmeal?” She’s looking around and getting down some bowls.

“That’s toasted oatmeal with butter-brown sugar walnut and maple.”

“Maple?’

I cook the oatmeal and in the mixing I do add a table spoon of flax seeds but when the oatmeal is just about done I toss in the nuts and then go and get it ready to spoon out into the bowls but I grab the bottle of maple syrup I have and just about a teaspoon in the bottom of each bowl before I spoon the hot porridge over it and then another on top to end it.

I really do this pretty good actually and you can smell everything coming up with the steam.

“Wow…that’s some fancy oatmeal, it smells great.”

“It’s not that fancy it’s just close to that store bought stuff only home-made.” I get a bit of cream on mine just a little splash and she does the same.

“I’m not complaining…Mmm…shit this is really good.”

“Thanks, it’s actually sort of an idea from my Nan.”

“Oh? Oh yeah you got a whole bunch of family now right.” Okay she’s a little stoned and it’s kind of funny and she’s a little easier to take like this actually.

“Yeah, she like’s this ice cream called Maple-Walnut so I thought one morning to try it.”

“Mmm’s…s’good.” I laugh a little with her talking around a tablespoon full of it. Which is good too…I actually thought this up with Tay too as well as the Gram’s thing (yes I call her both.) You have the oats that are good and the protein from the nuts and the omega 3’s from the nuts and the flax seeds and the added carbohydrates from the brown sugar and syrup it’s actually a pretty decent breakfast for anyone.

While she’s eating I get the laptop out and I get her a glass of skim and some vitamins and set them in front of her. She looks up at me and she rolls her eyes and takes them and shoves a spoonful of porridge to chase them before taking a drink of the milk.

“Thank you.” I smile and tell her.

I type in a bunch of stuff and sit with her at our little table and start watching.

“What’s this?”

“It’s my little cousin out east in Ontario, Angel and her band Starlight Butterfly.”