Chapter 3

It was one of those time moves so slowly moments. Tay had told me he was falling in love with me and honestly I was falling in love with him too. How couldn’t I right? He had been a stand up guy ever since I met him, and when I met him I was so low that I was really considering killing myself.

He got in my face and showed me that as bad as things were for me I as far as would know had a long life in front of me. He also taught me there is really no reason for me to not live as I want to live, need to live. When facing death, there’s really not that much to lose.

He knows because he was diagnosed with an inoperable tumor on his brain and he’s literally been living on borrowed time for months now. He carries his final diagnosis with him as a reminder there’s nothing left to lose.

Me I still have that emptied bottle of sleeping pills on the nightstand on my side of our bed.

Five days and my life has changed so much, has gotten to be so much richer with him in it and honestly I can’t really picture myself not loving him. So a few seconds after he said it I turned around on his lap and kissed him. We kissed each other back and forth, both of us in our own hearts had been damned so long ago to just be alone. We stared into each others eyes for what felt like an eternity and it was like we were living those possibilities in those instants of forever. My nose started to bring me out of it because there were things I had to check. I smiled at him with what felt like one of the first real smiles in my life. Another thing Tay’s given me back that I thought was killed by Ingrid and my mother and my stepfather. “Taylor Winters I do believe I just might be falling in love with you too.” I slide off his lap and out of his hands heading to go down and start checking on things in the kitchen. I stop at the doorway and lean against it kind of like hugging it.

“Tay?”

He smiles at me, getting up himself and trying to rearrange and settle Mr. Happy. “Yeah Jen?”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“I honestly had thought that I’d never hear anyone say they loved me in anyway ever again.”

“In that case I’m glad I am falling for you because I never thought I’d ever meet somebody brave enough to let me say it. After you put me to bed I thought you might be gone like all the rest of them, but you stayed…. Nobody has ever stayed before. Nobody’s ever sung to me before either Jenna, that was better than anything I could’ve been given at the hospital.”

I can’t help but really blush at that and smile at him before slipping away from the doorway to head down to the kitchen to check on things for the supper rush.

The lasagnas had turned out really well all seven pans of them and I start doing up the pudding filled chocolate muffins when Tay comes down and starts to check everything out. He smiles and tells us all. “You girls did a really great job, I’m sorry I was kind of out of it this morning.”

Holly and Njinda both give him hugs and kisses on the cheek. Holly beams at him. “Hey we know about the “you know” and It’s like the least we could do after the way you’ve been there for us.”

My curiosity is piqued and I can’t help but ask. “So Tay’s helped you both out too?”

Holly nods and smiles as she’s chopping stuff up for salads. “Yeah, I was kind of a problem kid when I was younger and got into the wrong crowd for a few years and actually ended up spending too many of my formative teenage years pulling cheque fraud scams and getting arrested for drugs and prostitution and even stealing cars. I got myself straightened out but there’s a whole lot of people that just won’t hire you when you’ve got an arrest record. When I met Taylor here I was just about to either start stripping or going back into being a prostitute. But he saw me and not the stuff on my record and has given me a pretty good job with lots of benefits.”

“Benefits?”

“Yeah, Taylor here pays pretty decent plus lets us keep the tips we get and he’s even got us all on a health plan with like dental and everything. I’ve got two kids and it really saves my ass to only have to pay down ten percent to get a prescription, or to get stuff for the kids. And the fact he lets us do our laundry here for free doesn’t hurt or taking home any left overs that we ain’t gonna use here the next day.”

I look over at him and with my recent year plus of barely scraping by I can get it how this would be really important stuff. He’s trying to cut some of the loaves of bread into slices but he can’t keep the electric knife steady. He’s got this really unsteady stroke like or almost Parkinson’s like shake happening. I just move myself over to that other side and take a hold of his hand and keep it still. We look each other in the eyes, there’s an understanding there. I just hold him steady as he cuts up the bread. “Thanks, I’m shaky sometimes after an attack.” Then he shrugs “It’s not like I’m going to eat all those left overs, and if there’s not enough to use then you or Njinda might as well take them home to ease up on the grocery bills.”

Holly slid over for a second and kissed him on the cheek. “Yeah but it’s really decent of you Taylor, there’s a real shortage of decent in the world sometimes.”

Njinda is nodding vigorously making her braids bounce a bit. “I am from Somalia; Taylor had given me a job here so the people from the government cannot send me back there. He tell the men from immigration that he absolutely needed me here and I have a good life now and can send money home and bring my family here or what is left of them after the war. He is a very good man.”

I smile at him not really being too surprised as seeing how he saved me. “I agree Taylor’s the best man I’ve ever met.” I beam at him with pride, I can’t help it but I’m proud to know him, I’m proud to be…”It’s why I love him.”

Yeah, I said it. I’m in love with him and I even said it in front of people. God that, it feels good to be able to say that. Even as Jaime, I had never said that to anybody before. Do you know how good that feels to be able to just say that out loud? Tay’s blushing quite a lot but leans over from his bread slicing to kiss me. “I’m not all that special, there’s tons of people that help others out everyday. And I love you too.”

Holly gives him a light slap to his other shoulder before putting the salad in the fridge to keep. “Yeah but you’re the guy that’s made a difference in our live, so we get to say that.”

I kiss him again. “Mmmn, that’s right and besides you’re outvoted on this one.” there’s a few nods and words of agreement from the few patrons that are here at the moment.

It turns out that all the money from the juke box gets donated to buy stuff for the local Boys and Girl clubs of Canada chapter, He lets the girls use the bread ovens to make bread to take home rather than buying it and even buys them the ingredients bulk from his distributors. He keeps an empty big blue water jug in front of the cash to buy a new wheelchair for the Red Cross every now and then. He bakes and cooks stuff up for three local churches that run outreach stuff on Thanksgiving and Christmas too. The regulars are more than happy to tattle on how great a guy Tay just happens to be.

I beam at him some more, happy, proud.

He gives me a mock frown. “Stop it I’m just bribing my way to get into heaven.”

I laugh.

God, I haven’t laughed in forever.

I close my eyes and tilt my head upwards and then just kind of let some…of that hurt I’ve been carrying since the night my mother and my step-father hurt me go.

I can feel myself get a little back, but it’s precious to me all the same. Maybe he hasn’t abandoned me. “God…Thank you…Thank you…” I’m crying just a bit but they’re good tears. Tears I’ve needed. A gift.

Taylor’s looking at me and I smile and wipe a few tears away and step up to the counter as the first waves of the supper crowd wash in from their various jobs down here by the rail yards. It’s Friday night and a lot of these guys just got paid and are coming here first for a good bite to eat before either going home sometimes for the weekend or before going to get cleaned up and heading out on the town.

We’re busy as all get out for two and a half, three hours all the way up to nearly nine in the evening before Taylor closes the doors up and we stop. Heck we had to actually turn people away at that point. I’m sweaty and dirty and just as tired as I’d ever been playing football. I’m way more satisfied though. We clean the place up as Taylor goes up into the office and we start to count our tips. Holly and Njinda both made out better than I did with close to a hundred and fifty each tonight, I’m more than happy with my sixty seven dollars. That along with the other nights I worked before I was too sick and the other tips from earlier today brings me to a total of two hundred and thirty three dollars.

Taylor comes down with the pay envelopes for the girls and one for me. I stare at it.

“What’s this?”

“It’s your pay.”

“My pay?”

“Yes…you’ve been working here and everything, so you get paid.”

“But I’m living here too?”

“So, it doesn’t mean you haven’t been helping out.”

“Yeah but…”

“You have a nice butt.”

I blush, and stare at him. “Taylor, I should be paying rent, if not at least room and board.”

“Jenna, I own the place, totally. I don’t pay rent and most of my groceries come by bulk with what I use here at the diner. You did the work, you get the pay.”

He crosses his arms at me like he did with that horrid juice gunk.

“Okay, okay you win.” He smiles at me. I take the envelope and wave it in front of his face. “Just don’t get used to it.”

I look inside and there’s two hundred and fifty two dollars in cash.

“Just how much are you paying me?”

“Fourteen dollars an hour for eighteen hours.”

“What?”

“Look, I’m paying you under the table right now until you can get your ID’s sorted and everything again and then I can put you on the company rolls for benefits and such.”

“It’s a bit much isn’t it?”

“I’m paying Holly twenty an hour and Njinda seventeen.”

“…..?”

“And full benefits.”

“Okay, okay…Thanks Taylor.”

“You feel like going out?”

“Out?”

“Yeah there’s a bunch of things I need for here and you need some things and I stay closed on the weekends so there’s no rush to get everything done tonight.”

“Okay, can I get showered and cleaned up?”

“Yeah, I need to too.”

The girls both leave and we lock up and kill the lights and head upstairs. I dig out some clothes that are a bit baggy and will help me pass and set them out. I climb into the shower and get a good lather going and a nice hot steam that’s doing wonders for my cold. I hear Taylor in the bathroom as I’m showering and then he slips into the shower with me!

“Taylor! Ww, What are you doing?”

“Saving water.”

“Tay!”

“Jenna, I said I love you and I meant it. I don’t want to wait or waste a second with you.”

So what do you say to that?

I’m scared as hell and I’m hiding my shameful bits from him. I close my eyes and there’s tears there thankfully being washed away from the shower. I love him right?, I want this relationship right?

“Tay?”

“Yeah?”

“Wash my back?”

It starts like that, just the two of us and scared to go with it. Both of us washing the day and the stresses of it off of each other and kissing, lots of kissing and soon my breasts remind me of who I really am. My god the intimate way we just touch each others at first. Then his mouth is over my nipple and breast and then there’s more as he kisses, suckles and does curly moves with his tongue. It takes me over the edge and I have an orgasm. It happens like it used to but oh, oh, oh, if feels so different. I feel so like who I was really meant to be then.

I could go further and talk about how I used my hand to bring him to relief and all the gory and gooey details but it wasn’t like that. It was more for the both of us the release of so much from the intimate touch of another person. We both cried, held each other and laughed. I was reeling with happiness as we dried each other off and still touched each other and tickled each other as we both got ready together in the same bathroom. I loved every second of this even when he was in my way.

You’d think at ten thirty at night there’d be nothing open but we ended up in his truck and going to The West Edmonton Mall, It’s huge and it’s been nearly two years since I was inside. There’s 800+ stores here and over 23,000 people work here and up to 2004 it was the biggest mall on earth. There’s lots of stuff open and we go shopping.

First thing right off I get my meds refilled and Taylor pays for them. I go to object but he kisses me. “You’ll be on the rolls at the diner for the health plan Jenna, just let this go, I can get my money back from this.”

We buy a bunch of stuff at the drugstore, I need everything and especially my close up toothpaste and my razors and powders, deodorant and make up and a whole bunch of other stuff. Taylor fills the cart with combs and brushes and curlers and curling and straightening irons and everything under the sun a girl could want and might never need.

I look at him. “Taylor, you don’t have to get all of this stuff.”

“Jenna, I want to. And considering I might never get a chance to if I don’t…”

I punch him in the arm. “You really milk that a bit too much there bucko.”

He give me a sheepish grin.

“Yeah, but really Jenna please…just let me please.” He looks at me and as much as this is him being playful there’s that reality of it that really is there.

“Okay, but I just don’t feel that I deserve this.”

“Jenna…” He steps up to wrap those nice strong arms of his around me and kisses me.

“Jen, after what you’ve been through in your life honey, trust me you deserve this.”

I kiss him back and I’m really drinking in the PDA and the warmth in the way he say’s Jen or when he softly and gently called me honey.

I shop with him after that finding out stuff like he’s not picky about toothpaste but he likes the old spice shaving soap in a mug, and he likes the smell of Earth the cologne and Stetson too but he hates the smell of Axe anything.

We stock up on vitamins and health stuff especially those shake kits. I look at him as he gets several of them. “They’re good sometimes when I have headaches bad enough to make keeping solid food down.” I nod and get a strawberry one too. “My HRT makes me sick too sometimes.” it’s a weird thing to smile and kiss over but we do.

I do get us several things of gels and lubes and condoms when we’re in that section. I blush but. “I want to try Tay, I love you, and don’t want to waste a minute while I’m waiting to get sorted out to who I really am.”

He kisses me. “Yeah me too, but there’s no rush Jen, not until you’re ready.” He means it I can see it in his eyes. It makes it a lot less scary, and more of a possibility.

We got to a bunch of other places including several bulk stores for things for the diner and I’ll say he buys a lot of things I’m really not familiar with. I grew up in a meat and potatoes household and my step father didn’t even like onions or garlic we weren’t really adventurous eaters and my mother despite being French was a really bad cook. She bought a lot of those ready from store to the oven meals. It’s hard work too loading all the stuff into the truck.

Our last stops are Wall-Mart where I buy some clothes and he gets a new lap top and a desk top for the diner and a flat screen TV. I get it when he says. “I’ve never bothered with any of this because there was part of me saying what’s the point, now I want this, I want all of this Jen.”

He leans against me in the house wares section holding me tighter than ever.

“God Jen, I want to live.”