Some days there is thick and double thick, then there is Simon - maybe he's clotted or just a clot?

Easy Street
by Angharad & Claude Balls (he annoyed Bonzi).
part:149+1

I got back to the professor's office in something of a dither. I had tried to phone Simon and Stella, but they didn't appear to be answering. I had this wonderful news but couldn't share with just anyone, it would have to wait. Pippa made me a cuppa as soon as I arrived and showed me some calls that she had taken. I spent the next half an hour returning them.

Then it was a call to Bristol and, I spent an hour on a conference call to them, talking to three of their senior lecturers. It seemed astonishing to me that I was the least qualified and experienced, yet they were happy for me to continue leading, both my own section and the project until the professor came back.

When I saw mounting paperwork, I realised why they'd not volunteered. I called the nutty professor.

"I hope you're going to be back by New Year's Day?"

"That depends upon how my shoulder feels, why?"

"I'm not going to be available for several weeks afterwards."

"Why, where are you going?"

"Hospital."

"Why what's wrong?" he sounded quite worried.

"I have a long standing medical condition which I'm hoping they can finally sort out."

"Oh dear, sorry to hear that. I'll have to try and see what I can do about getting back by then."

"I thought I'd better warn you, I got notice of it this morning."

"Might I ask what it is?"

"A gynae problem," I said wanting to chortle.

"A what?" he said sounding surprised.

"Vagina inverticus, I'm getting it sorted."

He laughed for several moments, "I'm delighted for you."

"Thanks Professor, mind you I have to convince a second shrink, on my birthday of all days."

"Oh, I shouldn't think there'll be any difficulty with that. So when is your appointment with the shrink?"

"On monday."

"I'll keep my fingers crossed for you girl, but I can't believe you'll have any problems. Now did you speak to Bristol, and they're happy with the new arrangements?"

"They didn't seem to be queueing up to take over."

"I didn't think they would, did you write to Sir Alan?"

"I did, told him I wanted a pay rise and a chair of my own."

"Why, what's wrong with the three in my room?" He refused to rise to my baiting.

"Nothing, except Spike gnawed through the leather one, and peed on one of the others, and I got tomato soup all over the other."

"If that bloody tree rat of yours damaged my chair there will be a patch about the same size as her repairing it, a furry patch!" He pretended to sound cross but I knew he wasn't.

"It wasn't her fault, she followed one of the other three that escaped in here, she was only chewing the same as them."

"I think while you're away practising how to sit comfortably, I'm going to get some new furry slippers."

"You wouldn't dare!" I said horrified.

"Those bloody vermin are eating us out of house and home."

"What about the award we got for the breeding programme?"

"Will the certificate cover the hole in my chair?"

"Nearly."

"Don't forget you have a second appointment on monday."

"Not according to my diary."

"Well write this in now."

"Okay, who and where, and what is it about?"

"Lunch with me at Grainger's at twelve thirty, block out two hours."

"Erm, I may be too busy with all this paperwork, I have three lots from the government."

"That wasn't an invitation, it was an instruction, bring your shorthand book we'll do some dictation."

"I can't do shorthand, I'm a scientist, remember?"

"Oh damn, I thought you could. Bring a voice recorder will you, give the temp something to do."

"She has plenty already, and she's doing really well."

"What's her name?"

"Pippa."

"Sounds like one of your bloody dormice."

"I'll tell her, I'm sure she could work more slowly, especially when you come back."

"Don't you dare. So she's doing all right is she?"

"Yeah, we'll never replace Mary, but she's doing pretty well."

"Okay, depending upon how she does for the month, we could look to extend the contract. Sadly, if we took her on ourselves we have to pay the agency a large fee."

"Yeah I know."

Lunch was ham roll Pippa got for me, when she popped home to her kids, then the afternoon, we spent sorting out a ream of stuff for her to do for the next two days, while I was away in Bristol.

I checked up on my field project and my understudies were doing okay, they had one lot of data for me, which I showed them how to load on my programme. I simply had no spare time any more.

I got home and discovered that Simon had had his plaster off and was now wearing a bandage on his arm. We had a little kiss, then I set about doing a chicken casserole for tomorrow, in the slow cooker. Once it was on I shoved some pork chops under the grill and did some potatoes and veg. It was nothing special but Stella and he enjoyed it.

"I have a bit of news for you," I announced.

"You have a dessert?" said Simon.

"You'll get your just ones, one of these days!" Snapped Stella.

"I have to see a second shrink on monday."

"What happened to the first one, did she shrink?" Simon was now on a roll, I could tell.

"No, in fact she is alive and well. I have to see a second one...."

"To get your referral. Oh Cathy, that is wonderful news." Stella leapt up and hugged me. "Are you going to let Michael do it?"

"That's the plan, can you organise an appointment, to you know....?"

"Sure, as good as done, you'll like him he is gorgeous, looks a bit like George Clooney."

"Wow, no wonder Dr Thomas had a sparkle in her eye." Then it occurred to me, Stella had said he was saving for his daughter's wedding, so was he, married, and how did I ask?

"Oh so that's who he's been seeing? John mentioned he was dating someone. It'll be good for him to get over losing his wife."

"What happened to her?" I asked.

"She divorced him, he came home from work one day and found a 'Dear John' letter. She ran off with a millionaire businessman."

"What is this second referral business?" said Simon looking puzzled.

"I need to see two shrinks before I can be referred for surgery."

"What, the erm, erm operation?" he asked blushing furiously.

"Yep, but these days they call it gender reassignment, or adjustment. Effectively, it's a vaginoplasty and clitoroplasty with penectomy and bilateral orchidectomy." She looked him in the eye and said, "They chop off the unwanted bits, snip snip." She made scissor shapes with her fingers to emphasise the point.

"Oh God, that's awful!" groaned Simon, covering his groin in a very Freudian response.

"Not if you don't feel they're part of you. To me it's like the removal of a small tumour, something I don't need and would prefer to have transmogrified into something I do want, and I thought you wanted me to have as well."

"Of course I do, I want you to be happy sweetheart, I just hadn't thought about it before, it sounds painful to me."

"We do use an anaesthetic," quipped Stella.

Simon grimaced, "Won't it hurt afterwards?"

"I'm told that dilating isn't much fun to begin with."

"What's that?" asked Simon.

"Shoving a plastic dilator into the cavity to maintain it and stretch it."

"Oh hell, that sounds awful, you don't have to do that do you?"

"Yes, otherwise, it will close up and your honeymoon will be boring."

"What, you're doing this for me?"

"I'm doing it for me," I smiled to Simon, "So I can be as complete as possible. If I didn't know you, I would still want it done, but because I do know you and love you, I want it even more. I want to be your wife Simon, in every sense."

I placed my hand under his chin and pulled his lips to mine. After a sensual kiss, he asked, "When did you say you're getting it done, monday was it?"

"No silly, although it would have been a nice birthday present," I said to no one in particular.

"It's not your birthday on monday is it?" said Stella picking up on my
unintentional disclosure.

I blushed and nodded.

"It's December first on, let's see.... saturday, yeah, saturday. So it's...."

"I know which day it is, pass me your plate Simon." He did and I collected up Stella's. "Look it's no big deal, okay, I've got to go out with the nutty professor for lunch. I haven't got time for it. I really haven't."

"But we have to celebrate," said Simon.

"We'll see, if Dr Winthropp refuses my referral, then I may not feel like celebrating at all." I sloped off to the kitchen and checked on my casserole.

Simon came out and put his arms around me from behind. "How can he fail to see you're a woman, even I can, and I'm not the most perceptive of blokes." He kissed me on the neck.

"I hope you're right lover," I said, as I felt tears from in my eyes. "All my life I've felt I was I female, now I get the chance to achieve it, and I feel frightened. What if he says, 'no', I'll just die."

Simon hugged me, kissing the back of my neck again, "If he says no, we'll find someone who says yes. Surely, your normal shrink will have primed him just by sending you to him?"

"I hadn't thought of that." I felt a little reassured from his words and his hug.

"I'd have thought the big problem was believing you weren't a natural female. I know it surprised the hell out of me."

I turned in his arms, "I hated doing that to you, but you wouldn't go away, I did try to stop you."

"I know, and that just made me love you even more. Why did you stop trying to dump me?"

"Because I fell in love with you silly, why did you think?"

"I just like hearing you tell me," he said gently.

"Yeah it saved him saying it to himself, coo that casserole smells nice, is that for tomorrow." Stella had joined us in the kitchen, "Right show me how to do this bread machine."

"Oh shit, you're off to Bristol tomorrow?" Simon posed a rhetorical question. "Let's leave this hag to do the dishes and make mad, passionate love all night."

"Sounds like the best offer I've had all day." I smiled and kissed him.

"That's right, leave the gooseberry to clean up as usual," grumbled Stella.

"I'll bet you weren't washing up all night last night were you?" asked Simon rather pointedly.

"Off you go then," she blushed.

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Don't forget to comment on the size of it! The length I mean, do you have a preferred one? Oops! I mean the word count on this episode, what did you think I was talking about?