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Chapter 19

I wake up and it’s mid morning and I’m feeling sleepy and lazy and really, really good as Taylor’s arms are circled around me. I love these moments, just feeling that. I almost bathe in that really femmy vibe I feel. His arm on top of me is resting in that girly spot; You know that thin spot at my waist just above my hips. I love having that spot, I love having wider hips now.
No they're not the same as a GG’s are but I was lucky and started my hormones before I got too far along as a boy. My last growth spurts were as female as my hormones would let me.

I love the way Tay’s fingers are absently playing with my belly button. I lay there just kind of basking in contentment and feeling Taylor getting harder as his morning man rush happens. I love that too. I know most guys get a morning stiffy. Hell I used to…oh, am but it’s my breasts that are reacting…It’s got to be the hormones in me mixing with Tay’s pheromones because I’m rapidly getting turned on.

Before Taylor I was in transition, Hell I was working as a waitress in a strip bars with other T-girls and you’d think I’d have been sexual there in that kind of environment. Nope I was like a nun. I was practically asexual.

Now it’s like I need him inside of me, a lot. There’s people out there that say Eewww and gross and lots of stuff I thought too. I though it was gay sex too, and dirty. It can be dirty, but you can get into a routine. You can keep quite clean, there and after awhile you can train your body to a schedule…enough of the technical stuff. Let’s just say that I keep stuff near to hand for before and after.

But the first thing I want is a tasted of Taylor made caviar. I carefully roll over because I really love doing this for him, to him, for me when he’s asleep. As few careful hand strokes and he’s ready and he’s in my mouth. He was a huge challenge and learning this for me was for me at least a big part of my feminine psyche. I know it’s a thing from a whole other generation for some. For me, oral sex was common. Jaime got blown by girls at school two or three times a day. I know there’s other stuff there for them but to me, as Jenna through that and porn and fiction this was a very female sexual thing to do. And even though it’s kind of slutty I really get a charge right into my girl-ego.

This gets me almost high from adrenaline and endorphins as My efforts make Taylor mine. I love the sounds he can’t help but make. I love the involuntary way he writhes on the bed and calls out my name, them cries out my name as he cums. I’ve only had him but I love doing this…Like chugging beer and stuff I learned to be Jaime I just relax my throat and my jaw as best as I’m able and then my lips close around his shaft in almost a kiss at his pubic bone. I swallow but I can’t not blocked by his flesh but it makes my throat contract around him. I do that and at the height of my swallow when my throat muscles are closed around him I pull my head back a little, kind of not unlike a milking machine. He feels the muscles; he’s deeper than any GG’s ever done him. (He told me that.) And there’s a bit of real suction being created. I do all of that and play with his balls and as he’s reaching the point of no return I rub his Vas deference space just behind his balls with my hand but mostly my thumb.

Taylor yelling my name hips off of the bed, humping at my face involuntarily shaking as He cums so hard he collapses back down on top the bed. I keep sucking him lightly because I know, you leak out afterwards for a bit, there’s some left in the pipes. I keep doing that and playing with his balls and rubbing him there and he get’s hard again. This is where I look up his body and see the passion and wonder and love there.

This morning I see tears in his eyes as he watches me stares at me. I love Taylor’s look in the morning, those eyes, his hair a mess and the look of love and bliss. I feel so fulfilled in my real gender right now, I feel loved…and that makes the difference.

It’s not just oral sex for us or at least for me. I make love to his cock and to him like this and look up at him, return that look of love. And I left loose with all of it. My adoration of him, all those crush feeling and I’m not holding stuff back to be “cool” like some people do. I ride that wave of feelings no matter how clingy they seem. I use it all to become his devoted eager oral sex slave girl.
It has to be real, it has to or they’ll know the difference. I worship his cock and him. I lower my head to the east for him and as much as that let’s me get to this space to feel like that it fulfills this thing in his male psyche, feeds this dominance thing most guys, even the nicest guys have but don’t ever get to feel or experience.
It’s not BDSM it never will be. I hate those games. This is me expressing my faith. I still think that. We’re made in god’s image, his children and part of him. Loving Taylor can be just like prayer for me. It makes a huge difference in our love lives. I the way he touches me, kisses me, enters me there is a reverence in him for me. I have to return the favor, that expression of love.
I know this is all kind of too descriptive for some, too much me being a sub to him for some. But it’s not like that, it’s more than that and my intimate beliefs are as much a part of me as my faith or being a girl. It’s part of my story I need to tell.

By this time my hormones are raging through me and my body is screaming for him. For his strength and his manliness I’m boiling and my insides are aching for him to be inside of me. And when he does it still hurts at first. But it’s such a good hurt. It stretches me wide open and it’s the best damned massage ever, it’s getting touched deeper than ever and there’s his body heat radiating through me.
I’m on top and we start. I’m so hot that It doesn’t take me long before I’m really making love to him, up and down, sliding, slamming, pistoning in and out of me…Taking me and I’m kind of fulfilled by that. The way his force hammering me makes my breasts bounce and jiggle each time such a little thing most GG’s would take for granted reinforcing my femme soul. I drift into that haze of lust and crying out and His hand reaches down and Taylor strokes me to an orgasm that nearly stops my heart.

Him touching me is a recent thing, It’s something I had to adjust to more than him because to me that was Jaimes. But I’m learning that I was Jaimes, or rather that Jaimes was me hiding, the only way my mind could handle me being who I really was where I was at in life. So Taylor isn’t touching Jaimes, he’s touching me. It’s going to be a different part of me. My outtie is going to be an innie but it’s going to be more or less the same stuff. I’m working through my hang-ups by making love and letting Tay love all of me.
So I can love all of me and let the genetic stuff go.

It’s Marley’s advice, my friend, and my shrink. She calls it positive reinforcement.
My orgasms are amazing no sooner than I’m shooting off in his hands I’m cascaded with heat, warmth, love, energy as I feel a whole other wave of intense pleasure wash through me. I see lights in my eyes, stars some would say. A male orgasm is this incredible focused explosion. A female orgasm to me are this implosion like all this pleasure my body feels just builds and builds and builds until there’s no more roof for those feeling and we get off like a compression engine.
I think that’s why we women are so emotional and emotionally tied to sex. Most pleasure comes from the brain and from our feelings…we can get off from the simplest stuff sometimes or just shut down if our feelings are hurt.

And there are some mornings I really just think about things too much.

It’s a solid hour of really great sex and he’s holding me and kissing me with the blankets around us all the way to the shower. It’s all great there we always have fun in the shower even if it’s just us getting cleaned up.

Then it’s the usual getting ready. He likes to make fun of the fact that I have to have close up toothpaste. To Taylor toothpaste is toothpaste it’s not. Yes it’s a bit OCD of me but I’m full of little quirks. Like I have to put my right foot into anything first. I have to, it’s the right way.

Sorry, like I said at the start of my story. I’m weird.

We get downstairs and Daddy is there with Nin and Holly and Angie and Hunter but the place is closed up until Tuesday. He’s making pancakes on the flat-top and I honestly know really few things as good as pancakes from your Dad in the morning. I know I’m all over the place in what I call him but he’s been out of my life for most of my life so when I call him Daddy I’m making up for lost time with him.

We talk and we eat and it’s not all that long before the phone starts to ring and it’s the girls from the motel and I grab my coat and Daddy has a mini-van rented for us and Taylor has his truck and we go to collect the girls. A very happy and bouncy Hunter came with us. I love her; the girls loved her too as Hunter is Trans and really young, I don’t know how she’s been doing it but hunter in her jumper and pig tails is every bit the twelve year old girl in the midst of a wedding getting planned and organized she’s so happy, bouncing and all over the place and really friendly and huggy to all the girls.

I’m a tiny bit jealous at how close she seems to my Dad. I’ve been seeing her and her mom Angie seeing a lot of him lately and I know my dad’s a great guy, but it’s I guess she’s getting his attention younger than I did. I know it’s kinda a shitty thing to think. Hunter doesn’t have a dad that’s worth anything as a human being and she’s a lot younger than I am. Losing her dad and everything has to hurt worse. I’m not mad about it just happy-envy? I want Dad to be there for her but at the same time I wish he was there for me at her age. But she really nearly brought me to crying when she hugs me and calls me her big sis, and the way she hugs me with so much love. And most of all, she looks up at me with that look that Jaimes used to get from the kids in the peewee football league. I really never though I’d get that look as me, as Jenna.

The girls absolutely love my Dad. It doesn’t matter at all how they look like or dress or sound or come acrossed he treats them like a gallant gentleman. I’m happy and chatty and really kind of puffed up between my guys and my friends and my life…I reign it in a bit. I make sure that I left Dad, Tay and everyone knows I know how lucky I am compared to some.

I know despite the things I’m going through and have gone through I’m so lucky compared to some of the girls. It kind of takes the rest of the day pretty much as we drive a whole lot out to the airport and out to the motel and the diner to and fro. Hunter is with us the entire time. Some of the other girls come with us to meet their incoming sisters with me at the arrival gates.

There’s a lot of tears and hugs and squeals as we meet and it’s six thirty at night when we’re all together and there’s close to forty of us all together once Marley arrives with Em and the kids. We pack the diner and we get together with this really big meal My Grams is there as well as my Gramps and we all have this really big supper together and talk and get to really know each other and the guys wait on all of us…Gramps, Daddy, Taylor, Tim, Davey, and even Billy has shown up too along with two other guys by the names of Josh and Erik who do that street thing with Taylor and say they’re going to be around to keep the slack jaws away from giving us a hard time.

Tay knows some pretty ace guys really and it’s really cool for so many of us that they don’t have a problem with us T-girls.

Josh lets it out that he and friends do a rocky horror picture tribute every year and his sister is/was a trans-girl. I tell him to invite her over but with a grin he says she’s on a modeling shoot in New Guinea.

Erik just shrugs and says. “It’s not like you’re asking me to live right?” he’s a really big dude and quiet and very scary looking with all his tattoo’s until you really look at a few of them. He’s a cook that Taylor used to work with. I love the fact he’s got a tattoo of a wedge of lemon pie on his inside right forearm.

Grams kicks the guys out sending them out on their errands? And we’re all talking right up until she come’s from the back to the front of the diner carrying this box. Its about ten inches high and three feet long two feet wide really ungainly box covered in white but faded silk and it’s embroidered and fitted with ribbons and old lace and is really old and beautiful. It’s the box with Grams’s wedding dress in it. I know it and the girls all know it as a hush falls over the entire room.

Grams comes out the rest of the way and set’s it on one of the tables then hugs me. “Oh Jenna, I had spent nearly twenty years thinking there wouldn’t ever be a girl in my family to wear this sweetheart. When I came out here and met you and seen that my grandchild was such a sweet beautiful young lady…I cried for three days when I seen you there in that hospital bed looking so much like my Katie had somehow come back to us. Since then I’ve gotten to know you more and more and fallen deeper and deeper in love with the amazing girl my grand-daughter has become, I’m so proud you want to wear this dress…that I get to pass this down to you.”

She’s crying, I’m crying all the girls are crying it’s this wedding sweet family happy pure girl moment that we’re all having and making. There’s a lot of things about all of the stuff for my wedding that I love. But the look on some of the faces of my net-girls who’ve been so starved and deprived of being themselves…I see so many blossoming souls all around me.

God…Thank you.

Then she takes out the dress…it’s absolutely amazing looking. It’s simple but so not at the same time with the top half and bodice of white linen all embroidered with white satin roses and doves where you’d expect a corset to be. The bodice is low and cup cut with a rose embroidery border to it and there are no sleeves to it but more of the same embroidery edging shoulder straps made of lace. The skirt is full and long and cut to trail just a bit like a dress from a renaissance fair and is satin but with full length panels of alternating white velvet, and lace and taffeta. It’s beaded with pearl like bits and accents and even the buttons are oyster shell.

Oh god it’s simple and lovely yet complicated and gorgeous…It’s been in my family for generations and my hands are shaking just holding it. It’s heavier than I though too, there’s a built in corset under that embroidery and the cup bodice is designed to accentuate and lift.

I’m soon the center of attention as I’m stripped and up on a wooden crate as I’m modeling the dress, my wedding dress and Grams and Njinda’s mother and several of my girls are busy fitting the dress to me. It takes a few hours and I cry or more like leak tears as we have this amazing time and I find myself just in the wedding whirlwind.

Hunter looks up at me several times as does some of Marley’s girls in that whole young girl wedding party wonder look. I can see it in Hunter’s eyes that fire? That need to be a girl, to be complete and stand where I am someday.

Speaking of Marley she’s an absolute wonder as well as her Husband-wife Em. With Hunter and Marley’s girls there accepting my Net-girls and Em and Marley living the way that they do. It gives them things to vent about and talk about and to hope for even in some cases. Marley isn’t the kind of doctor to pass out the cards and tell people to call their office; she talks to everyone as a friend and a guest. She even gets a discussion group going as we’re all doing wedding stuff and getting made over.

Holly and Dallas both worked in the salon trade and Em helps and a few of the really good and passable Net-girls and we have this full on spa thing going on here too. Em is almost as good to them/for them as Marley is but I do get lost in some of the conversations. Em, or Emerson is a guy, he identifies as female but isn’t TG he lives as the stay home husband-wife for Marley and does a lot of stuff on computers and training and working with horses on the side and dogs too. Apparently they in addition to the horses and the rescued or retired horses they have they take in animals of all kinds and the kids as well as have five huskies called Seppalas?

I get lost in the dog, horse, and computer talk its all way over my head. Football, football I get and cooking, I wasn’t into that as Jaime but I’m so into it now and really am thinking of going back to school once I’m fully me and then going to culinary school.

We were having a really good time for hours even. Then I kind of notice a theme of things, were not just getting all girlied up and pretty, but we’re getting dressed up nice to like we’re going out.

The right about at eight PM I see this charter bus pull up to the diner and the guys getting out also nicely dressed up. We quickly get my dress packed away as they all come up the steps inside the diner. Taylor’s in a nice suit with a tight lycra sports shirt. I can’t help but mentally drool over the way it so shows off his abs and his Pecs. I find it oddly funny that Jaimes was a breast man and not two full years later I am a just, no more entranced by my guy.

He comes in smiling and passing out lovely envelopes and single roses to all of the girls with my dad doing it too. “Ladies, if you would all grab your things Johnny and I have arranged a little shopping trip to make up for the rush it’s taken for all of you to come all this way for our wedding.”

There’s murmurs of excitement as there is pre-paid store cards and gift certificates for a lot of places that I’ve never heard of and a few I have. Mostly smaller non-chain stores for women’s clothes and things. We all get into the bus with the guys and Billy, Josh and Erik on their bikes. I sit with Taylor and give him a kiss. “What’s all this about hon?”
“Well your dad and I thought for real that you girls would need to go shopping and stuff for the wedding since we did spring the invites on them and I sprang it on you so we went while you girls were busy and got this all set up.”
“It looks expensive?”
“We split on it plus like I said this is going on my credit cards and some of it from the settlement from my parents life insurance.”
“But that’s still.”
“Jenna…we both know what might happen…”
“Taylor…no…we’re going to beat that, you have so far.”
“So far…and, and I’m not giving up babe I’ve got more than ever to live for but these are you’re friends, family even and if they kept you alive for me when things got really bad before we met then I’m glad I can pay it back.”
I deeply kiss him causing a few sighs. “Taylor Winters you are the best man I have ever met.” Taylor actually blushes and then kisses me back…a few times.

It’s a great time!

We hit about a fifteen stores with the girls having close to seven hundred dollars in gift cards and things as the stores have opened their doors for us as a private wedding group. Dad had gotten the names of these places from Marley and Angie and the LGBT website about being know for being LGBT friendly places.

We buy all these great things at these places and some of these stores and a lot of these places carry things for T-girls of size and yet there’s a lot of big Alberta girls too. We have these great Indie stores that sell jewelry and one makes personal bath stuff and scents right there for you, One place sells nothing but oriental clothes, robes and dresses and we are welcomed with open arms at several places and there are a lot of really happy tears and hugs and excitement plus a lot of the girls in such a state of shock and “You can’t do this.” or “It’s too much, I couldn’t” to some of the girls like Kendal are in that stunned disbelief that there are people in the world who aren’t going to hate them, who will accept them for who they are and they can be who they really are here. It’s like I said before a good thing that Marley is here. It in several places becomes literally retail therapy sessions. Grams and Gramps are absolutely awesome…like flooring so many of them, us at being there and just honestly caring even loving some of us. You know when you hear people talking about being Christian and loving your fellow man? I see heart changing, mountain moving miracles tonight.

There’s a lot of us who will never ever find acceptance from the ones we love. There are some of my girls who’ve seen abuse for just trying to be ourselves. There’s a lot of them with us, a lot of them that are between twenty something and my dad’s age and a bit older…From Grams and Gramps they get something they’ve never gotten before…complete acceptance, even love and support.

I can’t help the tears that form as My Grandparents are that…that amazing they take these amazing girls and hug them and hold them and I hear them give them their phone numbers, e-mail and tell them that while they’re moving here to be closer to us they are welcome to come anytime…that they’ll have a place with them at any time…I hear Gramps tell more than one of them “Hey if he didn’t take the hint they had such a beautiful daughter then he’s the one losing out.” Followed by a “Really?” and him saying. “When ever you want or whenever you need you can call me dad.” Grams is really the same and there are so many of us that need this so much…

They’re actually so awesome, and dad is so awesome I have a meltdown in Claire’s Secret Room where we were buying these really amazing under things. It just hits me in the changing stalls…I start to freak… because of why they are so great, that dad is so great and it comes over me in this wave of anger. Even in my worst most adrenaline moments on the football field I’ve never been that angry…

This…these amazing people…She…My mother…!
Fucking Natalie!
She took me away from this, from them and…
She stole this from me!

I have the very first very big anger filled meltdown of my life. I think I screamed a lot, I broke things…a mirror, I punched some holes in the drywall and I lost it and ended up calming down, crying and bawling in my dad’s arms and being taken care of by him, by my girls some of which are veterans and they get the breakdown, I apparently had a PTSD break. They don’t just calm me through it they had help get me out of it. I’m shaky and freaked and mortified. The owner Claire is so really understanding once she got the full story. She even cried, well bawled as I poured out what happened with me getting raped and beaten with the belt and the buckle and…her trying to light me on fire…I still can smell it and taste the mixed gas/oil mix we used to use for our lawnmower.

I get out of there and it’s and emotional bus ride between places and I and so embarrassed and freaked on the bus I have a crying fit over losing it there and in front of all of them and It’s actually better as Taylor get’s the driver just to cruise around for a bit and he made some calls to let them know we’ll be longer. Which made me guilty, which made me cry more.

My Net-girls are so great, they get it, by and large they get it and some of them have been there and worse…a lot worse…I’m not going to tell those stories but over the night there were stories that came out.

They were there for me that night and we bonded in a way you only get to do in tight quarters and high emotions like there on the bus.

It takes a few more stops before our happy mood starts to bounce back. Taylor comes to our rescue once more between shops with him slipping out and there was him serving these little bites of crab meat on just a bit of potato salad and some pink caviar on top with Meyer lemon martini’s to start and somehow he made these tiramisu shooters in these little paper cups with white chocolate paralysers? To go with them.

I see in bags that he bought everything but put everything together while we were in the store. The bite and the booze gets us unwound and loosened up and we end up going from the shopping spree that still despite everything all excited to this club called Fantastique…, we actually go clubbing as the bunch of girls in this LGBT club that’s just still going strong when we get there and we’re given the VIP section. It’s about ten after midnight when we get there and we have as blast as Taylor throws me and my girls my bachelorette party.

Taylor say’s that he’s gotten in enough trouble in his teens as we dance together a lot. My dad is dancing with Angie and even Grams and Gramps dance, Grams is a girl true to heart and she has fun and adapts to the music pretty well. Gramps id funny and really hopeless with the club music. The fact is he knows it and he makes it work for him. He does dance some of the slow songs with “His” girls that keep getting requested, Taylor and Dad buy rounds for us and the other people there to keep things happy and to welcome people there to our party. We even get to dance together in center dance floor and dance to “Kiss from a Rose.” We kissed a lot and nuzzled he tells me he doesn’t really need a bachelor party or any of that stuff and that what he wants more than that, more than anything is our honeymoon.