I was preparing to re-read Warrior of Batuk, and in the notes before the beginning, the editor said to use a certain font in MS Word. I tried to cut and paste Chap. 1&2 in an open document in MS word, and as I had expected, it did not happen. We all know that I should be on a leash when on the computer. Is there some secret that I missed and is it worth the effort?
What is happening? Tension and anxiety seep into my existence as I think about the political insanity coming in 2024. Thoughts of suicide have been absent for a few years now. Those relatives I most valued don't speak to me because they have allowed their imaginationings about my morality to run amok though lately I wonder what it would be like to have a man rod me out with vigor. That neovagina that I paid so much for in 2007 has remained unused. How stupid I was to believe the fantasy that I could ever be seen as anything but a female pretender.
Trying to write effectively after a long period of absence is so hard right now. I can only hope that it gets better. Today, while reading another's work, it was clear that they had "missed a spot". I'll be even more alert to this weakness in both my own work, and in the work of others. As an example; when something happens to transform a man into a woman, perhaps it should follow that his brain and thought patterns should change too? Or perhaps the writer could make it clear that his change was merely superficial?
Wearing stockings, is there a good way to stop your feet from sliding around in your shoes? I don't usually wear any leg coverings because my whole body is almost completely hairless. Today I was playing and noticed that my feet were sliding round in my shoes.
Over the last fortnight, I've been gathering my resources, buy men's clothing, and making all sorts of decisions in a very deliberate way. Life is really complicated and where possible I intend to live as a man as far as that is possible. I idea of living as a recluse in the deep woods keeps passing through my head. I have no idea what my life will look like in the future.
I've not been writing or commenting little if any at all. I'm searching for a way for an old person to move away and become a recluse. I was checking out cars on line, perhaps a lease if they'll let me. I hope that the financers don't try to play games with me.
I wouldn't call myself homosexual having never had willing penetrative intercourse other than anal rape. Many years later I look back at the three boys who did it and hope that they repented and had good lives. When it happened, the victim was blamed as much as the assailants. The PTSD and Psychologists who drove surgical intervention were as much at fault as I am. Lately I am just sure that I would have done fine as a crossdresser. I did not know it at the time but the peculiarities of law mean that if I had not started living as a woman, I might be living in a tend or even dead.
I've been re-reading "Battle For Earth", and I know it originated on BCTS but I do not remember the author. It's Science Fiction, very long, perhaps 650 pages. It does not seem available on Amazon.
I'm very ill with a Urinary Tract Infection and Arthritis in my back. The Hospital has given me Antibiotics and Narcotic pain killer. Right now it all feels quite dire.
Some time after around 2000 I read a long story with perhaps several chapters, and I have been searching to revisit it without success. The search function is usually helpful but not on this one. It involves a "Hitler" style invasion and part of the story is set in the Salt Lake City area. I thought the Author was Penny Reed Cardon.
I've only just finished reading "Changing Roles" By Julie D. Cole, and found it riveting in the Literary sense. The last chapter available (# 32) was recently released on BCTS and I have been hoping for more soon. I was searching for other of her works on the general Internet and found an English Author of the same name, though have not found other published writings. It seems as if her husband is an Author and then the trail grows cold.
I've got a meeting next week with a Psychiatrist and I am very afraid. I'm pretty sure that she will try to get me back on Psychotropic Medications again and the prospect is chilling to me. From about 2002 until 2007 I was on drugs that really messed me up and I believe caused me to lapse into Suicidal Ideation several times. In my opinion Psychatric folk are egotistical and can act without good reason.
A few years ago, I read all or part of a story in which an Administrative assistant is feminized by his boss. I have no idea what the title or author of the story is.
I finally got my "Titanium Eternity Collar", and I love it! My only advice would be is to order extra keys for it because it is a 1.5mm set screw and hex wrench. I lost the screw getting it on and was fortunate enough to find it. It is on now and I hope to go to a local Hardware store to get more of them and allen wrenches. Not sure, but I think it is on to stay until I get the spares OR if I take it off, it will stay off until I get them. This is all part of my unashamed, blatant penchant for mild BDSM.
So, I was just cruising the web this afternoon when suddenly I was at a site that I did not recognize that had about 25 or more photos. One caption said that it was the server room on the east coast and another caption said BCTS. I don't know what was going on and it seems to have cleared now. I had previously visited a site called "Chat GPT" that did not interest me, so I left. I don't know if this caused BCTS any grief and if it did, I am sorry.
This week end, I've viewed two stories on youtube that were oddly in text and I know that I read them on BCTS. There was almost no change in the Femdom office stories. The thing that angered me is that they expect the reader to sign up for a subscription that is far more than Patreon. You don't get to finish the story unless you pay. Now that I have seen their tactics, I'll know to avoid this unless I find I like being molested.
So often, the people I meet assume that I am homosexual, while in fact I boringly don't have any sort of sex with anyone at all male or female. Though a correctly done spanking now and again would be nice. As most here know, I am mtf post op and having been living as a woman for a long time. (2004) In the last few years, I don't have any sort of pleasurable sexual sensations at all.
So, do other mtf post ops have any sort of partners? I apologize for being nosy.
In the last 20 years my interests have grown more singular, maturing toward strong Science Fiction with quickly morphed attraction to everything feminine. The Psychology of such feelings is understandable to me, and it seems clear that efforts to explain things to others are futile.
Years ago, there were members here who said they were genetic women, and I had no reason to question that. There may still be those who write in a very feminine way but I have no idea if they are XX females?
Not to pry, are there?
Apparently they don't use the term Aspergers any more. Instead they use PTSD or CPTSD here on the west side of the pond. I don't know how those on the east side see it. I'm thankful to live in a place where they don't badger me to be a social butterfly, and the solitude agrees with me.
I see that I have written about "Spem in Alium" and other classical pieces that I find agreeable. It is doubtful that others would understand my love of "Queen" , "AD/DC" and among others ELO. Suffice it to say that my soul lives on that, Science Fiction and my quest for knowledge of the Creator.
I am confused about how a person who calls themself "Sir Lee" and can message me can do all that and not appear on the Author page. Based upon his criticism I cut a story that had 100 kudos because of my own hot temper when I did have the choice to make the corrections that he wrote about. According to the site index, he has been here over 16 years. In the future I won't publish stories that are so half baked. Sorry.
I just learned that the couple that I think wanted to abuse me around 2005 to 2008 has been arrested. At least I think this might be them. He was at least 350 lbs and wanted to pee on me and lock me in a box under his bed. He wanted me to eat his fecal matter. He wanted to chain me up. She was skinny but went along with him. They have apparently abused perhaps a dozen children, and imprisoned them. I hope they haven't murdered anyone.
I don't care if wearing a corset is a Fetish. It was normal back when.
I've been hating my self for feeling too fat, so I ordered an overbust one and today I put it on. It reduced me to 36" and that seems enough. (2")
I've also been inquiring about Spanking therapy. It does not appear in the DSM. I had it done years ago, and probably wrote about it here. It was wonderful. I know to be careful who I talk to about this. If I can't trust this crowd, that is pathetic.
Riding weather is here again and I'm trying to decide if I will wear bike shorts or that with a pleated skirt over. I usually wear a hijab under my helmet for concealment and to keep dry. I don't bother with clippy shoes. I'm wondering if I should wear tights or would it have prevented my road rash? I had though I was mostly uninjured in my mishap, but it may have momentarily rang my bell. I've decided. Girl kit it is.
Lately, I've stumbled upon a collection of masterpieces beginning with "The General's Daughter". The story kept me guessing every step of the way until the disappointing end. Wakening, sleepless in the middle of the night, I searched for and found more of the Author's stash; enough to keep me busy for a few days.
I've felt a bit odd lately and have gone out in full male mode a few times. If my facial structure was more feminine, I could look like a Butch Dyke, pardon me. I had my hair all cut off to about to about 6.5 mm (1/4"). I am going out today for several hours and plan to do more of that. To me, it seems that my transition, including bottom Surgery, might have been ill advised. Warnings from the Psychological Community seem dire because many of them feel that it is a precursor to Suicide. I'm not feeling that. My children would undoubtedly support detransition.
Checks can be made out & sent to:
Joyce Melton
1001 Third St.
Space 80
Calimesa, CA 92320
USA
Note: $6000 is the operating, maintenance and upgrade budget. Amounts received in excess of the $6000 will be applied to long term debt accrued over the last 19 years.
