Well, I am really up against some hard choices. I let slip my trans status to a couple of co-workers, and I had a amazing response - My blood pressure, which was high, dropped, and my cluster headache went away. Then today, as I had to go back into hiding, the headache came back and my bp went back up. So I finally realize the truth - i either live honestly, and suffer the consequences, or I keep myself in the closet, and risk a serious health problem. Pray I make the wisest choice.

Well, my Amanda Waller story has been delayed. I let Lilith have a peek at what I had written, and it needs a serious re-write. Ah, well.

I may have mentioned, I occasionally have odd little visions of the future. Like last sunday, at church, before anybody could say what type of service we were having, I knew it was going to be a healing service. This worries me on occasion, because I often don't know what they mean until the actual event. It's a little difficult, at times. ah, well.

Taken from the files of Department "H":

Known meta-humans living in Canada:

Name: Dr. Jamie Hudson Code Name: none Age: 25 Powers: Heightened Intelligence, ability to control machines and metal

Name: Wanda Langowski Code Name: Sasquatch Age: 19 Powers: Transforms into a 7 foot tall, 400 lbs creature. In this form able to lift 10 tons, has razor-sharp claws capable of cutting through steel.

well, the ex apologized and that is good. Unfortunately, yesterday, i got hurt badly at work, and i an still recovering. I pulled muscles in my chest, and it was so bad i had trouble breathing. My supervisor had me lie down in the first aide room for a half hour, and i was on light duty the rest of the day. Today I am doing better, but it was still scary

I think I should try and explain about my latest piece, "missing". Its actually not that recent, probably more than a year old. I have hesitated to share it because its not an easy piece, and I feared that it would be misunderstood. Its my rather faulting attempt to describe what might happen if the Rapture occurs in my lifetime. It is an attempt to describe both the sadness those who might miss me, with the joy I would know at that moment. Hugs to all who worried about me, I am not planning on leaving anytime soon, although God might have other plans.....

I had a dream a couple of days ago that, to me, shows how far my integration of my female side has become. The details of the dream are not important, but one thing stood out - I was female. Now, mostly before I couldnt see myself in my dreams - I couldnt have told you if i was male or female, or what I was wearing. So the fact that I knew i was female, in public, and nobody seemed to notice that being different says something to me.

Well, despite my continued pain, I am feeling more hopeful. I got a call from a possible workplace, and i am going to check it out tomorrow. I am working on a ret-con story starring Amanda Waller, and hope to make some progress on that front soon. But if you are religious, could you pray that this job thing works out?

I know that its not a big thing to complain about, but I really am feeling the lack of a companion in my life. As I have become more intergrated, I have found that the desire for a partner has gotten stronger. Its more than a desire for sex, but a wish for someone to hold me when i am upset, tell me I am beautiful when I feel ugly, and who will stand with me come what may. ah, well.

well, the local baseball manager got fired for a gay slur he said to a umpire, who just happens to be gay. I will be interested to see if the team tries to reach out to the community.

Well, I am struggling a bit, trying to not get discouraged with my job search. That, plus my mom and I are both fighting a cold, and we almost lost our dog yesterday. The little critter ate a mouse that had been poisoned, and my mom had to rush it to the vet. Fortunately, it looks like she is going to be ok, but still, its not fun.

Well, today was fantastic. I met the girls at the restaurant, and they were super nice. After brunch, we went to a local arts district and walked around together. It felt so good to do some normal stuff like buying some 2nd hand books and looking at dresses. After I left them to go home, I stopped at a convenience store and got some pop and picked up a few things at a dollar store. Now, i am off to pride, so i can share with the guys. hugs to all.

Well, my cluster headaches are back. It is like a migrane, but centered on my right eye and going down to my mouth. I am convinced that the stress of my situation is playing a role in this pain. Which makes it more imperitive that I figure out a way to get some hope, and fast.

I have been noodling a new vision spring story but right now, I am going to find out if i am going to get funding for school, so i am too nervous to write. wish me luck, would you?

well, I feel like a coward. I went to my sunday meeting at the pride center, and it was good. But on my way home, I wanted to stop and get gas for my car, and I couldnt do it. I couldnt be seen as dorothy. Sigh.