Well, i think my ex is losing it. I was helping her tonight like I always do, and she asked me to write a letter for my daughter's new teacher at school. I agreed, and I started writing it. She was dictating to me, and i tried to make a suggestion about some words, and she completely lost it. She starting swearing at me, and told me I have nothing to do with my daughter's future. I am hurt, angry, and ready to do something drastic.

Well, i am working on my Amanda Waller story, and a little bit stuck. What i need is a way to get from Amanda coming back home for the first time after her transformation, to fighting a local gang, who will be led by a name that might be familier to comic book readers, - Tombstone. Wish me luck.

Sometimes, I feel like God is teasing me. Something that would lead me out of my current dilemma appears, like this job offer, but as soon as I reach for it, it gets taken away, leaving me worse off than if I had had no hope to begin with. I am really struggling with anger with God at the moment. Ah, well. Guess that teaches me to hope for anything but death as a solution..

I really don't know how much more I can take. After every shift at my work, I am in such pain I can hardly walk. I wake in the middle of every night having to stifle a scream from the pain. Something has to change, and soon. The only good news I have is that I now have a picture of myself that my counselor took on my last session:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/12415215@N03/

I was thinking yesterday about the portrayal of fathers in stories here. It seems like for the most part, if they feature in the stories at all, they are a barrier, rather than an aide. I wonder if that matches reality? Do fathers struggle more with a child who feels like they are transgendered? If so, what could we as a community do to help them? Just a thought.

I want to thank Lilith for her help with my last story. And by "help", I mean that she took a ugly mess and made it into something readable. If anyone enjoyed the story, thank her. If anyone didnt, its probably my fault.

Well, I think I have reached a plateau. Going out in public was good, and I am glad, but now i have to return to pratical matters. I am still in need of a full time job, and i need to get cracking on it. Ah, well.

well, tomorrow is d day. in this case "d" is for dorothy. I am meeting the other members of the TS group at the restaurant for the first time. worried, scared, nervous, those are only a few of the emotions i am dealing with

Well, after all that, I was turned down. Apperantly, I took too long to get my stuff in to start school. I am cushed, and somehow must find a way to keep going regardless.

Well, I did it. after I posted my last entry, I talked to a friend online, and found the courage, and went out and got gas as Dorothy. To do something so normal, so mundane, as dorothy gave me such a good feeling. I may start crying, but they are good tears, I think.

Well, I finally got the last of the stuff i needed to get help to go back to school, and have my appointment wed. All things look green at this point.

Well, I am feeling a little better. I think I am just getting anxious about school. I am stuck waiting for info so I can get my approvai for funding, and I cant do anything but wait, and time is running short. Meanwhile, however, I was able to find a local TS group online, and submitted a application to join. Assuming that I am accepted, they have a brunch at the end of the month that I could attend. It would be great to have some local girls to help me really get started on this journey.

well, i had a busy day today. I sent off a couple of resumes, i phoned some colleges regarding the program i want, i got a doctors appt. for tomorow to get a letter for the funding people, i also phoned the goverment to get a copy of my tax form that i needed, and even got a little writing done for my next story. As a reward for my hard work, i took all the bottles i have been collecting and took them to a depot, and took the money and went to a consignment shop and found a couple of new items to wear as dorothy. All in all, a good day.

My mom gave me a nice card for a DAUGHTER for my birthday, and I would like to share it with you.

DAUGHTER

I'm wishing you all the good theings you deserve

For your birthday,
I wish you the confidence to begin this year as you would open a gift,
certain taht it holds something special just for you.

I wish you strong trust in yourself and faith inthe future,
the belief that you will make the right choices to bring you closer to the happiness you deserve

I wish you friends to surround you in the circle of their caring and love,
and people to help you laugh at life.

it seems that the latest installment of Vision spring hasnt recieved the appreciation the first one did. I am not sure why. If you liked the first one but where unimpressed by the second, I wish you would tell me where it failed for you.