Steph suggested what dress I should wear to dinner with Steve, and Rachel and Mom agreed that it would be a good choice. I called Steve and we agreed that he would pick me up at 6:30.
Mom asked, “Does he know you are transgendered?”
“I haven’t told him and he hasn’t indicated he knows,” I said. “I know I need to tell him and I intend to do it. I will tonight; I’m to communicate with Steph where I will be dancing for sure. Then when Steph and our group of friends are at the dance place, I will summon up the courage to tell him.”
Mom hugged me, “There are added things to you being a young woman. I wish I could make it easier for you.”
“Thanks, Mom. Did I tell you Rachel and I are playing a round of golf tomorrow? We’re teeing off at 11:40 a.m.?”
Mom said, “You both mentioned it last night when you were cleaning the used set of golf clubs loaned to you. Did I tell you they are about as old as mine, but a better set? I wasn’t willing to let go of the extra money your clubs cost.”
It made me feel good to know the clubs were very good. My clubs were an older set I got from an uncle. I had tried them but they no longer looked or felt right.
Well, that’s tomorrow and I had to get ready for tonight. The skirt of my dress is full and the print is pretty and bright for June. The short sleeves and oval neck leave much to the imagination. I am excited to have a dinner date, but I being quite conservative in my dress as I prepare to go out with another man.
I was ready by 6:00 o’clock. My Dad spoke up, “I am about as nervous as you. If you don’t mind, I am going to the dairy farm and leave Mom to give you moral support?”
After Dad left, I said to Mom, “I wasn’t this nervous when I went to pick up Darlene for the prom, and her father was scary.”
Steve was there on time and we were soon off. The place we went to eat was nice, and Steve got a glass of beer, he bought me a glass of wine. Since he was 23, they chose to assume I was of age to drink. We were near the end of the meal and the dinner was good. However, we both had a case of nerves.
Steve was the one to work up the nerve to approach the subject. “I know what you’re not telling me yet. Someone mentioned the possibility that first night we met, and I pretty much confirmed it at work. You might be wondering about a guy like me? I don’t know why, but I have feelings for you. I’m not much of a guy; I was nervous and you made me feel comfortable. I am often socially awkward. Part of what attracted me to you was that you might be vulnerable too.”
He laughed as I told him how I first came out. He said, “I bet it was helpful to have a couple of sisters that you learned from them. Because you make a convincing woman.” I went to the women’s room to freshen up and to message Steph where we were going.
The sun was not yet setting and we walked a little before going back to his car. Steve had mentioned that two of his friends were going to be where we were going. He said, “I don’t expect trouble, but I know you have attracted some detractors. My friends didn’t want me to be alone in protecting you if need be.”
I asked, “So they don’t think you’re crazy risking things for a person like me?”
He laughed, “They think I might be crazy, but if it brought me out of my shell. They only hope it lasts long enough that I find myself.”
The nightspot liked seeing my women friends arrive and by 9:30 and the place was coming to life. Places are like that in a small city, if enough people show up a place comes to life. If not people change spots or word gets out where things are happening. Steph matched up with Todd one of Steve’s friends. That made it easier for us.
While a guy with two friends did show up and wanted to give me a hard time. Steve, his two friends plus others turned them away. While every place has its jerks, Dubuque is a better place than I knew.
There had been more than one slow dance when I knew Steve was as excited about me as I liked him also. It was after midnight that he took me home. We remained outside and talked before he kissed me and left.
It felt good to sleep in until after 7:00, and the smells of breakfast came into my room once I opened my door. Rachel soon popped her head in, “We got a golf outfit for you to wear when we go golfing. If you’re planning for some Nick time please wait until we’re back.”
I showered and used some depilatory cream on my legs and shaved my underarms. Nicole liked the results, while Nick quickly thought about how he’d look in shorts or a swimsuit. I put on shorts and a shell top to go eat breakfast.
Mom’s a good cook and Saturday breakfasts can be a feast. Rachel told me, “We’re playing at the Meadows course." She said, "Mom told me that if I dropped your name they would find an opening. So we need to be there and ready at 11:40 sharp to tee off.”
I asked, “Mom, there’s not going to be other surprises waiting for us there?”
“No, but Mr. Dobbs wanted you to get out there sooner than later.” Mom said, “I suggested you and Rachel go out as two young women. Things will look quite normal.”
When I went back to my room to get ready my mother handed me a package of two sports bras. We packed our clubs in Rachel’s car and left. Once we were parked, Rachel said, “Take a few deep breaths and release them slowly. And once we’re out there focus more on form than power. Let this be a sister moment and let’s have some fun.” We had enough time for a practice green and away from others to take a few practice swings in driving the ball down a fairway.
The first hole was a short par 3 yet I double boogied it in five. It took me three holes to relax and relearn my game. From there through the ninth we didn’t keep score. While I was not pleased, I was getting better.
Rachel had been on the golf team in high school, and ever since she played for the fun of it. She was a good instructor and by the second round of 10-18, I was doing much better.
Once we were done the course, and back to the clubhouse; Rachel order us both daiquiris, mine was a virgin daiquiri, but as she said, “If you go to the Deer Run Course you will be of age to drink there. We suggest you do so moderately and drink like a lady.” Having been to college, I already knew women like men had trouble with alcohol.
We were traveling home when I got a call from my mom and a message from Steph, both saying that I looked like I enjoyed myself. I checked my messages and there were the two pictures Rachel had sent of me. I posted them on Nicole’s Facebook page. During the day I received some twenty likes and messages from Lexi, Jan, and others.
Having showered and cleaned me up, I dressed again as Nick and took our dog for a walk to a creek at the back of the property. I like being with Scout. I can talk and he appears to listen. I noticed my nails were still painted, but it didn’t seem to bother Scout. He’s an Australian Shepherd. We followed the creek to the back of the dairy fields and made our way to the barn by six. Hijinx, one of Scout’s offspring met us before we got to the milking barn.
Lewis joked that I was late for milking and late for showing back up as Nick. He joked some more, “I see more of Nicole in you than I do Nick in Nicole.”
I asked him if that bothered him. “No, it was more an observance Haley made and that we have come to agree about. When you came out, I was surprised because Rachel saw the possibility and I hadn’t. We shared a bedroom with you, but I didn’t know.”
A part of Nicole surfaced as I giggled, “You weren’t supposed to know. I wasn’t accepting it. I wanted to be like you and Ken, but I never measured up. With Mom, Rachel and Sue, I never felt any pressure.”
I was invited by Haley to go over to dinner with them at her parent’s house. They took their fancy pickup. Scout and I hitched a ride back to our house.
Rachel quickly came up to me, “Would you mind showering and changing back to Nicole? Renae and Teri are wanting you to go out with us.”
I said, “I can’t change over to Nicole as quick as you.”
Rachel smiled, “That wasn’t a ‘no’ so given the time you’re open to it. Don’t feel put upon, but remember who did you a favor this morning.”
I showered taking my time hoping it would discourage my sister. Instead, she took the time to lay out an outfit she was suggesting. I liked the outfit but out of spite used my satin shell with a different blouse.
The evening had a drizzle to it and made the pub/reading house a nice change of venue. There was a smell of perfume, beer, wine, and cheese in the air. Poems, folk songs, social viewpoints, and readings were interspersed into the late night.
Teri, “It’s like stepping back and seeing a young Rachel. You’re not mirroring reflections, but little brother took a turn in his sister’s direction.” She asked, “Renae do you, like me, hear a little of Rachel in Nicole’s speech pattern?”
Renae said, “I hear what you’re saying, but Nicole is definitely different. She has a confidence, different from Nick or Rachel. Someone brought her out of her shell.”
One of my classmates, Jaz, now at Clark University was MCing the night and spotted me. “It’s Nicole, isn’t it?” She asked, “Can you make a little verse of your change?”
It came to me out of the blue,
“Step out of your image, and into a new place.
Find a dimension you didn’t know but do like.
She wasn’t me, but somehow she is.”
Jazz made sure I was done, before she said, “Oh my, can I hug you? That was unexpectedly beautiful. When did you think of that?”
I said, “Just now, I don’t know where it came from.”
Jazz sits with us and soon there is a small gathering and the night takes on a life of its own. Jaz is a business/communications major like me but chose a small private university. She said, “But I thought you were straight?”
I responded by saying, “I thought you were shy. It looks like the year has changed things.”
We stayed another hour before retreating to Renae’s house. The conversation now revolved around Renae, Rachel, and Teri with me fitting into their conversation. Renae was a stylish dresser, and she searched the back of her closet. “If either of these works for you, you can have them. They’re from my freshman and sophomore years before I got back into shape. They’re nice, but I don’t plan to go back there.”
One was a shimmering see-through blouse that caught my eye. It was only after I thought about what I could wear underneath that I was comfortable in taking it. The skirt and designer jeans were also to my liking. She wasn’t asking for any money but I left some anyway.
I was up early enough to change over my look and go to church at Westminster’s second service with my family.
Running my fingers through my hair to mess it up made me passable for a guy. Having my wallet in my back pocket now felt strange. I knew at least once I reached for a purse that wasn’t there.
After church and a change of clothes, Scout and I walked a different route this afternoon that led to a pond shared with the Williams property. Sherry Williams and two friends were there. Sherry and her friends are a year younger and had recently graduated from high school. They came around the pond, and Sherry stared and then smirked, “I’d have thought you would have horns or neon boobs.” We hugged each other, and she told Patti and Jalyn, “I always thought he was a nerd and too shy. When he blossomed I had an inkling it would be as a woman.”
She turned to me, “You need to dress up and come over some time. My father might not be crazy about it, but I think my mom was hoping I’d run into you.”
She told her friends, “He didn’t live here until he was in high school. He was one of the dairy farm kids, you could tell when they got on the school bus.” She suggested I call ahead as her brother Jake wasn’t too happy about me as Nicole.
Mom was amused with my encounter with Sherry Williams, and said, “Did you see Sherry and her friends walking toward the pond like we did; when we came home from church?”
I had but thought they’d be gone by the time I changed clothes and made my way out there. Mom said, “Does Jalyn still take a fancy to you?” I had double-dated Jalyn once as a Junior and dated her a couple of times again in my Senior year. I had planned to take her to the prom but Matt Schneider invited her before I did.”
When I didn’t answer, mother asked again. “Jalyn noticed my manicured hands and wondered aloud if my toenails were painted and even suggested I was wearing panties. I was unwilling to prove them otherwise as the answers to both were yes…
Mom said, “She is a sprite that one. I wouldn’t be surprised if she called either one of you for a date…”
To be continued…
