What was to be the crowning glory of my weekend: to be with Lexi and our golf outing, or the new scholarship and financial aid package?
Upon getting back from our golfing outing, Kayla asked, “Have you heard from your former roommate Dolan Harper?” It was a strange question as Dolan was generally a loner and chose not to have much to do with me.
She said, “He called me and asked if I knew when you’d be back on campus. Seemingly, he went to the Navy’s basic training program and that he has toughened up.”
He now knows you are going to be here this weekend and that you will usually be presenting as Nicole. He was hoping to see you tonight or he’d call and try to see you tomorrow.”
I checked my phone for Nick and I had two calls that were from area code 636, that I suspected were spam calls. I regroup and got my voice back as Nick and placed a call. Dolan answered and said that he too was in town. He said he was glad I called back, but it was not his happy voice. I did tell him where Kayla, Lexi, and I were beginning our evening, but I was not in agreement to meet with alone him earlier.
Thus when we prepared for the night; it was not certain if we would see him or not. He had something to tell me but insisted on it be in person. Having spent two semesters sharing the same dorm suite, I considered us friends but nothing special worth meeting privately.
Raelyn, the 6’ 3” volleyball player, would be with Kayla and I was with Lexi as Nicole. Only Raelyn was of legal drinking age, but none of us was that set on drinking, only being out for a good time.
It was nine-thirty before Lexi and I left the apartment and rendezvoused with Raelyn and Kayla. The place was nicely filled for college not being in session. We danced a little but were more occupied with visiting.
We did see others we knew but it was sometime after 10:30 that I heard Dolan’s voice. It was loud, like the only time I remembered from living together. That time too he had been drinking.
He called out, “Nicole I have a bone to pick with you! They washed me out of the naval air pilot program because of you! I want to know what you said and see if we can get this straightened out?”
I was thinking of staying quiet until he called out again as he was walking around the place. I didn’t think he was being too loud, but I wanted to avoid him getting out of control.
I stepped away from our table and he saw me. He didn’t look like the college roommate I last saw in May. He was clean-cut, tan, and bulked up from being in basic training. I tried shaking his hand but he slapped it away and got into my face. He touched my blouse; he started to grab it and then pushed me away before getting back in my face. “What did you say? They knew I had a transgendered roommate and asked if we were alike?”
I said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. No recruiters or military people, no one, has asked me about you.” Needless to say, I was called a liar and a few other choice things. Then there was a sucker punch to my mid-section and a harder punch to my jaw. I fell. Dolan was soon standing over me when someone pulled him away from me, but he stomped on my leg with his heel.
None of the so-called college bars enjoyed calling the police if they could help it. Apparently, they did not like what they saw of my leg and face. “You need to go get checked out at the hospital.”
I agreed to go to an Urgent Care Unit hoping I could avoid the hospital and more attention. I was assured that the police would be wanting to talk to me. The beefy bouncer at our dance place had already questioned me and several other people before I left for the urgent care unit.
I was first seen by an urgent care Intern and later by the doctor. The Intern diagnosed me well, and that was supported by the doctor. I had two x-rays taken of my leg and two of my face, the last more as a precaution. I didn’t agree when the Intern said, “You got off well from what could have happened. Your facial bleeding looks worse than it is. Luckily, the hit from the person kicking you was not a direct hit. The doctor thinks the big bone may be cracked, but not broken. The punch to your abdomen was more to knock the air out of you. It might be sore, but the bruising should be limited. You’ll probably have a black eye, and you may want a dentist to check your teeth. If any are loose we recommend you leave them in and see your dentist sooner than later.”
I was given prescription-grade pain killers, with a prescription for more. With Lexi promising to watch over me, I was released to go home, and not the hospital. The delay in being discharged was long enough that I was not surprised when the police showed up.
With the police came an MP, which surprised me. I told them, I really didn’t want to say anything as supposedly I was accused of talking to the military and causing him to wash out of pilot school.
The MP laughed, “Short of raping you previously, you would not cause him to wash out of extra training.”
I said, “I guess he doesn’t take being disappointed well. The only time he got drunk this past year was when his project was not judged as good as another student. I am surprised that with the strength of one of the contact lenses he wears that he would qualify to be a pilot.”
The MP said, “That sounds like a more plausible answer, unless. Unless he would rather be washed out of the Navy for attacking you.”
I was asked if I wanted to press charges? The only thing I wanted was to make sure he was charged or punished for something. His arrest for fighting and in toxification would stand apart from my filing charges.
It was eight in the morning that I woke up with Lexi hovering over me. I felt like Harrison Ford in one of his Indiana Jones films with a woman caring for his hurts.
I was trying to soak up the attention when Kayla walked into the room. She said as she handed me my phone. “I already assured your mother you will recover from your injuries. But she needs to know if they should come today or tomorrow to drive you home and get your car?”
“Hi Mom, it hurts like hell, but with the medication it is manageable.” I explained all that happened. I made as little of what Dolan did as possible, but I would have to live with the consequences of his actions.
They weren’t sure if they’d make it a round trip yet on Sunday, but Mom and Dad both came. The officer who had interviewed me the night before came to the apartment. He talked with me and my folks. He took more pictures of my leg and face.
My folks stayed at a hotel. That evening, I was eating scrambled egg and crumble up bacon and drinking apple juice.
I was to go home in the morning but that was delayed, when we went to the police office. I was called by the police and county attorney asking for me to come in before returning home. Something happened when Dolan was arrested that we had not been told before this morning. The arresting officer wanted the input of the Chief of Police and the city’s attorney regarding the exact charges.
Because of things that Dolan said after he was taken into custody, the charges were to be that of a sexual assault for attacking a transgendered person as part of a hate crime. What they needed from me, was not my approval, but a statement as to what had happened and information on others who could collaborate my testimony. I would likely be required to testify.
The facts were that Dolan had stated to the two arresting officers and the MP, military police, as to what he did and why. Despite being told of his rights, he stated he was proud of what he did. By the time we, my parents and I, had gotten to the police station and I was being interviewed again. The military police had verified that Dolan’s non-acceptance for training as a pilot had nothing to do with me.
Dolan told the authorities that he was disgusted with who I became. He had used basic training to get in shape and learn how to hurt me. He had not planned to lose his cool or to be stopped before he did more damage.
My mother had called into work for herself as well as me that we would not be in that day.
I had gotten new lessons in fashion and makeup due to my injuries. I would be wearing long skirts the coming two weeks, and receive makeup lessons to cover my black eye and bruised face. My dentist was surprised to meet Nicole. He did agree that it was prudent that my jaw and teeth be examined. One tooth was still hurting badly come Monday. While he suspected one tooth’s nerve was in danger of dying, he expected it to heal over time.
Before I left D.D.S. Harris's office, he asked if I was in the mood for amusement. He said, “If you undergo hormone treatment in transitioning it will be interesting how the rest of your body would be affected. I always found it interesting that your jaw and teeth were always more like your mother and sisters… I do not have full skeletal x-rays of you and Rachel, but I do have ones of the same area of the jaw. It would be interesting to compare them.” Since it would take some effort to find and post the two x-rays next to each other it was done at that time.
Dad had been the one to accompany me to the dentist. He was the one who also decided with my agreement that it needed to be another day before I went to work.
It was ironic when Stephanie came to visit me that it was me who had moved on and now accepted us being best friends. She confessed to me that she like going out with Brett, but she didn’t expect it to last. We agreed that our relationship was one of friendship rather than romance.
She and I would meet for lunch on Friday, and we have continued communicating daily.
I had a week of work before I took vacation time before getting back to college.
My break from work included a three-day getaway of Steph, my cousin Joanna and me to Chicago. The Closet and two other establishments founded by lesbians were sponsoring their own empowering women event. While we had planned to arrive on Wednesday and leave Saturday morning; the event was scheduled from Thursday evening through Saturday with a social celebration taking place Saturday night. It just happened that we stopped at the Closet on Wednesday evening and learned what was to happen.
We were able to reserve three spots for the symposium speakers. The fact that I was transgender and the other two being straight went over well with one leader Juli. Juli said, “The reality is more people need to see female empowerment to be an issue of all of us.” She paused and asked me, “Do you think you would have been empowered to be yourself if it weren’t for the positive response of women around you?”
I had not thought of it as such, but it was true. Besides my father and brothers and a few male students at college and now around Dubuque my support and encouragement to embrace my identity was coming from women.
Juli said, “I want to encourage you to stretch yourself and take steps to find yourself. Don’t hurry to assume who you are or the importance of any one relationship… Did you ever see your friend Steph or anyone else in a more romantic light since you’ve found yourself as Nicole?” Even without Steph or I saying anything, Juli said, “That is fairly common and some relationships might in fact become lasting… Everything just needs the room and time to come to light for what it is… You might be twenty, but it’s less than a year Nicole that you’ve begun to embrace yourself.”
Someone near us asked, “I heard someone say, you’re from Dubuque. Do any of you work for John Deere there?”
“I did for the summer,” I said.
She smiled, “And you played at the John Deere Classic in the pro-am didn’t you? …I thought I recognized you. You didn’t play too bad, but golf is not your game.” Arlee was thin and inches taller than me.
She wanted to be with us more the next two days, but other than being sociable, we kept to our threesome. Steph and Joanna grew as much or more than me. Steph was actually thinking of stretching and changing colleges and majors by the second semester of the new year.
Each of us danced and socialized with some women both Thursday and Friday as well as a guy or two.
Mom’s GYN doctor referred me to an Endocrinologist in Dubuque and I had my first injection of a testosterone blocker. Dr. Pintz was happy that I was comfortable with her as my doctor.
I hadn’t been keeping track of Rachel’s life and thus miss the fact when I went to Chicago; she left to start her student teaching in a new school. Being at Ames I heard of the community but missed the fact that the community had grown rapidly. They created a second new high school. My sister would be doing her student teaching in her two special study areas of history and sociology or as they phrased it merging cultures.
Dad had expected my help in moving her into an apartment part of someone’s house.
The summer being home was better than I dared dream it would be, but I was ready to get back to the university community and into my second year.
I was living twenty-four-seven as Nicole, except for a day or two, here and there to let my chest breath after having the breast forms on them for a while. I wasn’t to be taking any female hormones, but within the first two weeks back at the university, I had two discs of birth-control pills given to me or stuck in my purse.
While I resisted the better part of a week. I had begun taking some after Labor Day when I was back to school. I used the weekend to visit Rachel and helped with her apartment. I got introduce to Ms. Colson and her daughter Lisa. Lisa was eight and had already taken a liking to Rachel. Ms. Colson knew about me, but her daughter didn’t. Ms. Colson was hopeful it wouldn’t be brought up.
=^_^=
I had gone back to the mall and checked about my old job, as well as working at Macy’s or Forever 21. Tuesday, I called Julie Nance at the Office of Financial Management and asked if a job possibility there was still open. “I could use you up to fifteen hours a week, with the possibility of special projects,” she said. I committed to working 10-12 hours a week, and what more I could handle.
My attending classes and the library as Nicole took little notice from the vast majority of students and staff. It was the first full weekend after Labor Day that Lexi voiced, “Something has changed!”
We had already talked about my time in Chicago and the women’s empowerment event. Lexi asked, “But there’s more to it, isn’t there?”
I said, “It’s just that I don’t want to commit to anything lasting yet.”
Lexi giggled, “I love you, but neither of us is ready to commit further.” She pulled me by the hand into her room. Once I got hot and excited, she giggled, “Now go and take a cold shower…”
To be continued…
