I remained as Nicole through the weekend, and with mom and Rachel’s help planned out my wardrobe for the week. That was in case Mr. Dobbs decided I should work the summer as Nicole. Mom doubted that would be the case. I was already prepared for work as Nick.
My alarm rang at 5:30 as suggested to give me plenty of time. Which was good as I decided I needed to shave my legs again. And I wasn’t comfortable in the blouse chosen until I wore a camisole underneath the blouse. I ate a light breakfast and refreshed my look one more time before leaving. Today Mom drove ahead of me to show me the parking area and building that I needed.
It was ten minutes before 8:00 a.m. when I found Mr. Dobbs’ office. Ms. Marge Cooper introduced herself as his secretary/receptionist. “I was told of you, but I still had down that Nick was going to be coming. I know your mother and I must say you have a resemblance to her.”
She had me be seated and called back to Mr. Dobbs. I wasn’t trying to over listen, but I did hear, “Yes, he presents well…” Moments later she told me I could go into meet with him.
Mr. Dobbs was standing behind his desk as he invited me to come in and sit down. I felt a little awkward in sitting before him but hoped it didn’t show. He asked, “Is it okay if I address you like Nicole, or would you rather it be different?”
I said, “Nicole or Nikki, or Ms. Nicole Strayer if it needs to be more formal.”
He asked, “It will say, Ms. Nicole Strayer, on your badge and parking permit if we so decide. I actually have more trouble seeing if you could present yourself a Nicolaus right now. Do you have the needed wardrobe for presenting and working as either? …If we decide it to be as Nicole, I’d give you until Wednesday or Thursday to get ready if need be.”
We got into another conversation that was more important to me handling the various jobs I’d do. After I agreed to work as Nicole; Mr. Dobbs had Ms. Cooper give Nicole a tour of the building and introduced Nicole to the people she would be working for as others took their vacations. Their final stop was to the tech lab, where Chet Sanders was asked to set him up with a laptop computer to use at the various stations.
My tummy was growling as I missed lunch, but I was sent home come two o’clock. Mr. Dobbs then scheduled Nicole to formally begin working on Wednesday. Nicole was to job shadow Mrs. Crest for two days. Friday, Mrs. Crest would start two weeks of vacation, with Nicole being her fill-in.
I felt wonderful that I had a summer job with John Deere and at a good pay rate for a summer job. Then as I drove through the gate and yelled with Nick’s voice the shock set in. My nerves came forward, ‘How am I going to handle working as a young woman for the next ten-twelve weeks?’
It was three o’clock when Nick called and requested his counselor to call him back. He was told the first probability would be at 5:30 near the end of her appointments.
Mom and Rachel had both gotten home and were delightfully surprised that Nicole got and took the job. Rachel said, “I hope you realize what you’ve got yourself in for. Did you really want to commit to 24 hours five days a week?”
“It didn’t hit me,” said Nicole, “until I drove out of the parking area. The people were so accepting, only a few looks wondering what I was doing. …Mom, Ms. Marge Cooper said she knows you well enough that she saw some resemblance to you. I’ve met at least three of the people whose position I’d be covering.”
My mom asked, “Do you realize, this means, we should be shopping for more clothes to wear?” We talked as I thought I had enough. Mom said, “You need to figure at least two outfits a day. That’s a minimum of ten per week. It doesn’t take into account wanting to wear some different things after that.”
Nicole replies, “I’m not like a regular girl, I wouldn’t mind wearing the same clothes two or three days in a row.”
Rachel asked, “Did you do that at the university?”
“I tried,” Nicole said, “but it was either Lexi or Kayla that got on my case. Like you said they even wanted me to change what I was wearing during the day and night. It makes sense for a girl, but I’m a college student trying to save up some money.”
Rachel kind of giggled, “You need enough clothes to get through the next week to ten days. After you get your first paycheck and understand your girl life. You will want to buy other clothes. If you want to buy some jeans or things as Nick to confirm you’re a guy, okay.”
Mom gave us glasses of iced tea, and we got into a regular conversation. Mom discussed her work as well as dinner and need help. Rachel started her first full week at a day camp for challenged youth. From what I understood, sometimes she would be a staff person focusing on one of two activities, and other times would be working with one to two young teens as her focus.
My computer work would vary and thus expose me to the running of different programs. One worker I would cover for said, “It will be interesting to see how well you do, almost everyone who has been in this department and worked out has been female. Seemingly many men find it hard to concentrate on small detail work and to proofread for needed changes.”
It was 5:46 when Dr. Jenesse Frecone called me back and I informed her of the situation I had been put in. She responded, “We visited times like these before. Do you remember what conclusion we, you, came to?”
I responded, “You’re thinking that I decided to do it?”
She asked, “Did this Mr. Dobbs press you to go first as Nicole? Or was it your decision?” She paused and things became silent. After a while, she said, “Didn’t you already say that you had the job as Nicolaus and the interview was a formality and for orientation?”
I said, “Well, I went home as Nicole and felt quickly accepted by my family. And I even went out as Nicole. But working would be different, he, Mr. Dobbs asked me to come in as Nicole if I wanted to work as such. and his assistant readily accepted me. …Well, when they asked if I could be Nicole the job? I said ‘Yes,’ because technically I can do it. It was only as I drove away from work that it hit me emotionally.”
Dr. Jenesse remarked, “It sounds familiar to your becoming a model and later your choice to spend extended times being Nicole. It seemed like you’ve again taken another step in being a young woman… If it stresses you out too much, I could see you Saturday morning at 10:00. But I see we have a video session Tuesday evening of next week.”
I said, “It was not my conscious intention to be Nicole this much.”
I hear Rachel whisper, I hope to herself, “Not his intention indeed.” I spoke up for Rachel to leave me alone. I heard one person step away.
Before we finished our visit Dr. Jenesse said, “If you’d choose to go ahead and try working as Nicole. My recommendation would be if you plan to do this is that you plan to enjoy this experience. Keeping a journal including how you dressed, what you did, and how you felt about yourself.”
I thanked Dr. Frecone for calling me back and our visit. I actually did feel much better after our talk.
The evening went well and was uneventful, other than agreeing about Steph and me shopping for another outfit or two. Mom insisted if I were to wear jeans or shorts at the end of my workday. They still should be for Nikki. That was the first time I remembered hearing Nicole’s nickname used at home. It was to become more common.
Steph had her friend Lace with her, and we went to Vivie’s and Classy and Chic Boutiques; neither I even knew were in Dubuque. But once inside I knew why there wasn’t a need to know about them until now. Steph had talked me into trying on a lace bralette and then a blouse and skirt outfit. It softened the presence of wearing a bra. I liked it not only with the outfit, but a dress at the next boutique. Lace talked me into trying some shoes. There were two boot-like shoes with two or two and half-inch heels. One pair I bought but buying a second pair was going to need approval from my parent financier. When the owner gave me a 40% discount on the second; I and my cohorts decided on our own.
I wasn’t wanting to go to the Clock Tower Inn for lunch, because of the significant possibility of meeting others we knew. Steph convinced me, “There’s no reason to hide or shout out who you are. It is a small city and other friends and classmates are bound to find out about you. Get used to it.”
Lace left us after lunch to take a summer course at the University of Dubuque. That’s where Steph and she met. It was the second time we met, and I now have another friend.
The surprise of the afternoon was a stop at a hair salon. Since Steph had just gotten out without saying anything; I was pretty sure it was for her to schedule an appointment. I knew it was a salon that she had used. But when Katie introduced herself to me, as being a friend of my older sister, I sensed it was for me. I found myself saying, “Maybe sometime, but I’m not ready for it now.”
Katie said, “Your sister Susanne asked me to get before and after pictures. And that she knew from you’re being in a fashion show it would not be your first experience.”
I said, “Susanne knew I enjoyed the first experience.”
“Susanne said she travel over three hours to see her brother in a fashion show and discovered her new sister,” said Katie. “You’re not the first new sister that I’ve met in our fair city. She also said you’re starting a new job. You should make a good first impression.
Katie lived up on the hill in Dubuque and within walking distance of the Fourth Street Elevator which is still a functioning trolley cable car. She went to one of the other high schools from my sister but they had become friends through music and sports competition.
Katie joked that her priest, as Dubuque is predominately Catholic, might not officially approve of my lifestyle. But that like higher Catholic officials advocates for our acceptance. I was surprised that she said, ‘even to the Eucharist.’
I enjoyed our conversation and watching her do my hair. We had an ‘oh my’ moment when I asked, “How do I make it look more boyish when needed?” The only option we came up with was hats.
My hair-do looked great; as Nicole, I was comfortable with it. With my permission, Katie sent my before and after pictures to my sister Susanne. Before I sent a picture to my mother, I got congratulations from her. “That looks very nice. If you don’t mind you and I should go shopping for a few hair accessories. I’m looking forward to hearing how the rest of your shopping went.”
I was home by before three and I decided to invite Steph to come for dinner. She went home to change and fresh up and I did the same. She wasn’t happy that I volunteered to cook after having my hair done.
She was soon over and complimented the casual Nicole in jeans and a printed blouse. She helped me to start the sauce for spaghetti with meat sauce. We chopped up onions, peppers, and some fresh garlic. I had called over to Haley and Lewis to see if they wanted to come for dinner. Lewis and Dad had begun milking the cows at 3:00 p.m. That meant they should be done by five and cleaned up and ready for dinner a little after 6:00.
The meat sauce would have two-thirds Italian sausage and one-third ground beef. Thankfully mom had two recipes one for three to five people and the larger recipe for eight to twelve. We’d go with the latter just in case Ken or others showed up.
Getting the sauce underway with Steph’s help, I found myself pushed away from the stove. I was relegated to sipping sun-tea away from the stove. Mom was home by 4:30 and agreed with Steph that I should stay away from the stove and oven. That meant I could slice and prepare the garlic bread, but not bake it. I felt like a little girl who could set the table, and make the salad but needed to stay away from hot things.
Mom hugged me, saying it was sweet that she didn’t have to fix dinner alone. She and Steph talked me through things girls knew to plan for. Having my hair done we should have been going out or at least I shouldn’t be jeopardizing my hairdo and planning a day or two of showing it off.
Once the sauce and simmering, I had to show my purchases from the day. There was more required of a girl in showing her clothes. Like explaining the shopping experience, our eating, and my salon experience.
Once I was done explaining more than I imagined remembering. Mother asked, “Were you going to mention seeing Blaise and her friends at the Clock Tower Inn?” We had seen and said hello, but it hadn’t seemed anything special to me. “Well, Blaise seemingly was surprised to see you but glad for you. Unfortunately, someone in another group had gotten upset about you after you left.”
Nothing was quoted, but it seems a young man stated things that should be done to a guy dressed as a girl. No one knew or was telling his name after he left with a buddy.
I was shaken by what my mother said enough that I sat down. I had seen two guys there that were closer to Rachel and Ken’s age. One with a scowl hadn’t said anything that I heard, but I’m not sure if he knew I was a guy until after I left.
Dubuque like any community had a variety of people with strong mindsets. I knew that to be true but I never imagined it to be pointed toward me. But then seven months ago I wasn’t acknowledging this to me.
Mom said, “I guess it surprised you to be the subject of such thoughts?”
“It happened at the University too, Lexi and I wrestled with it and then at the LGBT consortium. The conclusion and I concluded ‘why not me.’ Am I used to it, no?” I asked that it not be part of our supper conversation. And for the most part, it wasn’t…
To be continued…
