Early Wednesday morning, Nick’s mom had arranged for her and Nick to meet with Principal Andersen and his counselor Ms. Judy Blaine. The turn in Nick’s life was even a full week old and they knew little next to nothing about it. Ms. Blaine did say, “I can’t say I’m completely surprised. But Nick or Nicki he will get my complete respect and unconditional help.”

Principal Martha Andersen said, “Well if he didn’t feel pressured and needing to be this Nicole today, maybe he’s not really transgender.”

Nicolaus’ eyes go into a panic, “I was too afraid of what you would say and how the students would react.”

His mother spoke up, “Nicki, maybe we should go home so you can quickly change? Maybe then she’ll realize how real this is for you.”

“Mom this isn’t a tug of war to prove anything. I was thinking of waiting until Monday, to give my friends time to ask questions. I don’t know; now it might be tomorrow or Friday… Principal Andersen, I’m sorry I don’t know how to say what I want, except that Dr. Bradley accepts that I’m Nicole as well.”

Principal Andersen says, “I thought Dr. Bradley was a girl and woman’s doctor?”

“She is, that’s the point, she saw me and I will see Dr. Hanna Miles, but it will take me up to six weeks to see her unless I get in because of a cancelation.”

It was old news with a new twist for Nick returning to school. Many students had already or would soon know of Nick’s girly pictures. Many others, who said, “Nick who,” would soon know and laugh. Some had even gotten shirts with pictures of him as Nicole.

Ms. Judy Blaine said, “You know there is still some of the new lockers for senior girls. It is closer to most of your classes and further from some of the boys that you’ll want to be away from.” She rattled off a few names, Talia was among them, where there were two lockers. Ms. Blaine, “Please think twice if Nicole’s not really you.”

I say, “Talia and I are friends, but I’m not sure she’ll want Nicole close around her.”

“Done,” says Ms. Blaine, “There will be a new girl close by, Melia Mmongo comes from Zambia and her mother is a nurse. I think you’ll like her and she you.” I received my locker number and combination. Thankfully not everyone there were girls just the vast majority.

Talia and Layla both saw me and joked about how my tan was doing. I said, “You might see it tomorrow depending on which outfit I wear.” I get rid of most of my stuff and grab my folder, along with my new school computer.

I get to Mr. Haller’s room and get some guff from several who had seen my picture as Nicole. “Where’s Nicki, can’t she come to school to play?” There was some more comments that were not as nice. Mr. Haller put a halt to the nonsense, but did ask aloud, “Were the pictures indeed of you as they said?”

I asked, “Can I wait until everyone’s in the room so I can answer?”

He said, “The answer must be yes if an explanation is needed.” I cringe as I’d rather have said things without his commentary.

Layla and Sadie had just walked into the room, “Nick had gotten a girl tan; he didn’t know the lotion had a lower sunblock number or that it wore off.” Layla took over, “Nicole became more comfortable being her as the weekend had gone on. Even Nick’s family accepted his girl side.”

That said it made it easier to speak as boldly as I did. I said, “I had planned to wait until Monday to show how I look as Nicole, but I’ll probably do it tomorrow. I guess my being Nicole is meant to be.”

Lacy comes over and gives me a hug, but so I didn’t misinterpret it she whispered, “Nick, I’m here for Nicole as well.”

I whispered back, “Is it easier to be here for Nicole?”

She said, “I like the courage it takes being you. It struck me as one of those moments that you got to embrace being Nicole/Nick." She said, “If you take recess outside, I’ll paint your nails.” I whispered back, “11:30 then.”

Marty was my first guy friend to confirm without reservation that we were still friends. It seemed to make it more okay for guys to talk to me. As several guys in each class began to talk to me. Marty asked, “If you dress as this Nicole tomorrow will you have a voice that’s hers as well?”

I said, “Yes, it’s a good question. It might not be great, but it is better than hearing this voice while wearing a girl’s outfit.” Marty suggested it didn’t need to be very different.

Lacy informed him, “It is pretty good and you’ll know definitely which one you’re talking to.” It caused me to realize that I really didn’t know how I sounded as Nicole. It caused me to wonder if that was part of the reason being Nicole felt so natural?

After lunch, I was in a writing class and Ms. Jenkins smiled as she looked at my fingernails, noticing they were painted. “I want each of you to whet your imagination and to write your first essay of the class as another person. Nicolaus, you can do it as a girl, but not Nicole, is that fair?” I agreed it was.

Teri was in the same class and suggested, “Why don’t you be Margo an environmentalist?”

I wasn’t sure what came over me, but I snapped back, “How about Margo as a botanist wanting to re-establish bird sanctuaries?”

Ms. Jenkins said, “Margo, I mean Nicole, um Nick… you’re free to decide for yourself.” It was like taking another step forward, though I hadn’t finalized my decision on being Nicki or Nick, and now Margo was thrown into the mix. Ms. Jenkins taught a lesson about writing in the first, second or third person.

Marci was home from the community college, Mom was working until six, and Lana was off to the university and living on campus. That I was the boy at the ocean in a girl’s swimsuit even caught up with Lana. Text: “Nick, someone asked if Nicole Miller was my sister. She had seen our picture together and already knew the answer. She’s happy to hear that Nicole might be alive and well. Riley encourages you to take your time in your self-discovery. She said you can call her if you want I have her number.”

Marci liked seeing my fingernails. When I informed her of Nicole going to school tomorrow; we talked about what happened. “It might be just as well,” she said. “Friends at the college knew about my new sister and what she looked like, at least in a swimsuit and wraparound skirt.”

I asked if she had a long skirt I could wear. She had two, but we decided once mom was home we should go and find one better for me.

I knew it was now getting to the place we were spending more money than Mom was comfortable with. She agreed, “However, this is a needed purchase.” Lacy had mentioned a ‘poet’s blouse’ that I knew nothing of. Mom and Marci said it was a good choice as I had trouble keeping shirts tucked in.

I found a nice long print skirt and a poet’s blouse with an asymmetrical hem and loose sleeves. After I found the right sizes and tried them, Mom had me take off the tags, so she could pay for them.

Then she did something I was not ready for, but I guess she had planned. Grandma Ford was at Aunt Tina’s. Mom said our cousins Brett and Cyndi were both expecting us.

Upon entering their house Brett’s eyes rolled, and Cyndi giggled, “I never imagined you as a girl but it works.” She gave me a hug and Brett gave me an extreme high five. My eyes were staring at Grandma. She finally put out two hands to take hold of mine.

“While this looks better than my grandson in a two-piece swimsuit, I’ll wait and give you time and room to decide your life.” Then she opened her arms for the traditional hug.

It was Grandma who first remarked about my choice in going to school as Nicole. “I think this will give others a chance to see you without staring at your legs or evaluating your figure? I suggest your sister help you with your hairdo in the morning.”

Cyndi took me and Marci to her room, she had a skirt she thought would be better for me than it was for her. Marci agreed as it was a fall gold. It would look good with the poet blouse as well, but Marci said she had another blouse.

Come the next morning, when I saw the long skirt and the gold skirt, and with Marci’s encouragement, I would save the long skirt. Marci did me the favor of going into the kitchen, telling Mom, “I have helped talk Nicole into wearing the gold skirt she got from Cousin Cyndi.” Marci was also back to help me with my hair and the little makeup a girl was allowed to wear.

Mom checked on me before she left for work at the hospital. She also sent a note confirming I had her blessing to come as I was.

Marci gave me a ride to school and while I didn’t ask or check behind me she waited to see how I was initially accepted. It was Talia, Sadie, and Teri who told me she had done so. Their words, “Good going girl, you are definitely looking like one of us." Teri was wearing a skirt today and Talia said she would be tomorrow if Nicki was coming. I showed them the picture of the long skirt I bought and they were happy with my selection.

I am getting use to girls getting excited and complimenting what another chooses.

I got some grief for coming dressed as Nicole in my first class but was glad I had as many or more who complimented me or clapped for me when the teacher spoke up in my defense. One of my critics later said, “I’m sorry if I was taken wrong. I thought you should have worn something nicer for your first time, you’re not an ordinary girl. Your skirt selection should have reflected that.”

Melia introduced herself and we were soon friends. She was a junior taking mostly senior classes. Neither one of us had known of the other. I was a help to her as I asked her to sit with some of us seniors at lunchtime.

It was at the end of lunch that I got a text from Mom: “Dr. Bradley called me. She got you in to see Dr. Haller at the end of today; Marci will pick you up from school. I’ll take some time when the two of you get here to go with you. Don’t miss your ride with your sister.”

I wasn’t happy with the surprise appointment, but I knew it was better than waiting six weeks. Talia told me, “I bet when the Doctor heard your GYN requested it, Dr. Miles was the one to change it. I’m happy for you, but it is for an appointment, not to hurry things up.”

I used my study time in the library to begin my essay. The idea of choosing Margo as a bird-loving environmentalist in our state of corporations and depleted farms did not seem to make for a popular person. I decided to change it from a fight to a challenge in which corporations and farmers could be friendly partners if they choose.

I had my one-page outline for the next day. We needed to do that with Ms. Jenkins. I had advanced environmental sciences for my last class. Mr. Barstow was upset to see me as Nicole. It wasn’t a big surprise as he was nearing retirement. But I hoped he would change his mind as he was like an old bulldog who’s growl usually subsided as he came to know the person. He knew me as Nick and he had been happy with me.

I was out of school and looking for Marci; the only questions were if she was on time and if we were waiting on the same side of school. She and I usually chose this side, but Mom consistently chose the front of the school.

Marci and I were on the same page and she took me home to quickly freshen up, “Nicki, you want to make a good impression but don’t go overboard. That might look phony.”

I was glad to go home first as I had not used the toilet all day. I decided to use Nick’s unisex pocketbook with its straps. I put a regular sock in each bra cup, instead of the little footie I had in them. I had become conscious of them all through school. They still were noticeable but Marci commented on the change as being good.

We were there in plenty of time as they’re always papers to fill out. Today more of them was on a computer pad. I was filling in most of the basic information when mom arrived and she was penciling in information but not all of it.

I had to fill in things like if I was depressed, suicidal, abused and things like that. I stated I wasn’t sure about the difference between being anxious and depressed. I was often a loner, but if I went out it was as a group of friends. I handed in my information but was told the blocked areas were scored by a computer and the comments that weren’t asked for weren’t read.

Another girl who went in a little before me, complimented on how I looked. After she asked if it was my first time. She said, “Don’t worry both of our doctors are very good.”

Nurse Pam called me back and took my vitals. I guess my blood pressure was high, but she said it was nothing to worry about. “Patients are most likely to be worry on their first visit.” She smiled, “I know the doctor thinks you are in a good place with her.”

I chuckled that she should retake my blood pressure now. She left and Dr. Miles was soon in her office to meet me. I was glad when she sat on the front of her desk instead of behind it. She would move to a chair where we would face one another.

“You are welcome to call me Dr. Hanna or just Hanna if it makes you more comfortable.”

I said, “If you’re agreeable I’ll call you Dr. Hanna for now.”

She asked, “My information has it that you are Nicolaus Miller and that during the long weekend you came out as Nicole and stayed las you are. You present quite well for someone who has become evident just this past week. Would you please explain yourself to me.”

I went from the bet to changing into the swimsuit Teri had brought for me. She did interrupt to ask about being Nicolaus and I told her I was comfortable as him yesterday at school and still saw myself as Nick.

She said, “What interested me with Dr. Bradley’s request; was she said you kissed some boys and even have a nice looking friendship ring from one?”

“I didn’t ask for it, but yes I accepted it because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings.”

She asked, “Did he want you to go further, and if he did, did you?”

“I didn’t wait to see. I told him I was not ready. He already knew I was transgender and I don’t think he’s gay.”

She asked, “So you already think you’re transgender?”

I said, “I’m not sure, but saying I am let me go to school as Nicole.”

We talked, and Dr. Hanna got me to understand the questions were more complicated than I was making them out to be.

She mentioned a blood test Dr. Bradley had taken showed that my testosterone was lower but not decisive enough to biologically say I should lean toward being transgender. I do want you to take a couple of personality tests you are likely not to have taken before. I will ask you to come back next week to take those. Then I want you to meet with me in three weeks when those results are likely to be back and I had an opportunity to analyze them.”

Would you mind if I had your mother come back and the three of us could talk together? It is your choice, but I think it is wise to have her on your team. You could also say yes, but tell me things you don’t want her to know. I told you at the beginning that would be an option… I wouldn’t even hint at those things with her.”

I took some water and time to think. I didn’t want my mother to know I slept with Teri. We agreed on that and I was happy that my mother knew most that we shared.

I checked my school schedule and Mom was off on Mondays. I could easily miss the last class this Monday. My schedule to take the tests was decided.

The session was long enough to not allow my Mom meaningful time to go back to work, but we’d be home too late to fix a dinner. Mom chose a restaurant we knew in the city of her hospital to eat.

We had gotten a waitress who was familiar with my mother. Marci and I knew mom always shared about her children: two daughters and a son. When Janet came over and looked quizzical, I said, “I’m Nicole, the one usually identified as Nick. I may or may not become a daughter.”

I was afraid Janet was going to drop the menus or cry, but she got her composure and asked for drink orders. Mom said she would recover and that I had done well in handling the moment.

When Janet returned, she said, “I was going to compliment the three of you on how nice you look. So let me say now, that you three do look nice and make a nice looking family. I suspect Lana is busy back in college.”

We each ordered and I want to lose weight ordered a chef’s salad with roasted chicken slices and fat-free dressing. Mom was noticeably tired but took interest in our days at school and college.

I voice my thought on going to school tomorrow as Nicole in my long skirt. And Monday as Nick so I could go to Dr. Miles’ office as a boy. Mom reminded me I would be taking tests and not likely see Dr. Miles. I suspected she would hear of how I came as Nick anyway.

Tonight, I had to learn and remove my makeup on my own. Marci was doing school work, so it was mom who was teaching and watching over me. I didn’t know where a new pair of teddy bear pajamas or a new robe came from, but I did wear them.

I went out to the living room to see the evening news with mom. She didn’t have to work tomorrow, so she was up. She was amused when I showed her my page on Margo the bird-loving environmentalist.

She knowingly asked how Mr. Barstow took to me. She also asked if I chose wild birdlife because it might be seen as more accepting of women.

“No, Mom, you already knew I was leaning that way. I love the little guys, flowers, and seeds as well as birds. Margo or Nicole will be able to able to handle eagles, hawks as well as owls as well as the little creatures.” Mom giggled in response. Marci came down asking what was funny.

Mom and Marci agreed with me that Mr. Barstow was likely to come around. They said sooner than later, which made me happy to hear.

We all agreed it was a good day. Mom who works in pediatrics always has a mixed day of children doing well and not so well. Thankfully, no one was immediately dying from what we, Marci and I, could tell.

My bedroom was still Nick’s, so Marci pushed me into Lana’s room as we went upstairs. “You should be sleeping here until we can girlify your bedroom a little more.”

I did need to go to retrieve a pillow and a stuffed animal.

The next day, wearing my long skirt and the poet blouse received nice acceptance from most people. I was called to the office and reminded there were two unisex restrooms. One was on the first floor near the cafeteria and next to a girls’ restroom. The other was on the second floor near the counselor’s office and next to a boys’ restroom.

One problem was one of the two was often left in a mess. That happened today when I sought to use the one near the cafeteria. There was no way I was using it, but I had to pee badly. As soon as I emerged out in the hallway in frustration, Debbie Moore took a hold of me and pulled me behind her into the girls’ room.

Even then I was waiting with Debbie and two other girls. I did relax and made it into a stall and made it through everything a girl needs to be able to sit and pee. Including cleaning up, and checking my face and hair. It was fifteen minutes later. Part of the time was talking to other girls.

Sitting down to eat I heard a text register on my phone. I would usually not answer, but it was Jack Sommers. We had been playing phone tag. “Please text or call at 4:30.”

Amelia asked out loud, “Who is Jack Sommers?” Teri’s eyes perked up but she knew better than continue it at that point.

I answered Amelia, “Let me tell you later.” I did see Amelia later for Trig/Calculus. It was easy to see why she was taking senior classes and some advanced placement like this one.

I showed her my friendship ring which was in my purse. She giggled that Talia a close friend might be offended by the ring. Amelia said, “I’d be offended too, especially when you’re saying you’re taking things slowly. I don’t know what your definition of slowly is?” She giggled.

We parted as we each had one more class. Mr. Barstow greeted me, “What if our lab class went outside checking a field or creek today? This is a lab class.”

“I thought about that but they’re not usually the first week. I hope I’m right, or I’ll lose something if I’m not.”

He said, “I’ve always liked you, but my thoughts are still out on this change. I hope it is right for you.”

His synopsis of the class was long on possibilities as it would run both semesters. I and Marty thought it was a lot to expect in our senior year.

I was home talking to my Mom when my phone started its tune. “Hi Jack,” I turned and walked away from Mom. I was used to that with my sisters, but this was new for me to want privacy. I heard a kiss and knew he wanted one back. It sounded odd coming from me to a boy. “Jack, I wish you were here.”

He said, “I could be there in an hour or so, but I thought you’d have a football game to go to.”

“I guess I do have a football game. But no, I’m not ready to have you over for a night.” We got into a conversation and it was like we were becoming closer as friends. He had sent me a copy of his schedule, including study groups. I was to do the same.

He asked if I was in girl mode or just talking as Nicole for him… I heard a girl behind him and he discounted her as a girl on their floor. She giggled back, “Don’t believe him, I’m the other girl in his life.” She must have attacked him because we soon lost our connection.

He called right back, but now said, they were going to the cafeteria early so they could go out later.

I was quickly finding out long-distance relationship had its drawbacks. When I talked with Marci, she agreed. “You might not like to hear this, but it might help you to take things slowly. Just think of all the changes in one week…

Story to be continued…