Previously: I confessed worry about how the family would receive me. If they saw or were told of my pictures it would embarrass them. I was also worried that as Nicole I would not carry on the family name…

Mom said, “Nicki, Lana is already planning to carry on the family name, either Nicole or Nicolaus could do the same. Talia for one seems interested in you as Nicole and Nicolaus.”

“Has she said that to you Mom?”

Mom answers, “Not in so many words, but she gives off a scent that says more.” Marci smiled at what mom said, which helped me to understand.

Marci and Lana were getting ready to go on the boardwalk and probably a place with music. Mom came to me, “Aren’t you going out too?”

“I thought I was grounded?”

Mom said, “If you didn’t learn your lesson that is true. But it could also be your last time out as Nicole.”

When I go to figure out what to wear, Lana comes holding a blue sequin minidress. “How about you wearing this, it will shout ‘woman’ with no indication of a boy?”

I said, “You can’t be serious.” But I took it and held it in front of me looking into a mirror. “Wow! It’s beautiful but you can’t expect me to wear it?”

Mom said, “It was purchased for you to wear now or when you’re comfortable. I communicated with Jack’s mom that you might be up on the boardwalk.”

I was quickly changing and I learned a little more in doing makeup for evenings. Lana helped me and as subtle as it was, it still made a nice colorful difference. I hadn’t thought I was cute, but when I looked in the mirror I thought I was quite cute.”

Marci said, “Look, whose happy with how she looks.” It was affirming to hear that my mom and sisters were supportive and encouraging of me. I was still afraid I was going to be laughed at.

We were early enough onto the boardwalk to we enjoyed being there. Lana wanted to play mini-golf. I was worried about stooping down to place my golf ball or to get it out of the cup. Before we went to putt-putt golf, we went to a store with books, magazines, everything else. I saw a collection of the twenty top sellers. Lana said, “Here get this one, you need to learn to enjoy romance and mystery novels.”

I replaced it with a 239-page romance novel; Lana saw it and said it would be a good start. I saw her pick up a book that might be good for a younger girl, and I was hoping it wasn’t for me.

We were going over to the mini-golf course when Jack greeted us. I recognized another person close by, Lacy Greene. Lacy watched as Jack put his hand on my waist and give me a peck on the cheek. I was becoming afraid with each passing second. Lacy stepped forward, “I saw pictures of you on FB, you look even prettier in person.” She then said, “I hope we can be friends at school this year.”

I said, “I can’t believe, I’m standing here like this. Things have happened so fast, I am thankful you are being so nice.”

Lacy says, “Since I saw the first picture, I was hoping we’d see each other. You don’t know how sweet I could get with you. Maybe we’ll run into you later if you go to one of the dance places.”

We went our differing ways shortly after that. Jack had given me some space to visit with her and he was now back. “I hope, I didn’t embarrass you by my kiss?”

I said, “She’s a school friend, and while she saw the kiss, I don’t think it mattered to her.” Jack complimented on how I looked. He asked if he could play mini-golf with us. He and I teamed against my sisters. Being in the blue sequin dress I was so mindful of people watching me, I did not play well. He was a gentleman getting my ball out of the first three cups, but that ended on the fourth hole when I scored a hole in one. It also ended my lucky string. Luckily, I knew to bend at the knee to keep my girl like features working.

A strong wind kicked up and shortly after that, it started to shower. We quickly returned our clubs and golf balls and hurried our way to shelter. It was the first time I got to wear a scarf to protect my hair.

I had trotted to cover in my heels and enjoyed the feel of my legs in panties, with a skirt, and my feet in my new sandals. ‘New sandals(?),’ all my girl clothes are new. Lana knew I was thinking something, but there was no way I’m telling her at that point.

Jack took me to a store to look around and without my knowing he called me back to him and had me try on a friendship ring. Only Nicole would be able to wear this one. It was not cheap as it had a sapphire.

Despite having seen Talia in the store, I give Jack a kiss and a hug. Jack looks at me and then to Talia. I knew Talia felt obligated to look at the ring, say it was nice, and then to compliment me. She even joked, “Nicole, you’re lucky to woo such an attractive guy.”

I wanted to cry and apologize to Talia, and say it was her that I cared for. Instead, I said, “Jack that is so pretty, maybe the nicest ring I will ever receive.” Talia was soon gone.

It was getting closer to when we’d go someplace to dance. The truth, as Nicole, I was feeling good having Jack hug me. We walk back to my sisters with Jack holding my hand. Marci, as I suspected, was the first to see my ring and she mentions it to Lana.

They too are now with two good looking guys. Lana introduces me to Tom Hensly and some Brad fellow who was with him. I felt a little better as Tom was a friend of Lana’s from college and not near where we lived. My sisters complimenting on the ring also helped me to feel good about it.

Someone did Lana the favor of taking a picture of the three of us with her phone.

When we went to Greg’s Keg: I asked Jack not to buy me anything but diet colas. The place was already crowded by ten, and there were only three chairs for one tall table. Needless to say, I as one of the girls got to sit. With the shiny blue mini-dress, I did not see it in my favor. Scooting up onto a tall seat in a fairly tight dress was a new experience with me.

It was 11:30 by the time I finished my first cola, and it was Brad who took it upon himself to buy me a wine cooler. Needless to say, Lana and I both let him know in no uncertain terms, it was not appreciated. Lana had the waitress take it away and bring me a cola that I paid for.

Dancing with Jack was already being a good experience, and the cooler incident did little to dampen that. Brad had walked off to be with other friends, but Marci did not suffer for the lack of attention.

There came the time I needed to use the women’s room. It was reasonably clean and as I came back to the sinks to wash and check my makeup I was happy with how well I fixed my makeup and hair. It tickled me when I even got a compliment from Lana. Lana was apologetic again for what Bret had done.

It was the last I wanted to hear any apology and I told her.

I was surprised, come midnight when Lana encouraged Jack to take me back to our hotel. I suspected for Lana and Marci, it had been enough of having their little sister around this long. And for Jack and I, we liked the idea of us being away from them.

Kregg’s Keg was reasonably close to the hotel, but instead of going directly there, we walked awhile. I now wished I hadn’t worn hose as we went walking in the sand near the water. It did give us a little more privacy for more intimate kisses. Jack had already written his phone and email on a piece of paper to give me. I told him my phone number and that he’d need to wait for me to set up an email account.

One time he lifted me in a hug and I knew my skirt slid up my buns. One of his hands reached down to stop my slide. His hand was at the bottom of my panty. He said he was sorry. I questioned if either of us were.

I did at that point head back to the boardwalk and back towards the hotel. Fortunately, we were back to the hotel before my sisters. Jack escorted me to the elevator and gave me one more kiss before I went into the elevator.

Mom came out of her room, in the pretty nightgown and robe. I for some reason couldn’t help saying. “I bet it means a lot to my sisters to see how beautiful of a woman you are.”

Mom says, “ Are you trying to stay away from how your night went? I thought your sisters were going to bring you back before they went dancing?”

Mom too changed the subject, “You too look more like me than your father. So does how I look make you happy?”

I look to her saying, “You know I feel like a teenage girl now. That must be disconcerting to you?”

Mom says, “Most important right now is that you are not denying how you feel. I don’t want you to feel forced one way or another. I am glad that as Nicole you look like your sisters. And Nicolaus, you should know you are a handsome young man as well.”

I told her, “Mom, we were going over to play mini-golf when Jack saw me. We didn’t quite play a full round as it began to rain and we left to get out of the rain.” I smiled, “I got to wear my first scarf as Nicki.”

Mom interrupted asking, “And where did that ring come from?”

I touched the ring with my other hand, lowered my head saying, “We went into one of the nearby shops. I swear, I didn’t want it, but Jack bought it as a friendship ring for me. The worst part was that Talia was nearby as I felt I needed to thank him with a kiss.”

Mom held an arm up so I could scoot near her for a hug. She said, “Sometimes nice things can take place at a less than perfect time.”

“Mom, how is it you can come up with the wisdom you do?” Mom snuggled me further into her hold. “Honey, you being comfortable with what you’re going through, helps make my job as your mom that much easier. I guess you can thank your grandparents as well.”

With that Mom shooed me off to get ready for bed, “Get going, the morning will come early enough. Your sisters will soon be coming back and they’ll want into the shower and sink.”

We were home by ten on Tuesday morning, but Mom insisted I stay as Nicole until my appointment was over. I guess this Dr. Denise was seeing me early that afternoon. I had to make space in my closest for my new clothes. It was then I figured out why I was given this bedroom. My sisters needed the room of the larger closets in their rooms.

Not thinking of other things I walked out into our backyard to get space to think. That was when a neighbor came out of her house to say hello, Helen is her name. She said, “Hello, Nicole! It is nice to meet you. I hope you are not embarrassed that we meet like this.”

I apologized for not thinking, to which she discounted the need for an apology and her happiness in meeting me. “Nicki, you need to relax. I don’t look at much social media but even I saw some pictures of you. I am impressed with how attractive you are and that you look so much like your sisters and mother.”

I asked, “Does your husband (Jerry) know that I’ve dressed as a girl?” She smiles, nods her head yes and indicates it is well with the two of them.

My mother calls me into the house to check my appearance and to get going. Though we have plenty of time it is a half-hour drive and there are always forms on the first visit. The receptionist is nice, but I think I cut into her lunchtime. Once the forms are in, we are waiting and two other people come in for appointments. One girl decided to begin a conversation.

Nurse Cheri asks, “Nick… Nicole Miller.” I go have my weight, height, and vitals taken. “Nicki, can you tell me why you are here?”

I think that was quite obvious, being shy head is bowed, as she asks, “Do you want to be called Nick or would you rather it be Nicole or something else when you’re here?”

“Nicole Miller would be okay.”

She asks, “Are you here on your own dressed as Nicole or is someone forcing you?”

I said, “Dressing as Nicki was part of a bet that I lost, but that started with the long holiday weekend. Things happened; like the next morning I was to have breakfast with others and I had gotten a new outfit. And by then I had a girl’s tan started so I didn’t think it would be good to change back.”

Cheri asked, “Were these things people trapped you into doing or were they your choosing? This is important for us to know.”

I lifted my head more, “You’re going to think I’m weird but the more I did things, the more it felt natural in being Nicole. I didn’t plan to do all this, but it’s like I found another part of me.”

I felt good as Cheri was reaffirming that though it was not common it made sense as my story. She assured me that Dr. Denise was good. It was funny in all of this I went on the other side of a curtain and changed into one of their gowns. Cheri excused herself and within minutes Dr. Denise Bradley came in.

Dr. Bradley is near my mom’s age but probably not quite. “It is nice to meet you, Nicole. I would like you to acknowledge for me that you are also Nicolaus Miller.”

“Yes, I am Nicolaus, but my mom thought you should see me like this.”

She said, “You seem comfortable with presenting yourself as Nicole?”

“Yes, I am kind of getting used to it, having presented myself as Nicole all weekend.”

She notices my friendship ring and asks about it. “Sorry, I forgot to take it off. A boy gave it to me. I didn’t intend on getting it nor having pictures taken and posted. Those things just happened.”

Dr. Denise says, “That seems to indicate this got serious quite quickly. Do you see yourself remaining as a girl?”

“No, I don’t think my friends at school will be very receptive of that. But Mom thought since I liked it, I needed to find a way to indicate to my friends it was me and not something crazy nor condescending. Does that make sense?”

We talked, she was amused that I attracted a boyfriend, yet had girlfriends who are close to me both as Nick and Nicki. That I’m grounded as Nick, and not wanting to lose my boy parts. I did tell her that I hope sometime to be able to present myself as Nicole at school…

She spoke and we were wrapping things up. She had examined me and said my body and mind were intact. “So, my understanding is that you’re Nick who also sees himself as a transgender girl.” It is an awakening for me that the two aren’t in conflict. It does some up who I am.

I lean over and hug Dr. Denise, “Yes, I think that’s who I am. I thank you, you make me sound normal.” I think I caught her by surprise.

She looks to me, “Yes, you are normal. It may be a new sense of normal for you. I’m writing a note for you, your mother and the school if this is all okay with you. You will be free to present yourself as Nick or Nicole. You will have a light medication but your intention at this point is to usually present yourself as Nicolaus and not lose that part of you.”

She continued, “I do want you to see a psychologist or psychiatrist who works with those in the GLBT community. I will give you and your mother a shortlist of professionals you might want to consider.

“Nicole, I see that you will be soon turning 18. I want to encourage you not to break your ties with those who are your support system. It will be very important in the long run that you have them. You are already an adult and I want you to be the one responsible for your future.”

I find myself affirming what she said as I left after she, my mother and I visited.

Mom said, “So are you up to celebrating girl style; I’d be willing to buy you a new outfit for school?”

I said, “Could I see if Teri or Talia could go with us?” Mom said yes and I swiftly text them both.

Talia quickly got back to me. “Yes, I want to go to the Bridgewater Mall if that’s okay. And if you have your ring on, keep it on.”

Mom agreed to her choice of malls; I was tickled that Talia and I were still friends. We were just ready to pass our community when Teri text, yes but needed a ride. It made us a little late to meet Talia.

I could tell mom enjoyed our energy and friendship as three girls. The skirt and blouse they helped me choose we fairly plain a red skirt that would be just above my knees and a print blouse of red and yellow fall leaves. They are actually prettier than I can describe. Teri said having ordinary school clothes would be better.

We looked around as Teri and Talia were looking at clothes, cosmetics and accessories as well. I ended getting two pocketbooks. One actually being for me as Nick. I have an awful habit of losing things going from class to class. I thought the unisex pocketbook would help. Mom doubted I would use it, but I told them I’d have the next day as we started school…

Story to be continued…