I wanted to go dancing and I wasn’t ready for my sisters to see me. So I stayed at the bungalow one more night. We did go to a pizza place for supper, where we happened to run into Julie, Debbie, and her family. Which was a blessing in disguise? There was only one large table for our group. Talia and I ended up eating with the Matters. The infant was in a girl’s jumper and being called Jamie. Debbie said aloud, “Did you know Jamie’s my sister too?”

I saw the nurse Heather that had helped me earlier in the day. I went to say hello and thanks to her. She said, “I am glad to see you doing so well. You’re a well-rounded young woman, I’m glad to see that.”

Before we got back for them to get ready to go dancing, Talia stopped at a shoe discount place. They had lowered their prices to reduce their summer inventory. I tried a pair of strappy sandals along with looking at other shoes. They were attractive, had 2 1/2” heels, and were an additional 50% off the discounted price, but I had not planned to buy any. Talia said, “Your mother told me if you were interested in anything that you didn’t have, to buy it.” She gave me thirty dollars.

Having enough money I bought two pairs of stockings. Talia cooed as she saw them put in my shopping bag. “Your mother will be happy that you took that initiative.”

Once we were back at the bungalow, I waited for the others to take a quick shower and freshen up. Teri had put out another skirt and blouse outfit for me to wear. I complained I was staying there, but not seriously. It had two layers one of lavender satin that caressed my legs, and the bluish print that skipped over it. The satin skirt was rather short and kicked up if I moved much.

I was given a different clutch purse, and Teri showed me how to strap it around my waist when I was dancing. She helped with my makeup. By the time we were ready to go, I would have danced with me if I were also Nick.

I ask about my new shoes, and Teri says they should be good for dancing and the guys will like what they do to your calves. I can’t believe the stockings will hold themselves up, so Teri takes me back into the room to gain the experience of wearing a garter belt. “This isn’t necessary but it will add to your girl experiences.”

Between the stockings and my painted toenails, my legs, and feet received a lot of compliments from the other girls as we set out for the Back Porch Lounge. The person letting us in, said to me, “Your sisters asked a little while ago if I saw you.”

I was wanting to back out and turn around hearing my sisters were there. When we went in, Lana was waving her hands. “We’ve got some tables.”

Marci said, “Some boy named Harrison wanted to dance with me, thinking I was you.”

“He must have had you mixed up with some other girl.”

She said, “Another Nicole Miller, I don’t think so.”

I said, “I never told him my last name.”

Marci says, “But you did talk with him, and he even said you were a good dancer. He didn’t answer when I asked if you were a good kisser?”

Lana had gone and bought me a glass of wine. Both of my sisters looked at my outfit and legs. Lana asked, “Are the sandals new? They look very nice on you.”

Talia answered for me, “Thanks. Yes, we got them with the money your mother gave me. Nicole bought two additional pairs of stockings with the money.”

The group went out on the dance floor and started to dance as a group. Soon, guys were coming up and pairing off with different ones of us. I was thankful but embarrassed when I wasn’t picked last. Jack looked to be a college student and I felt a need to tell him I was only in high school.

“I’m only a college sophomore and I don’t bite,” he said.

We’re dancing and Jack says his major is environmental studies. The next dance is slow and I found myself interested because of what he finds important. We go out on the deck overlooking the ocean after that song. I like the coolness created by the wind and the ocean’s mist. Jack’s hand slips under my blouse as it blows a little, and that feels nice.

I am telling myself, he’s another boy I can’t be liking him. We go back and are sitting with my friends. Lana’s even there and tells Jack, “That’s my little sister, you be nice to her.”

Jack kind of chuckles, saying, “I see where she gets her good looks.”

Lana says, “Are you trying to schmooze with her sister at well?”

Jack says, “Not in the slightest I like your sister.” He orders another beer and I switch to diet cola.

Jack had text someone and soon another guy is over to ask Lana to dance. The next song is slow and the four of us are dancing and having a good time. We spend the time there as a foursome.

It is after one when Lana and I call it a night. I text Teri, “I’m going to stay the night with my family. I’ll be around for my clothes in the morning.”

Teri calls and we talk. It lasted longer than our trip to the hotel and while we’re settling into the room. When we finish the call, Lana says, “Welcome to a girl’s world. It takes a moment to think about all my conversations covered with Teri. She had met up with Chad a boy she had dated before. She even talked about getting warm and moist. I was surprised that she said it to me.

I finish talking with Lana, took a shower, and changed into a panty and nightgown. I should go to bed, but I’m wound up and can’t sleep. I can’t believe my mom wants to listen to me talk about my feelings as Nicole, but she’s up making two cups of mint tea. She hands me one, sits near me, and says, “Go ahead and talk.”

“Mom, it’s nothing bad, but I can’t believe you want to hear me talk about a boy?”

She softly grins, “It won’t be the first time I hear it from one of my daughters. I suspect you didn’t think you’d be one of them.”

She did one of those Mom things of becoming quiet, waiting for me to talk, when I didn’t intend to I start talking. “Mom, it was just to be a dance. I told him I was just a high school girl. He started to talk about him being an environmental student. We talked like friends and well we just became friends for the night. He didn’t do anything inappropriate, strangely I liked him more for that. We kissed once but not again until saying goodnight. We exchanged phone numbers and I since took the message off on mine.”

Mom asked, “Are you likely to see him tomorrow?”

“I don’t think it is likely.”

Mom says, “If you do, you probably should tell him about you. It would be wise of you to have one of us near you.”

“It would be simpler if I dressed as Nick, then he wouldn’t recognize me.”

Mom scoots closer to me, “It would take a good amount of fussing to get you looking less than an effeminate Nicole. I don’t recommend that.” Mom says, “The worst you’ve done is to have feelings for this Jack as Nicole… It does suggest to me, there is more to you being Nicole than just clothing and makeup.”

I cuddle with my mother, stayed there quietly thinking until I fell asleep. I woke up with a pillow under my head, covered by a sheet, huddled up where we had been sitting.

Mom sent Lana to get me, breakfast was tea, a toasted bagel, and cream cheese. “We need to go over to the bungalow and get your wardrobe of clothes,” she laughed.

We were over with Teri and the others when I received a call from Jack. His voice was different; he said he wanted to see me but we needed to talk. Likewise, I told him I needed to tell him something.

After the phone conversation, I guess it was noticeable that I was fidgety as I put my clothes on hangers or folded them into a box. Teri, Talia, and others teased me about being serious with the boy that I had been with. I guess Harris had shown up after I went off with Jack. They were now giving me a hard time about Jack. “You, Nicky, are having way too much sway in attracting boys.”

I said, “But I don’t even want to,”

Talia says, “Sometimes that causes a girl to be more attractive to guys.”

Both my family and the group will be on the beach part of the day and we’d say goodbye sometime in the afternoon.

Mid-morning we’re on the beach and my phone indicates a call. I answer it and it is Jack, he says, “Can we meet on the boardwalk, so I can talk with you?”

I reply, “Fine but I need to tell you something as well.” We were to meet right away and I’m glad as he says, “I’m looking forward to seeing you.”

Mom and Marci follow behind me, but Jack’s there alone as he said. Jack holds his arms open for a hug, which I take as a good sign. However, I am worried about what he’ll think when I tell him about me. I don’t expect he’ll want to see me and I’m hoping he won’t get angry enough to hit or yell at me.

Jack says, “I showed our picture to my mother and she said she might have met you yesterday.” He points over to where his mother and sister are standing, thirty feet away. I recognize his mother to be Heather Sommers and her sister looks like her.

“So you probably know what I want to tell you? I’m transgender.” I can see relief come to Jack’s face.

He says, “I’m glad you are not denying it because I really liked you.” I said, “And I like you as well.” Both our moms and sisters walk to be with us. Instinctually, I hug his mom, thanking her for her help. Then I try apologizing saying I wasn’t trying to mislead her son.

My mom gives me a hug, “Let them speak Nicole.” Renee introduces herself, saying it is nice to meet me. Renee, Marci, and I instantly like one another. Renee says, “I can see why my brother likes you. Mom told me you were struggling with your identity. If that’s the case my brother is one of the better people you could meet. One of his better friends at college thinks she wants to be a man.”

“Jack can you actually still like me?”

He says, “It’s different for me, but you seem to be the same person I fell in love with last night.” I mouth, “Love.” His saying that kind of scared me.

Renee saw the expression on my face and she said, “Brother, you’re moving too fast. She needs to be a friend and allow you two to grow in a relationship together. She needs space to decide if she’s even a girl and what that means.”

I know others have been saying similar things, but this made sense and registered with me. The more I relaxed as we were talking, the more feelings were growing inside of me.

Renee says, “Why don’t you come with us and see where we are settled on the beach? Then you can take Jack to where you are and then go into the ocean for a while.”

I looked at others and decided to do that. Walking to where they had their things, hand in hand, with Jack was a new girl experience that I liked. Ms. Sommers invited me to sit and visit for a while. She told stories about Jack, seemingly he had many girlfriends.

We just started to walk to where my family was and I was becoming nervous. Jack asked what the problem was and I said, “I don’t know what to say bringing a boy over to my Mom and sisters I’m nervous.”

Jack said, “I’m nervous that I might not get a chance to give you a passionate kiss and to say how I feel about you.”

I said, “Mm, nice idea but not in front of all these people.”

He said, “How about under the boardwalk I knew a couple of niches and if one’s empty we can just take a moment, use our towels to give us a little privacy.” We walked over and found one with no one around.

I said, “We shouldn’t.” He said, “Just a kiss.” We did and it felt so right that we went under the boardwalk. One can see shadows and hear footprints passing overhead, but we’re in the dark so they can’t see us. We put up a towel to cut us off from the beach, my towel so I’m not lying on the sand.

“Jack, just a kiss, we shouldn’t get too passionate.” I lie down on my towel and he is next to me. His first kiss is nice but barely passionate, I find myself drawing him closer and my hold is a little stronger. Our lips meet and we’re both passionate. We hug and he’s enough on top of me that I know he’s as excited as I am. My body moans, I struggle not to.

Someone above us drops some coins including at least one that falls through lands on Jack’s back and hits my hand. The moment is broken; I’m relieved as well as disappointed. Jack had come in his swimsuit and is cursing. I had leaked but I was sure my shield caught that little amount.

Jack smiled at me, “I’m embarrassed, I’m running for the water.” We both get up get out and start running for the water. We drop our towels and jump into the ocean. And we swam out enough to make sure we’re fairly clean with no signs of our shenanigans. We kiss have some fun in the water and then go back to get our towels.

When we get to my family Renee’s already there; ready to go into the ocean with my sisters. My Mom stares at me and asks, “And what have you been up to?”

I guess the way I said, “It was nothing,” meant it was something. Mom says to Jack, “Why don’t you go find the others in the ocean. Nicole and I may or may not be here when you get back.” Jack was ready to say something but decided not to. He went toward the water.

Mom told me, “Get your things, we’re going for a walk and we may or may not be back.” We went walking on the boardwalk since we each have a beach bag, we’re not carrying too much. We’re talking as we pass by the car, a good sign. The hotel is almost a mile down the beach. I didn’t confess to everything, but I told mom we went under the boardwalk to kiss.

She tells me she can suppose some of the emotions I was going through. She didn’t seem too angry but said I’m too young especially as a girl. I didn’t fully understand why, but mom took me into a cosmetic boutique. She asked a woman to show me some cosmetics suitable for a high school senior. We had a nice mother-daughter time, and the woman showed me how to get some nice looks. We only bought a little more than was needed. I got a pretty cosmetic bag and a handful of samples given to me.

When we turned to leave from there, I knew we were now going to the hotel. And Mom began talking to me. “Nicole, I know you are going through a lot right now. I don’t mean to be mean or against you, but I need to be firm about some things.”

“Mom, I’m not Nicole.” Mom quickly stopped me, “While we’re out here talking, you’re definitely my daughter. You are too young and inexperienced to go off alone with a guy.”

Using Nicole’s voice, I say, “Mom, I understand guys quite well.”

She replied, “That’s why I thought you would know better.” I thought and giggled. “What if he gets angry with you for deceiving him?”

“Mom. You know Jack knows about me. But don’t worry for I am not ready for him to see me and do any petting.”

We are finally in our hotel room, but the cleaning people are there. Mom goes in gets a skirt for each of us and a peasant blouse for me. Once they’re on we headed down to the restaurant. We’re out on their porch at one of the tables covered by a giant beach umbrella.

Mom asks, “Are you wanting to go to school as Nick; only time or two as Nicole?”

“Mom, I had been putting that out of my thoughts. I’m afraid to think about what our other friends are going to think of me. I don’t really want to talk about it.”

Mom says, “Well, we need to. I told you I’ve talked to my doctor and she’s wanting to know if we need an appointment on Tuesday.”

“’ She’, you’re not talking about Dr. Creighton? You don’t expect me to go to your female doctor, do you?”

“Are you saying, your time here as Nicole isn’t significant for you? Do you think you could go back to just being,” Mom looks around, nobody’s near us, “Nick?”

I say, “I think, I could force myself. But I feel being Nicki is part of me. But I’d still be embarrassed to go to your doctor, what’s her name?”

Marci spotted us outside as she went through the lobby. We explained that they had been cleaning the rooms. She thought Mom would be angry and grounding me. She’s amused that Mom is calm and then surprised about my agreement that I might need to see their doctor, Dr. Denise Bradley.

Marci asks, “Nicki what do you have to say for yourself and this weekend?”

I say, “First, I felt obligated because of the lost bet, but I didn’t mind. Then I turned out to be a presentable girl. But it was little Debbie liking me, I loved being accepted by her as a girl and her play friend.” I paused, “I’ve always looked up to you and Lana; I had thought it would have been neat to be your sister. But Saturday I felt like I am your sister. When none of you laughed at me, as Nicole I felt acceptance.”

Mom paid the restaurant check and left a tip, and we were going up to our rooms. Once in our rooms, I went in flopping down and my bed with my skirt bouncing up. Marci behind me, remarked, “That is not something you want to get used to. Not only is it quite revealing, but it is going to set some wrinkles in your pretty skirt.”

She changes the subject, “So what were you thinking of when you were with that Jack Sommers?”

Sarcastically, I said, “I guess I wasn’t thinking.”

She said, “I don’t think that was the case. And I wasn’t trying to give you a hard time.”

“I’m sorry, I’ve been expecting people to give me a difficult time ever since this started.” Instead of letting me my sister said, ‘so’ and then turned quiet.

“The first kiss was nice, and I liked it. Then we were both more passionate in the second. We both well enough said.”

I was surprised, when my sister directly asked, “Did you want him?”

I said, “Luckily, he was more uncomfortable than me, but we both knew we had gone farther than we wished.”

Marci said, “You’re lucky, I think if you were in a car off someplace isolated it would have gone further.” I had mixed emotions about her being right. Marci, “I have trouble believing this was your first time. Am I right in thinking that?”

I try to get away with saying as little as possible. “I tried on Lana’s old swimsuit” Marci was staring, indicating she’s expecting more, “Decided to dress into a pair of jeans and a blouse to see if I could pass for a girl to get onto the beach.”

Marci questioned, “Did you try on a bra or put pads in your swim top?” It wasn’t a ‘yes/no’ but which.

“A set of your old pads that attached to the top.” Marci grinned and simply said, “Makeup?”

I said, “Just enough lip-gloss and basic makeup.”

“Surely, you knew enough to use a little concealer.” I nodded my head yes. Marci continued, “How more often have you tried to see yourself as a girl?” I remain silent. “Dr. Denise Bradley will need to know if she’s to see you as a believable transgender girl Nicole.” She paused and the room became quiet until she said, “I think, it has been at least five years since adolescence had settled in. I think I’ve seen signs but never enough to believe with any certainty.”

I asked, “Were you tempting me when some of your laundry clothes got put into my room from time to time?”

Marci says, “I think the first time it was accidental with Lana’s clothes. But that was where I got the idea. Did you leave the clothes alone because you were suspicious?”

I laid down on Marci’s bed and she was rubbing my back when I fell asleep. I slept for over an hour and had a thin blanket over me when I woke up along with her monkey Samantha.

Once again I dressed as Nicole as we were going to the Bay Side Diner. It was a place, my Mom, like for seafood, it held memories of Dad as well.

It caused me to ask, “What do you think Grandma Miller will think of be being a girl?” I said, “Luckily, she has two other grandsons to carry the family name.

Marci says, “Wow, you thought through things that much…

Story to be continued…