Y

I had no idea of the surprise that awaited me when mom and I finally saw each other. I hear my Mom’s voice, “Nicole, what were you thinking of coming here for your little escapade?”

“Mom, there was no harm in what we did… Why did you choose to come to this beach; we never do?”

Mom says, “I usually don't but that doesn’t mean others don’t. I’ve received a few pictures of you, via email. Your sister Lydia saw some too but hers were on Twitter. Marcia saw one on FB, that one was 'liked' many times over.”

I looked to my sisters and knew it was all true, I flopped down in my seat, despondent. Lydia placed a hand on mine and Talia sat next to me. Talia said, “No one was to be posting any pictures of Nicole.”

Lydia asked, “Is there a Tammi in the group?”

Talia said, “Tammi Witmer is here with Mitch, but she’s either been with Mitch or away from us on her phone.”

Marci asks me, “What did you think when Bonnie said hello to you?” Nicki thought of a college girl who said, ‘Hi.’ Was it her or someone else he casually said hello to. Marci says, “She saw you in a boutique with your friends selecting clothes for you. She said, "You make a cute girl.”

“Marci and I both agreed to see the pictures and now seeing you here,” says Lydia, "I'm impressed."

I’m burying my face in my hands, Mom says, “Nick, lift your head before you wreck your makeup, and don’t despair. We are going to come through this with you. You can’t be the only guy to do something cute like this.”

Teri says, “That's Nick’s family that I know. So what do we do next?”

Lydia says, “We eat breakfast, I’m starving.”

Mom Miller says, “We take time to enjoy the new girl in the family. We don’t want to come across like this is a mistake or something shameful. So Nicole put a smile on your face and let’s hear about your experiences.”

We looked up and wondered how long the waitress was there and what she heard. “Are you ready to order or do you need more time?”

Mom said, “So this Debbie was your excuse for staying as Nicole. But from the pictures and what you’re saying, you got into being a girl. There’s more than meets the eye.”

Saying more than I wanted I told my family, somethings. Teri told even more, “Nicole’s been kissed and possibly has two boyfriends.” Lydia smiles but doesn't act surprised.

We’re finishing breakfast and Mom asks, “So are you staying with your friends or going to come and be with us today?”

Lydia says, “Why don’t we set our stuff away from them. That way Marci and I can go get our little brother to swim with us and we’ll see Nicole in her new swimsuit.” Lydia lifts a small shopping bag that I’m guessing has a swimsuit for me.

Teri says, “We’ll take her and help her pack up if you’re wanting her tonight. We’re leaving sometime tomorrow afternoon. Then we’ll look for Nick at school on Wednesday.”

I resist taking the swimsuit until Talia takes it from Lana and slaps it in my hands. “Take it and say thank you.”

Going out of the restaurant the waitress says, “I hope to see all of you again.”

I stopped and wanted to say something, but couldn’t. She, the waitress, says, “You’re a good looking girl, go and have a good day.” I was able to smile and say thanks then left.

My sister has turned and is walking with us, she says, “I know where our Mom is planning for us to be. Plus I want time to be with you and the others Nicki.”

She touches my ear and closely looks at my earring. “So, am I right in thinking you’ve enjoyed prettying up?”

I sighed, “I didn’t expect too. I brought one of Lydia’s old swimsuits, in case they got me to keep my bet. But Teri disarmed me by not arguing with me. She just took me back to the van. I was going to change into the swimsuit there; run out into the ocean and have the bet all done. Instead, she had me dress in some clothes to go into the women’s changing rooms and… With every step, I gave in a little led to another step…”

Marci says, “The short story is each step brought you closer until you went along with it and found yourself enjoying it.”

I asked, “How did you guess that?”

She said, “Nicole, you’ve always asked more questions than a boy usually does. It now appears to agree with you.”

Teri was ahead of us walking into the bungalow and took us back to the room I shared with her and Talia. She turned to Talia, “Would you agree with me that they look like sisters?” Talia nodded her head in affirmation. I saw a glimpse of the two of us in a mirror. And pointed Marci to look in the mirror.

Marci says, “We Millers do make attractive women don’t we?” That brought light laughter from Teri and Talia, and it also brought Sadie and Layla into the room to see what the laughter was about.

Sadie sees my sister Marci, “So what do you think of your new sister?”

Marci changes the subject and asks, “Is Tammi here, we want to talk to her? Though it is too late, the cat is out.” It was the first time I heard a bit of anger coming from Marci.

Sadie says, “Something came up and she left in a hurry. Is there a problem?”

I spoke up, “Someone took some pictures and posted them. And since then, others have recognized me and know I’m here dressed as a girl.”

Sadie and Layla were both dismayed, “We’re so sorry, what are you going to do now?”

“My mother said, I should just relax like it was intentional and that I’m okay. She and my sisters came to show their support for me. They were a little upset with me. It’s not a beach I ever come to; I should have realized others who know us do.”

Talia said, “Others recognized Nick because the pictures from one of us let them know who Nicole really was. That’s on us!”

I raised my voice just enough to get everyone’s attention, “Cool it! It doesn’t matter. I’m going to be Nicole today and enjoy it. I thank all of you for making this a cool experience. My sister has a new swimsuit that I’m supposed to wear.”

Marci pulls the swimsuit out of the bag, and while the suit is cute, but the panty is a little smaller than what I already wore and I thought as small. There is a wraparound skirt that goes with it. I expect I’ll be wearing it when I’m not in the water.

Everyone except my sister and Teri left so I could change and get ready to go to the beach. Marci was surprised to see Teri changing as well. I turned from them as I stripped down and put on my new swimsuit. I wondered if from behind Marci could see where I was taped.

She was amused by how nice I looked and that makeup hid my cutlets. Marci said, “I see Teri accepts you as another girl. I am impressed with how nice you look, sister.”

I doubt if she knew, until I told her, “Marci, you don’t know how worried I’ve been since yesterday about your acceptance of what I’ve done. I expect it ends today or tomorrow.”

Marci and Teri giggled like they knew something I didn’t. But I was certain I was right. Marci, unlike Teri, waited until I was done to change into her own suit and get ready for the beach. I was amused as she helped make sure I had sunblock on my sensitive areas. Marci said, “Nicole, you don’t realize how it can hurt to have a sunburn under your straps or where you can burn around panty lines.”

“I’m sure Mom is interested to see you in your new swimsuit. It looks very good on you, actually too good.” She took a hair braid and put it in my hair, saying, “Wear it when you’re not in the water. It will help keep the hair out of your eyes. It may even help in bringing out the blue in your eyes.”

Mitch apologized and confirmed that Tammi had posted several pictures, but that he hadn’t known of it until someone emailed him. “Man, what can we do to undo the damage?” He knew the answer like us, it was something we’d need to deal with. But there was no way to put things back as they had been.

He said, “You know Nick, you’ve shown more character in all of this than I thought you had.”

I laughed, “I bet that was supposed to be a compliment…” I asked, “Did anyone see Bonnie Halvers when we were at the boutique?”

Layla chimed in, “You didn’t recognize her, she was the dirty blonde with the awesome tan. She lathered you with praise, I was certain you knew her.”

“She told my other sister that she had seen me at the boutique. She had only recognized me because of one of the pictures she had seen of me.”

Marci text Bonnie, “We are going out to the beach. If you see Nicole or either of us sisters, please come over and say hello again.” Before we were on the beach she received confirmation from Bonnie saying, “Make sure she wears her sunglasses and floppy hat.” I’m barely 5’ 8” so I appear as just another girl.

We got settled on the beach and had already been in the water before I saw the woman from the day before. Bonnie gave me a hug, which reminded me she was a full-figure woman and I wasn’t.

She said, “I had seen a picture of you and before I could catch up to you, you were at the boutique. I was tickled when I saw you go into the changing room and try on some of the clothes. I hadn’t realized before how much you take after your mom and sisters… That is more you than I knew before.”

She stuck out her chest, “Are you going to go for enhancements? You should try a testosterone blocker before you get silicone implants.” I stepped back at the thought of that.

Teri came to my defense, “I think Nicole is quite feminine as she is!”

Marci soon walked us over to where my mom and Lana were. Before I could sit; Mom was up and wanted pictures of us. She made mental notes with her eyes as I sat down. I made sure to adjust my swimsuit.

We all visited and Bonnie told us of another of her friends who knew about me. “Geri said, she was sure that you were transgender. She said and I agreed, when we’re home from college we’d help you. She said if you got a ride to Rutgers University you could even come and stay over some night or for a weekend with her.”

I said, "This will be over tonight or tomorrow.”

Mom said, “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” After Bonnie left, my mother had me walk the beach with her. I wasn’t thinking, but we were soon walking by Julie and little Debbie.

Debbie in her recognizable voice called to me, “Yeh! Nicki came to see me.” She was holding Julie’s hand as the waves would come in and come up touching the bottom of Debbie’s swimsuit.

Julie looked at my Mom and saw our resemblance. Julie introduced herself and my mother did likewise. “I thought you possibly didn’t know of Niccole doing this. She said it was about a silly bet.”

Mom said, “Nicole told me and her sisters about meeting Debbie. I am glad you weren’t alarmed having her playing with your daughter?”

Julie said, “It was good that I got to watch them together first. But it also spoke to what we’re going through with our son, who’s little body is very androgynous. We’ve been worried about him growing up… Meeting Nicole and seeing how she passes for a girl, and not some freak. Well, it helps both my husband and me, hopefully, to be good parents.”

My mother looks at me, asking, “Is it okay if I share how things have become more complicated than you planned?” She told her about pictures that had been taken and posted on social media.

Julie says, “I’m surprised, Nicki’s friends all appeared to genuinely care for her.” She agreed with my mother and more now with me. I’d do better not trying to deny it and possibly go to school once or twice as Nicole. Even possibly with a doctor’s blessing saying I might be transgender. Finally, Julie says, “I thought she probably is, but in denial of it.”

Julie told my mother, “After we invited her to have breakfast with us, I gave her money for another outfit. She or someone has a good taste for what looks good on her.”

Despite having visited quite a while and having been away from the others even longer; Mom wanted to talk with me some more. She emphasized with me the need to be open and honest with her. I knew depending on where the discussion went some of it could be hard for me to say openly with her.

“Please talk to me as Nicole and tell me how you felt and what you thought after the initial embarrassment of fulfilling your bet?” She took my hand as we walked and there was an emotional connection that helped me to feel comfortable.

I said, “Mom, it was like each step connected to the last and led to the next. Putting on sunblock, noticing others were not laughing. The other girls began treating me as one of them. They were initially saying things to embarrass me, but soon they were talking about sensitive girl things. And I was being treated as one of them. I was walking backward when Teri warned me of Debbie.

I think it was around then when little Debbie accepted me that I began accepting myself as Nicole. I liked playing with her and then she was comfortable with me. Julie was comfortable with me, even after she began to understand who I was.”

Later, when Debbie came running up to me on the boardwalk, and Julie paid for me to get a new outfit. I resented that but when we were in the boutiques I found myself liking the colors, the softness of the fabrics. Enough, that that’s not important!

Mom said, “But it is important. Thank you for sharing.” She took out her phone and talked to Lana, “Would you please bring my skirt and one of the colorful wraps for Nicole. There’s the Seaside Tea Room over to the left when you get to the boardwalk; we’ll meet you there,”

We went up to the boardwalk and were to the tea room a moment before Lana. Mom’s skirt wrapped around her waist, the upper half being solid and the bottom is a mesh. Lana smiled at me as she gave me a multi-color print material. She showed me two ways to use it, I chose to wrap it under my arms and around my chest. She even had flip-flops in her bag for both of us.

The three of us got deli-sandwiches, chips, and tea. We were casually talking and in a normal voice by mother asked, “Nick do you like being a woman?”

And without hesitation, I surprisingly said, “Yes, I surprised how much I like being Nicole. It has almost felt normal to me.” But then I catch myself, “You know mom, I can’t be. That would be absurd.”

Lana says, “Several days ago I would have said the same. I did with the first picture I saw. But looking at those pictures now and just being around you since breakfast and talking to friends.”

“Mom casually asked you a simple question, about things contrary to normal. Yet, you made being a girl be right for you.” She looks at me, “For a few hours you’ve been my sister, her daughter, the friend of a little girl. I also know you danced with some boys and enjoyed yourself… There is much more to being Nicole, but it doesn’t sound out of character for her to see it as normal.”

I started to cry and couldn’t stop; several around us asked what was wrong or if they could help. Heather introduced herself as a nurse and asked me to step outside with her for some fresh air. We did and I found myself saying, “They're thinking I might want to be a girl.” The crying was subsiding as she was accepting of me.

Heather asked, “Do you want to be a girl or is someone forcing you to be like this?” There was no judgment in her voice, and she seemed concerned that this could have been forced upon me. I shook my head ‘No’ and I thanked her for her concern. She said, “You know, I’ve seen several people having trouble accepting where they are in this time of their lives. No one should be rushing you, but they are not bad questions for real friends to ask.”

I saw my mom and Lana standing a distance away giving us space. I waved them over and the four of us hugged. Heather said, “Coming out like this and then you as the family being here today in support of her; may have been too much of a good thing. Your questions and caring are right, but she wasn’t ready to admit things. In fact, that is something she needs to decide. And despite the outward appearance, it might not be her.”

I joked, “My outward appearance right now is probably suffering and I need to get my makeup and take care of that.”

After that Mom told me, “You need to relax, go with your friends, and have a good afternoon. You can either go out with them tonight or you’re welcome to our suite.”

I said, “You sprung for a suite, what made you do that?”

Her reply was simple, “You and a holiday weekend. There weren’t a whole lot of places available to us that were decent. And your sisters weren’t ready to share with you…”

Story to be continued…