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Note: There is a scene in here which is an attempted rape and some violence towards me during a moment at the end of school. Please do not read if this will disturb you. Thanks.

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School continued past freshy week as the students dubbed the occasion and luckily for me, I never was tagged. The dance went on without a hitch. A sore spot for me was during the following week. That week was particularly dull and boring for me as I spent my previous weekend studying and keeping ahead in all my classes. I was determined to keep my grades up, for me. I still had to prove at least to myself that I was NOT a prostitute.

On the Thursday after classes, unfortunately, my world changed yet again. I was walking home, when I was slammed to the ground by Mitch, he was on the basketball and football teams. You see, he was constantly was giving me the eye. I thought to myself, that, 'While he was doing this, it was simply harmless flirting.' Well, unfortunately, I was proven oh so wrong.

At the time, I was wearing a very nice jean mini with flowers embroidered on the sides and back pockets as well as a nice soft white short sleeve blouse with ruffles about the collar. I looked spectacular, even if I do say so myself. Anyhow, Mitch slammed me to the ground and tore off my top leaving my exposed bra and chest open for all those to see and then, he had to cover my mouth to keep me from screaming. It was during this time that I realized that he was not just flirting with me, he was lusting for me.

He began to hit me with his free hand and rip my skirt off. He weighed 200 pounds easy and I was 135 if that. He was the typical jock, short cropped hairstyle, dumb as a box of hammers. Now, that was an insult to the hammers, mind you. Hammers are smarter by far. He kept his full weight on me and continued to pound on my ribs and face. He was swearing at me and calling me a slut and a whore.

I knew that all I could hope for was that he would end this, quick. I do not know much after that, I guess I passed out or something because I was awakened in the ER at the hospital, covered with a blanket, and I knew I was beaten and bruised. I started crying. Why did he have to attack me? Did he not think about being caught? Did he treat others like this?

The doctors wanted to know who to call. They were surprised when I did not give them Jenn's number, nor that of the farm where I grew up. I was left in the ER for what seemed like hours before someone came to look at my injuries. I resorted to being quiet and got all tired out as I cried over what had happened. I had told him that nobody here could afford me, but they could take it from me.

After I spent the night in The ER, I went home. They had to find me clothes to wear as I was in no shape to wear the clothes I had on the day before, and the clothes were torn up, now, anyway. When I saw the damage, I knew that I could never wear them, again. Not with the rips, and stains on them.

I later found out that some senior citizen named Gary was turning the corner, and when he saw what was going on, he shooed the idiot Mitch away and brought me to the ER. Gary was in his late 70's, and a widower who kept to himself. He later explained to me, Melissa, I don't really appreciate the clothes that you wear but I do kinda understand the circumstances, even if I don't approve of you being a prostitute."

"Gary , I am not a street person, nor a prostitute. This was how I choose to dress, it was comfortable for me."

He agreed with a nod of his head. I had all the information from the admitting desk as to who had brought me in. I wrote Gary a long letter and thanked him.

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Back at school the following Monday, the rumors were floating about that I had left school to be an exotic dancer and that what happened to me was a figment. Yeah right, a bruised face and arms and I could hardly see out of my one eye! Some figment.

////////////

Christmas approached and mid semester exams were finally over. All of which I passed with ease, there were no weekend party's for me, just study sessions and homework. Oh, I did want to party, but I wanted to study all the more. I was finding being a student to fill a void in me that I did not know that I had at the time. But I did have SOME fun, just not those parties.

Jenn and I spent some time socializing. She ended up getting more shifts and eventually was working over time, some 50 hours per week. She would have a few days off, we would talk and shop. We would go out strolling in the local malls and shopping centers, window shopping and finding the things that we just had to have. I am pretty sure that you readers have seen something that you had to have, for me, the fun was in the fact that I could probably afford it.

It was on one of those social outings of "shop till you drop" that I met Jason. He was the same height as I was, 5'11”. He had a stocky build and very nice brown eyes. His hair was short and well styled with a part on the right side. He was good looking to say the least...WOW. Even Jenn by this time was ogling at him. He spent a majority of his time with us, that day. At the end of the day, he asked, "Melissa, may I have your number?"

"Jason, I am living with Jenn, but I can give you her's. "

"Cool!"

"If you give me yours I will call you."

Well, he accepted that and gave me his number. I called him two nights later, and asked him if we could go out for tea, which he readily accepted. We made plans for the K Family restaurant. That restaurant is 9 blocks away from where Jenn and I resided. The date was for 7p.m..

I asked Jenn, will you come along and sit away from us, to keep an eye out for anything."

"Why, Melissa?"

"I guess I am still paranoid of more abuse and even an attack. I need some added security."

Jenn said, "Sure, not a problem."

*********

THE DATE:

I arrived 30 minutes early. I spotted Jason quickly and waved him over. The window booth was the easiest. You see, it was close to the entrance if I needed to leave quickly enough if my instincts kicked in, or I was being threatened. We greeted each other.

"Hi, Melissa."

"Hello, Jason."

"How old are you?"

"I am fifteen, why?" PROBLEM HERE… LOOK BACK AND FIND HER AGE AT THIS POINT

"I am eighteen. I just graduated this past June and looking forward to the University."

"That's nice; I'm heading onto college, too."

"Please tell me about yourself Melissa."

I decided on complete honesty here and disclosure, "Jason, I was a abused child from a loveless family, they abused me and when it got too much I left at 15 and I have had to survive on the streets until I saw four of my 'coworkers" shot and killed. I came back here to decide what I wanted to do and I decided to go to school and change my life to the better."

"Wow! I'd never have guessed."

"Jason, I was a prostitute and I needed to protect myself from further abuse from my parents. That is why I ran away. Please listen and I will explain further if you are willing to listen."

He had a shocked look and very wide eyed look, "Melissa, what ever you tell me, I will listen, I do not nor will I interrupt you till you have explained what you need too."

"Thank you".

I went on to explain to him the conditions I lived in while on the streets, the abuse I saw and endured. The strength I somehow gained from all that abuse. He only nodded. I continued to explain to him my relationship with Jenn and how she became my supporter and my SISTER. I glanced over and saw Jenn walk in with 5 girls and winked at me. Jason never looked nor saw them arrive.

"What are your plans for the holidays?"

"I plan on a quiet holiday, I am going to study."

He had a quizzical look on his face, "Oh," he sighed.

"Jason, there is a reason why I need to study."

"OK, but no parties, you know what they say about all work and no play."

"You see, I made a promise that I would finish school and see where I want to go from there."

"I hear you, but still, it's a shame that you don't want to party, any."

"I would if I could, Jason. But I need to complete this as quickly as I can. If I don't, I will continue to feel like a failure."

"Why would you feel that?"

"I would, because it was beaten into me that I would not amount to anything, that I was useless, no good, a complete failure as a SON."

"A SON, YOU CANNOT BE A BOY!" He had raised his voice at that comment.

"Trust me, Jason. Under my jeans and tank top and jean jacket, I am a boy, I may not look like one with what I am wearing, but I am, under it all."

"How? Why? Is that even possible?"

"Yes, Jason. It is possible, hormones, and a lot of work, hardly eating and kept in shape with walking the streets for 18 hours or more a day."

"I can bet, but you look so normal."

Laughingly I said, "NORMAL? Yeah, right! Your definition of that would be what? Growing up with the perfect family, loving mom and dad, sister or brother perhaps? Getting a good education versus being beaten up every day and raped every night. I call what you had NORMAL compared to me life."

"I just do not get it, I don’t understand, I guess you had to do what you needed to do."

"YUP! It was either run or stay and die, and if I stayed I knew it would not be too much longer before either my "FATHER" OR "BROTHER" WOULD Kill ME, or I would take my own life. And Jason, I came close on more than ONE occasion."

"SHIT!"

"I may not have had the ideal nor perfect life as you see it, however, I have street smarts and that will do me just fine. Now, I want to get some form of education because I do not want to have a 8th. Grade education and be a failure. I want to shove this so far up my parent’s asses and those assholes that said I was fucking crazy, so yes JASON I WILL FINISH SCHOOL!"

"They were wrong about you."

"Jason, if you like what you see then fine, if you do not that is fine too, I accept that, I have always accepted the shitty things in life. However, if you want to be my friend, that is OK, as well, and I accept that. If not that is quite fine as well, because I have set myself up in a nice little routine, and well, I want to keep it that way."

He was stunned and stated, "Melissa, I would like to be your friend, however I am just not sure of your attitude."

I was so stunned and seething at this point. I was thinking 'SHIT! What a fucking prick!' "ATTITUDE, Fuck JASON! You have no idea what kinda of attitude I have yet, I am a nice person. Sure, I have faults! Sure, I have been on the other side of what is called "normal" as you so kindly placed it. That I have a lot of fucking regrets for what I did, I cannot take them away, nor will I. If you want to be my friend fine, if not that is fucking OK with me, as well. I will not change myself for you or anyone else for that fucking matter! What you see is what you fucking get! Handle it, if you want too."

Then I got up and left. I stormed out of the restaurant, thinking, 'Fuck, what an asshole, and I thought he was cute and nice enough to get to know. Oh well.' I walked home very quickly.

Several hours later, Jenn arrived home and was not amused with what went on at the restaurant, however she could understand it. She told me that she had talked to Jason after I stormed out and left him stunned and in shock.

"Melissa, you left in a hurry, I had to try and contain Jason to talk with him a bit."

"Yah! So he is a asshole, he couldn't accept what I told him, Jenn, You know I have to honest and upfront with people I meet, it's just too fucking bad that they have to hide their pompous attitudes and bullshit the way that they do, and not even try and understand."

"Still, you did not give him a chance."

"Jenn, you know me, you know the shit I went through, should I have to continue with this on an ongoing fucking basis, can I not be entitled to some friends and some support, some allies out side of you? Is that way too much to ask?"

"No, it is not too much to ask. What you have to try and understand that JASON WAS TRYING TOO UNDERSTAND AND LISTEN AND YOU LITERALLY FUCKING EXPLODED ON HIM, LIKE THE BITCH YOU ARE AND CAN BE IF THINGS DO NOT SEEM TO BE RIGHT!"

I was shocked and stunned here as my best friend in the whole world, the one I loved as a sister went off on me like a bomb. But hat she said, hit home.

"Sorry, Jenn. but I can’t take this shit from assholes that pretend to not be real, and in my opinion and assumption he was not being real when we talked, nor when I was explaining my life as honestly as I needed to, full disclosure. You and I talked about that when I came off the streets. I know in my heart that I was right and I had every right to defend an assault of ignorance, which I felt he had towards me and my choice of lifestyle then and he probably holds it against me after our conversation tonight, RIGHT?"

"Not in the least, you little bitch, He was generally concerned for you and wanted to understand what you had to say and YOU never gave him the chance to get a word in edgewise! YOU dropped a lot on him and never gave him an opportunity to speak or respond! In fact, YOU bitched him out like he was your DAMNED "FATHER"! HE is not, he showed some concern after you left and truth be told, here MISSY, HE FUCKING DOES WANT to SEE YOU AGAIN AND TRY TO UNDERSTAND MORE!! YOU HAVE TO GET OVER YOURSELF AND YOUR ATTITUDE WHEN SOMEONE WANTS TO TRY AND BE YOUR FRIEND!!"

"How!?"

I broke down and cried at this point and I still remember the conversation that we had after that fist meeting with Jason. I was a bitch, maybe if that opportunity was to happen again and I was a bit less hostile, maybe things would have turned out a bit better from the date.

"All that I know that you can do is to see what happens and drop the attitude. You need to let him try and ask questions and you provide that understanding."

"I will try, Jenn." Oh, how I wanted to say Momma, but I couldn't. Not with what my 'mother' did to me.

"Melissa, you have been through hell and back, I have seen you change from the meek, abused, scared, frightened little girl that I met at first. Now, you are no longer like that. Now, you are stronger from your time on the streets."

"Thank you."

"Melissa, I accepted you as you were and as what I see now. I may not fully understand it all and probably never will, but, I will always be there for you. I can ask you to take it easy on him. It's your decision, not mine. I can only ask, because what you do is your doing and business. I would love to see you have something that would mean a lot more to you than just abuse. Something meaningful, to have someone give you a chance and let you break your attitude of being the bitch."

"I know, Jenn, but it's so hard NOT to hate men."

"FUCK Melissa, you cannot go on hating every male in the world for what your "FATHER" AND "BROTHER" did to you, it was their fault, not JASON'S, He never caused you that pain, THEY DID, NOT HIM. He wants to try and give you a chance at some happiness and you threw it in his face. If I was a guy I would walk away and never want to speak to you. I love you Mel, you are loving and kind and yet you are so hard edged and hate everything around you that you will not give anyone the chance to see the REAL YOU."

I was so shocked at this burst from Jenn that all I could do was nod and sputter out "Thank you, Jenn. I needed my ass kicked."

I went to bed and cried, I knew I needed to contemplate and to see what I had to change if any. Jenn was right about me. I was still damaged goods. But it was up to ME as to what I did with my life.

-----------------------

Several weeks had passed. In February, Jason called Jenn. She called me when the phone rang and she had answered it. I was very apprehensive about
talking to him. I picked up the receiver off the table and said, "Hello."

"Hey, can we maybe start over and go out to a coffee shop and talk?"

"Sure! When?"

"In an hour, I'll pick you up at Jenn's."

I swear the color drained from my face when he said that and Jenn spotted the color change immediately. All she did do was give me the thumbs up and whisper." Go on, it will be OK. You have to start trusting."

All the while I am thinking 'Yeah, right, when hell freezes over.'

I told him I would be ready, and I also told him that I was very nervous doing this. I never went out on a coffee date nor got into a vehicle with a guy unless it was my "tricks". This was totally new for me. I was like a babe in the woods, a babe in need of loving.

There was silence and a laugh, "I'll see you soon."

The line went dead. All I could think have was, 'What the fuck just happened, here and why was I doing this and I even accepted this ride and offer of coffee?'

I was certainly done fore at least in my mind. I noticed Jenn give a smile and said, "GO, it will not kill you."

I went and was nervous the whole time and was very much on edge. I will not bore you with all the details, I will say that we reached a kinda compromise, he would listen to me and what I had to say and I promised that I would not be such a bitch and explain things more clearly to him. This was what I most desperately needed, another friend who would accept me. What happened later on does not diminish the healing that happened, that night.

The end result was I eventually was able to open up a bit more and not blame him for what had happened to me in my past. I still tend to dwell on that, however, that is part of who I was at this point. My Psyche and my slate were severely scared and written on growing up where trust and honesty from a male was non existent. I saw them as a threat, not as friends. I saw them as a predator and I was the prey. I still hold a lot of animosity towards men; in time I might get it right where I do not blame them for my past but accept them as friends and not enemies. Life went on in high school with many more ups and downs........