Saturday, January 4^th, Sam's dad won his bet and he gave me ten dollars right on the spot. Here is the bad thing about cheerleading suits, no pockets. Well not the only thing bad about them, but at least I had my purse with me to keep things in. That thing really does come in handy, it's like a bookbag but without any books in it.

Mom said I made a real good cheerleader, I guess that is because Sam showed me what to do. I can even do a full split, I didn't know I could, but I did it on my first try. I was like real scared to do one, I thought maybe it would tear something a part.

I really like being with Sam to. I hope we are still friends after all this mess is done with. I asked her about being girlfriends to each other. She said that's what I am, a girl and a friend. I told her but I am not a girl and she said 'if you say so.' Girls always have a habit of saying stupid things just to get on your nerves. I asked her if she would still be my friend when I start dressing like a boy. She said of corse, I'll be her tom boy friend. I had the feeling she meant something else though. Like you know tomboy, like a girl doing the opposite of what I'm doing now. But maybe she was just teasing about my name or maybe she is so ditzy that she didn't realize that she made a joke without knowing it.

Okay mom tucked me and Amy in and we got up at 10am. This is nice to sleep in all the time but Monday it is going to end. I hate getting up for school when its cold. Well, mom and I made eggs sunny face up and some bacon and some toast. Then I got dressed. I wore a black denim skirt and Vince's wrestling tee shirt, which I also slept in. It makes a nice nighty because it is long. Okay the reason I wore it was because the first thing we were doing was going to see vince wrestle.

Mom said she knew that I had a thing for Vince and that it was okay, and it was okay to continue it after Monday. I was happy to hear that because Vince is like way cool and I like him. I don't know if he is still going to want to kiss if I dress back like a boy. I don't even know if I'm going to want to kiss him once this stupid dresses and stuff stop making me think of stupid things.

Well we went over to the high school. The place wasn't packed, but a lot of people were there. Vince was in these little tights, he has more muscles then I thought and really looked good. He just bulges all over the place. I felt sorry for the puny boy that he had to wrestle. I didn't know the rules, I mean there weren't any ropes and people were sitting on the chairs and not hitting each other with them. The umpire person kept yelling out points and blowing his whistle. It was very confusing.

Well Vince got to wrestle, he looked so strong. He totally kicked butt. I wanted to say, that's my boyfriend, but that might of made things bad. I mean even if people mistake me for a girl, it still means that Vince is dating a almost 12 year old. He got all sweaty and shiney and that made me feel funny inside for some reason. Not bad funny, just funny funny. After they was all done with the match, Vince's team lost by only 3 points. But it wasn't his fault, he pinned his guy.

Well Vince came and introduced himself to my mom. He is so polite, and said how glad he was to know me. He gave me a kiss on the cheek and thanked me for bringing him luck. I blushed so much I thought my face would explode with red. I'm surprised he did it though, I meen his friends saw. Well he said he had to go and shower, and I had to go with mom for our mom daughter day. SO we said bye, I hope to see him again soon.

Okay after the wrestling mom took me to see the ballet. It wasn't the real ballet, but one for kids. So it wasn't that long. It looked really cool to, I wonder how long they practice to do all those jumps and stand on there toes. I tried to do it myself when we got home, and I fell. Well, I got to admit this about being a girl for christmas, even though I don't want to, I am doing a lot of different stuff and some of it isn't totally horible. I liked watching the ballet and being with mom. There were even boy ballerinas. I didn't even think they were fruity and I bet 2 weeks ago I would of. They were kids though like maybe 7 or under. But they were so cute, the girls were even cuter in their pink suits and tutus.

If I was born a girl I wonder if mom would have had me do dance instead of peewee football. I thanked mom for taking me and how much I really really liked it when it finished. She said that she knew I would, and maybe we could come a few times during the year. I don't know, the ballet isn't a place most boys want to be caught. I told her maybe.

After the show we went to the zoo. All the animals looked cool against the snow. It was really nice. I still like looking at tigers, they are like the coolest animals. We walked clear around the zoo and it only took us about half an hour. Mostly me and mom just talked about things.

She told me not to put myself in a situation I couldn't handle with Vince. I told her okay, but I doubt Vince would ever do that to me. She said it was okay that I like him and kiss him though. I asked her if that made me gay. She said I was to young to know something trivial like that and that is something I would decide when I was older. She said right now I'm just exploring who I am, and that it was okay. I wanted to tell her that right now I'm a big fruitcake dressed as a girl, but I didn't.

It started getting late and me and mom went out for chinese food. I love chinese food. Yummy. It is kind of neat to be mom's daughter for a little while, I have more in common with her then I knew and I wouldn't of found out if I didn't pretend to be a girl. We went home and we did each others nails. Mom is real good at painting them. It's too bad this is going to end I think sometimes, I mean I really liked getting to know mom this way and doing this silly stuff with her. Maybe it would have been better if I was a real girl. WHAT AM I SAYING. I AM NOT A REAL GIRL JUST A FRUIT. GEESH SEE HOW THIS DRESS MAKES YOU SAY STUFF YOU CAN'T REALLY MEAN. Anyway, Vince is going to stop by and stay for a while. Night night Mrs. Diary, I got one more day to write you.

Sunday, January 5^th, This is the last day for me to write to you mrs. Diary, don't be sad, you helped me a lot. I just know that since my aunt won't be making me and I'll be back to normal that I probably won't keep up. Well lets see all that happened since yesterday that I haven't told you about.

Okay Vince did come over last night. I told him again how much I liked seeing him wrestle and how proud I was that he won. He thanked me and said it was easy with a beautiful girl in the stands. I told him that on Monday that the girl wouldn't exist, he said I was still beautiful, it made me blush but also made me kind of sad that this was ending. Isn't that silly, at first I didn't even want to do it and was like hell no, now I am sad that its going to stop. I can't wait until my thinking goes back to normal.

Well Vince taught me some wrestling moves, in case I need to protect myself. He taught me a fireman's carry and a high crotch. When he said high crotch I thought he was trying to get fresh, but he promised me that it was really what the move was called. He also taught me a half nelson and a cross face. He didn't do them hard to me, but he told me that they could really hurt. Then we did wrestle against each other, and I won. I know he let me beet him, that is so sweet of him, isn't it? I hope that on Monday that we are still friends.

He asked me if I wanted to stay a girl. I asked him why he asked. He said because I seem to be really happy. I told him school started Monday and I had to be back to normal. He just said okay. I meen if I was reely a girl it wouldn't be so bad, but I'm not, so it's kind of wrong, isn't it? Anyway, Vince stayed like an hour and a half then had to go home. I gave him a kiss good bye. I meen after all he did teach me all the wrestling stuff and he is so nice and cute. YUCK I better get that thinking out of my head or I'm going to get a butt kicking tomorrow.

Okay this morning I woke up, I had another dream. My dad was hitting me for being a big pansy faggot. But Vince came in and beat him up and said leave her alone she is happy. Why do I keep having these dreams? Am I going mental? Well I guess its okay to admit it but me and Vince did more then just kiss. I meen in the dream. I woke up and I was like ICK but I was also like wondering why I would dream about gay things. But is it gay if I'm a girl in the dream.

I don't know, I sware I am going nuts and need to get back to pants and t-shirts. It's a good thing I didn't agree to be a girl during summer break, it would never end and who know what crazy things I would be thinking if this went on longer. I mean I am doing a lot of things I shouldn't be doing, right?

Okay mom and I got dressed and went to church. This is where things got bad, I think. I wore a white floral dress and tights. But when I was in church, I thought, what would God say if he saw me pretending to be something he didn't make me. I got really worried that something would happen and mom noticed. I told her about what was bothering me. She said God was love and that he would love me no matter what I did or how I behaved. She said if I loved him, he would love me back no matter what.

I said what if I did something really bad, like kill someone. She said if I really loved God, I wouldn't do something like that. I then said, but isnt dressing like this kind of like lyinig. She said, not if that's what you really are on the inside. I didn't say nothing else. What else could I say.

If that is what I am on the inside. I didn't know what she really meant. Am I a fruitcake on the inside, like Glenn and Paul and Alexis. I don't believe that they are going to hell because they are gay, Mom said people who think that way really don't know God's word.

Then I thought, maybe she meant if I was a girl inside. But that is impossible, right? I mean you are either boy inside and out or girl inside and out. You can't be one and another at the same time, that doesn't make sense. I mean can someone be a girl inside and a boy outside? I don't think so. It's too confusing.

Well afterwards we went out for brunch. The waiter treated us real nice. It is amazing that as a girl people treat me nicer and I think I know why. For some reason I am nicer back. That makes no sense as to why it would work that way, but I notice I say please and thank you a lot more. Since I used to never say it when I am myself. But I just noticed that. I said can we please have a table for 2. And the guy said certainly, follow me. And I said thank you. Usually I don't say please and usually I say show the way and not thank you.

Anyways brunch is really a great meal. It's lunch stuff and breakfast stuff and you eat till your pants explode, if you are wearing pants that is. I also notice I didn't gorge myself and am more neater when I eat. Why is everything changing because of clothes, this is so stupid.

After brunch I went to Sam's. I wanted to spend one last time being with her as Tammy. We didn't do nothing or get undressed or kiss. We just talked. I like talking to sam more then all those other things. I never talk to people like the way I've been doing lately. It's really cool to get to know the real person and not just be like some kind of animal and just do pranks and tell jokes. Sam says I am one of her better girl friends. I really wish she would stop saying stuff like that, I'm confused enough. She said we will still be friends and who knows what will happen. It's like people are expecting me to magically turn into a real girl, don't they know that that stuff doesn't happen. Well except on one of the web places I visited, but that was all made up stories.

Well I spent a good 2 hours just talking to Sam, I wasn't even bored for a second isn't that amazing. We just chatted, no playing games or nothing. Just sitting down like two civilized people and chatted about our feelings. Isn't that sickening, it wasn't but shouldn't I find it that way. I hope we still talk like this once in awhile after I am back to normal.

Here is the thing, I'm not woried about Sam not wanting to talk, but me. I'm afraid I will put on pants and go back to being my old nasty self and lose every little thing that I have learned. I hate to say this, but I like the way I am now. Not all the fruitcake stuff, but being nice and learning about people.

I went home and helped mom make dinner. We had lasagna and it came out so good. My aunt Jan came over and complemented me on how well I have done. I know she meant more then just on dinner. She said in private, see that wasn't so hard. But, now I am afraid it will be hard to go back to what I was, I don't even know if I want to. Well being normal is what I'm suppose to do. Right?

It's time to go to bed and mom said I could be in regular pj's. I think I will just wear the wrestling t-shirt. I mean that is a guys t-shirt. It's been real nice telling you all my secrets and stuff mrs. Diary. You really help get it all out. I think I will miss you the most out of this whole thing, but like I said, once I go back to normal I probably won't even look at you. So, I guess this is the end. Kiss Kiss.