Cemetery Shenanigans
Part Four: Epilogue

I can't recall what happened next. But I remember following the woman's instructions to the letter. As soon as I reached the school I headed to the office and gave them the note the strange woman had given me. I had expected them to ask a few questions. Instead the office secretary nodded her head and made a copy and handed me the original. I then went to my first period class. That happened  to be Earth Science. 

I can't remember what happened next. I had neither  textbooks, notebooks, paper, nor pencil with me. So I had to borrow those from my friends, all of them wanted to know how my adventure in the town's cemetery had turned out. I kind of skirted around their questions. I mean what could I tell them? At this point I felt a change starting to come over me. I started to admire the cute skirts and dresses all the girls wore, I started to admire their hair ribbons, their colorful headbands and their perfectly permed hair.

I did not want to say it out loud, but I was a bit jealous of them. I felt under dressed in my jeans and sneakers. I found myself wanting to wear a colorful woolen skirt, paired with tall, leather boots, and a warm, oversized cozy sweater. With a little bit of make-up and the right perfume I was sure I could make all the boys turn their heads. Before I could catch myself, I found myself giggling at that image.

That of course drew a few odd looks from my classmates. Anyway school went on, notes were taken, I took some tests and passed the note the strange woman gave me to all my teachers. Most of them just stared at me, before they signed the note and sent me on my way.

Lunch was boring and once more I found myself slipping into a world of daydreams. This time I daydreamed about the upcoming Halloween dance, all of the popular girls would be there. There was the rumor that the school had hired out a gunge tank for the event. I found myself wondering what guy I would like to take to the dance with me, would it be one of the guys I hung out with? I hung out with the Emo/Gothic kids. You know the kind that almost always only buy their casual clothing from places like Spencers or Hot Topic.

I mean I guess one of those guys would do. But I kind of wanted something different, I wanted a man  that loved the outdoors, who hunted, who fished, who was strong and tan. One full of life, one that did not look like a zombie or a reject from a heavy metal band that had been formed a week ago in somebody's basement. I wanted somebody that would take me out to dinner, who would take me swimming at the old swimming hole, who would treat me like a lady. Who would cuddle me on a blanket under the starry night sky. Who would take me deer hunting, fishing, and cannoning. Somebody who I could take adorable instagram worthy with. 

I felt my cheeks starting to flush as these thoughts filled my head. I was thankfully saved by the ringing of the bell. My lunch though remained untouched. That's okay, I was kind of not hungry anyways. Taking a deep breath I stood up, carried my plastic tray over to the nearby trash can, with one swift motion I knocked the soggy meatloaf and rubbery mashed potatoes into the  trash can and placed the tray in the window.

I don't remember much after lunch. More daydreaming followed though, and I once more found myself thinking about boys, make-up, and the upcoming Halloween dance. And almost felt like crying over the fact that I did not have a date or a costume picked out. And all the good costumes had been picked over at our local Spirit of Halloween and there was no way in hell I could catch a ride to the mall some forty miles away.

I also found myself anguishing over the fact that I was a boy and not a girl. And by that fact alone my choice of costumes had been cut in half. Its safe to say I spent the rest of the day in a deep, dark cloud of depression. Iron gray storm clouds seemed to hang over my head, freezing cold rain seemed to fall upon my frail shoulders. My spirit grew numb and my body seemed to grow weaker with each passing second. As I waited for the bus, I found myself cursing the joker of a God who had seemed it fit to make me a boy instead of the girl I was supposed to have been.

That dark, stormy mood seemed to linger around for the whole bus ride. When I reached home, I stormed through the door, and bolted up the wooden staircase. I rushed into my room and tossed myself down upon the bed and curled up in a little ball and then I let all the emotions out. I don't know what came over me, but I started to cry, I cried for several long minutes before at last I could bring myself to settle down.

Once I had finished my cry, I seemed refreshed a little. The feeling of anguish was still there, but it had eased up  a lot, and it seemed the dark storm clouds that had been hanging over my head all afternoon had at last been blown away. Then something odd came over me. I went downstairs and fetched a large, black garbage bag from the hot water heater room.

Bag in hand I started to go through my collection of dvd's to my shame I noticed a lot of them were anime porn dvd's I'd brought from the FYE using a fake ID. I don't know why I had to remember the part about the fake ID, but just remembering it made my skin crawl. Heck, even just looking at the DVD's made my skin crawl. My blood started to boil, this was not who I was! This was not me! Seeing red I broke the disk over my knee and tossed the remains into the trash, I then turned toward the posters that hung on my wall.

The posters showed various bands, all of them heavy metal bands with tall guys who had their faces painted white and who wore heavy black make-up. All the outfits seemed to be made of black shiny leather and studded with metal spikes. The bands had horrible sounding names like 'Devil Followers' or 'The Six, Six, Six Crew!' still boiling with rage I reached up and tore down the posters and tossed them into the trash. I followed this by tossing several CD's the two mentioned bands hand released into the trash.

It seemed I was purging myself.. I could not for the life of me explain what had taken hold of me, but I felt the need to purge myself of everything that connected me to my past life.. my former life. Then my rage seemed to pass.. and I found myself missing that room in that stranger's house, that pink room with the little girls bed and little girls decor. I felt like part of my soul was still there.

“What in the FUCK.” I yelled at the top of my lungs. “Is going on with me!” And with that said, I tossed myself down upon my bed and fell into a frightful, dreamless sleep.