Cemetery Shenanigans
Part Two: Out of the frying pan into the Fire

“Excuse you.” A young woman said the moment I entered the shack. “I think you owe me an explanation why you just busted in here.”

I blinked and blinked again as I peered toward the woman, she had long, honey blonde hair that was pulled back in a ponytail, the ponytail was braided and the braid was tossed over her shoulder. She was dressed in a red plaid flannel gown. The woman was sitting in an old, wooden rocking chair that was sitting near a roaring fire that crackled in a large, brick fireplace that was located in the center of the room.

“The bride?” I said, taking a deep breath as I pointed out the window. The window pane was already starting to frost up. “She chased me!” I stuttered out after a few moments of trying to spit my words out.

“Oh.” The woman said, taking a deep breath as she shook her head from the left to the right. “Not that silly story again!” She said, sighing as she stood up, she then looked me over. I could feel her eyes traveling from the top of my head down to tip toes of stocking covered feet.

“Oh Jesus.” The woman said, shaking her head. “You even got yourself in an old bride dress.” She said, taking a deep breath. She then looked down at the bundle of plastic flowers that I was holding in my hand.

“Oh Lord.” She said, shaking her head again. “You've even had make-shift bridal bouquets.” She said as she rolled her eyes to the side. “And here I was about to settle in for the night. We'll..” She said, peering toward me. “Get out of that dress, it's soaked and I don't need you catching your death of a cold because you're running around in a damp dress.”

I blinked and blinked again.

“Come on, there's a shower nearby, you need to get a nice warm shower and some hot soup in you. Don't you know this kind of weather is pneumonia? Hot one minute, cold the next. You need to take care of your body or else you're going to end up in the hospital.” She scolded as she stood up and started walking toward me.

“I'm sorry for barging in here like this.. but try to understand, a few moments ago I was being chased by an ax wielding woman wearing a blood splattered wedding dress, now I'm being lectured.. its kind of hard for me to wrap my head around all of this.” I said blushing as I shrugged my shoulders.

“Right. What I should do is call the local sheriff's office and have them send over somebody, because right now you're trespassing. The graveyard is closed at sunset and opens at sunrise. Not only are you trespassing as you're in my private property without being invited in. But you're also breaking the law by being in the graveyard when it closes.” The woman paused. “I could have you arrested and thrown in jail. But I'm not, I'm going to give you a chance to explain yourself.”

“Do I make myself clear young lady?”

I turned my head at the 'Young Lady' remark. I was about to correct her, when I decided it would be better to just let that dog sleep. Only a fool pokes a tiger when it's cornered and only a duff takes a mother bear's cub away from her.

“Yes ma'am.” I said taking a deep breath, “Would you mind showing me where the bathroom is?”

“The bathroom is the third door on the right down this hallway. It's right across the guest bedroom, or what I call the guest bedroom.” She said pointing down a hallway that connected the room we were standing in with the rest of the house. The house seemed to have a kind of an “L” Shape. With the main room being in front, a hallway down the middle and the kitchen, bathroom, laundry room, master bedroom and guest bedroom all being connected in that one long hallway. Kind of reminded me of an old shotgun house in a way.

“Okay thank you.” I said taking a deep breath as I started to leave the warmth of the sitting room. The hallway was dark and cold and I could hear the wind whooping around the trees that surrounded the cottage. The wind sounded like the howl of a wolf pack, greeting the rising of the full moon. It took me a few moments, but at last I found the bathroom. Taking a deep breath I flipped the light switch on and stepped into the bathroom.

The bathroom had peach colored tile, peach colored walls, and a deep porcelain bathtub in the center. Of course there was a toilet and a wash basin. The bathroom was nice and warm. And for a moment I just stood there, lost, confused and in a daze, then I heard a knock on the door. And on the other side I heard the strange woman saying.

“I don't hear bath water running.” She said in a scolding tone of voice.

I blinked and blinked again and a few seconds later I turned on the tap. Steaming hot water rushed out of the spout and started to fill the tub. The water was a nice, clear blue color. Quickly I stripped myself of the gown I was wearing. The gown was soaked with dew and stained with grass. It felt strange to naked in a stranger's bathroom. A sudden and unexplainable sense of embarrassment came over me as I dipped my toes into the water to test the warmth.

“Is everything alright dear?” The woman called again from behind the door.

“Yes ma'am!” I called out as I turned around to face the wooden bathroom door.

“Okay! If you want to, you can hand me that bundle of clothes and I'll put them in the washer and dryer. I don't know your size or style, but I have a few old flannel nightgowns that I think would fit you. I'll leave one of them out by the door for you alone with an old housecoat.” The strange woman paused. “Once you finish your bath, meet me in the kitchen, I'll fix you some oatmeal and we can talk about your pending punishment.” She added.

“PUNISHMENT!” I yelled a little louder and I intended to. “What do you mean by punishment?”

“Oh silly girl, you think you waltz into the graveyard after hours and escape scot-free? I dare say you have another thing coming. But we can talk about that later.” She paused. “But first I need you to push that bundle of clothes you were wearing through a crack in the door please.”

I'm not sure what came over me, but without thinking, I opened the door enough so I could push the bundle of clothes through the door without giving her a chance to see my naked frame.
A moment later she took the bundle of clothes from me. I then heard her footsteps move away from the bathroom door. Once that was done, I turned my attention toward the tub that was filled with steamy warm water. A few moments later, I'd settled into the tub with a series of grunts, sighs and moans. The hot water seemed to wash away the sense of cold that had settled over me. A coldness that had worked its way into my very bones.

After a few moments of soaking in the warm water, I started to wash myself. A few moments later the water turned from a deep, blue color to a dark, forest green. After a few more moments I stood up and stepped out of the tub. Without thinking, I reached over and pulled one of the towels down from a nearby towel rack, and again without thinking I started to towel off.

Once my hair was dry, I started to scan the counter. I quickly noticed a old paddle brush sitting on the counter, again without thinking I started to brush my hair out with the brush, after about fifteen minutes, yes I said minutes of struggling and breaking each knot and smoothing out each curl, I was soon left with head full of straight, glossy, brown hair.

I then noticed a bundle of hair bands, ribbons, scrunchies, and hair clips. Shrugging my shoulders, I reached over and picked up two neon pink scrunchies, and then without thinking I pulled my hair two matching pigtails. I mean if this strange woman was already calling me an 'young lady' I might as well look the part am I right? And if you're going to jail for stealing a penny you might as well steal a dollar while you're at it.

Anyway once my hair was dressed, I eased the door open and there bundled up was a red flannel nightgown with a matching red housecoat and a pair of red house shoes. Without giving it a second thought I slipped the red flannel nightgown over my head and pulled it down over my slender frame. The warm fabric hugged my slender frame and fell just above the knees, a second later I slipped on the red house shoes and was amazed how warm they felt. And finally I pulled the red house coat around me and tied it. I then noticed frost was starting to form on the window pane outside the bathroom.

Anyway, I started to walk back down the hallway and soon I found myself standing once more in the front sitting room. The strange woman was still there. In fact she was sitting in a chair, and judging from the way she was sitting, I guess she had been waiting for me to return.

“Okay, now that you've had your bath. I want to know a few things, first what's your name?” She said as she leaned back in the chair.

I blinked and blinked again. I had to think about this question for a moment. You see, according to my Benton Agricultural High School Student Badge, my name was “Jonathan Soenksen” and that I was a “Sophomore”. According to my Mississippi issued Learners Permit my name was “Joanthan Soenksen” age sixteen, hair color brown, eye color, brown, height five feet three inches, weight about ninety pounds soaking wet.

But standing in front of women, wearing a red flannel nightgown with my brown hair in pigtails, I did not look or feel like a “Joanthan Soenksen” instead I felt like an “Heather Soenksen” a character of my own creation that I often used when roleplaying on online forums or when me and my friends gathered in the basement of somebody house for a session of Dungeons and Dragons.

“Joanthan Soenksen.” I said blushing as I looked down at the ground.

“Honey.” The woman said, taking a deep breath. “You're already in deep enough trouble as is. You don't need to add lying to the list of things.” She said, taking a deep breath.

I blinked.

“Heather Soenksen.” I added it quickly.

“That better, now Heather,” She brushed past me. “Could you please tell me what you were doing in the cemetery after dark.” She said, taking a deep breath.

“Okay,” I said blushing. “So 'Weird Magazine' is holding a contest. Anybody who can produce proof of the supernatural. The top price is fifteen hundred dollars and well, I decided that with it being so close to Halloween and all I could sneak into the town's cemetery and see if I can't snap a photo of a ghost or something. Then I heard a local witch talking about this urban legend 'The Bloody Bride' and how her ghost is supposed to roam the cemetery on nights of the full moon. So I figured if I could snap a photo of the supposed 'Bloody Bride' roaming among the graves, I was sure to win the first place prize.”

The woman blinked and spun around and peered at me.

“Okay! That was foolish! I'm going to say this, you're lucky you came running into my house! If one of the night watchmen would have caught you. They would have called the police, and if the rumors are true. There is a hidden room in the basement of the Benton Police Station where they strap you down to a bench and blister your ass with a leather Sam Browne belt.” The woman said, sighing. “And yes, some of the officers on the Benton Police Force are so sadistic that they will do something like that. Trust me, this is the south and despite forty years of progress there still a number of rule crazy cops running around this town.”

I blinked and blinked again.

“Anyway, here is what is going to happen. I think you deserve a spanking, so I'm going to give you a spanking. Then I'm going to put you to bed. I found a bundle of clothes by the old iron fence an hour or so before you came barging in. And so I'm going to assume those belong to you. The dew had soaked through them though. So I'm going to wash and dry them alone with your little bridal dress.” She said in a commanding and firm tone of voice.

I swallowed hard and took a deep breath.

“Also, while they're drying you can take a nap and stuff in the spare bedroom. Also as part of your punishment I want you to come back this coming Friday morning and help me clean the cemetery. Come prepared to work. We have a lot of ground to cover and a lot of stuff to haul away.” She paused. “I'll phone the school and tell them you volunteered to help clean up the cemetery that should get you out of class.”

I nodded my head again.

“It's either this, or I can phone sheriff or the chief of police and have them send somebody to pick you up.” She paused. “So what it going to be?”

I took another deep breath.
“I'll take the spanking and I'll help you clean up the cemetery.” I said, taking a deep breath. I could not believe what I was saying. But really the woman had me caught between a rock and a hard place. And so that is how this chapter of this little misadventure ends.