I had not expected to be almost killed during the first lecture when I went to university. At least not by the professor.

Recently I mentioned in a comment that I wrote a blog many years ago where the fictional characters from my stories had a get-together. Someone suggested that I write another one. Given that the number of characters has increased significantly since, I thought it would be impractical (and inadvisable during the pandemic).

However, I just noted that there were 99 Bru stories up on BCTS. This story will make it an even 100, or as the Romans wrote: C. Then I thought about the get together again but modified it. We meet most of my characters in high school (or equivalent). It’s reasonable to assume that many of them will continue to college/university. What if some of them, by no means all of them, happened to wind up at the same university?

This is a sort of meta-story. It’s not supposed to be “canon” in any way. . I’m just having some fun with my characters. I reserve the right to ignore this story if I’d happen to write a sequel to any of the stories alluded to here

A warning is in place. The story turned out to be a bit bizarre.
Another warning: To understand the story it might help if you're familiar with most of the stories involved.
Yet another warning: There are lots and lots of spoilers in this story in case you haven’t read the stories already. The stories in question are

A Very Not Accidental Cheerleader
Another Dress Code
Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better
Cardinal Sin
Difference (series)
Getting Lost in the Girly-Girly Swamp
How I Got Involved in a Murder Attempt on a Latin American President
I Hadn’t Expected to be the First in My Class With Boobs
In a League of Her Own
Mousy Trap (series)
Possessed
Seven Little Bullies
The Addict
The Fairy
The Only Boy in School
Were-fore Art Thou

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I had not expected to be almost killed during the first lecture when I went to university. At least not by the professor.

Hi, my name is James Johnson and to tell the truth the circumstances to some degree excused her. Most of us in the auditorium were there only because we had to have a course in the humanities and social sciences, not because we were particularly interested in “Introduction to Latin American Studies”. It was quite obvious that Professor Gray wasn’t particularly interested in giving this course either. I had heard that there were two versions of Professors Gray. The old one that was gray in every sence of the word, chillingly cold and boring. Then there was the new professor Gray. Vivacious, interesting and quite obviously in love with her wife. Obviously we were stuck with the old non-improved model.

Add to that that my old high school principal claimed that I was a spoiled brat with a unquenchable compulsion to challenge authority in any way possible. Not that I say he was wrong but wasn’t that a bit nasty to say about one of his students? Actually, we had an “interesting” relationship not without mutual respect, especially after the very short skirt incident. Also I had his recommendation to thank for being accepted to the university I wanted: Broader Reality University.

Well, back to the incident where I almost lost my head. When Professor Gray had entered I had wondered why she was bringing an arbalest. What I didn’t notice at the time was that it was wound up and there already was a bolt in position. Soon I forgot about that. I was too bored. In order to cheer me, and my fellow students, up I started being obnoxius towards the Professor from my seat at the back of the auditorium. For a while she was patient but then I somehow crossed the line when I started getting personal. I think I told her to grow a pair of balls. In one smooth movement she grabbed the arbalest, aimed at me and loosed. I heard a thud next to my right ear. The bolt had just missed me. I looked there expecting to see the bolt stuck in the back of the seat. There was only a ragged hole there. I shuddered at the thought of what could have become of my head. My neighbor and room-mate John, unflappable as always, just noted

“She didn’t miss. Professor Gray never misses. Had she intended to kill you the bolt would have passed between your eyes. And what you said was really really stupid to say to Professor Gray. Check it up”

After the lecture I did and sure enough John was right. I had been REALLY stupid. At the time I just thought that this course just might be interesting after all. I asked an INTELLIGENT and relevant question. Professor Gray smiled an icy cold smile and answered. I asked another one. A little more lively she gave a very interesting answer. Then John had a question. After that the lecture got more animated. Leaving the lecture most of had decided that this course was worth our while. Me, I had found another teacher I could respect.

John and I walked back to our dorm. We lived in what was informally known at Broader Reality University as the “Weirdo Wing”. That was saying something. Given that it’s said that “You don’t HAVE to be crazy to study here but it helps” the bar for being considered weird or twisted is rather high at BRU. By now you probably wonder how it came that I lived there. It was all “thanks” to my old principal. I told you that his recommendation letter was instrumental in getting me a place at BRU. Unfortunately he had given a rather slanted view of the short skirt incident. It’s true that I had worn an indecently short skirt for two days in my high school before the poorly worded dress-code had been rectified. It’s also true that I had a date with a football player wearing said skirt. It’s also true that I tried out for the cheerleading team. Was he didn’t write was that I didn’t qualify and that it was all HIS fault. He had set me up for those things and tricked me into wearing the indecently short skirt. Well at least the first day. In my defense I didn’t wear a thong the second day.

As to John he unsettled me. Oh, he was the nicest guy possible but his boobs unsettled me, Just imagine, sharing your dorm room with the most perfect, if smallish, breasts you have ever seen and then they are one your MALE room-mate. And he’s not shy about them either. As he told me since we were going to share a room; Get used to them. I would have been easier if occasionally he hadn’t worn those dresses that enhance the view of them. Only occasionally though. Mostly he wore normal guy clothes (apart from the bra). That was not the case with all the inmates in the “weird wing”. Dresses and skirts were worn regularly by most of us. That applied in particular at the NYLG end of the corridor. NYLG? Duh, “Not Yet Legally Girls”.

The gender-bending part was not all that set most of us apart from other students at BRU. Some of us were truly scary, some of us were obsessed to say the least. Then there were the REALLY weird ones. Take Gwall Gramadegol for example. Gwall is a fairy. I’m not talking about her sexual orientation. Don’t ever call her gay. So if she was born male? She is definitely straight. If you claim anything else bad things could happen to you. Gwall really is a bona fide fairy with magic and all. Gwall herself isn’t very proficient with magic but her parents are. As a matter of fact they placed a powerful geas on all of us in the wing to prevent us from revealing that. I’m circumventing this by pretending this is fiction. To top it up Gwall’s paternal grandfather is Oberon which makes her a princess. One of the 2.1 (rounded) princesses in the wing. 2.1? Well, Peter is only a princess a few days around full moons. He’s a were-princess. Now you protest and say that were-wolves don’t exist. I completely agree. The very idea of ware-wolves is rdiculous. Were-princesses is another matter. When a princess Peter is perfectly regal and even beautiful. SHE is even recognized by a deposed European royal house. However, Peter isn’t. Don’t ask me how that works out. Peter and Gwall shared a room which makes sense.

The third princess is not a royal princess. Only from an ancient Italian noble (princely) family. Did I mention that she wass one of the NYLGs? And that her legal guardian was the Pope? Yes, the one and only pope, His holiness Johannes XXV. Another pope was her grand-uncle. She wasn't really beautiful but the most fantastic girl I have ever met. Yes, I admit that my interest in her was more than casual.

People may have called us weird but they were VERY careful about it. Bad things happened to those who annoyed us. Some of us had powerful relatives. Some of us had influence on campus themselves. For an example we had four of the cheerleading squad members, including the head cheerleader. Only two them were NYLGs. Surprisingly Broader Realities University didn’t have a male cheerleading team nor a mixed one at the time, only a girls’ team. Trevor, the head cheerleader and Taylor were decidedly male but at the same time they were awesome girl cheerleaders. Of course Taylor was the boyfriend of the varsity Quarterback. Another reason to be careful. Pentti could be quite intimidating when she wants to. And she had the rest of the football team behind her. Admittedly Claude and her boyfriend Peter (an XY) while striking in their ball-gown weren’t that intimidating but the rest of the team was.

Then some of us (well, not including me) could be found on a scale from intimidating to outright terrifying. Most people blanched already when Joey just stared at them. She had this aura around here that wa’s expected that people jumped when she said jump. Some were deceptively demure. Like Pete, a NYLG cheerleader. I happen to know for a fact that one unfortunate girl had her entire social life destroyed by Pete. Her computer was hacked and some secrets were spread and then ... I’ll stop there. . Another student was nearly expelled for plagiarism. A hand-written assignment was found to be a case of cheating. Of course he claimed the assignment had been forged and replaced the one he had submitted. As if anyone believed him. The handwriting was quite obviously his – everyone thought. Then Vlad interceded. Vlad is an expert when it comes to forgery. Vlad demonstrated that the forger had made one tiny mistake and the student was cleared. That student never said a bad word about us again.

Then there were the scary ones. Vicky claimed never to have seriously injured anyone but we were many in the wing that had seen her in her “Vigilante Virgin knock-off” costume nights when bad things have happened to people. Admittedly only minor bruises ensued. The fact that she hung out with the person voted most scary in the wing didn’t help. Vlad was not a big guy but the words “Deadly menace” metaphorically hung above his head. He was rumored to have killed seven people using medieval weapons, including impaling one guy. There is no proof but I don’t doubt for a minute those rumors. Interestingly enough Vlad has only ever explicitly reputed the impaling part. Stereotyping due to his name he claims. Perhaps.

Don’t get the idea that we sat in the dorm sharpening our knives and plotting dastardly deeds every night. That only happened very rarely. There were really two main subjects we did talk about. One was clothes (and makeup). Or more specifically dresses and skirts. Some of the dresses found in our closets were gorgeous. At the Physics department social I observed Dr Xu. He quite obviously coveted the silk dress that Tom Foley wore. Tom was a Ph.D. student that was only at BRU for one semester. He was there for a special research project run by Dr Stein. Never, ever, use his first name: Frank. Come to think about it Tom was the only professional gender-bender among us. He had got moderately famous in his native UK as the poster-boy for an anti-gender stereotype campaign. The other Tom, Tom Boy also wore a lovely dress. She was there in her capacity as student politician. Another one among us with influence. The Peter that is the only boy to graduate from West Peak Academy for Young Ladies had made sure all the girls and those presenting as girls for the evening from the wing that attended had the most perfect make-up.

That was also the night we were told that the Oklahoma Dress Snatcher had been seen close to BRU. In hindsight I think that the Oklahoma Dress Snatcher is an urban legend and the older ones in the dorm used it to flush out those freshmen who wouldn’t admit to having a beautiful dress in their closet. You know the knee-jerk reaction to check as when people check their wallets when there is an announcement warning for pick-pockets.

In hindsight I’m rather glad that my old principal gave me the old “loaner” skirt as a parting gift. The very shortness of it made me stand out in the weirdo wing. And besides I still kind of like wearing it even if I have to be careful. No thongs again though.

The other subject was classical ballet. Some of us were proficient dancers already when coming to the university, like Tom Foley and Joey. Watching them doing a pas-de-deux was a treat. Perhaps not up to Opéra de Paris or Royal Ballet level but not that far from it. The rest of us sooner or later fell for the group pressure and donned the more or less opaque tights, leotards and slippers. Eventually we all tried pointe as well. Not my cup of tea though. Once you get into ballet it’s quite addictive. Vicki claimed to have kicked one addiction with the help of ballet. Some of us doubted her. She was not always to be trusted and I suspect her original addiction is still there.
So you see we in the “Weirdo Wing” didn’t plot murder or mayhem all the time. We were just sweet little things into clothing and ballet. Pink frills and all that. I wonder what the girls in the girls’ weirdo wing talked about? I should have asked Pentti. She was an ALG (Already Legally a Girl).

At the end of my first year at BRU we had a prominent guest. Andrea’s guardian. Or as most people considered him: His Holiness Johannes XXV, the head of the Catholic Church, The Pope. Security all over the place which was what caught me out. I was in the garden with its many hedges and not a security man in sight when I heard Professor Gray talk with a man who didn’t recognize. I peered through the foliage and saw that it was The Pope.

Gray: Congratulations on your elevation Pepe. And at such a young age.
Pope: How good to meet you again Peter. How long has it been since we played as children back in Ciudad Majadesnuda? Twenty-five, thirty years? You have been in the news as well recently. How many are there now?
Gray: Four. And you?
Pope: Seventeen.
Gray: Your predecessor?
Pope: No, I swear that was a natural stroke as far as I know. No, Pius wasn’t a great pope but he wasn’t THAT bad.
Gray: Your competitor Cardinal Consalvi?
Pope: Consalvi would have made a terrible leader of The One True Church. I’m ashamed. That was a terrible sin. I hope I won’t have to sin like that ever again.
Gray: Amen.
Pope: Who’s that boy eavesdropping on us?

At first I thought The Pope meant me then I saw that he was looking over Professor Gray’s shoulder. By carefully moving just a little bit I saw that The Pope was looking at Vlad. Professor Gray turned around.

Gray: Oh, that’s Vlad. He knows how to keep his mouth shut. He’s a Seven and knows that I can prove it. All terrible bullies. The younger you would have approved and helped.

Pope sighing: You may be right. I’m a terrible sinner but I think I have always done what had to be done.

I felt the temperature of my spine fall to 0.1 degrees Kelvin as I realized that I was listening to couple of murderers discussing their killings.

Gray: Actually I have grown quite fond of Vlad. He used his imagination when it came to the tools of the trade. Of course he only used them at close range. When I first started training him he couldn’t hit a barn at ten paces with an arbalest. Now he’s not bad. His archery is just awful though. In any contest he’d lose even before he looses. Vlad., be a good boy and leave us would you?

Vlad exit left.

Gray: Talking about eavesdroppers. Mr Johnson, please came around the hedge. I prefer to speak to someone I can see. I wouldn’t advise you to run away.

No one would have believed me anyway. The Pope a serial killer!? Given the circumstances I probably was safer doing as Professor Gray said.

Gray: Pepe, meet James Johnson. He’s a zero.

That was the first time I was happy to be referred to as a zero!

Pope: Can we trust him?
Gray: Oh, what proof has he got? He just heard two people joking around. However, he’d NEVER do anything that could hurt Andrea.

I made my famous impersonation of a port navigation light. Professor Gray was right. I liked Andrea. To be honest I was totally and hopelessly in love with her.

Pope: How interesting. You like my ward? Are you serious? Is it mutual?

My head kept bobbing.

Pope: Will you attend the grand dinner tonight?

Gray: He will he’s Andrea’s plus one. And talking about hurting Andrea, that would make me disappointed as well since I also owe a very great debt to Father Domenico, her late granduncle. A debt that I’d do anything to repay.

I would be at the dinner. I was to be Andrea’s plus one. I had even managed to get Tom Foley to lend me his silk dress (it fit me perfectly) and Peter of West Peak fame to do the paint work. Now I wished I wasn’t going.

Pope: See you there then. On second thought I think I need a more private conversation with you as well. You see, I really care about little Andrea and would hate to see anyone take advantage of her. I think I’ll delay my departure tomorrow to let me have an early dinner with you before I leave so that we can have a nice long conversation.

I was not too happy to see those words accompanied by two predatory smiles. The worst ever meet-the-parents (sort of) scenario I’ve come across.

Who’d thought that being invited to a private dinner with The Pope would fill me with utter and complete terror?

To BCTS administrators:
I have tagged this story as a Solo. It could be argued that it’s a sequel to many, many stories. In my view the fact that it’s so many stories means that it’s not really a sequel to any story. Besides, as I mentioned, it’s a non-canon meta-story.
However, if you come to another conclusion feel free to change the tagging.