I took the flowers and put them in the kitchen. I felt I wanted to talk to someone, but who? Tom was at work, so were Simon and Pippa. Who else was there? I picked up the cordless handset and dialled, switching on the kettle with the other hand.

“Hello?”

“Hi Stella, it’s me.”

“I thought you’d left the country.”

“I’m sorry, I have been so busy, then had a minor problem with the press again.”

“Oh, poor you–is it sorted now?”

“Yeah, I hope so…” I explained what had happened.

“How come there seem to be so many of these nutters? Why aren’t they off on a crusade to regain the Holy Land?”

“I suspect the Israeli government may not like it too much.”

“When did Saladin lose power then?”

“About twelve hundred, why?”

“Is that GMT or local time?”

“Stella have you been licking the paint off the door knobs again?”

“Damn! I was hoping you wouldn’t notice.” She laughed and so did I, she sounded so much better.

“So how’s it going?”

“Okay, it’s starting to show a bit, even Dad noticed it.”

“Henry called in, did he?”

“No, I went home the weekend before last.”

“Do you want to come down here for one?”

“Where are you?”

“Tom’s.”

“Ooh, that would be nice.”

“Get a pass from tonight, I’ll come and get you.”

“Oh, okay, I’ll pack after lunch.”

“Fine. I’ll see you later.” I rang off. It would be so good to see her. I put the flowers down and went off to shower and dress. Then it was a bite to eat and off to get Stella.

“I thought you had a little car, not this huge thing.”

“If you don’t like it you could put your bag in the back and run alongside.”

“I didn’t say I didn’t like it, I was simply admitting my surprise. If you’re going to overreact, I’ll go back now.”

“I’m joking, Stella, okay?”

She stuck out her tongue and blew me a raspberry, “So am I, and you fell for it.” She said with all the glee I’d expect from a ten year old.

I decided to admit defeat–it was either that or send her back immediately. I drove us out of the gates and towards Portsmouth. We chatted normally about everything and nothing and were about half way home, when she asked me to stop at the next services. I nodded and about ten minutes later, I pulled in to the services, expecting her to say she wanted a drink or a pee.

“Now why did you call me?” she said.

“Because I haven’t spoken to you for a while and I wondered how you were.”

“Liar,” she said quietly.

“I am not, how dare you suggest…”

“Cathy, stop messing me about and tell me the truth, why did you call me?”

“ I needed to talk to you. How did you know?”

“Because I know you rather well. You have something on your mind. Now spill the beans.”

“How did you do that?”

“How did I do what?”

“Know what I needed?”

“I’m your big sister, we older women know these things.” She had a straight face but her eyes twinkled.

“Yes, old women usually do know a thing or two.”

“I said older, not old,” said Stella indignantly.

“My mistake,” I said stifling the snigger which was going to escape any moment.

“It could be your last one if you’re not careful.”

“You and whose army?”

“Me and dumpling here.” She pointed at her abdomen.

“How do you know it’s suet?”

“The wonders of modern imaging equipment, my dear.”

“It could be a pudding of various sorts.”

“Okay, me an’ Puddin’, how does that suit modom?”

“How does it suet me?”

“If I wasn’t pregnant, I’d hit you.”

“If you weren’t pregnant, I’d have already hit you twice by now.”

“How vulgar.”

“You started it, missus.”

“Are you accusing me of being vulgar?”

“If the cap fits…”

“Okay, so I’m vulgar, wot yer gonna do abaht it? Innit?”

“Lady Cameron, I’ve looked up to you for years…”

“Only because I sleep in the top bunk.”

“Damn, you’ve heard it before.”

“Pull the other one, it’s got hairs on.”

“Bells, surely?” I queried.

“I think I know my anatomy better than you, and I am the nurse, here.”

“Yes nurse, you are. I concede defeat, game set and match.”

“Good, now tell me why you called me.”

“Oh that? I’d nearly forgotten. I’m sure you drive the shrinks nuts.”

“I do have a certain reputation to consider.”

“I thought as much.”

“No more beating about the Obama, get on with it.”

“Obama, don’t you mean Bush?”

“No, he’s been replaced, it’s Obama now.”

“Fine,” I shrugged, I never did know when to keep quiet. “Anyway, do you recall a little girl with a voice like a foghorn?”

“Oh, in the restaurant that day, Caffy, me wants a dormus.”

“Yeah, something like that.”

“What about her?”

“I pulled her out from under a car yesterday.”

“Oh!” There was an uncomfortable silence, then, “Are you sure it was her?”

“Absolutely. She had no pulse or other vitals, and was bleeding from her ears.”

“Not good.”

“I started CPR and was helped by a young copper until the ambulance came.”

“Did she make it?”

“She did to the hospital. Her grandfather came to see me this morning and brought me huge bouquet, to say thank you.”

“That was nice, how is she?”

“In a coma, she has a fractured skull, they’re keeping her quiet until the swelling goes down.”

“Is she breathing by herself?”

“I don’t know.”

“Okay, what you want me to do?”

“I don’t know, I just needed to tell someone that she might recover.”

“Well, I’m glad it was me. I hope she does. Where can we get a pattern for a stuffed toy dormouse?”

“God knows–I didn’t know you could sew!”

“I can’t, but you can, come on, let’s get on a find a craft shop and get some fur material and some graph paper.”

“Do you need to wee while we’re here?” I knew that some pregnant women had great difficulties with bladder control.”

“Puddin’ is about the size of my thumb, it isn’t a problem yet, ask me in three months or so.”

“Oh, okay.” I started up the car and drove towards the town centre of Portsmouth.

“Do you know what a dormouse looks like?” asked the woman in the craft shop after I selected the exact colour we needed in fur fabric.”

“She juggles them,” said Stella. If she hadn’t been pregnant, I really would have hit her.

“Oh, that’s clever, I can’t even juggle those silly ball things,” said the woman.

“Get her to teach you, she should have been in a circus really…” Stella was in her element.

“What as a juggler?” asked the woman.

“No, a lion tamer, you should see her with a whip and a stool, she absolutely terrifies the dormice.”

“I thought you said lions,” said the woman somewhat perplexed.

“No, definitely not, you wouldn’t get lions in that cage, besides the little wheel thing would get in the way.”

The woman now looked really perplexed, possibly not helped by me standing behind Stella making ‘screwball’ signs.

“Come on Lady C, make your purchases and then we can get you home for your medication,” I said holding back the giggle that so wanted to escape.

Stella paid for the material, the graph paper, the cotton and the acrylic stuffing fibre, when the unfortunate shop assistant gave her her change, she leant forward and in a voice reminiscent of ‘Min’ from the Goon show, said, “I’m ninety three, you know.”

I grabbed her by the arm and pulled her out of the shop and we managed about ten yards before I began convulsing with laughter. Stella looked at me with disdain and repeated her silly voice, “I’m ninety three, you know.” Then she stared at me for a moment, just long enough for me to wonder if she had gone barmy, before she began to cackle and then giggle. Then we both had to run to the ladies’ loos in the shopping centre.