by Angharad
I spent a very uncomfortable night populated with fears of my inadequacies and dreams of being seen as a tart, the worst one with Simon and his family shunning me.
I needed to speak with someone who could give me a decent opinion or advice. I called Tom. It was seven in the morning and I’d been up prowling around the house for two hours.
I heard him yawn as he answered the phone. “Oh, Cathy, there’s nothing wrong is there?” Within moments I was in tears again and he waited patiently for me to recover enough to tell him my latest dilemma.
“You must do as you see fit, it’s your life and it’s your image that’s at stake, don’t let anyone else control you. You’re a natural enthusiast for your subject and anyone who isn’t equally enthused will either be deaf, dead or watching some other channel. You’re pretty enough, you don’t need to do sexy: you’re naturally sexy, just be yourself.”
We chatted a bit longer and he admitted he was finding things lonely in the house on his own. I promised to go and stay with him as soon as I could. I felt very guilty, I had used his position quite often to help with my little disasters and given him little in return.
“Our relationship is a bit one way isn’t it?” I said with a tinge of apology.
“Whatever do you mean?”
“You’re always doing things for me, and I do nothing for you, do I?”
“Apart from giving me a reason for living, no, not a lot.”
“What?” I was astonished at this.
“Having you as my surrogate daughter gives me a reason to be here. I look forward to your calls or visits. When you’re here, the house lives again, and so do I.”
“Daddy, I’m sorry, I didn’t realise…” the tears started again. “I’m sorry, I neglect you, I don’t deserve you or the help you give me.” This man had done more for me than my own father had ever done.
“Hey, don’t get all upset, I wasn’t laying guilt on you, I was trying to explain how I felt. You brought sunshine into my life after a long period of grey skies, that’s all I was saying.”
“Without your help, Daddy, I wouldn’t have lived this long, I’m sure of that.”
“Yes you would, you’re tougher than you think, mentally and physically. I just want to see you realise your potential, you have such a wealth of talent. Do your film, but do it your way.”
“I’m coming home tonight.”
“I thought you were filming.”
“I don’t care, I want to see you.”
“Leave it until the weekend. I don’t want you having an accident on my account. Come and cook me a Sunday dinner.”
I desperately wanted to hug this man, whom I loved so much as his surrogate child. I didn’t know if I could wait until Sunday. I’d also have to tell Simon. I showered and had some breakfast and called Alan.
“Erin told me you were wavering about the whole thing, I wondered if you’d change your mind again.”
“I feel I need to finish Des’ film, but not the way Erin suggested.”
“I suppose she told you I was a thief, did she?”
“Um, I um…”
“She did. Okay, I know she’ll draw up a contract that ties me like a straitjacket but I’d like to help you finish this film too. Des was a mate of mine, his stuff is good and we’ll make enough from it to make it worth my while.” I wanted to believe him, but I wasn’t sure if I could.
“She didn’t leave the contract.”
“Didn’t she? She said she’d seen you yesterday and you’d had a bit of an editorial discussion and agreed to differ. She also said you didn’t know if you were strong enough to present the film, she suggested she may need to get Julie Dixon to do it.”
“Julie Dixon! That trollop, I think Erin needs to remember whose film this is. It’s mine, at this rate I’m going to be looking for another agent.”
“I’d stick with her if I were you, she’ll get you a good price and loads of airtime.”
“So what are we going to do? Are we filming or talking?” I decided to move things up a notch.
“I’m ready when you are, sweetheart.”
“Right, at the woodland site in two hours?”
“I’ll be there.”
“So will I.” I didn’t say, ’sans sexy clothes and pout,’ but that was how it was going to be.
I dressed in green trousers and shirt, with a green jacket. I wore walking boots on my feet. I had a bra on, but it wasn’t a push up. I did my makeup, but it was very light. I packed my script and the equipment into the Mondeo, grabbed my handbag and locked up. An hour later, I was parking at the woodland site in the Forest of Dean. Alan was already there, and was setting up some of his equipment, he had a young man with him.
“Ah, here’s the star of the show,” he said to his companion. “Cathy Watts, this is Darren, who’s going to be our technical assistant.”
“Hi, Darren,” I said smiling at him, “What’s a technical assistant?”
“It’s jargon for gofer.”
“That’s me,” said the youngster.
“Are we paying him?” I asked quietly.
“Yeah, but I’ll sort that out,” Alan said adjusting a camera mount.
“Okay. I thought we’d do a quick recce and then decide where we’d do the shooting.”
“Fine with me.” He picked up a large camera on a tripod and put it back in the car, hiding it under a blanket. He double locked his car. I also locked mine.
We walked around the site for another half an hour; agreed where we’d film and then went back to the cars for the equipment. I’d made a flask of coffee, which we shared and then went to the shooting site. Alan did some checks for a few things including my voice, although he said we could always dub it later.
It was at this point I realised I’d left my script in the car. I was about to ask if Darren could go and get it, when Alan suggested I improvise, if it was rubbish, I could always dub over it afterwards.
“This is a patch of ancient woodland, it has a bank and a ditch which is probably medieval, the species of plant and tree are numerous and nearly all native species. Sadly, it’s now just a tiny remnant of the woodland which would have covered Southern England centuries ago, when bears and wolves also roamed these islands…”
I went on in this vein for several minutes before walking to a bush on the edge of the woodland and picking up several acorns under it, showed them to the camera. “These acorns show the unmistakeable presence of dormice.” Alan zoomed in and I pointed out the smooth edged hole around one acorn and a rough edged one around the other. “This is a hole gnawed by a field or wood mouse,” I showed the rough edged one. “This one has been eaten by a dormouse.” I held up the smooth edged one and Alan zoomed closer still.
He focused on the abundance of food in the woodland edge, hazel nuts, acorns, haws and of course until it gets colder, insects. I explained all this to the camera. I then pointed out a probable dormouse nest, suggesting that we came back later to see if it was occupied, when we’d need special night vision equipment.
“Okay, that’s enough, I’m knackered,” I said off camera.
“That was brilliant, Cathy.”
“I expect we’ll have to redo it or dub it.” I said, feeling less confident than my colleague.
“If we do, it’ll only be tiny bits. You’re a natural, kiddo and I suspect the script would get in the way, rather than help you. You talked about the woodland, the dormice, the other creatures. We’ve got some lovely sounds of blackbird and thrush, with robin and chaffinch, and great tit doing his bike pump bit in the background. If it’s going to be this easy, we’ll have the shooting finished in a couple of days–weather permitting.”
“I know a nice pub not far away, let’s go and get a bite to eat and I could do with a drink.” I hate to admit it, but a glass of wine felt more needed than the food.
Comments
I Think She Made A Mistake
Cathy didn't get Alan to sign the contract before they started filming. I hope that it doesn't come back to bite her in the butt later. I was glad that Tom was able to get her calmed down and tell her how he felt about her as his daughter. She was able to improvise better and more naturally than the dialogue she had written and people will see her as more genuine. Another good one Ang!
Agreed
We shall see.
Lovely!
This is developing just beautifully.
...and so is Cathy!
Yes, indeed. When you have a natural beauty, whether of spirit, or of body, or ideally both, it has a habit of just coming shining through, and sometimes better if you don't try to cover it in spangles and shine a giant spotlight on it. So good to have Tom as the paternal voice of reason and support to counteract that supercilious agent!
Lovely to see our protagonist maturing into a confident adult, secure in her new body and intact of spirit.
Unless he's dumber than a stump, Alan (who has seen for himself what a natural at this she is) will realize that he's got a goldmine in Cathy, and contract or no contract, behave himself in order to secure a position to make the rest of the nature series. It wouldn't do to kill the golden goose now, would it?
Agreeing Again
Cathy went out in appropriate clothing for the environment, and with minimal make-up, yet she shines through quite clearly.
What I like even more is that she did the video bit here off the cuff due to having left the script in her car, and by Alan's comment afterward, it seems quite likely that they will be able to use it almost as is, which in itself is high praise.
All That It Took Was Daddy
To help set our Cathy straight. I wonder if Tom will play Father Christmas and Cathy his Christmas Elf at a Christmas party?
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
What's sexy?
What Cathy did and how she was dressed is exactly right.
I recently watched a TV programme about a walk along the Monsal Trail an abandoned railway line through spectacular countryside in Derbyshire, UK. A young(ish) woman (Julia ?) wearing the boots and waterproof clothing anyone would wear for a similar exercise presented it. She exposed only her hands and face but was still attractive and, in an understated way, sexy, I guess. No more is needed. I mainly watched because many years ago I had surveyed the line for the UK charity Sustrans on my bike before it was converted to a path and the programmme was perfectly done.
I think here Angharad has set up a conflict between Erin, cathy's agent and Cathy herself to bring out this very point. Overt sexuality is less 'sexy' than implied sexuality - certainly in this context. There's got to be conflict or 'Bike' gets boring.
I think Alan and Erin have some history. He seemed well aware that she would accuse him of plagiarism. I think he's a decent bloke but then, I thought Des was as well :)
Geoff
I remember trains on that line
Geoff, in the late 1940s I used to spend my summer school holidays in Buxton where my dad played in the Buxton Orchestra during the summer season when his regular orchestra (The Scottish Orchestra) did not perform as it was a September to Easter contract.
We would frequently take the train to Millers Dale on the push-pull from Buxton and ride our bikes down into Monsal Dale where we would have a picnic, often wearing wild rhubarb leaves on our heads to shade us from the sun.
Another excellent chapter, Ang. I am now certain that Erin is interested in one thing——Erin!
Hugs,
Gabi
Gabi.
Six chapters one review
For once I'm glad I fell behind on reading your story not because it wasn't good but because it gave me a chance to read thru the chapters combined.Cathy's questioning herself and seeking guidance from and realizing Tom's importance is important to her development.Seeing her hold firm on how to appear in and make the film shows her as one step closer to being comfortable as herself and being capable of ensuring she's seen for who she is not as others wish her to be seen or think she should be seen.Hopefully the contract issue doesn't become a problem and Alan is smart enough to see that by befriending Cathy and not seeking to simply profit excessively on their first project he'll gain far more in the future.Excellent writing that I hope you'll continue if not in this story but in others and at your own pace.Amy---"May your pen never run out of ink and your brain out of ideas"
I think Cathy wanted to get
I think Cathy wanted to get as far away as possible from the Agent so she didn't bother with the contract for Alan. Alan just might become a really good friend to Cathy, tho not on the sexual side. He seems to truly like her and wants to help her do good. J-Lynn
Daddy - nice.
The chat with Tom helped... And, I'm not surprised the adlib worked. I've found that if I work on a lesson or presentation hard enough, I can adlib my way through, and the end result is commonly better than my well scripted plan. The passion seems to come through better there.
Looking forward to more. Thanks,
Annette
hmm - sexy ?
there is generated sexy and au-natural sexy.
I think the proof is in the pudding when the author has given us glimpses into her classroom teachings. In previous chapters, it's been shown that she has far more students showing up than some of her peers. In recent chapters @ summer school, the students are lingering when most would of taken flight as soon as bell rang. she's done lectures and captivated by just presenting herself & subj straight foward. she has a natural talent of presenting her subject and captivating the audiance.
SELF ESTEEM - now that's another ball of wax. And Erwin & Stella can help with that. that's part of growing up. I know & remember alot of ugly-duckling stories as kid growing up and later the swan barely could deal with aftermath of dealing with the growing attention later as an adult. Heck - I know 1st hand of this from my own transition, and not liking it one bit, specially like Cathy, I spent most of my years as a wallflower & out of limelight. now even in grubbies I get attn, and wonder at it all. My whole idea of transition was hopefully was just to pass well enuff to blend in & get along with life. I've more or less did that, but I've also discovered because I'm presenting differently. (ie my true self) it seems to show up as something I'm not sure how to describe as how others now react to me, specially when I wasnt trying to do anthing outside what i thought of as normal.
cathy tho does need to loosen up and let go of some of her outdated ideals. as Simon's fiance, she's walking into a world soon of she doesnt get it ... will chew her up and spit her out ... if she thinks Men are problems, women are far more selective & vivious on everything, from how she dresses to sitting. in hi society functions it gets even worse. I've def seen it occur all over the world from my time (male looking in) as US Marine Security. (this is a whole another story).
maybe erwin and even stella and others will jump start cathy on this Self esteem issue...
Like i was told by my bff ... there's a time and place for everything. you dress for the occasion and then you damm well act like you belong there hahahaha
Contract ?
I wouldn't want a film like to be done by Sports Illustrated's swin suit models. Sexy is sexy even in a mac and willies. (all my UK cousins got that)
Sometimes reading a script sounds just like that, reading.
Cefin